Deadpool sat back in his chair, Chrysalis beside him in her human form. For once, she was fully clothed in a business skirt-suit, while Deadpool was wearing a rather professional looking tie.
"Alright, readers!" Deadpool said happily. "We've gotten all your suggestions regarding who Chrysalis should hook up with, and now we're going to go through them all. Chrysalis, are you ready to be the most eligible bachelorette?"
"I'm ready," Chrysalis replied. "I've even got a little something prepared to wear for the lucky man." She purred seductively as she spoke.
"Now you're just torturing us deliberately," Crazy pouted.
"Now?" Chrysalis asked, before laughing wickedly.
"Pro/Con votes?" Deadpool asked.
"Check!"
"Check."
"Rejection receptacle?"
Yog-Soggoth let out an unholy noise of rage and hunger as his mouth opened wide...and gave a thumbs up with a tentacle.
"Then we're ready to go!" Chrysalis proclaimed. "We'll start at the bottom of the suggestion list."
"Alright," Deadpool began. "Our first suggestion is...Spider-Man."
"Well," Crazy began, "he has a pretty good sense of humor-"
Chrysalis promptly tossed the suggestion into Yog-Soggoth's open mouth. "Several past girlfriends," she states bluntly. "And most of the break ups were either bad or involved the girl in question dying."
"Or never existing in the first place," Cray-Chry pointed out.
"We do not speak of that mockery of sense," Stuffy pointed out.
"Say, Chrys," Deadpool spoke up. "I know I said no exes because I wanted to avoid drama...but why are you so against it?"
"Because the whole point of this is finding someone who will be wanting to give me babies," Chrysalis replied. "Which means no disguising as exes, which means I'll be tasting their emotional baggage any time we try to go at it." She shuddered violently. "And emotional baggage makes me nauseous."
"Fair enough," Deadpool replied. "No exes involving bad breakups." He looks at the next suggestion. "Quicksilver."
"Con, he's apparently dead," Stuffy pointed out.
"We have an elder god, an author, and a magic user if we want to fix that," Crazy counters. "Not to mention we can ask Death to bring him back. And he's Magneto's kid. We like Magneto."
"Does he like us?" Deadpool asked.
"He will if we bring his kid back from the dead!" Crazy offered.
"Fair enough. Chrysi voices? Your thoughts?"
"Hmm...super speed would be an interesting power for our little lings," Stuffalis points out. "If it was inherited."
"Magic," Stuffy pointed out.
"True," Chrysalis agreed.
"But how is he in bed?" Cray-Chry asked.
"Knowing our author, probably just as fast as he is everywhere else," Chrysalis replied. "Not only that, whether or not he had a girlfriend, he has a shit ton of baggage regarding his old man."
"Rejected!" Deadpool called out, hurling the paper into Yog-Soogoth's mouth. "Next up is...Fluffle Puff."
"I'm not animating my plushy to fuck me and give me babies," Chrysalis growled out, tossing the paper.
"Oh, is that what you named it?" Deadpool asked.
"Her."
"Fair enough," Deadpool replied. "Next is...huh, a long list. We'll hit them bullet style. Thor?"
"Married to Sif."
"Hulk?"
"Betty Ross."
"Iron Man?"
"Pepper Potts."
"That's canon?" Chrysalis asked.
"The author shipped them in Technomare, so as far as we're concerned, yes," Deadpool pointed out. "Already eliminated Spider-Man...Venom or Carnage?"
"The symbiotes themselves don't have compatible genetic material, so we'd be getting their hosts," Stuffy pointed out.
"Pass," Chrysalis insisted.
"Nick Fury?" Deadpool asked.
"Senior has a kid for Junior to exist," Chrysalis points out. "And Junior is a little too involved in what he sees is his job. He just doesn't know how to have fun."
"Sorcerer Supreme...I assume they mean Dr. Strange?" Deadpool asked.
Chrysalis thought about that for a time. "Hmm...put him in the maybe pile for now."
"Alright, I'll stick that in the Author's Note, and we'll go over it when we're through everyone else," Deadpool pointed out. "Blade?"
"Talk about emotional baggage," Chrysalis points out. "Besides, I don't like getting bitten."
"Galac-how the fuck would that even work?" Deadpool asked, tossing the paper away. "Ugh...just no." He turned to the next sheet. "We already ruled out Parker - and that One More Day bullshit - and Alucard - much as I like him - isn't Marvel. Besides that, he doesn't like me very much."
"Why not?" Chrysalis inquired.
