holy crap a Innocent clop scene!? my love for this story just tripled and especially liked the chicken reference and now i want jawbreakers your prick

So many feels this chapter. Cloppery isn't even my thing, but you wrote it well, and sweetly. More please!

I can dito that last comment bro

Wow I just finish the last Chapter and all I could say about this new one Wow

PET THE CHICKEN PET THE CHICKEN. BUTTERED TOAST...My god it's been ages since I seen that. I must go find Edd Ed an' Eddy again.

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1180814
Sorry I wrote a comment and I was like...WAIT!

because I thought it was a different story.
Now I WOULD LIKE MORE FLUTTERSHY AND JAMES STUFF.

BUT RAINBOW IS COOL so leave some perverted comments for her at ALL times!

'...It almost feels like nothing can possibly go wrong now...'

*looks back at tags for story (tragedy, sad, and dark)*

Oh gawd, why would you challange the universe that way!?

I brought my face close to Elizabeak and nuzzled her while one hand stroked her back. “Pet the chicken… Pet the chicken…” I muttered in a quiet yet goofy tone. If you who are reading this happen to know where that quote came from, congratulations.

Ed, Edd, and Eddy

The clop scene was perfect. It was just passionate clop and not that the weird stuff I sometimes read.

I like chickens Eddy!

That reference made my night.

“Well… How about you drop by the spa tomorrow? I start working there. And my work days are Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays.”

Probably best if you combine those last 2 sentences into one, like "I started working there on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays."

"She remained close to me to insure that for them to approach her, they would have to get near me as well."

I think the word is spelled "ensure"

Once again, I'm enjoying it, even if it's not perfect, or anything. Let's see where this is going. and why do I feel so much like an editor?

Someone has managed to combine an Ed Edd and Eddy reference in the same chapter as having sex with Fluttershy. /slowclap

pet the chicken! lolz that old show

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i cant believe you just made me realize that NOW!
i cant believe i didn't see that coming man i'm blind today
and now im not sure if i should continue or wait for a mood change to continue this story nawww
its not like it was labeled gore just sad and i doubt it will be as sad as other stories I've read no offence to the author

YES
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twentypercentcooler.net/data/2c/b2/2cb24f0192a9b3557b122e4b7727924e.png?1323315526

i.chzbgr.com/completestore/12/6/26/dlRU3a0wwkWvOSd2jPBqFQ2.jpg

Well... that escalated very quickly. Meh, it's a flutters clop scene, so I'm okay with it. Keep up the good work.

I liked the spongebob reference.

Yep my favorite cartoon is referenced there for you get this lovely mustache

I almost died when you referenced Ed,
My life is now complete!

“You should’ve been named Dr. Who, if you ask me.” I see what you did there, though I must ask which Doctor you were speaking of

2629908 ... Didn't know you would willingly speak to us humans, Opal... I thought you reserved your annoyance for your fellow animal friends... Oh well...Have you read 'A Felines Point of View', it certainly puts you in an interesting light.

honest critique
so far i give this a 9/10. the overall story line is well thought out and for the most part well executed. there are a few things here and there that annoy me a bit like the capitalized OK every time its said and coming across something that i feel could have been worded better, but thats mostly just my mentality kicking in. story so far is great......still kind of anxious about the depressing tags that i have yet to catch wind of

“Yes… This isn’t fiction. It’s reality. And…it’ll last forever. Right, James?”

This isn't so much lampshade hanging as an ogre picking up a lamppost and bashing you over the skull with it screaming WHERE YOU AT BEATCH

mememaker.net/static/images/memes/2137161.jpg

I remember reading this story before. It was before I made my account (I made it so I could write my own fics) and tracked stories by bookmarking them. For some reason this story was left out when I favorited all my bookmarks and I'm wondering if it's because it went a long time without being updated or if it's cause this story gave me a massive kidney punch by having everything just shatter from some traumatic event... Checking the post dates of your chapters it looks like it was because of the long time the story went without being updated... and thinking back I don't think I ever actually stopped reading a story because it got to be too depressing.

Anybody know the name of the food dish, or where i can find a recipe. Really want to try it.

When the waiter turned to me, I found a pasta dish that had a butter, olive oil, and garlic sauce with spinach, diced tomatoes, and even scallops in it. The very thought of such a delicious combination made my mouth water. “I’ll have one of these, please.” I do not recall the name of the entrée,

sound's like its look something like this
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/9/95/Marlowe_%28Yokosuka%29_%28506110138%29.jpg/800px-Marlowe_%28Yokosuka%29_%28506110138%29.jpg

I love that reference " pet the chicken". It made me laugh so much

I am a little mad... Fluttershy... Innocent Fluttershy gives IT up for knowing this guy for less than one week! Is that all it takes to get a girl to give up her innocence for a man who showed up a week ago!! That is unacceptable if more time had passed before this then I would have been more happy however since it didn't I am quite irked ( annoyed ). Unless the story get better and pulls away from the major cliches I will remove my Fav and proceed to down vote this Fic.

