Rarity learns Math

by Gavier

I'd much rather not, Darling

The night was wonderful. Chilly, but not enough to be an annoyance.

Rarity, with a yawn and wet mane from a long, deserved bubble bath, prepared for a long, deserved rest. Elara was safe and sound at the Library, and she was, too, safe and sound at her Boutique (she wouldn't have minded a swap, though).

Less wonderful, however, was the prospect of the coming days. She didn't fear going to the Everfree Forest, mind you. Not anymore, not with Twilight waiting for her. Princess Twilight Sparkle, bless her name. Who really wanted to teach Rarity something.

She had told her teleporting was really easy. Just read the first five chapters of this textbook an I'll walk you through the theory, she had said. Twilight Sparkle, who for the last however many years had had exactly one data point to estimate how much time and effort learning something should take.

Rarity considered if it was too late for a second bubble bath. Or perhaps a bit of ice cream...

You see, one of the struggles of being an adult is that you must parent yourself. Luckily, Rarity had ample experience dealing with white unicorn foals asking for ice cream.

But she was no foal.

---

Twilight trotted in circles, the clip-clop echoing through the poorly illuminated room. Technically she just levitated in circles, moving her legs as if she was trotting, making the clip-clop sound with her mouth, but being a lone, trapped not ghost is hard, and if pretending to trot nervously made her feel a little bit more alive, then she would trot to the Badlands and back (well, the equivalent distance. Being a lone, trapped not ghost doesn't allow much touring). Still, she was nervous, and her trotting in circles clearly illustrated the fact. No, nervous wasn't the right word. Exited? Expectant? Hopeful, as always, that Rarity would bless her with her presence.

Maybe she wasn't interested anymore? Maybe she had just wanted to take a copy of "The Principles of Short and Long Distance Teletransportation, Tome One" by Hazel Twinkle, and had no reason to come back. That doesn't make any sense! Go away, intrusive thoughts! The intrusive thoughts, intrusive as they are, relented. Maybe Rarity was having trouble with the timber wolves, maybe she was lost in the middle of the forest, maybe the Spirit had—

"Star, light please!"

Thankfully, it's difficult to imagine somepony being trapped, lost, or escaping with a book when you can hear them at your doorstep. Twilight stopped trotting, the intrusive thoughts banished to the back of her mind.

"Rarity! You're— Beautiful as the Northern Aurora, the beacon of my life all, my only emotional support —early today" She managed. "Did you start your reading?"

"Why, of course darling!" Rarity had not, in fact, started her reading. Two long, deserved bubble baths and one long, deserved night's rest don't let much time for textbooks. However, Rarity had a plan. A devious, thoroughly thought-out Plan. It involved freeing Twilight from her cursed prison, fine beverages, copious amounts of flirting, scented candles, a mango carved in half... wrong plan.

Rarity did not have a plan for this particular situation. But she had the next best thing; a natural talent to improvise.

"But how could I even hope to grasp and understand all those foreign spell weaving theory, without a wise, guiding hoof?" she fluttered her eyelashes, smiling. Surely there are plenty of weird magic concepts there, Twilight won't suspect a thing!

"You didn't even open the book, did you."

Shit.

---

Rarity liked many things. Twilight, fine beverages, mysteries, Twilight, fashion, bubble baths. Math, however, was not among them. And no, no matter how much she didn't know about it, it doesn't count as a mystery, thank you very much.

Luckily, turns out you can enjoy a lecture on non-Eucoltidean geometries, neigh-dimensional vectors, and other abstract whinnying when it's from Twilight Sparkle. Goodness, how cute her face, how angelical her voice. It danced on each sentence with practiced grace, turning the dull textbook into song.

"...interwoven dimensions, not too dissimilar to a layered dress, except the dress has an arbitrarily high number of layers, of which most collapse onto themselves, too small to be noticed, but still connected to the rest of the piece. To attempt travel through these leylines unaided would require an absurd level of precision. Imagine moving through them like throwing a needle trough a keyhole at fifty hooves behind you. This is wh—"

"I could do that," interrupted Rarity. "I work with needles daily, and if I pride myself of one thing, it's my care for perfection" To be clear, Rarity prides herself of more things than just one. But perfection is undoubtedly one of them.

"Is that so? Well, it just happens to be that you forgot some needles here last time you came, and I have a door. Why don't we test your aim?"

With a smirk and little more, she teleported away, leaving Rarity alone with the comfy pillows and her thoughts (which, curiously enough, involved those very same pillows). After a minute of letting her mind wander, she stood up. Weird, I don't remember doing any needlework last time I came. Perhaps she just found them recently?

Twilight appeared in front of her, accompanied by a loud Crack. She floated the pillows aside, carrying with her not only a couple of needles, but also a rather sizable ruler, and a small, wooden door with a brass keyhole. "Stay there, I'll place the door."

