After failing to stop Nightmare Moon in the ancient castle of the pony sisters, Twilight Sparkle is left with a scar that will permanently change the rest of her natural born life. As Twilight recovers from her ordeal, she finds that she is left with a difficult choice. Either live her life as a lie or sacrifice her innocence to protect the ones she loves. The path before her is set and she must now walk it alone. The sands of time continues ever onward, with everyone already trapped in its muddy depths. The sun will rise and the sun will fall. Waiting for its call, Death awaits for all.
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I just put the two together
More chapters now. That was pretty interesting
How is Nightmare Moon going to use her?
I have a few ideas with my mind I don't think too many people would want to know.
'mentions certain book'
Seriously, vampires! I haven't read anything vaguely related to vampire ponies in ages!
Good first chapter too
Excllent First chapter, the only thing I think you should change is the Ooook to Ooookay otherwise it looks like Rainbows making monkey sounds
.
I must now track this story and see where it goes from here, definitely a good start.
Its all Gravy so far, I just hope nothing cliche happens like Twilight turning goth.
Great start! One issue, "disbelieve" should be "disbelief".
Certain book? umm??
So far it seems eerily similar to "After That Fateful Night". Let's hope it's going somewhere different. (Or maybe I should say, going somewhere at all... Considering that ATFN is already 130,000+ words and still doesn't seem to be wandering towards any kind of conclusion.)
197109
Not really similar at all. In that story the Elements fail, in this one Nightmare takes Twilight out of the picture before the others arrive.
AtFN is going towards MoonLight shipping. So it is getting there.
Good second chapter. very well written. Now they have the elements they have a shot of Beating Nightmare... maybe
I wonder if they will defeat Nightmare and Twilight has to deal with her new condition, or if Nightmare keeps her victory and Twilight has issues still?
Looking forward to the next chapter.
I so hope they don't defeat her, Twilight being owned by Luna sounds like an awesome story.
Oh shutup Twilight.
197412
She can still be owned by Luan once Black Snootie it dealt with. Both are interesting directions to take the story... such that I hope somepony writes about the other path besides whichever this story takes someday.
197426
Challenge accepted!
But it's going to have to wait... I still have this one to finish!
197614
Sounds good.
But yes, finish this one first.
quite good, only thing I would suggest is to make the chapters a bit longer.
Congatulations on being featured.
i enjoy
that is all
kthanxbai
197735
Thanks!
I was like:
Me: Ok, lets just hit refresh and see if anything good pops up.
*Hits refresh*
Me: Humm... Nothing I read came up... lets see whats on the featured list.
*Reads over mine*
Me: Wait... What was that?
*Goes back*
Me: O...M...G... Is that...
My Mind: It is! WOOO!
love it already.....though i MUST ask.....where did you get the idea?
198020
Uhh... I don't really know... It just sort-of came to me...
Ahem...
DUN DUN DUN!!!
Sorry, couldn't help myself.
Great fic by the way, can't wait for more.
Sooooooo, Nightmare moon is a good guy?
Or is there something more powerful than her like say discord?
Well now. This is proving more and more. Interesting
I am eager to see where you will take this story and look forward to future updates
197152 desmond.imageshack.us/Himg600/scaled.php?server=600&filename=canvasa.png&res=medium
Lol just screwing with ya bro!
gallery.fanserviceftw.com/_images/5ac90ccb5bd5edd6009e4949c5603b44/463%20-%204chan%20gentlemen%20meme%20owls.jpg
196936 *wicked grin*
I would like to know~!
Wait wait wait......... DOOMED?
198181. What he said. 'Course, you had me with the whole "corruption of Twilight" thing. Plus, Nightmare Moon. What more could anypony need?
Something's wrong with the story. It's not going to the top of my tracking list when you post a new chapter.
That last part hooked me a second time after reading the summary. Can't wait for the next chapter!
Also Code Geass FTW!
@ BlueAzura
Would it in any way relate to the fanfic "Dusk and Dawn" by 2pecent on FanFiction.net? Similar premise except that fanfic is kind of old now. Back during like... July/August of last year, so...meh.
I haven't even read it yet, but I'm gonna give you 4 stars, because that's my policy regarding any and all Corrupted Twilight / Alicorn Twilight fics that are done correctly. This is done correctly, otherwise it wouldn't be currently above MAAN. (Which I understand is quite popular - it had an "OMG IT UPDATED?" reaction on EQD. Today, actually.)
EDIT: Sorry to say, but apparently I made you lose 0.1 of a star. You have a 4.9 rating now. Cheer up, if I get really into the story and the chapter-length to update-frequency ratio is at least a solid day per 1,000 words, that rating's going up to a 4.5. Maybe a 5 if you're awesome enough.
198368 Yeah, I was hooked at that idea too
after being bitten, twilights sides rise and fall as she... spelt?
ever heard of chivalry reborn? im the proofreader. i could help you out if you wanted...
Hm... interesting turns, this fanfic takes.
I'm intrigued. Better track it!
I'm hooked! 5/5, tracked, and eagerly awaiting more!
MOAR....?
198566
Gah! How did those two letters switch?!
FFFFFF... Thanks...
Wait.... Did NMM order Twilight to kill everybody present including her friends whose freedom she had just negotiated? Because you know, that sounds to me like an abrogation to me. It seems to me like, at that point, Twilight should be outraged and no longer has any reason to either obey NMM or believe anything she says.
198982
Well... that may be true... However! She already said that it was a test for Twilight, just to see. Also, NMM planned on Twilight to be too distracted to realize what that order meant.
Are you talking about Twilight? Eh, you put vampires in anything I'll guess twilight
199025
You know "Twilight" the book with "Twilight" Sparkle?
Twilight - Twilight?
I think you get the idea.
199044 well now I'm angry brb, I'm going to punch a fluttershy in the face
lulz fluttercry sounds like a new, sadder way of crying.
man dude that guy is about to fluttercry!
this is looking really fun now, looking forward to seeing the chapters getting longer like they seem to have been
I nearly gave up on this right away. Just a few paragraphs in and we've already got typos, comma splices, and even the present tense. It gets better as you go on, but really, the whole thing could use a once-over for grammar and phrasing. Find a decent editor and maybe I'll give it another try later on.
199244
Well I'm sorry to hear that you didn't enjoy it as much as I had hoped. But, I would like to say that I'm just a guy... a brony. I'm not some fancy writer, that can make an award winning novel (wish). I just had an idea and made a story out of it, much like all the other stories out there on the internet. So again, I'm sorry that this isn't your cup of tea. I hope you'll find much enjoyment for yourself, somewhere else.
Goodbye.
There are a couple errors here and there on the technical side, but since you're a non-native speaker, I'm willing to give you a pass, for now.
Your dialogue is a little out-of-place on occasion, with characters reacting in pretty damn weird ways to certain situations. I was going to raise my finger at the 'kill them all' part, but considering the last bit, it explained the reason behind it fairly decently. There is some potential in this story and I might even stick around till the end.
HOWEVER
Either claim this Alternate Universe and add some explanation, or immediately go back and edit the first chapter. There is no way in blueberry muffin hell that Twilight didn't know Nightmare is Celestia's sister. The opening narration for the very FIRST episode and as such, the book Twi's reading clearly says that they're sisters!
This story has geven me the intresting thought, how this would work out in Nightmare Moon was defeated but the evil still lingered inside of Twilight Sparkle.
Anyway, good read so far.
Quite the story we have here! Have not read all of it, but you are a good writer!