Chetzi
Joined 21st Feb, 2012 ·
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This is really good, I believe the ponies are going to have a hard time taking care of Viral Alex.
362003
Good to see ya' and the fights shall get more intense as the over-powered human battle magic-wielding ponies!
Can't wait!
Fimfiction.net glitched and brought me here
go on....
I hope he dies or ima be sad, i've always hated Alex Mercer, he's too damn evil.
362270
Dude, he got his ass kicked by a pony. Whether or not he will die, is something I can't answer just yet.
That description...
This is the first time I've ever felt like disliking a story based on the description alone. I didn't do that (since I know that would be unfair), but it was very tempting.
Did you play the game? At all? The way you say he acts from the description is completely opposite of his characterization in the game. Yeah, the human Alex Mercer was a complete monster who cared about nothing but himself, and had no problem unleashing a deadly virus when he didn't get his way.
The Virus Alex Mercer is completely different. He does not desire killing "everything in sight." The only people he was happy to kill were Blackwatch, and they were pretty much monsters themselves. The civilians? Well, he obviously wants to save them considering the whole risking his life to remove the nuke. The marines? Doesn't like killing them as much as Blackwatch, considering they aren't complete monsters. Again, the fact that he went out of his way to save the city says that he obviously does care about life.
Also:
"He only wants to get home and spread the virus that he unleashed on this planet."
The above quote makes me fairly certain you didn't pay attention to the story in the game. Why the heck do you think he would spread it? He hates the virus, all it encompasses, and wants nothing more than to stop it. You know, the entire point of the game? He doesn't want to spread it.
362341
I see your point and, you're wrong. If you look at Prototype 2, he wants to spread the virus as he is the main antagonist. "Mercer's motives are unclear, but unlike the first game he is not committed to stopping the virus, but seems to be spreading it." That is a quote from Wikipedia, and this takes place after the first game. And, you play as Alex Mercer, so his personality is the one you give him, and my Alex Mercer loved to just run around and kill everything in sight. And the game even let you! I wouldn't have made him like this, if there was some penalty on killing humans, but their wasn't, so by game dev choice, he kills everything in sight. And he even said he's a killer and a terrorist at the start of game.
362377
You know, it would probably be better to wait for Prototype 2 to come out and go through the story before using that as an example. As it is, there's not enough information out about it for motives and things like that. Plus, I highly doubt they'd turn him into that, since it would completely go against how he was portrayed in the first game.
"And the game even let you! I wouldn't have made him like this, if there was some penalty on killing humans, but their wasn't, so by game dev choice, he kills everything in sight."
Alright, you played the game having him act like a horrible monster. That's fine, because it's possible for you to do that in the game. That doesn't mean that he acted like that in the actual story. Gameplay =/= Story. For example, does he act like that in the story? No, otherwise he wouldn't have given a crap about the city, his sister (he cared about her when the real Alex treated her like crap), or anyone else.
Take me for example. When I played the game, I played the first time like you did, because it was mindless, violent, fun. My second time playing had me going out of my way to protect people, including helping the marines (who are basically the only antagonists in the game who could be considered good). Does playing how I did my second time (not going out of my way to kill people) fit the story? Yes. In fact, it fits it perfectly well, since he's basically a hero by the end of the game by saving everyone.
362436
I won't delay the story just because Prototype 2 hasn't come out yet. And tell me, what is the difference between gameplay and story? Cut-scenes vs playing Alex Mercer? That would leave a lot out, so much that the story wouldn't make any sense. So, we have to include the in-game missions as well. What you say is true, but only if you take all player input out, and only leave main goals. Also, he brutally and painful beats up and consumes everyone that adds to his web of intrigue. Many, of which are civilians. He also destroyed all the bloodtox, you know, the stuff that kills the virus and stops it from spreading? So, he saves the city, that was all before the bomb went off, and who knows what could have the bomb done to him? Maybe the bomb changed his personality so that he wants to kill everything. It would explain his role in Prototype 2 so far. And, we don't know. So, that's what I'm assuming in my story. It's non-cannon, so I can fill in the blanks of things that haven't been explained. Unless of course, you can prove otherwise.