"You do know that's hardly necessary, right? I can move just fine. No need for—"

"I figured that it'd be faster this way, so we can go back to your studies faster," said Twilight, still sporting that damned little smirk of hers. Also so you don't see where this door usually leads.

"One. Two. Three. Four..."

While Rarity waited for Twilight to measure exactly fifty hooves, she started second guessing herself. Could she really do it? She had claimed to on a whim, and wasn't really sure she would be able to follow up with it. She considered backing down, but that would not do. She had put her own pride on the line! Twilight would never let her live it down if she did.

She turned to watch Twilight. She had finished her counting, and was now looking every bit of regal someone placing a door between two book shelves can look. Rarity smiled, noticing yet again how wonderful this mare was. How she had changed her life, completely and thoroughly. How she enchanted her with her unbridled curiosity, her beauty and irresistible mystery. How every time she saw her, it filled her heart.

Twilight teleported, now at her side. With that smug half smile of hers, she almost stopped being the most precious thing in the world.

Almost.

---

"Ready?"

"A lady is always ready to go, dear"

Rarity took the needle. Fifty hooves seemed hopelessly far, all of a sudden. But she wasn't going to fail. Not when Twilight was with her. She turned, and inhaled. Her expression steeled as she concentrated. She could almost hear her dad's lessons on hoofball. Hooves wide. Mind clear. Horn level. This was her shot. Her one opportunity to prove to Twilight and to herself that she could do the impossible. And I will! The tension was straight-up tangible (unlike Twilight, who was gay, next to Rarity, and a ghost).

Rarity took one last, deep breath, aimed the needle true, and with a wide flourish of her horn, teleported away.

Author's Note:

And then they lived happily ever after.

Comments

[Emerald Harp]

I liked your writing. But I'm a little confused on what's going on in the story. Is this part of a series?

[Undome Tinwe]

If the multiverse theory is true, then somewhere out there is a universe where TEL is a rom-com, and you've just convinced me that such a universe would be a wonderful place to visit. A delightful story, with a few darker hints here and there of the larger story this parodies, and some wonderful interactions between Twilight and Rarity that feel very much like the relevant scenes in TEL.

[AppleTank]

9878498
Look up "The Enchanted Library"

[Emerald Harp]

9878784
Ah, okay. This makes more sense. Thanks.

[Gavier]

9878498
9878771
Thank youuu!

[SigmasonicX]

That was cute! Some great gags here.

[zx29b]

"Well, technically she just levitated in circles, moving her legs as if she was trotting, making the clip-clop sound with her mouth"
I thoroughly enjoy The Enchanted Library and its sequel, but I'll be damned if silly things like the above line do not make Twilight seem just so much more Twilight than she does in the source material.

[Gavier]

9879495
9878974

Thanks a lot!

[NaiadSagaIotaOar]

That ending was stupid and adorable in the best way.

[Gavier]

9883048
Thank you!

Honestly, the fic was supposed to be a tad longer, but when I reached that scene the muse hit me with a hammer, knocking me out and possessing my body to write that last line, and I kid you not, I literally couldn't stop laughing after reading it. So I left it as is.

[Phaoray]

Never read anything this is a part of, but just on its own this was very amusing. You definitely need an editor as there is alot of errors but the ending alone made this worth the read.

[Gavier]

9961666
Thank you!

[ShadowLDrago]

The tension was straight-up tangible (unlike Twilight, who was gay, next to Rarity, and a ghost).

I don’t know if that joke is really dumb or really good.

[Gavier]

10288666
An ad? In my fanfiction?

It's more likely than you think

[Gavier]

10302168
Aww, thanks!

[BurningSkies]

"...interwoven dimensions, not too dissimilar to a layered dress, except the dress has an arbitrarily high number of layers, of which most collapse onto themselves, too small to be noticed, but still connected to the rest of the piece. This of course requires an almost absurd level of precision. Imagine moving through them like throwing a needle trough a keyhole at fifty hooves behind you-"

I never thought I needed n-dimensional vectors explained in seamstress terms, but it's nice to be proven wrong and learn new stuff.

[Themaskedferret]

Hahahaha, bravo! I can't imagine how hilarious twilight's face would've been. n_n

[abrony-mouse]

hey there :) came to message you about something else and then got distracted with this fic.

That title and image are devastatingly good hooks, btw. I literally didn't want to read this as I'm trying to finish writing something, but I simply couldn't resist D:

there was loads that was great to this, so have your review! https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/1038764/rarity-learns-math-by-gavier-recommendation-style-short-review-for-fics-i-would-recommend-but-for-flaws-with-the-format-that-can-be-sorted-with-editing

[Gavier]

11897261
omg thank youuuuuu

[abrony-mouse]

Yay :) added to the recommended series now https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/1039424/rarity-learns-math-by-gavier-random-recommendations-in-50-words-12

[Gavier]

11904962
*dabs epically*