When one works 9-5 as the manager of a Hayburger, one usually gets called out of the manager's office for annoying things. A pipe broke. A mare is upset about her order being wrong. The new colt can't figure out how to use the deep fryer without burning himself. Trivialities, that mostly serve to eat up time and make the day trudge by.
So when Princess bucking Celestia walked in and asked for the manager, Crinkle Cut was a little concerned.
"I assure you, your highness. Whatever you want, it's on the house!" He declared as he bowed.
"Hm… well, what I require isn't exactly on the menu, Mr. Cut. I need… your list."
"My… list?" He asked, perplexed. But then his face lit up with realization. "Ah, that list! Of course, let me get you a copy!" He returned quickly, passing off a stack of notes scribbled on receipts and napkins. Celestia picked a few at random, read the snippets of text on them, and rolled her eyes.
"Now I see why Arcane was so insistent on me going to get lunch for everypony instead of doing it himself. I had my hunches, given how excited he was to order 57 packets of sweet & sour sauce. Now then, if you don't mind, I'd like a Hayburger Supreme, to keep me occupied while I read…"
THE ARCA LIST: HAYBURGER EDITION
-Arca is under no circumstances to be permitted access to the soda fountain. Even then, he is only allowed diet, caffine-free soda.
-There is no such thing as 'enough napkins' when Arca visits.
-Arca is not allowed to hijack a cart and bring it to the drive-thru in order to avoid the line inside.
-Speaking of the drive-thru, the name implies vehicles with wheels. Rowboats are not welcome in the drive-thru.
-No rollerskates either.
-Arca is not permitted more than 4 sweet & sour sauce packets per day, as he's mildly addicted to it and has zero sense of moderation.
-Arca is not allowed in the foal's playground.
-Even if The Duck has waddled in there.
-The air dryer in the bathroom is not a wind tunnel for paper airplanes made from receipts.
-Any of Arca's dining companions get an extra order of 'pity fries' as a buffer in case Arca tries to eat theirs.
-Wet floors are NOT slip-n-slides.
-Unicycles are not permitted in the drive-thru, either.
-Arca is to be given a foal's toy with his meals, even if it is not a foal's meal.
-One straw per cup.
-One lid per cup.
-No more than one cup per cup.
-You know what, Arca is not allowed to get his own drinks.
-There is no 'secret menu'. And even if there was, 'Duck nuggets' would not be an option.
-Just because there is a small drain in the bathroom floor to deal with an overflowing sink, does not mean Arca is allowed to clog the sink and test it.
-No I.O.U.s allowed.
-Do not tell Arca we use iceberg lettuce, or he will try and make a miniature replica of the Tailtanic from placemats to re-enact the movie. There will be singing. Off-key. You have been warned.
-Mounted animals are not considered vehicles from the drive-thru. Especially not Arca's pet timberwolf, Mr. Splinters.
-Asking anypony "Would you like to supersize that?" Within earshot of Arca is just asking for trouble.
-Wet floors are not to be magically frozen for ice skating.
-Sitting by the window to watch ponies go about their day is fine, but using binoculars makes it creepy.
-Pre-tear any ketchup packets for Arca, lest he try to do it himself and send ketchup flying everywhere.
-Any employees who neglect the above rule are responsible for cleaning up the resulting mess.
-Zeppelins, hot air balloons, and other airships are not allowed in the drive-thru.
-You know what, Arca is not permitted to use the drive-thru.
-Yes, all drinks have unlimited refills. No, that is not a challenge.
-In the event of an emergency that Arca is present for, offer free prench fries to anypony who can stop the problem and stand back.
-Condiments are not to be mixed for potions on-site.
-If Arca is on fire, bleeding, or suffering from any other kind of major injury, he is to be turned away at the door.
-There is no 'tab' for paying later.
-Happy dances for winning promotional giveaways are to be limited to 5 minutes.
-We do not do delivery, and even if we did, would anypony even want to deliver inside the Arca Limit?
-The Duck may be offered a few prench fries at employee's discretion. It's not a dangerous animal unless Arca is around.
-For Celestia's sake, never let Arca try and fix the ice cream machine if it's broken. Some staff still have flashbacks.
…………………… jest how many 'lists' are there about arca in this town and then some????????
I bet there is a list of things he's not allowed to do at every location that even knows him.
9979187
there is a list Celestia keeps of all "the lists", it too has rules on what is to be done with said lists and the list itself.
Twilight would be ecstatic
9979202
……………….. (sets a large bag on the nearby table) 250 bits says twi will find it fast to see where the lists are.
9979187
How about the dry cleaners? No lab coats unless Arca can demonstrate that he has made every effort to neutralise the effects of any potion stains on them beforehand?
Or the manedressers? All floof related trims to be billed directly to Arca’s tab?
I love Arca lists.
9979196
There are rumors that Ponyville has one, despite the fact that the village don't know anything about him.
Good lord, Arca just gives the staff headaches. I think we all need prench fries after reading this.
9979213
………….. all of those make so much sense when we talk about arca………. it's jest plane scary...…...
