To prove one's innocence
The morning sun shone through the thick foliage of the Giant Sequoia trees. The birds, all kinds and sizes, were chirping merrily as if welcoming the start of a new day, while a manticore lazily sharpened its claws on a nearby oak, letting out a huge yawn. Today marked the third day since the start of the giant ponyhunt that had initiated when the prime suspect of a terrorist attack on the Princess had run and taken refuge inside the Everfree Forest. The pony behind this task felt especially grouchy today and who could blame him? For starters there was that incident with one of the soldiers, who had forgotten the equipment back in the camp on the forest's edge; then there was that "accident" they'd had when they stopped for breakfast in a clearing where there were no trees or grass, a perfect resting spot that turned out to be a giant teeth-gnashing dragon's hunting ground; it wasn't like he minded another scar on his flank and after a lot of searching they'd found tracks and fresh hoofprints, but after following them around for 2 hours they'd realized they formed a giant circle; to make matters worse some of his soldiers were starting to slow down and one of them had even had the nerve of suggesting they all just sit under a tree and "chill": he'd gagged him with the crest on his helmet and tied him to a stump a few miles back. He was quite callous as he threatened to court martial the next idiot who came up with another brilliant idea and though he really enjoyed screaming his lungs out at the sheer amount of mediocrity his soldiers ponyfied, he was starting to feel like a fool trudging through the forest without so much as a clue. And yet if being turned into a claw sharpener, taken for a fool by a couple of degenerate criminals, and given lip by some insubordinate smart-ass wasn't enough, he'd gotten a letter from the D.A. that morning, announcing that he was on his way to town to oversee the search for the fugitive pony.
"Damn pencil-pushing bureaucrats," he muttered bitterly to himself as he was forced to stop for the tenth time when one of the soldiers dropped on the ground from exhaustion. "What is it now?!" he barked in exasperation as he turned around to face the scumbag who dared call himself an elite.
"Commander, we've been at it since daybreak.... It's already past 11 in the morning, and we haven't found anything!" replied the private in a defeated tone.
"I'm aware of that soldier! But I haven't given you an order to rest, have I?!" thundered Commander Storm Chaser as he stamped his hooves on the ground with rage.
"If I may commander perhaps we're going about this the wrong way...." intervened a second soldier as he cautiously approached the seasoned war veteran.
"ARE YOU SUGGESTING MY APPROACH IS MISTAKEN SOLDIER?!" demanded the commander with a deep mighty voice that scared off every living creature within a 2 mile radius.
"Not at all commander! I'm just suggesting that maybe if we placed guards at the forest entrances, we could capture the criminal as she comes out," responded the pony quickly as he backed away from the commander's burning glare.
"COWARDS! FAINTHEARTED, YELLOW-BELLIED, INCOMPETENT FOOLS!! I SHOULD HAVE THE LOT OF YOU COURT MARTIALED FOR YOUR GUTLESS, PESSIMISTIC REMARKS!! raged on Storm Chaser as he sprayed the lot of them with spit. The small team of 5 soldiers (minus one, who still was still reluctantly exploring the wonders of being a tree) cowered as if it were a single pony, slowly backing away from the irate commander. It seemed like it would go on forever until a what seemed to be a streak of gold and white swooped down on them from the sky. For a wild minute they thought they were being attacked by harpies and ducked for cover: and thus the nearest soldier jumped behind a bush, while the two ponies behind him tried to escape in opposite directions only to bump into each other, all while in the meantime the fourth soldier had stopped, dropped and started rolling through the dirt.
It was a while before they all recovered and realized that what had swooped down on them was a pegasus pony clad in golden armor. Feeling quite embarrassed they regained composure as they lined up right next to each other throwing out their chests proudly, wondering in fear what was in store for them after having shamed their commander with such behavior. But whatever punishment Storm Chaser had in store for them would have to wait, for their fearless commander, who'd been struck speechless by their reactions, was still watching the last soldier roll through the dirt in a mixture of horror and disbelief.
"Ehem! Commander Storm Chaser sir! I bring urgent news, sir!" announced the pegasus as he pulled a white envelope from the satchel hanging on his side, trying to ignore the pathetic scene in front of him.
"What's this about soldier?" inquired the commander as he opened the envelope and unfolded the letter in front of him, his eyes darting through the contents.
"District Attorney Silver Tongue has just arrived in Ponyville, sir! Your presence is requested at the mayor's office to deliver your report in person, sir!" explained the pegasus, determined to show the rookies under the commander's directives how a real soldier should act at all times.
"Colt damnit! Now of all times.... I had just found a lead on the fugitive's whereabouts and was just heading over there to capture her!" lied the commander hoping to be spared from yet another long meeting with a couple of infuriating no-good bureaucrats.