"Eh...I promised her I'd call back in the 40's after a crazy time travel storyline...and never did," Deadpool replied.
"...alright," Chrysalis replied, disposing of the paper.
"How about Captain America?" Deadpool asked.
"Baggage," Chrysalis countered. "Everyone he knew and loved from his original time is dead."
"Ouch," Deadpool agreed. "We're going to get our fill of that on our own, without having it in your sugar daddy." He glanced at the next paper. "Loki?"
"If he weren't married in his mythos and a known cheat, he'd be perfect," Chrysalis replied. "But dump it."
"Ben Grimm?" Deadpool read off the next slip.
"That would be uncomfortable to ride," Chrysalis replied. "Next?"
"Juggernaut?"
Chrysalis scratched her chin for a time. "Put him in the maybe pile."
"Doctor Doom?" Deadpool suggested as he read the next slip.
"His armor suit seals off his emotions, and he never takes it off," Chrysalis pointed out. "Toss him."
Deadpool picked up the next slip. "Cyclops?"
"Jean Grey."
"Beast?"
"...maybe pile."
"Daredevil?"
"Elektra."
"Ant-Man?"
"That wasp girl," Chrysalis replied.
"I think she's actually called Wasp, but yeah, they're married."
"And Dr. Strange is already in the maybe pile," Deadpool finished, tossing the suggestion aside. "Already addressed Fluffle Puff...oh. Next guy gave us the pros and cons already. Thanks, PoisonJoker09!"
"I'll read down his suggestions, then," Chrysalis pointed out. "Nightcrawler's a Catholic Priest, so he can't give me children. Pity, he'd be great otherwise...especially since he apparently has two. Punisher has emotional baggage. And Iron Man and Hulk have already been eliminated."
"Alright, next list," Deadpool continued. "We'll skip the ones we've already covered. Johnny Storm?"
"Last I heard, he was dating some sort of alien fire princess," Chrysalis countered.
"Magneto?" Deadpool suggested.
"He has kids, ergo, he has at least one ex."
"Ares?"
"No Greeks," Chrysalis counters. "The whole lot of them are cheating bastards with all the morals of a randy goat. I don't want that for my kids."
"The next two are apparently Uncle Fuzzy's kids," Deadpool points out.
"Which makes them my cousins," Chrysalis countered. "All joking aside, that would be weird for me."
"And...someone's suggested the Author?" Deadpool said in shock.
"I've checked his folders," Chrysalis countered. "He only looks up pics of me for writing. He prefers Luna, Fluttershy-"
"Liking his tastes!"
"-and Applejack."
"I do love me some good applejack."
Deadpool somehow managed to turn and stare at a voice in his own head...mostly by staring at the text box that was still hanging in midair. "Did...did you just make a joke?" Crazy demanded.
"After all the times you've been logical this story, I felt I'd earned it," Stuffy replied.
"Not bad," Deadpool allowed. "Moving on. Next is...Omega Red."
"Nobody vampiric," Chrysalis replied. "It wouldn't be good for any babies to have him draining energy out of me. Besides, I'd rather tie him up then be tied up by him...whoever him turns out to be at the end of this."
"Silver Samurai?" Deadpool continued.
"One of Uncle Fuzzy's enemies," Chrysalis replied. "Awkward..."
"Electro?"
"Apparently lost his powers," Chrysalis pointed out. "Makes him useless to me, and not very impressive besides."
"And Batman is not Marvel," Stuffy pointed out.
"Also not my tastes. ...how much more?" Chrysalis pleaded.
"...tons..."
Chrysalis groaned and face palmed.
"Stan Lee? ...that's a little too meta even for me," Deadpool pointed out. "The Power Pack?"
"Pass on them," Chrysalis replied. "Author's never heard of them before."
"Franklin Richards?" Deadpool suggested.
"...maybe pile."
"Colossus?"
Chrysalis shook her head. "Pass on him. Something about him wierds me out."
Deadpool looked at the next suggestion sheet. "What the...Thanos? Okay, our readers are apparently insane in a bad way, so we're stopping here!"
"So...how do we winnow through the maybe pile?" Chrysalis asked.
"Oh, that's easy!" Deadpool replied. "How they feel about our family!"
"That eliminates Strange and Richards," Stuffy pointed out. "They both are too logical in thought, and hate how we function."
"And Juggernaut hates Uncle Fuzzy," Stuffalis added.
"So...Beast?" Chrysalis asked. "He's highly intelligent, well spoken, compassionate, doesn't judge people...he sounds perfect."
"If he weren't four times your age," Stuffy pointed out.
