• Member Since 15th Dec, 2018
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

ThePinkedWonder


Someday, I'll stop writing silly comedy stories. However, today isn't "someday".

Sequels1

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Princess Celestia and Princess Luna wanted to retire from their Royal duties, and place Princess Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Applejack as Equestria's new rulers. But after more thought, they realized that it may be too much too soon for Twilight and her friends.

But after Twilight and the others were back at Twilight's castle, as they talked, they eventually figured out that they may be much more ready than they gave themselves credit for, except maybe Rainbow Dash.

Unfortunately, there was another very important fact that they, even Twilight, all overlooked, and may not be discovered until it's too late...

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 13 )

I'm calling serious horsehit on something. Luna's bit I agree with. But it was said they could transfer the powers to handle the sun and moon to Twilight in the premier.

Plus Cozy Glow? Yeah right. Grogar isn't stupid. Do you really think he'd bring the group together without a back up plan for when one thinks they're better than him? Not after Sombra I feel.

Thanks for making me laugh. Great work!

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From a canon standpoint, I always thought the "issue" about the Sun and Moon if Celestia and Luna retired wasn't really an issue like some fans said it was, since they could either transfer their magic to Twilight, just in the Season 4 finale, or just keep doing it themselves.

And as for this story, Grogar could just be letting Cozy Glow think she's the boss for now. Maybe he have more plans that he needs her for, and needs her to be happy for the time being.

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I'm glad you liked it and that it made you laugh!

Two weeks later, at a special coronation, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Applejack were all made into Alicorns, to officially become Princesses to rule Equestria alongside Princess Twilight Sparkle. Spike became their official Royal Adviser.

Like this? https://www.deviantart.com/digitaldasherbot/art/Magical-Mystery-Box-416531518

And will there be more chapters?

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If this happened during Season 4, they could've maybe did it that way, but that key box thing's gone now I think.

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Nah, I just planned this to be a one-shot silly story, poking fun of the whole "Celestia and Luna are useless" thing.

II this story does very well, I could possibly make a sequel to it.

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But we have yet to know whether Starlight's efforts are in vain (and whether or not the government of Equestria will continue independently of the new leadership).

This review is brought to you by A for Effort
Name of story: On Second Thought...
Score out of ten: 7.75

Cute. That's probably the best way to summarize this short story. A cute look at the meta of the show through some reasonable decisions made by the mane six.

Grammar and Spelling: 9/10 I think I spotted a couple errors as I was going, but it flowed well enough to not really be bothered.

Theme: 8/10 Hindsight is twenty-twenty, 'nuff said.

Prose and characterization: 8/10: None of the ponies felt out of character, but the dialog was a little too straightforward. A little flick and twist so that it didn't seem so rigid to the plot would have helped it feel more organic.

Actual story: 6.5/10: With the kind of setup you give it, the ending could have been more than essentially a one-liner for laughs. I was actually curious to see/hear Empress Cozy Glow monologue Starlight and Trixie to death. There really could have been a bit more pay off to the setup that essentially took up seventy-five percent of the story. The ending just wasn't funny enough, and I felt just a little cheated.

To summarize: I did come away with more than I had going in, so it didn't feel like a waste of time like some stories. I had a little chuckle, was happy to see a lack of errors, and didn't have an issue with any of the characterization. It needs just a bit more time to really get you laughing, and I feel like you fully have the ability to make that happen.

Keep writing, and I look forward to your next submission,
Best regards, Dreams of Ponies.

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Thanks a lot for the review! I was planning of writing a sequel to this before too long, so if I do, I'll keep what you said in mind for it.

"Remember when I said 'the Princesses almost literally never help'?"

This is about to become magical, I just know it.

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