However " Pet the chicken"... I couldn't help but laugh and the clop scene while badly placed in this stories timeline still managed to keep Fluttershy's innocence. Just take the clop scene and move further along the relationship and replace it with them playing with various animals and maybe a D'aaww moment or two and you will fix most the problems I see in this.

Lovers. Marriage ideas. Fluttershy clopping while he's in the shower. Human on pony. Mild misanthropic desire to never go home or see his family again since "Equestria is the gr8est place eva!!1!!".

...

This would be much more understandable if this was six months since James arrived. Or hell even six weeks. But this hasn't even been a full week yet! All of this has happened in a ridiculously short time, it makes the typical Disney romance look like years long epics.

I know this is a story about Gary Stu in a magical ponyland, but with such a short amount of time for all the events in this story to happen... this is not only all improbable, but impossible in any sane world (again even in ome with magic pastel colored ponies).

Pinkie Pie said as she took another bite of her pie. Wait….. A Pie eating a pie. What delightful irony.

I think you mean delicious.

Fluttershy replied with a meek smile, “It’s OK… You can touch me, if you want… But, could you please pass the soap?”

Why am I laughing so hard at this?

I will honestly say that I like that Fluttershy is getting some proper attention from a human protagonist,
it just does'nt happen to her and Pinkie enough,not with out some rediculous human to pony trnsformation being involved anyway.That being said however I still think that this excedingly fast and at this rate the writer may end up having to completely rewrite the entir story.Yes the danger of this is
very high as near as I can tell.

I love this story! Although i have to admit that he got this far in 6 days, i hate to be one to ponder about rushing things. Anyhow, this story is so entertaining to read, as it allows me to lean back, save some hours of boredom, and makes me happy all the while!

I'm a AJ fan but I love this story you know it dos seem to be going fast but at the same time it feels right and miss shy sneaking a peak? why you cheeky thing you

I just want to throw this out there, it CAN happen that fast. Yes its very VERY rare and often unstable but it can happen. My Grandfather married my Grandmother 3 days after they meet, no exageration, meet on a friday, married on a monday. They were together for I think 40 some odd years. So while I agree this story moved quite quickly, that isnt really a deal breaker for me.

“Pet the chicken… Pet the chicken…” I muttered in a quiet yet goofy tone. If you who are reading this happen to know where that quote came from, congratulations.

ed, edd n eddy ftw .. ed is best

Fluttershy, I know you are looking over my shoulder.

I couldn't help but laugh at that part.

This is probably what James is feeling thinking right now.

And this is probably what Fluttershy is feeling right now:

Hehe three refrancees
first the dr. who thing
then the alice in wonderland
and pet the chicken

Tried another chapter.

It was stupid.

Your grammar an punctuation is commendable, but that's about it.

They haven't even dated more than a day! Why the flock are they thinking of marraige? How the hell did Anes get over his taboo to literally FUCK A WING HORSE!?

There's fast paced, and then there's this. It's like shoving all the characters on a bullet train, and all their emotions and any internal or external conflict are just the chandeliers in the train when they should be the fucking wheels.

There's no man vs. Self; man vs. environment or even man vs. society. He gives up his family in under a week because "they're cute".

His vengeance on Diamond Tiara, while fun to read, is just as awful and shows how much of a hypocrite he is.

Yeah. I'm done. Sorry.

But I’ll be darned if that white rabbit led me to Equestria through a rabbit hole just so I could meet you.” lol Alice in Wonderland.

“Pet the chicken… Pet the chicken…” I muttered in a quiet yet goofy tone. If you who are reading this happen to know where that quote came from, congratulations. Hahahaha Brilliant! Ed Edd & Eddy!

4970240 The only explanation I have for ponies being so... "clingy", is because they are even more emotional driven than us.

Considering that Fluttershy is an introvert, I can only guess that emotional impacts hit her harder than all the other. She did have contact with him for almost a weak, maybe that's equal to a month in the human society.

In Twilights case though, I am not so sure. She barely had contact with him.

Anyway, considering how easy it is in our "modern society" to find a partner for mating, through whatever connections, I am not to surprised.

At least it was a week, imagine it was still day 1 or night 1 when this here happened. I know a few romance fics where it does happen in less than a day.

What I do commend him for, is that he didn't make Twilight the 'first' herd member, after her confession.

She was too late with her confession, so it's done with her.

But I do recommend 1 thing, maybe dear author, you should put in warnings during your chapters that a "sex" scene follows.

Since everything was so slow paced and bland during the different chapters, we rarely got any information about intimate romance, you should warn readers when everything takes an explicit 180 turn.

Pet the chicken, ed edd and eddy quote?

Congratulations, James. You just prevented Bittersweet.

And thus this is how centaurs are made...XD XD XD

“It’s OK, Pinkie. You don’t have it and you’re not in the danger zone.