This story is about a young man, Jason Stanford, who wakes up to find himself in a magical new world; seemingly full of cheer and happiness, He dosen't know how he got there and must find out. His life is full of great hardships and can barely overcome them. He grew up following the same path as his father; law enforcement. His experience comes from the teachings of his father; a great man, great officer and an even greater father. All that keeps him going is his will to change the world and make it a Utopia. Even Utopia can seem too good to be true...
Please leave comments and thoughts. I look forward to your feedback.
Chapters (8)
looks good,too bad I'm working on something else right now.
187408 Thanks good luck with your stuff.
not bad, just slow it down a little and try breaking up the vocabulary a bit.four stars and a track
187447 Thanks alot man. I'll be sure to remember that and it might be a long story;
not as long a s chronical of choices though.
You should fix your spelling and grammar. And get rid of The Doctor. It's WAAAYYYY too overdone and kinda annoying.
187559 My first draft was more complex.
Some of the spelling is for the way Applejack speaks.
The doctor is going to be recurring and help develop my character.
Thanks for the advice and your comment.
187579.....The Docter to soooo way over done!
187585 That is a good point. I'll be sure to remember that when I use him and if I use him after the first few chapters.
I needed just one relatable character though. The Doctor is originally human and has understanding of human history, unlike the ponies.
HINT! HINT!
Keep going on this. Just don't rush anything and the story should turn out alright. It is quite evident that it was rushed at the end of the chapter, But you can still be successful with it. And one other thing, the ponies in Equestria aren't used to seeing humans so if you could make they act a little bit unsure that would do very well.
And after reading a few of your replies to your comments.............We're too much alike. Same complex minds and everything. Lemme take a few guesses at how you are creating this story: 1 - You aren't writing this down on paper, you are creating it in your head. 2 - Some of the events in the story weren't complete until the end which means you may have already completed the story or you are almost done.
I used to create stories this way too. And I still do.
*Clicks 'Track'* Dash Sam iz tracking u!
187883 Your right, I got my ideas and a complex story in my head.
It just takes time to get it on paper.
I don't want to expose too much and sadly rush to try to end chapters on cliffhangers.
The descriptions...are great. It's evenly spread out between dialogue and narrator description. My only suggestion is...try to use more commas.
Also, he has a gun, but what about ammunition?
188551 Nice. I Didnt think of that.
Sorry to hear about that but, good story bro
202699 Thanks and thanks for the concern
205972 Lol sorry just found your response (usually don't check my notices) I still hope things get better soon though.
211978 It's ok man, just going through a ruff patch; everyone goes through one.
Can I have some more? *Puppy eyes*
214630 Don't worry, the next chapter will come at some point this week.
And another awesome story abandoned.
Oh well.