"Negative, sir! The District Attorney is calling off the search, sir! He says he's switching strategies sir!" replied the messenger with a tone of finality.
"HE'S WHAT?! WHY THAT USELESS, PENCIL-PUSHING, BIG HEADED LILLY-LIVERED SUNUVA BISCUIT EATER!" blurted out the commander as his face flushed with rage in a deep tone of magenta. "Let's go soldiers! I want to have a word with that little office prick!" raged the commander as he lead the way back to the edge of the woods, swearing under his breath. Little did he suspect that they'd been overheard by a certain purple unicorn and green-scaled dragon, who'd been following them around all morning, silently eavesdropping on them while staying right behind them on the path that they'd carefully left for them to discover.
"I can't believe this whole thing actually worked," whispered Twilight in astonishment as she stepped out of some nearby bushes.
"I wasn't too sure myself when I came up with the idea but it worked out quite nicely," acknowledged Spike torn between the notion that he was either a genius or his foes were just amazingly stupid.
"The circle was a nice touch, that way even if they did manage to find tracks of us they'd all look fresh and get them right back at the starting place. It was risky though," pointed out Twilight as she poked her neck behind some bushes, trying to figure out which path the ponies had taken.
"So what now? Do you want to take this chance to sneak into Ponyville and gather some supplies?" prodded Spike, the very idea of sneaking into Ponyville with a hundred guards camping nearby making him sick with worry.
"This is the chance we've been waiting for: while that meathead meets up with the mayor and the D.A. we'll sneak around town, gather some things here and there, and then we can finally begin hunting down whoever is behind all of this," avowed Twilight, her eyes shinning brightly with determination.
"What? In broad daylight?! But-" began Spike his protests were soon subdued by fiery gaze. She had a plan, she was resolute, and nothing would stop from carrying it out, that much was clear to him as he stared at her lost in awe.
"No buts Spike, every second that passes us by is another second the culprit has to plot his next move. We go now! We have to find some way to sneak into Sweet Aple Acres and Carrousel Boutique before nightfall," interjected Twilight as she snatched her aid from the ground and began galloping at top speed towards the edge of the forest.
"Rarity's house?!" asked the dragon flustered. "Sweet Aple Acres I get, we need food for the trip, but why in Ponyville would you want to break into Rarity's house?" he demanded absolutely confused and increasingly uncertain about Twilight's plan.
"I'll show you went we get there," she replied simply, kicking up a cloud of smoke as she passed by and disappeared from sight into the foliage.
******
Meanwhile, back in Town Hall, Mayor Mare sat nervously behind her working desk her eyes following a navy unicorn, with a certain air of concern, as he paced in circles around her office. He'd been at it for a good 20 minutes and though Mayor Mare was an open minded pony, the idea of a stranger with huge bags under his eyes, wearing a messy white shirt and a coffee-stained tie pacing around her, just plain disturbed her.
"Err, something wrong?" asked the mayor trying to sound friendly as the unicorn came to a halt.
"I was just trying to make sense of the information you just told me, Mayor Mare," explained the D.A. in a serious tone as he walked right past her and stared through the window behind her desk. The sky was clear and the sun shone brightly on a bunch of foals playing around the fountain as fuschia-colored filly watched over them: the pegasi of Cloudsdale had clearly outdone themselves this time.
"Anything in particular that might have called your attention?" she asked curiously, trying to dig out exclusive details of the investigation the stallion might be keeping to himself.
"Hmmmm, I was just thinking I might ask somepony in town to lead me to this zebra you mentioned. If she is indeed a close personal friend of the suspect living in the Everfree Forest, then she might be helping her evade us, and yet I really don't see how it would all fit in. She's a foreigner and all but it just seems too far-fetched that Miss Sparkle might be helping the zebras take over Equestria, especially since they're a scattered bunch of small tribes with no clear, definite ruler. Furthermore this zebra, Zecora you called her, seems to be an isolationist: not the type who'd really be out for a share of political power. No, I'm afraid when I asked you if there was somepony in her circle of friends that might be assisting her, I was referring to someone with a motive or grudge of some kind against the Princess," pondered the unicorn out loud as he scratched the goatee he'd grown after neglecting his personal hygiene for the last couple of days.
"So your theory is that Twilight had political aspirations and that's why she did it? And you also think there's somepony else involved in this whole affair?" inquired the mare with a raised eyebrow, her face filled with skepticism.
