Great chapter! oh diamond tiara when will you learn

Human and pony... AWKWARD SHIPPING

im picking up this big fluttershy and James vibe but same goes for rarity and James what are you planing good sir

1195195 That's what I said!

oh, these children, a prank and they try to commit murder...
well, what was that about your suit

a bit... strange...

wouldent that be xeophilia since they're in on another planet or plain of reality and aren't animals but different sentient life forms....which is better than bestiality as taboo for more of an "its not able to make a choice" thing and is "mindless" and I'm pretty sure xenophilia is not illegal....
also he seems to be becoming a stud.....someone needs to show him to a training ground with a waterfall so he can build up his strength and "endurance" (wink wink nudge nudge)

Twilight took a moment longer to find the right words to speak. “Um… Yeah, what he said. You really think things out, don’t you?”
I crossed my arms and replied honestly, “Well, I try. I wouldn’t call myself a genius though.”

You made Pinkie Pie cry
You unknowingly insult Fluttershy and other ponies with the Beastiality thing.
....Yea he thinks shit through

do you want to pay for your shipping and handling?

Fluttershy was silent for a moment as she looked around the area. “Well… I think I could use some help Sunday. It’s the official bunny census. We count up all the baby bunnies that were born this season. Could you stop by then sometime?”

Ooh, sounds fun!

Now let's us assume that bunnies, even though they are "tame" is this world, are pretty much the same as our bunnies. So this is the end of spring, once the bunnies are done repro...

This is going to be one long census, isn't it?

Okay, the big main reason this feels so awkward to me just occurred to me. He's just constantly going between barely related events that basically serve to just showcase what a great guy he is. I mean, you can only just 'happen' to 'run into' ponies so many times in a row before you start thinking something is up. And it all just works out so conveniently in his favour; he'll be able to help someone out, reject money for helping them out, or a situation will arise where he is perfectly suited to fix the problem, or happens to have some knowledge or skill that allows him to be the hero of the day. Like his baking and flute-playing. And if it was that easy getting a job in real life I'd be set. Oh yeah, and impressing Twilight with his logical abilities. And the CMC love him apparently. In fact basically every interaction has led to him conveniently impressing someone, except that awkward scenario about bestiality. And Rainbow and Fluttershy acted really weirdly. I mean, he's some weird alien human mythical creature thing, it was really out of character for them to react like that. And that was just cleared up straight away. Oh, I guess Diamond Tiara doesn't like him much but she's a bitch lol who cares about her.

The phrase 'Mary Sue' gets used a lot but you're wandering into dangerous territory there. These little encounters where the main dude happens to show up to solve something are fine, if they're very occasional and can be put down to coincidence or good timing, as in, someone could exclaim "What good luck!" and everyone wouldn't say "But this has happened 20 times today already!" I can only assume some major event will happen in the next few chapters that stirs shit up. Like a war or a murder or something. Or it turns out that James is a psychopath. He must be, right? Equestria seems like a great place and everything, but you don't just appear in a different world filled with talking ponies, have a bit of a cry for a while, a couple of hugs, then instantly become all fine and dandy. Then again, it does have like, ALL the tags. It's a tragedy so naturally my presumption is most of the main characters will die. At least I hope you're going for something like that. Start off with a nice cheery overly perfect world, slowly destroy and corrupt it over time? It does have a dark tag AND a sad tag after all. Must be some kind of crap-saccharine world.

It just doesn't feel 'real' at all. People (and ponies) don't react this way to stuff. Everything it just way too cliche so far. I know I'm only three chapters in, but even if this WAS a great setup for a dark hidden world or something, at this point there's no indication of that except the tags. And those could mean anything. I find it hard to believe this is a real tragedy, for instance. (FYI, tragedy doesn't mean "something bad happens occasionally" or even "a main character dies and it's really sad") But hey, I haven't read most of it, so it could be as far as I can tell. To be honest, the only reason I haven't stopped reading this at this point is because it looked potentially really good from the description and stuff. I just can't get into it at all. I'm just constantly finding myself automatically thinking "of course that happens" and "yep saw that coming" and "really, again? come on".

But hey, on the plus side the sentences flow nicely and stuff. Oh and Pinkie Pie hasn't made a billion stupid meme references so that's always nice. Oh and there doesn't seem to be a Luna x Human romance developing from the start like EVERY OTHER FANFIC EVER. Nothing wrong with Luna but it's just so overdone I personally am over it. Course it might just be coincidence the ones I've read have Luna in them. Oh by the way, the first sentence of the entire story made me go "No, I'm not, I just started reading this like 2 seconds ago. Why would I be wondering that?" Not an exaggeration. I literally thought that. Seriously I hope this guy develops some major flaws or something or has to go through some traumatic shit. Can't be rainbows and smiles all day, that's just boring. Hell, look at the actual show. Conflict and stuff. Everyone doesn't get along. Events happen. Friends have rifts and stuff. They can even get away with everything working out nicely for everyone because it's a TV show with short episodes which are all their own individual story, more or less, designed to be able to be watched in any order.

