The Usual Suspects

by Visharo

Suspect 007

"The next suspect is a granny. So we're interviewing grandmas now. If I don't get a raise, I'm quitting this job."

*long tired sigh*

"Right, okay. The old mare is an earth pony with a green coat. Mane and tail are a nice shade of pink, wrapped neatly in a bun. Eyes are a pink tinted with yellow, very interesting. Records don't say anything if that's natural or not. Cutie mark looks to be a flower, but I'm not a fucking florist. Some metal on her back, probably to keep her back sane, unlike me. Sending her in."

*door opens*

*door closes*

"You don't look so well, dearie. Want a cookie?"

*disbelieving chuckle*

"Sure, why not. Why don't you sit down?"

"Oh, thank you, dearie. My knees are killing me."

*shuffling*

*small groan*

*soft thump*

*lid pops open*

"Take one, I made 'em just this morning."

"Oh, thank you, Miss?"

"Petunia, dearie. Just call me Petunia."

"Petunia. Thank you."

*chewing noises*

"Holy shit, these are delicious! What's the recipe?"

*chuckling*

"Now now, dearie, a mare's gotta her her secrets!"

*whine*

"But these are so good! I need to know!"

"These cookies are precious to me, giving them up would hurt my very soul, do you want that to happen, dearie?"

"No, I guess not."

*silence*

*chewing noises*

*clears throat*

"Thank you, Petunia. That was delightful."

"My pleasure, dearie."

"Right, so I'm really sorry about this, but it's my job."

"I totally understand, dearie. You got to do what you got to do."

"Thank you. So is Petunia your full name?

"As the day I was born."

"It really is a pretty name."

"Why thank you, dearie."

"What were you doing on April 20th?"

"I was gardening, early in the morning. It was such a beautiful morning, I just had to be outside. Then this, thus brute walked in and took a flower. Just a single one, without paying too! I was in a foul mood for the rest of the day."

"Can you tell me what flower?"

"Henbane. Can make a pony sleep when ingested. I keep telling my flower dealer to stop sending these, but apparently they're just so easy to grow. I just hope no one got hurt."

"Me too. Can you tell me what the pony looked like?"

"Sure can, dearie. He looked like a mean fella, brown I think he was. But he was big, almost as big as my husband, heavens rest his soul."

"Big? In what way?"

"In every way."

*silence*

*laughter*

"Oh, Petunia! I didn't think you were that kind of mare!"

"A mare has her needs, can you blame me for that?"

"No, I guess not."

*small pause*

"So, is that it? Nothing else happened that day?"

"Not that I know of."

"Alright, Petunia. Thank you for your time and thank you for the cookies."

"Keep them, dearie, I've got more at home."

"Really? You really are too kind."

"I'm just being me, dearie. I hope you find what you're looking for."

*shuffling*

*door opens*

*door closes*

Author's Note:

Henbane can make a person sleep. Fun facts, yay