'Of course it was a ridiculous theory, he knew it himself. However, the Mayor had also belonged to Sparkle's outer circle of friends, therefore there was a chance she'd know about the meeting she'd had with Princess Celestia. He'd just have to find a way to worm it out of her, even if he had to resort to some cock-and-bull story about political aspirations and conspiracies amongst other countries. And then there was this Zebra whose existence he'd completely overlooked, maybe she knew something about this whole deal' he thought to himself, while his mouth spoke differently:
"It's a possibility Miss Mare, and it is my job to consider all possibilities. Try to think back a couple of months: was there anypony in Twilight's circle of friends with whom she may have spent some considerable time with, or somepony she may have discussed her plans at a great length with?" he insisted trying to sound convinced that he thought of Twilight as some rogue power-hungry pony.
"Only the ones you already have in your custody Mister Tongue and on that note, might I remind you that the Apples recently dropped by to ask me when Applejack would be allowed to come home?" she replied slightly annoyed as she frowned at him.
"I'll sign their release order this afternoon and have them brought back to Ponyville as soon as possible. After interrogating them it seems highly unlikely any of them had anything to do with Miss Sparkle's plan, and we also can't spare to lose more guards to the hooves of that pink pony. The amount of paperwork it's created is ungodly!" he assured her, though not really meaning any of it, except maybe for the antics of Miss Pinkamena Dianne Pie.
*BANG!* they both jumped as somepony kicked the door open, nearly knocking it from its hinges. True to his name Commander Storm Chaser charged his forward way towards the D.A. like a angry rhinoceros trying to scare off unwanted trespassers in its territory.
"WHY'D YOU CALL OFF THE SEARCH?!" demanded the irate commander without so much as a greeting, veins angrily protruding from his temples.
"What's all this commotion about?! Who are you and how dare you barge into my office like this?!" demanded the mayor in return, as she quickly stood up knocking her chair aside.
"HEY! Easy! Calm down everypony..." said the D.A. as he stood between them both, his hooves raised trying to keep them at a distance.
They all looked at each other for a full minute, Commander Storm Chaser breathing heavily like an angry bull, his eyes burning with rage at the sight of Silver Tongue.
"Miss Mare, this is Commander Storm Chaser. He is in charge off the search for Miss Twilight Sparkle," explained the D.A. calmly as he looked into the Mayor's eyes.
"Yeah right! The non-existent search you just called off, you prick!" retorted the commander filled with resentment and frustration at not being allowed to do his job.
"Language please!" pleaded the mayor as she eyed the commander with disgust.
"This is getting us nowhere," lamented the unicorn shaking his head."Commander I had my reasons for calling off this search-" he began but was quickly interrupted by the angry commander:
"Yeah?! And what would those be?!" he screamed in fury.
"Because I don't think we have the time nor the resources to cover every last inch of the Everfree Forest, and because I believe that stationing soldiers at the entrance of the forest will yield better results than a wild pony-chase. (And besides I need you and your soldiers assistance with an intelligence operation we've been planning for a while now, wait for me outside and I'll fill you in on the details)," he replied with an air of finality, murmuring that last sentence under his breath so that the mayor wouldn't hear him.
"Hmph!" breathed the commander, lifting his nose up high. "Understood sir, just don't take too long.... Oh, and do wash up, will you? You look like a slob!" sentenced the commander with contempt before banging the door behind him.
"Now, really! That stallion was positively rude!" exclaimed the mayor indignantly as she straightened the papers on her desk.
"Well, at least he's a good soldier," Silver Tongue assured her. "I must leave you now Miss Mare: I have some things I must attend to, thank you for your cooperation," added the unicorn as he bowed goodbye to her and promptly left her office.
"I still don't get why...." murmured the mare sadly to herself, her gaze on the framed picture on her wall of her and Twilight, taken during Ponyville's last Winter Wrap-Up....
Stats
Page generated in 0.039 seconds
Total duration
847 users online
1,639,903 hits today, 2,139,894 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Ah crap! I'm fresh out of names for military personnel! Can anypony here suggest a few names for privates? (No, not those kind of privates you sick, sick ponies!) You know? Like "Top Brass" and more military related stuff? (not that Top Brass ever sounded like a private's name, as much as it did a General's name, but meh).
There's always "Buttercup".
here's a list of ones i just thought of off the top of my head; Aim High, Thunder Bolt, Sly Watch, Last Line, maybe a few others...
199918 Aim High! That's a really good one! I think I can start writing chapter 6 now....
feel like story is moving a bit slow
199929 I greatly appreciate your feedback and though I don't think that this story could quite live up to the lengths of Tolkien or Rowling's books, I do plan on making it long hence why I'm spending so much time creating the setting. I mean, I have the plot fully developed in my brain and most of the details as well, but I can't just overlook some information and leave stuff unexplained until the last chapter. I know not much is happening right now with so many little things popping up here and there, but they're all part of the narrative. Bear in mind that this is an adventure/suspense/mystery novel and so I can't just take things for granted, or else it will get confusing later on. An example of this are the characters I've created to justify the hypothesis that Twilight is the culprit: the commander and the D.A.
