Day After War Nexus

MDance Under Star Kismet
MLP: FiM
Dark
Adventure
The end of War Nexus marked the beginning of Dawn's leadership and the awakening of demons called Tartarans from the underworld. The Tartarans become the least of Dawn's worries as she discovers they didn't get out on their own.
Gore
Celestia
Luna
OC
MLP Moth · 14k words · 101 views

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Comments ( 12 )

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MLP Moth

MLP Moth #1 · Sep 20th, 2013 · · · Chapter 9 - King of Dragons ·

i got a little emotional typing Chapter 9

Bateman66

Bateman66 #2 · Sep 24th, 2013 · · · Chapter 11 - Six Flowers ·

3230881 How so? I have not read it yet.

Comment posted by MLP Moth deleted Sep 25th, 2013

MLP Moth

MLP Moth #4 · Sep 25th, 2013 · · · Chapter 11 - Six Flowers ·

3249739 death, well it's not that bad

Bateman66

Bateman66 #5 · Sep 25th, 2013 · · · Chapter 11 - Six Flowers ·

3253788 That explains it

Comment posted by MLP Moth deleted Nov 16th, 2013

Bateman66

Bateman66 #7 · Dec 7th, 2013 · 1 · · Chapter 33 - Reunion ·

I think I've noticed a recurring trend within your work, which isn't a bad thing, let me clarify. But, there really is an uncomfortable use of dialogue within some of your chapters. Truthfully, it's a lot more fun to have dialogue driven chapters then merely descriptive ones, but the story itself is taken away when it's simply characters talking back and forth. Descriptions need to be made, not only of how the characters are feeling, but just of what's going on. I feel a wide and overarching universe being built around this tale, but it's very difficult to follow when most of it is characters keep things moving at a lightening pace I can't keep up with. Know what I mean?

MLP Moth

MLP Moth #8 · Dec 7th, 2013 · · · Chapter 35 - The Passing Storm ·

3593303
Yes I do. I think that a flaw about it because I write in my view and not in concern of the reader sometimes. I expect them to read my mind................................I don't actually. Ehh that's kind of my style though but I can change it a bit, put in more descriptions about the characters like you said. But sometimes I think I am moving to slow so I don't know what to do about that. Give me time. I'm that much of an experienced writer yet. Thanks for the feedback

Bateman66

Bateman66 #9 · Dec 8th, 2013 · · · Chapter 35 - The Passing Storm ·

3593319 Sometimes a chapter does feel slow, especially when writing a fight scene, but sometimes it just happens. Certain parts can be better than others, no story is perfect.