362501 Very Well played, dylansl.
and
362436 I feel the main thing here is the word "fanfiction". In all honesty, it doesn't have to make any sense in the first place. You should thank him, TheArchive, for all the thought he put into his fannon characters.
_
Now, if you'll excuse me, I am going to go read more pony stuff
(Why do I find myself autonomously using the Twilight emoticons?)
362501
To be fair, the only reason he removes the bloodtox is to protect himself, not to help spread the virus.
"And tell me, what is the difference between gameplay and story?"
Uh, everything I just said in my last post? The fact that you killing everyone you see doesn't mean that's how Alex actually acts? The fact that story wise (which is more important than the gameplay aspect, since it's in the story that the characterization shows) Alex actually tries to save people, including the entire city several times (by stopping Greene, Blackwatch, Supreme Hunter, the Nuke, etc).
So canon wise, he isn't a monster.
In fact, from the way the description is, it might as well be Greene being brought to Equestria, since that's exactly what she's like. Have you considered having Greene showing up instead? That way, you still have your monster in Equestria, only in this case it actually makes sense.
362624
"In all honesty, it doesn't have to make any sense in the first place."
I see this excuse show up a lot when a story takes a character, and has them act completely OOC. But you know, it being fanfiction does not, in fact, make it right. If you have a character be completely OOC in the story, then why have that character in the first place? It's just them in-name-only.
For example, the idea that Alex is a complete monster who cares only for himself and wants to do nothing more than go on killing sprees while spreading the virus. Does he act like this in game? No, he doesn't. In fact, it's a major point that the Blacklight Alex is not a monster, unlike the Human Alex who was a monster. If you take away that characterization from the game, then what's left? It's just Alex in-name-only, or Greene herself. If you want a monster from Prototype in Equestria, then it would actually make more sense to have Greene showup instead of Alex. Even a hunter showing up would make more sense.
362501>>362635
I'll just settle this now. While I agree with Archive,WHO CARES.
Dylansl simply just created a work of fiction based on his own idea of the character, nothing more, nothing less. If you don't like his portrayal of the character, then you dont need to read said fanfic.
Btw,I do agree with Archives idea of the character, and its fact that in games like Prototype, the developers have to add things like the side missions and give the player opportunities like killing civilians just to keep the game fun. But in the development of the character, it should only be judged by the forced actions on the player and the story itself.
362635
That would be a good idea, but she's not human enough, and dead. And since when are fanfictions cannon? They're called 'fanfiction' for a reason. So his motives are off, it wouldn't really be that interesting of a fanfiction if he was all nice and good, now would it? And maybe he saves the city so he can rule it for himself. That's what is going to be most likely happening in Prototype 2, since he owns the red zone. I found a quote about him, "My name is Alex Mercer. I'm the reason for all this. They call me a killer, a monster, a terrorist... I am all of these things." -Alex Mercer. So the virus Alex is a monster. And the human Alex was trying to escape so he wouldn't die also, like the other scientists. "He trusted no one, had no friends, couldn't care less what others thought of him, and found solace only in his work. When he was hired by Gentek, Alex was a borderline sociopath." So, he was crazy and didn't give a fuck about life, fair enough. "He decides that Heller would serve as a perfect "lieutenant" in his plot to spread the virus beyond NYZ, and infects the dying man with the virus, thus making Heller "his" Prototype." -Quote from the Prototype wiki. See? More evidence that he wants to spread the virus. "Alex walks off thinking to himself "What have I become? Something less than human, but also something more...", referring to how he has become an invincible and practically immortal being at the cost of his humanity." So, at the end of the game, after the bomb, he lost his humanity, he now doesn't care about life.
362377
I wouldn't take Alex's 'motherhumpery' for granted until I play Prototype 2. And in some game previews of the first moments of the game Alex talks to Heller trying to convince to hear his side of the story. I'm not saying you should wait to proto2 to come out or make Alex a pony huger: it's almost admirable that you just wanted to write Alex the way wanted, when you wanted. It's a fanfic after all.
