Yea, I'm a writer and I occasionally freelance as an editor or collaborator.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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great story comrade.just was dishonored teached us:revenge solves everything
1403771 Glad you liked it.
Everything except Allegro's scene was a blast to write. her final scene well, I eventually decided that understated would be better.
Umm, in the beginning,
I think you forgot to put in a word right after "Have you seen any".
Also, capitalization and a punctuation error here:
Sorry for doing this in the comments
And here,
*thought
Capitalization errors here,
*The pair
and here,
*Each slice
*Soon the
Sorry about all this, I'm just very picky about spelling and grammar. You can thank my elementary teachers for that.
*ideal
* then? *Philharmonic
*quiet down
*guarantee you that
1609622 Actually no, Octavia's last name is Philharmonica. That one was not a typo.
1610822 Oh, my bad I knew Philharmonic was an actual word, but I didn't think that they just added an "a" at the end for her name.
Duly Noted
1611290 Technically her full name is Octavia Philharmonica von Clef but no one ever calls her that.
I've check over your other corrects and changed them
What did you think of the story itself? I never really got any feedback on it as so few people actually read it
I really like this series (can it even be that with only two?) and hope you continue it like you suggested if I could make a suggestion however.... I like that you went for Dracula and the Anne Rice vampires primarily witha bit of True Blood thrown in I would also recommend Laurell K Hamilton's Anita Blake series of books for new sources of vampire abilities as she is without a doubt the most creative Vampire author I have read (and I have read most of them) also research vampire legends from around the world as there are a great many to choose from. I like what you have here and keeping with what you have done will still lead to more great stories in this vein (see what i did there) but looking at the others I have suggested can give a greater depth to what you are doing.
2362949 Didn't think anyone still knew about this story.
I have half started a full sequel story, currently have one full chapter written and a couple of partly written ones.
I'm not familiar with the Anita Blake series beyond knowing that it exists. What are the nature of the vampires in that series. I'm looking for stories where the characters actually enjoy being vamps and everything that comes with it, none of the Twilight sagas forced moral conflict over feeding on humans (or ponies)
2364190
in that series there are several types of vampires each descending from a "Soudre de Sang" or Fountain of Blood which is the first in a vampire line each line has their own set of powers some can feed off of lust just as readily as blood others can control animals one line is truly monstrous in that when they Vamp out they rot like zombies minus the dead brain thing and are incredibly hard to kill even decapitation isn't reliable the only sure way is fire (Anita prefers white phosphorous rounds) the best part is that each vamp is unique not only within his own abilities which are all variations on the blood line trait but in personality from downright angsty assholes to totally seductive beauties and even ones that are just trying to live a life and want nothing more than to be left alone. I have read every book by LKH and know the lore very well even including lycanthropes of various species. If you choose to use these ideas I can be used as a sounding board and general information person if you would like. I will highlight the clans that have been explained below for you. Each clan is only named after their Soudre de Sang and these individuals are extremely old (in the case of the Earthmover he was Neaderthal)
Belle Morte: clan can feed off of lust as readily as blood and they only change the truly physically beautiful.
Morte de Amour: Rotters, only sure way to kill them in their rotted state is with fire.
Earthmover: Terramancers which you have actually already laid the groundwork for.
Master of Beasts: animal and lycanthrope specialists they tend to adopt the demeanor of their chosen lycanthrope or animal type lending them a more feral appearance and attitude.
Mother of all Darkness or Marmee Noir: Literally the first of their kind their Lillith figure she slumbers eternally because of her depravity and was enspelled.
Traveller: Body Jumpers and as such are very hard to track since they can inhabit non vampire bodies.
Draconis or the Dragon: feral brutal warriors plain and simple and their power reflect this, harder skin, greater speed and strength than even other vampires.
One other item of note there are two classes of vampire in every clan soldiers or the standard vamp and Masters now masters are a class that is very strange it has nothing to do with age and everythign to do with power level. you can havea vamp that is a 1000 year old viking and will never be a master and you can have a master that is only 100 years. Being a Master grants extra abilities and a stronger set of the standards sometimes even granting an animal to call which is usually a lycanthrope and serves the master as everything from general servant to lover to food source and often all three. i think thats enough for now but if you have any questions feel free to message me.
2365149 Sounds like there is plenty to work with. I was already beginning to take elements from the world of darkness table top game (VTM: Bloodlines if you know the PC game instead) such as differing bloodlines and abilities but I'm sure I can work something from this list in as well.
I have a feeling Lyra, Bonbon, Rarity, Twilight, and Sweetie Belle are screwed beyond belief.
3513023 Things are going to get bloody when I get around to returning to the sequel.
3513023 Octavia would probably grow old and die first though...
4397292 If Death is afraid of anypony, it's Octavia. She is way too contrary to simply keel over and die without taking at least one other with her.
4398366 I see...