The Usual Suspects

by Visharo

Suspect 003

"Stating for the record, Suspect 003 is a blue stallion, unicorn. Left eye has been outfitted with an ocular implant, records say it sees the heart rate of ponies with biological hearts. The right is a natural gold. No other augments. Mane and tail are intact and are a lighter blue with a purple stripe. Cutie mark is a police Shockstick. It is important to say that Suspect is part of the Neo-Canterlot Police Department. Bringing him in."

*door opens*

*door closes*

"Take a seat."

*shuffling*

*a heavy thud*

*weeping*

"PLEASE SIR! I haven't done anything! You gotta believe me!"

"Mister...?"

*sob*

"Shockstick."

"Mister Shockstick, I promise you, we aren't going to do anything to you, we just want to know your side of the story. Come sit down and tell me what you were doing on April 20th?"

*chair screech*

*thump*

"You promise?"

"Yes, Mister Shockstick."

*deep breath*

"Okay. I can do that, right? Yes. I can. April 20th?"

"That's right."

"Okay. Let's see. I went to work, like I do everyday, you can ask anypony, they'll confirm. Anyways, I'm stationed in the basement, to guard the Banks from any hacker, I'm real good at protecting the Banks, despite my cutie mark."

*chuckling*

"Focus."

"Right, sorry. Anyways, I spent several hours down there and then when it was time for my shift to end, nopony came down. So I went up. I used my eye augment to search for them, pretty handy like that, anyways, I found all of them in the dining room, yeah, there's a dining room at Manesco, so many ponies are surprised when they hear that. Right, so, dining room. When I got there, everypony was on the floor asleep! Their mouths were covered in some foamy thing too."

"That sounds like poison."

"Poison!"

"You said dining room, right?"

*small pause*

"So, was there anything on the table? Food, drinks maybe? Perhaps a Chemie?"

"A Chemie! What do you take us for? Junkies? No, we are true soldiers! I'm offended you would even suggest that."

"Mister Shockstick."

"Right, right, sorry, sorry. I think, I'm not really good at remembering these things, but I think there was some meat. There wasn't much there and I didn't really look because I left."

"Left? What do you mean?"

"I left, this was terrifying to me, still is, so I left Manesco and tried to teleport to the closest NCPD station but my horn wouldn't work! I think somepony put up a Fielder."

"Fielder?"

"Oh, right. You government types don't really keep up with the slang."

*short pause*

"Sorry, sorry! I didn't mean that! What I meant was that it's new! Word can travel slow sometimes, ya know!?

*awkward chuckling*

"Mister Shockstick, get back to what's relevant."

"Right! Sorry. A Fielder is a magical suppression field that hackers usually put up to block us unicorns, usually we have something to ward against Fielders, but I didn't have a Ring on me at the time. So after I found out about the Fielder, I just simply ran. It took me 20 minutes to get there and then another 20 minutes to get back, by the time we got there, it was stolen."

"What was stolen, Mister Shockstick?"

"You mean you don't know? What. How. Huh? Are you saying that the great Equestrian Investigative Bureau doesn't know everything? Ha, that's rich!"

*laughing*

"Mister Shockstick, I am well within my jurisdiction to arrest you. Would you like that, mister Shockstick?"

*laughing stops*

"NO! No, no, that's okay! I'll behave, I'll behave."

"Good. Now, what was stolen?"

"The one and only Pona Lisa."

*silence*

"The Pona Lisa?"

"Yes sir, I have told no fib nor lie."

"That's the same thing, and I know you aren't lying. It's just, the Pona Lisa of all things. Why would they take that?"

"Sir?

"No, no. You can leave now."

"If you say so."

*chair screech*

*shuffling*

*door opens*

*door closes*

Author's Note:

the freakin 'right align' button doesn't work, gotta type it up manually.