Tuesdays, I hate them. For most people, it's Mondays, but I really hate Tuesdays. I guess I'm just special like that.
It's okay. I hate Tuesdays, too. You get all psyched up for monday, and then when Tuesday rolls around, all that mental energy you built up for monday is gone.
Brave to write your first story in present-tense. Let me just say that so far, it's looking pretty good, I just have a few nitpicky sort of things;
they both pull out a pistol each, both aiming at the young cashier
This phrase is a bit redundant. I would reword it something like "each pull out a pistol, aiming at the young cashier"
. His eye's widen, then narrow
It should be EYES, not EYE'S. An apostrophe makes the noun possessive, or is a contraction (eye is= eye's)
I guess it would take someone with some brain cells to rub together to tell you that though."
Needs a comma. "...to rub together to tell you that, though."
I won't do this for any other chapters. Just giving you some examples of what to look out for. Most of these are pretty common mistakes, and not too big a deal. I'm going to keep reading! So far I like the premise.
Those belong in a body of water. ;) Aisles is the word you're looking for. Not a bad start so far.
It's okay. I hate Tuesdays, too. You get all psyched up for monday, and then when Tuesday rolls around, all that mental energy you built up for monday is gone.
Brave to write your first story in present-tense. Let me just say that so far, it's looking pretty good, I just have a few nitpicky sort of things;
This phrase is a bit redundant. I would reword it something like "each pull out a pistol, aiming at the young cashier"
It should be EYES, not EYE'S. An apostrophe makes the noun possessive, or is a contraction (eye is= eye's)
Needs a comma. "...to rub together to tell you that, though."
I won't do this for any other chapters. Just giving you some examples of what to look out for. Most of these are pretty common mistakes, and not too big a deal. I'm going to keep reading! So far I like the premise.