But yeah anyway not fantastic so far. Like, not terrible, but if I was telling someone about this I wouldn't describe it as good even. I'm not saying your writing is bad. But the story so far is okay at best.

i am a bit confused because when he talks to rarity after getting up he mentions that he had gone back to sleep after scootaloo woke him up while none of the previous text mentions anything about him going back to sleep.

3059411
he said wanted to and it was sweetie bell who woke him up

I actually like that in a man.

Oh no! we have a xenophile

le tarte du crème avec le poisson

Translation: Cream pie with fish
That is utterly disgusting (especially to a herbivorous pony)

The paragraphs of the story doesn't agree with you James. (in a singing voice)

I really hope he starts a herd with the main six. I want to see more stories that use the fact that ponies are polygamous.

3190293
You're surprised Nukestar?I'm not.

3773283
Actually Cadance and Shining Armor's wedding disproves that and it's polyamorus not polygamist.

...Gah. I would keep reading on...but I have one serious issue that makes me feel as if the human ain't even truly human...

I nodded, a sigh of calmness escaping my lips. “I know. Only two days and I feel right at home here. In fact, I almost think feel like I fit in Equestria better than I did back home.”

...No one would say that. You'd have to not even have something LIKE a home where you came from to say that. I know this seems like an older fiction...but honestly? That human ain't human. He's something else, for no human would act like that. The guy would have to have the dreaded....
ts4.mm.bing.net/th?id=H.4817004629263168&w=227&h=169&c=7&rs=1&pid=1.7

Just...Sorry. I can't read this...I've seen someone dumped into a new place, and all they wanted was home....they really didn't accept the fact that they were stuck. The Human OC....is acting OOC.

At least animals are cuddly and never yell at you or use unnecessarily mean words.”

Give it a bit, Angel's still napping.

I'm not very good at french but...

le tarte du crème avec le poisson

A fish cream pie? that just sounds weird, especially for a equine
(ps. forgive me if i'm wrong)

So it's one of those HiE fictions...

Getting sucked into a land against your will is one thing. But staying in Equestria for two days and ALREADY calling it home and not give a damn about his family... This guy is definitely NOT human. If I was his brother and was there with him, and heard him say that line, I'd give him one HARD slap, right across the face, and let him go over what he just said.

Ah, Now I remember why I didn't read past chapter two. Past tense. I don't know why but I just can't read a story in past tense. Just seems weird to me.

4378611
Being french myself, I can accurately say that a «fish cream pie» would be «Tarte à la crème de poisson», but it doesn't sound quite tasty. But if, like PP said, it was a pie with cream and fish, it would be «Tarte avec crème et poisson».

2967886 omigod thats the longest comment i ever seen....good job

As I looked the flute over, I recalled something about snake anatomy. “Fluttershy… Snakes don’t have ears. They can’t hear anything, not even the sound of a flute.”
I looked on while Fluttershy seemed surprised by my revelation. “They are? But they always follow me when I play it…”

Thy can still detect vibrations in the ground... at least from what i know about snake charming.

Also, chapter three, day three, and he has made three ponies blush/have unintended romantic involvements.

“I am, actually… Wait. Rarity is your sister?”

Actually, Sweetie Belle is officially Rarity's twin sister, probably because they coats are the same colors and overall radiance is almost the same as well. Plus, if you have seen the cutie mark tales, Rarity in her past story when she earned her mark had the voice as Sweetie Belle.

I winced at the mention of daffodils, knowing that they are mildly poisonous. But I decided to withhold any questions until our orders were taken. The waiter turned to Spike, who asked, “Do you have any rubies?” The waiter remained silent while he gave the young dragon a stern gaze. “No? What about sapphires? Emeralds?” When the waiter still did not give a reply, Spike sighed in disappointment while closing his menu. “All right then, I’ll have the hay fries. Extra crispy.”

Sorry but this is one of the things I criticize.
You see all you did here was pull an entire scene from an episode, this dialogue between the waiter and spike is 100% the same as in the series. The only thing you put in between was his request of Sapphires and emeralds, but even after adding this sentence the scene returns to its original development.
What's even more bothering about this is that Spike asks the same question to the same waiter he already had asked once before in the "ticket episode".

That is lazy writing in my opinion.

You could have let him ask something like this instead:

The waiter turned to Spike who was scowling a bit. The drake looked up from his menu and asked “Did you put anything with rubies on your menu since our last visit? Or maybe some other gems?” The waiter remained silent while he gave the young dragon a stern gaze. Spike sighed in disappointment while closing his menu, one of his hands now holding his chin up. “Guess I'll have hay fries again then, extra crispy like always.”