Chrysalis sighed sadly. "Why did Sweetie Belle have to be right?" she grumbled. "All of the good ones are taken..."
Deadpool suddenly sat up. "Lightbulb!"
"You have an idea?"
"Yup!" Deadpool replied. Reaching beyond the veil, he yanked Thirty/Thirty into the apartment. "How's he look?"
Thirty/Thirty let out a surprised whinny. "What's goin' on here?" he demanded in an Old West accent.
"Ooh!" Chrysalis purred, shifting into her pony form and then an anthromorphic form, each with their own salacious appeal. "Yummy!"
Thirty/Thirty blushed. "You ain't so bad yerself, ma'am."
"Now all I need to do is grab Dr. Soong for an upgrade-"(1)
Yog-Soggoth interrupted Deadpool, gesturing to a wikipedia article.
Deadpool glanced at it. "Cyborg? So...you've got the big boy parts? And reproductive code?"
Thirty/Thirty scratched the back of his head. "Rather forward of ya ta ask...but yeah..."
"Mine!" Chrysalis shouted, pouncing Thirty/Thirty from behind. "My cyborg, Old West style anthro horsey!"
"And since your series has been cancelled, I'd say go for it!"
(1) The original idea I had planned for ending this story - after all suggestions got rejected for one comical reason or serious other - was to pull in Thirty/Thirty from Bravestarr (idea inspired by one of Silver Quill's videos), and stick him in a room with Dr. Soong for an 'upgrade'. It would then be revealed that, as an android horse, even with the Soong upgrade he'd have no reproductive code. This would have led to Thirty/Thirty having to leave (with him wondering how he'd have to explain to Bravestarr that he would have to wear pants from now on), and a joke suggesting a spin off story starring Thirty/Thirty in Equestria.
...then I looked up the wiki and learned he was a cyborg, not an android.
Well, I guess that works. Glad you at least had one person around her age in the maybe pile.
Dat Wailord-on-Skitty action...
Alright then, that's perfect.
Comon I gave I good one scarlet spider wait never mind baggage
I knew there was not enough names... I need to remember next time.
P.S:
What happened with the "Only Sex"?
Oh well, was really hoping Quicksilver'ed be chosen. Eh, I saw Chryssi's reason for turning him down before this chapter.
Giggity.
At least juggernaut made it onto the maybe pile. Though I only knew he hated Xavier. Didn't know what his deal with the rest of the x-men was aside from fighting them.
A very enjoyable chapter. Great job.
6341103 just because she doesn't give a flying fuck about the pappy don't mean the kids will feel the same.
6341103
Actually, it's a comment on the 'Nature vs Nurture' argument. All the Greek Gods are like that, and they're all related. Logic suggests that the behavior might be genetic. As in, she doesn't want those genes for her kids.
Wait... Alucard is a chick?
Did you also name yourself as Stuffy for one line? Wow...
edit: whoops, just noticed my double post. Sorry bout that.
6341265 interesting... Can I ask... What could happened if I suggested Sleipnir? He is after all a horse. Also... Is not like it's important, she is the queen of the hive, she is like Zeus for the gods, if she say something, they must obey, even if it's not in their nature.
6341283
He was in the 40's.
And that color's always been Stuffy.
You know, if there was any semblance of something for me to see coming in the first place, this fic might otherwise give me a constant headache.
Do continue for no reason other than furthering the collective sense of WTF?
I have no idea who Electra is, but it's probably for the best.
Hah you added my batman joke and omega red sweet
Thirty/Thirty... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3ALwKeSEYs
there is only mlp/bravestar story out there and there needs to be more
ah... the power pack one consers me a bit 1. it a group 2. the oldest was last i heard like 14 ( i have no idea about the time line tho so maybe older)
I would say didn't see that coming but than I remembered that this is deadpool.
On another note.Deadpool, looking forward for your movie?
Again...
CHRYSALIS IS ONLY 16!!! Use your author/4th-wall powers to jump ahead at least 2 years first.
Eh, I was blind guessing, don't read many comics normally, and rarely from Marvel. Then again, they are already better off than DC to me because of not doing that "New 52" shit. I get why they did it, but seriously, just use the multiverse whammy to continue on, then you can toss out the old info without making fans rage. Hell, just say multiverse reset button was hit by accident and go from there.
HAH! BOW TO ME MORTALS! FOR I! THE GREAT AND POWERFUL POISONJOKER HAS HIS NAME ON THIS FIC, right there in black and white, HAH!
Too bad none of mine were taken, I was sure Nightcrawler would be a winner... ah alright, fair enough.