9979242
Waffle fries best fries
Waffle fries > Curly fries > Crincle cut > Shoestring fries
Arca has a lot of fun.
9979313
xD
Don't mind me, but after looking it over once more, I thought of an extra rule for this
A quick read but a fun read.
I ❤️Arca lists too.
9979187
I would guess that every establishment has an "Arca" list just like they have fire escape plans, it simply is a standard procedure now.
The following is a recipe for total disaster Arca, Schadenfreude and Discord go to lunch together.
I attempted to calculate what the blast radius of this would be. I melted two calculators and I think I owe a friend a new hard drive. His wont do anything except make little whining sounds now.
9979313
What about steak fries or do you consider them too close to potato wedges to be fries?
9980280
Eh
They kinda fall in around crinkle cut on that list
Goddammit you made me hungry.
This establishment must not have been around too long, there is no rule preventing arca from editing the list, and apparently he hasn't tried to use the drive through literally yet
9979951
..... And now I know this fic NEEDS to be written!
9980494
That or the author is forgetful and mediocre at storytelling.
-Arca is not allowed in the kitchen just to see what is going on
-Arca is not allowed in the kitchen to “improve” the fryer
-same goes for the oven
-and grill
-You know what, Arca isn’t allowed behind the counter, at all.
-Yes Arca, this rule is in effect if the Duck is behind the counter.
-Corporate Rule: Arca is not allowed to speak to the franchise manager about changing any of these rules.
-Corporate Rule: Arca is not allowed to come to district offices or corporate headquarters to speak to any employee about changing these rules
-Corporate Rule: The above rule also applies to the CEO and Board of Trustees
-Corporate Rule: Arca is not allowed to own more than 5% of company stock at any given time
-Under no circumstances will any employee ever answer with “Yes” if Arca asks “is the Duck here?”.
-The above rule applies even in the event the Duck is within Arca’s field of vision and earshot.
-And in the event the Duck is quacking on the counter.
-Arca is not allowed to place “alternative” foals toys in foals meals.
-Corporate Rule: Until further notice, all deliveries will be random in contents, delivery time, and unannounced.
-Corporate Rule: All delivery trucks are to be unmarked.
-Corporate Rule: Any employee who tells Arca where the distribution centers are will be terminated on the spot.
-Arca is not allowed to use the restroom without an escort
-Arca is not allowed to leave “free potion samples” in the restroom.
-Arca is not allowed to bring free potion samples into the restaurant
-make that within 200 feet of the restaurant
-Corporate Rule: Arca is not allowed to pitch the use of his potions as foal’s toys
-Corporate Rule: Especially the coat color changing potions (in 7 collectible colors).
9981045
I approve of this addendum to the list.
9981058
Sounds like the mayor needs to hire them for their lists.
9979566
.........…. oh my...……..
Lmfao you actually mentioned Mr. Splinters. I thought you forgot about that story
I've been watching SCP videos on YouTube resentlly and found who Arca might be modeled after and sence this is a Arca list chapter I figured this would be appropriate:
It's a pretty long video at 53 mins. Around rule numder 159 you start to get a few MLP references which also confirms that Dr.Bright is a Brony. And here's a video about Dr.Bright himself which helped me to connect a few more dots between the two:
9993868
Eh... you're not worng, but you aren't entirely right either.
Arca emerged from the idea for a beurotic supergenius (specifically Doc Brown from back to the furure) working retail. I didn't kniw too much SCP at the time... so the similarity is mostly coincidental, but the lists are not a fluke. Arca's lists are directly inspired from Bright's list.
9993886
Well being half right is better then being completely wrong but now that you mention it I can see how Doc Brown helped in Arca's creation and sence Back to the Future is one of my favorite movies i'm ashamed that I missed that detail but it would interesting if Arca was part of a secret organization *cough*S.M.I.L.E *cough* that hunted and captured monsters.
9993868
I have been doing the same thing and only after 3 days of watching have I thought of it. I didn't even catch up first I just skipped directly to this chapter so I could post this
If only my plan wasn't foiled by yooooo conscientious readerrrrrrrrr!
EDIT: I also missed the author's comment
9995024
People actually still read this from the start? I thought I was just running a closed system of the readers I already had at this point, and noone else.
9995042
Well, I have been reading for a while, but I haven't checked up on the last few chapters is all.
Sometimes you want to wait for them to build-up so you can binge, sometimes you just may be tired of checking day after day without updates, and sometimes you get distracted by new stories or updates you'd rather read. Then college comes in and slaps you in the face harder than pinkie does with laws of physics.
P.S. But I do take pride in my binging.
9995042
Have you ever dismissed a story on the front page as uninteresting?
I finally started reading your fic last summer and was instantly hooked.
New arca rule:
Arca is to be given a safe teething toy if the foals toy shoots ANYTHING
Now Im hungry too
Im slightly worried after reading that if 1. They have a coffee machine, and 2. There are energy drinks in Equestria..
You know... I had to think about the lists for a while before this one came back to me... and honestly I wonder how many orders of free hayburger prench fries Arca has gotten by dealing with emergencies.
Is there like... a wall depicting scenes of all the stuff Arca has solved over the centuries? I now wonder...