If I were to just tell you who the culprit was and how they did it, then you would find yourself quickly bored with the story. However if I made it easy enough for Twilight to uncover the truth after a day's searching, then it wouldn't be realistic as you would be left wondering why in Equestria didn't everypony realize she was innocent to begin with?! This is a highly dangerous and intelligent criminal we're talking about: they didn't just leave a whole bunch of evidence lying around for everypony to see! Nor is the number one most wanted pony in Equestria going to just waltz into Canterlot wearing a Sherlock Holmes attire and be allowed to investigate to her heart's content. Furthermore she had to have some time for herself in the earlier chapters, seeing how her closest friends abandoned her (hence the name for the story).
If anything I can assure you that the next chapters will be more action packed (starting with the 6th) as right now we're starting to get into the plan that will allow Twilight to behave less like a simple fugitive, and more like a detective pony out to find the truth.
It's not moving slow. That was an awesome chapter anyways.
Well, guess I should leave some actual feedback.
What I've noticed is that your Spike is a little borked in this story. I'm having trouble imagining the little guy's voice when I read him saying things like "I wasn't too sure myself when I came up with the idea but it worked out quite nicely" (I would have thought Spike would make some wisecrack at the soldiers expense, what you have seems like something Twilight would say) or "I haven't had a bite all day long" (I can only imagine him simply grumbling to himself that he's starved) or even "The entrance is somewhat narrow" (That's what she said, fnar. But seriously I think that the words are a bit too long, you know. I can't imagine Spike saying "Somewhat Narrow"! He should totally be smug and self-congratulatory, telling Twilight just what a great idea he had, picking a place where nothing built larger than a pony could get in, and how she's lucky to have a smart guy like him to save the day).
As well as this, I think the other great flaw is a large amount of Said Bookism. Ponies thunder and demand and intervene and suggest and avow and inquire and insist and reply and interject, but I can't actually find anybody just saying anything, at least in this chapter. Some of it is also pretty redundant, like this sentence:
"Colt damnit! Now of all times.... I had just found a lead on the fugitive's whereabouts and was just heading over there to capture her!" lied the commander hoping to be spared from yet another long meeting with a couple of infuriating no-good bureaucrats.
We already know he's lying! Also this sentence is a good example of a reason you should try to pick up a certain habit: Show, don't tell. Make the reader imagine how a long meeting with no-good bureaucrats flashes across his mind, his face when he tells the lie, his acidic and annoyed tone of voice, his angry stare. These are all the things I would imagine the guy would be doing but for all I know he could be pulling a great big fat poker face and being all calm and smooth to the messenger.
I'm not going to be a dick about these though, this is (probably) something you do for fun, and like you said; you're not competing with J.R.R Tolkien here. It's an interesting and original premise and I tracked it for that reason. Good show!
200814 That's some pretty constructive feedback you gave me there. I'm going to try to bear all that in mind next chapters, though I might have a problem fighting against Said Bookism. I'll still try my best!
199923 really? that's just my flight motto for the AFROTC guys i hang out with. Glad I could help!
wait ive read all 5 capters and im stll confused is celestia dead or not
201323 She's in a coma as mentioned in chapter two, and hinted to be alive all throughout as it was "an attempt on the Princess' life"
Give me a moment to fetch my sledge hammer from my tool shed......
Wish i could help twilight in this (But its fictional
)
JOKING
But to me, This pony:
is no.2 in my list so NO ONE MESS WITH HER
and story wise, I kind of think that the other five were slightly out of character.
Because, Why were they so easily convinced? I'm sure they had a ton of doubt in their minds.
@insightguy speaking of doubts in your mind, I'm starting to doubt my sanity. I just woke up from the weirdest, bucking dream ever in which I was several people at once: including myself, naruto, a security guard, and a professional Starcraft 2 player. I won't get into any details but I think that dream is the very definition of why crossovers are overrated.
Private rock?
200814
Though in all fairness even if YOU were a bit of a smug prick wouldn't you be snapped into reality in something this critical?
I mean sure it's a bit TOO OOC but it still's realistic enough.
While I see what you're driving at maybe some seriousness is needed..Or not..
While he should be the relief character, I feel after pretty much being raised by a filly-to-mare smartass, he'd wise up a bit wouldn't you?
And hey he still is kinda not thinking.
It's not a perfect persona but hay! good enough fer me.