Rainbow Dash lives an exciting life and is swiftly becoming the most daring, awesome pegasus in all of Equestria. She would gladly give it all up, though, just to confess her love to Applejack.
Rainbow discovered that she scarcely had the strength to flap her wings, much less fly straight. It certainly didn't help that her feathers were caked with partially baked mud. The mare couldn't ascend too high. Aside from not wanting to attract attention from the dragons, she simply couldn't gain much altitude.
Something had to be done. So, once she had cleared the layers of burning forest, she glided towards a clearing and practicaly crash-landed on the edge of a pond.
"Ooomf!" Rainbow grunted, pratfalling onto her chest.
"Nice landing there, Ace," Lancie droned. "Are you certain you didn't get some of that gunk inside your brain?"
"You're one to talk," Rainbow wheezed, crawling towards the pond's edge. "Would you rather be crucified to Aatxe's staff back there?"
"Don't confuse my sass for ungratefulness, Sparky," Lancie yawned, glancing skyward. "I'm just as glad to be out of the dwarfgon's den as you are."
SPLOOSH! Rainbow dunked her head in the pondwater, then yanked it back out. She tossed her slick mane hair back and began rubbing the mud off. "The what's den?"
"Dwarfgon. Y'know..." Lancie gestured. "Dwarf dragon."
"... ... ...you're running out of ideas," Rainbow droned.
"And you are running out of escape plans!" Lancie cackled. He folded his stone arms and frowned. "As if those shards weren't strictly guarded enough! Now that little scaly munchkin has got to be tripling security around the damnable thing!"
"I can handle it..."
"How?!" Lancie barked. "I know you want really really badly to save an ailing member of Apple Regalia, but boundless motive does not equate to boundless strength."
"Meh."
"You're throwing yourself at a flaming brick wall over and over again. While part of that may be noble, Sparky, it's not exactly conducive to living... much less saving the day."
"Just chillax..." Rainbow dunked her upper body again, gasped for air, and scrubbed the muddy flakes off. "I'll figure it out... mmm... somehow..."
"Would you mind sharing such crazy tactics with yours truly?"
"Once I come up with them, sure." Rainbow sighed. Her vision drifted up to a large squirrel perched on the branch of a tree overlooking them. "Heck, maybe I can ask the local wildlife."
The squirrel smiled. "And vat vould flying pony vant of vildlife?"
"GAAAAAIIEE!" FWOMP! Rainbow Dash fell back, legs curled up and shivering.
"Hah hah hahhhh!" The squirrel laughed, then slapped its knee. "Sat eez best, everytime!" He slid a pair of black goggles over his head, spread his arms, and glided down via furry wingflaps. Th-Thap! The large rodent landed besides the mare, picking up her tail and examining each colorful thread. "Hmmmm... pony haz seelky hair like fruit basket. Perhaps trade eet for drragon eenformation, da?"
"Uhhhh..." Rainbow Dash tilted her head up. "...Lancie, am I hallucinating talking squirrels now?"
"Depends, Sparky," Lancie mused. "Do most bushy-tailed things come in orange with freckles? Heheheh—hoboy!" His granite eyes bulged as he was lifted up in furry paws.
"Look at zees! Mageect from Morrsel Landz!" The flying squirrel turned Lancie over and over again, adjusting his goggles so he could examine the living statue closer. "Vill geeve pony ten acorns for eet. Nyet! Eight acorns!" The squirrel's whiskery face scrunched. "Mageectal talking rock smellz of mud and drragon poop! Bah!"
"I... think I got a bit too baked back there..." Rainbow slurred.
"I dunno..." Lancie frowned as he was turned over and over. "Can most hallucinations man-handle your traveling companion?"
"Uhhh..." Rainbow Dash sat up. "He's not for sail."
"Fine!" The squirrel leaned on Lancie like he was a staff. "Vill geeve pony eleven acorns for eet! Final offer!"
"Dude... acorns are—like—for chipmunks!"
"Chipmunks?!?" The squirrel spat hard on the ground and tossed Lancie into her grasp. "Pox upon pony's mozer!" He turned and lifted his tail at her. "Should toss herrself een grreat burning poop lake for even mentieening ze bastards! No acorns for pony!" He scurried up a tree and took off, gliding through the forest. "And to sink Brucie vas going share superr secrret castle eenformation too!"
"Huh? Wait!" Rainbow Dash scampered to her hooves, plopped Lancie into her bag, and spread her wings. "Super secret castle information? Hold up!"
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So, is this the same Brucie from The End of Ponies, just an alternate timeline version?
I'm suspicious of this rodent that happens to know something that hasn't been in the neighborhood very long.
Well, well, looks like this trip just got...
ardemk.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/2008-06-25_131330_puts_on_sunglasses.jpg
...a little squirrely.
Yeah, and so were your readers...
Oh my god, Skirts, I love you. IT IS BRUCIE.
Holycrapit'sBrucie.
...*eyetwitch*...
Huh. And here I thought we were sunk.
Oh well. Magic talking squirrel, tell us what you know!
I know this story is pretty much a barely filtered stream of your consciousness and all, but shoving in Brucie? I mean, at least the East Horse references poked fun at the ostensibly similar nature of your two Rainbow-related daily-updating never-ending epics. End of Ponies is only similar in the never-ending part. He doesn't even have cancer stick!
I can't ignore how mind-numbingly stupid the plot of this story is anymore! I somehow made it through the cider space and the enchanted wheels and the buffalo and it still didn't sink in how bloody mental this all is! Damnit Colon, what happens to you when you put on the JE suit? It's like Batman and Bruce Wayne, only instead of a gritty superhero, Batman's a strange and socially awkward hopeless romantic who escaped from rehab for his Dr. Pepper addiction.
So the title for this chapter is pretty apt.
Oh hey! Brucie. Neat.
I feel like all squirrels should have that accent...I guess they would have to be able to talk first huh? Oh well
6417033 So you don't like the story anymore?
...
well then.
6417788
I've accepted that the story is an utter train wreck. It's a nice train wreck, mind you. The seats in First Class are comfy, the buffet car is top notch and you won't even catch a hideous disease from whoever happens to sit next to you, but it's still a train wreck, y'know?
It took Brucie of all people suddenly appearing out of nowhere to finally break the suspension of disbelief, which probably should have happened way, way before this. In Cider Space, at least, that arc was diabolical.
It's just, I somehow didn't notice the fact that literally everything about this story is completely ridiculous and I probably shouldn't be taking it all that seriously until that exact moment. Which is a testament to how well it's written, I suppose.
Still, Brucie needs cancer stick. That was one of the defining traits of his appearance, damnit.
6417928 Well, I'm not going to stop you from doing you, I just hope you still enjoy the story!
Well, that brinks me back.
*reaches for medication*
Oh dear. What have you done?
Squirrel accent >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Breezie accent
This is the most fun I've had with this arc in a while. The dragons were a bit on the boring side.
Someone will ship it though. Brucord?
But how does a squirrel with a German accent pronounce "squirrel"?
(... oh, it's a Russian accent. Never mind then.)