... But Thirty/Thirty? Seriously? AUTHOR! ARE YOU SERIOUSLY TAKING THE OPTION THAT FUCKS MORE WITH OUR HEADS!?
... And that guy was Marvel? GEEZE. Talk about right out of left field.
For now... I mean what? What special abilities are this lot going to have? I kind of wanted superpowered changelings... but I guess Anthro changelings hoards are cool too...
...
My mind is suddenly going to dark places.
That moment when the author includes my sarcastic awkward-inducing comment just to run off a joke with it.
I have contributed!
Honestly, these were funny as heck, and it's amusing to see that not every plan goes perfect, even for the Author.
(Or did Deadpool edit the wiki just to get Chryssi a decent 'date'? ... Nahhhh.)
6341298
So many people said Nightcrawler and you didn't even mention him in the freakin' chapter?!?! He has instant teleportation, along with flexibility, agility, and durability (although that's debatable, based on the timeline), and has heightened senses/awareness (although this is again debatable, since it could be a mutation, or it could be from his time in his gypsy family's circus). He's only had one girlfriend, who is alive, and they broke up on mutually agreed tems; no hurt feelings, no regrets, and they still hang out every now and again as friends, and he's tried getting with others but with mixed results.
6341537
He was mentioned.
He was ruled out because he's a Catholic Priest, and thus has taken a vow of celibacy.
There's the paragraph.
6341072 static2.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/5453338+_1609c259bc99f79993aa8c3dcd3b8ce5.jpg
So Rocket? Groot? Chriss pratt? Man! I missed it
6341719
...this is a Comedy.
u didn't try groot
6341810
I mean that badassery will be comedic rather than logical.
Goddamnit whoever suggested Thanos. D: My suggestion of The Sentry didn't get put up for rejection due to his crippling insanity because of you. Curses!
6341414
16's legal with parental consent in many places. Her guardians are literally involved in this process, thus giving consent. She's fine as she is. It's completely a-okay, no matter who has a personal problem with it.
6341281
Alucard was a psychotic little murder-girl when he went nuts on the Third Reich alongside a young Walter.
Huh, that was not at all how I was expecting this to go. I figured Chrysalis would more or less jump right onto a relationship rather than make a logical decision on the matter given who she is and especially who Deadpool is.
Also, I'm not intimately familiar with comics, but a quick check on Wikipedia makes it look like Falcon is single and does not have any major baggage so I am wondering why he wasn't mentioned.
I still vote for a younger Cable.
Even if, physically he'd be older than Chrysalis, she's chronologically older than him, so it balances out.
I almost said Jonah Hex. But I can't remember if he's marvel or dc.
Glad to see Franklin, who controls reality itself, made the maybe list though.
Heh, that was a good brainstorming session.
That was hilarious Hahahaha! Best thing ever, nice job man, nice job!
6341072 I still don't understand how wailord and skitty can... Just... No...
This chapter made me laugh... And I'm not exactly sure why...
Not necessarily.
Silver Samurai is the brother of Wolverine's first love. He is also the bodyguard of Wolverine's wife, Viper. I'd tell you the issues that it happens on, but I can't remember right now. I'll ask my father. He would know. So, Silver Samurai, in short, is not one of Wolverine's enemies. Well, he has been, but after everything that Wolverine has done for the Yashida Clan, he probably isn't? His Wikipedia page makes it irritatingly annoying. Also makes it appear that there are two versions of him.
She's a shape-shifter. Why does that matter?
6342879
They're both Field, that's how. RattataxWailord and WhismurxWailord also exist, by the way, 'cause the Rattata family and the Whismur family are also field.
6343019 *Facehoof* Not what I meant. I know how in a statistical sense, it was more of a physical sense I was talking about. I was thinking more along the lines of "what was Nintendo/Gamefreak thinking"
Darn, and I was really hoping for doctor strange. He still seems like a good candidate to me.
I WATCHED THAT SHOW AS A KID!
We had Bravestar on vhs.
Also I'm guessing that my Sandman suggestion came too late for you to consider it.
Well okay then. I can't wait to see how mr Cyborg Horse fares with Deadpool as a father in law. Oh, and for all the decent guys that were suggested, how about Deadpool gets them to give 30/30 some tips on how to make relationships work????
You are diabolical.
She's got a point.
Indeed.
So she does have some standards.
What did you do to him?
... Right.
Can't blame him,
HOLD IT! Did Stuffy just make a JOKE?
Fair enough.
I'm as disappointed as you are.
Is, he even Marvel?