There, completely different scene and not an episode ripoff any longer.

The waiter then turned to me. I then spoke, “I would like a tossed salad with French dressing and an order of grilled carrots with a side of barbeque sauce.”

Objection!

How would the waiter know french dressing? We already had visitors from "Saddle Arabia" in the series.

This means French, would probably have a pun in it too, like Prench or Prance.

Therefore, the word French is unknown to them.

“Oki doki loki!

THOR! BRING THE HAMMER!~

Okie Dokie Loki~

2208669 him making Pinkie cry wasn't his fault as he had no way of knowing she would react that way to his joke and the bestiality comment was just him being realistic as they are a different species so yeah he does think things through

5029163 Twin sisters?
Okay...

Twilight shook her head and explained, “It has nothing to do with your intelligence or your aptitude in a specific field. You think things out and debate things logically… I actually like that in a man.”

hmm... I'm suddenly suspisherous...

What the actual FUCK!? What the hell is wrong with Diamond Tiara?! There's being a bully, there's being a bitch, but that was CRIMINALLY INSANE RIGHT THERE!

4976697 half life 3 confermed

wait... I just remembered.

Why was there no water or milk in that vanilla cupcake? it'd end up dry as a desert without any water or milk in it.

WHY ARE PONIES VEGETARIANS?!?!??!!
Vegetarians eat eggs, fish, drink milk, eat greeneries and certain other nature stuffs.
Ponies would and should logically be more vegan than vegetarian.
I know horses are to a very small degree omnivores as they can digest small amounts of flesh but considering that it's only a small amount ponies should be fully vegan since it'd be so rare for ponies to eat meat.

...Why are the ponies so indifferent to the usage of the word kill?

Also, poisson means fish in French. Why is there a cake with fish in it?!?

5925474

you heard him folks!

6220092

Just thought you need an explanation...some "vegetarians" are still omnivorous. They call themselves vegetarians, for a righteous feeling, to make themselves feel good, and they just wanna be high and mighty, like assholes. The ponies aren't THAT way, but they are still omnivorous,

TRUE vegetarians don't take in ANY animal nutrients. So...no milk, eggs, meat, in fact not just no milk, no DAIRY at ALL. TRUE vegetarians eat only plants. Fruits, veggies, bark (weird, yes.), even some random herbs for sustenance, and medicinal reasons. THEY are the true vegetarians. and they don't do it for a righteous feeling, it's so they feel good about saving an animal, even if others don't know they did.

I know this cause I WAS the serious vegetarian for 4 or 5 years. I broke it on a camping trip gone bad, where the car wouldn't work, so we were there for an extra week, and no food...so we hunted (95% fished) for our food. I lasted as long as I could on herbs, and plants...but not enough wild edible plants,so I had to eat meat. I didn't go back to just vegetarian again, cause lack of meat in your system, and sudden meat intake can shock your system...I almost died from the shock my body went through...

did... Pinkie Pie.... Swallow an entire... Fish?..

Great Googley Moogley!!!

5716474 I'm pretty sure you have to be criminally insane to be a pony in Equestria. I mean, you can lounge on clouds for mid-afternoon naps, deities can move the sun and moon with 'Unicorn powers' and you can complete forgive a sibling for attempting to take over your country and threatening to prevent the much needed light and warmth of the sun to come through after sticking her on the moon for a thousand years with rainbow powers. Does that at all sound logical?

6529615
I can only assume you're talking about humans, because herbivores are known to occasionally eat meat, and just about any mammal I can think off drinks milk, at least in it's earlier ages. There is documentation of this, so feel free to make sure I'm telling the truth; this IS the Internet, after all.

1175345 I think it's sweet if done right.

Dang, the feels at the end!

le tarte du crème avec le poisson

Fucking really? I almost needed new shorts because of this one!

I need to reread this first and second chapter caude I can't remember what happen with the diamondtiara thing

Actually snakes can hear the vibrations pass through the skin and muscles of the snake to a bone connected to its inner ear. From this bone, the vibrations pass to the inner ear, which them. It is now known that snakes can also hear noises or vibrations that travel through the air. Don't know where you got the fact that snakes can't hear

I actually like that in a man.

So first Rainbow then Twilight... I think I see what is happening here...

8060529
Sounds like so it is I mean if I was there I would be a fucking bawler XD

I pondered this fact for a moment before replying, “So, there are three categories. Earth ponies are the muscle, pegasus ponies are the agility, and unicorn ponies are the intellect. They all come together as a whole.”

Strength, Skill and Will. It's called the Triforce Effect.
orig00.deviantart.net/7a3b/f/2011/238/c/e/triforce_by_posexe-d47sf7g.png