The last thing Joseph could remember was the car crash. Now, he's lost in a small town with blurred memories of home, found by six colorful teenagers. Now, he is presented with a new chance to recreate his life, a life better than his reality.
Hey guys! Published a new chapter today! Trying to get more plot in. I took the suggestions to add more detail to the story, hence why the chapter is longer. After some changes with my editor (purplefire12 / CDFPurple), I published it. Don't worry, Applejack is gonna do a LOT more later. I just wasn't able to accomplish all that I wanted in this chapter AND incorporate Applejack. She'll be making a good appearance next chapter though.
Me likes. Takes the basic real world, gives it Equestrian people and geographics, and throws a human from Earth into it! Now, onto clearing out my unread new favorite chapters...
I'm glad you guys liked the new chapter :3. As I said, and I'll say over and over again, any constructive criticism is appreciated. I've already been using it in this next chapter!
Randomly decided to go through this (was this featured? I can never remember where I find my fics to read...) Either way! I'm a meanie! Rar!:
Chapter Two Critique: Overall, despite this genre not being my cup of tea, I'm enjoying your tale so far. I have a feeling you gave them "real" names just so that you could add more variations to "(name) said" after each phrase, but it is a reasonable cheat to add more possibilities.
Asterisks denote minor errors or inconsistencies. Remember, this means a LOT of the text is not listed, that stuff is good. Probably. Or I missed it because I was enjoying myself.
*alright *Her and I -> She and I, I'm pretty sure, since she is the subject. You don't say "Her walked", but "She walked". *"I said apathetically"... But you just thought she would be worth getting to know and you were impressed by her shoes? It's a great word, but it means "without caring about it", in a much more extreme sense, and he clearly does care that she is "something". Distractedly may work better?
Hey guys! Published a new chapter today! Trying to get more plot in. I took the suggestions to add more detail to the story, hence why the chapter is longer. After some changes with my editor (purplefire12 / CDFPurple), I published it. Don't worry, Applejack is gonna do a LOT more later. I just wasn't able to accomplish all that I wanted in this chapter AND incorporate Applejack. She'll be making a good appearance next chapter though.
good job! i look forward to more chapters!!
Me likes.
Takes the basic real world, gives it Equestrian people and geographics, and throws a human from Earth into it!
Now, onto clearing out my unread new favorite chapters...
I'm glad you guys liked the new chapter :3. As I said, and I'll say over and over again, any constructive criticism is appreciated. I've already been using it in this next chapter!
Reference, this is Count Bubba: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9Qbs3i3w1g . Cool stuff.
the list has 6 subjects....the magic number of equestria....this sounds like its going to be good and plotty.....both kinds of plotty
1918142 Well also because most schools have 6 periods for most people, lol
so far so good, I'm looking forward to seeing the other characters develop more
Watch out for allright. It only has one L. Otherwise, great!
Wow I just discovered your story tonight and I have to say this is really good and I can't wait for more
Randomly decided to go through this (was this featured? I can never remember where I find my fics to read...) Either way! I'm a meanie! Rar!:
Chapter Two Critique: Overall, despite this genre not being my cup of tea, I'm enjoying your tale so far. I have a feeling you gave them "real" names just so that you could add more variations to "(name) said" after each phrase, but it is a reasonable cheat to add more possibilities.
Asterisks denote minor errors or inconsistencies. Remember, this means a LOT of the text is not listed, that stuff is good. Probably. Or I missed it because I was enjoying myself.
*alright
*Her and I -> She and I, I'm pretty sure, since she is the subject. You don't say "Her walked", but "She walked".
*"I said apathetically"... But you just thought she would be worth getting to know and you were impressed by her shoes? It's a great word, but it means "without caring about it", in a much more extreme sense, and he clearly does care that she is "something". Distractedly may work better?