But you are over appreciating the design of the game to justify: The game dev did a poor work implementing any moral consequences to actions of the player, if not any. They Only gave you and achievement if you won the game consuming less than 10 pedestrians. Hell, even the mundane script had consequences into adding any personality into the cast of the game. That's why Alex is easier, way easier, to control than to understand. You'll find in the Prototype Comics that he avoids consuming civilians. Oh! and the civvies you consumed for the Web of Intrigue were BlackWatch dormant cells and scientists without any little moral shackle: 'I wasn't paid to feel'... remember that line? not exactly close to you citizen model. I always saw Dana, Alex's sister, not only as a helper but also as one of the last links to any humanity left in the BlackLight runner- shapeshifter.
Maybe you can have her dead or explain that she made something heinous (like treachery or, cut ties to less extent) to explain why Alex it's not only a sociopath, but a psychopath. He was borderline sociopath before dying in Penn station.
On the critical side, trying to help... see this line of your fanfic:
(...)I walked behind him and stealth consumed him(...)
I think it's better suited if you described what happened with few words, like descrbing one of the stealth executions. Calling this action like how it's named in the skill list doesn't go along very well in the narration, but that's just me.
362750
Noted, I'll make it so people can infer what move it is, and not just copy it from the list.
362747
Before I say anything else, I wanted to say sorry incase my other posts seemed hostile or anything like that. I'm afraid I tend to get overly defensive when it comes to characters I actually like. That said, here's my response.
Yes, Greene is now dead, but you could easily fix that by just having her show up before she dies. How that could happen I couldn't say, but I'm sure a reason could be found.
"And since when are fanfictions cannon? They're called 'fanfiction' for a reason."
Like I said in another post, this isn't really true. Sure, it's bad to have a fanfiction that is basically the same as the original even if something changes, and it's not good writing. However! You should always make sure to at least have the characters act like they would incanon, otherwise they might as well be an OC from somewhere else. The only time I've read fanfics which change how a character acts with the fic not being terrible is when there's a very good reason the change happens. Take Harry Potter for example. Say someone writes a fic where Harry is suddenly "GRR I'm Evil Harry and I'm gay for Voldemort and eat babies! Grrr!" See? This is why that reason doesn't work. Sure it's fanfiction, but if it doesn't have the characters act IC but OoC instead, then it might as well not be fanfiction.
Anyway, that's all I wanted to say. The comment Theron left basically summarizes what I was trying to say, so just read his comment.
That said, good luck with the rest of the story. I doubt I'll read for the reasons I've already given, but I'm just one person. There are plenty of people who will love this (just look at the likes you already have). So again, good luck.
362845
Thanks. I think it's agreeable to end this debate. It started out being trying to see whether or not Alex Mercer wants to spread the virus or not, then it turned into whether Alex acts like he should. And, he always was evil. He said it himself. At the start of the game.
alex will fuch those ponies up
i agree with archive, seeing alex as a monster after everything he did in the game. well it just seems wrong and out of place. i just dont like this story in general i'm sorry but i dont even wanna track it sorry
Wow. Guys, please, give it a chance. He is a monster, and if you don't believe me, look up the plot for Prototype 2 and the first thing Alex said in the game. And then look again, at what the last thing he said. And even then, don't hate it all because I portray him as bad. Wouldn't it be boring if all he did was say 'Hello' and live happily ever after? Aren't epic fight scenes more fun and interesting to read? Please, give it a chance, just read the first chapter, and if you don't like it, don't read anymore. And maybe he'll change, maybe he will turn good. Just don't knock it before you try it.
362866
Sorry, but I wanted to say something about that. Yeah, he called himself a monster in the game, but he said that based on what the original Alex Mercer did. In that case, he's right. Alex Mercer was a complete and utter monster. Blacklight Alex knows this, which is why he said it. However, I think (can't remember exactly) this was before he found out he actually is the virus, so he called himself a monster since he thought he was still the original Alex (when that actually wasn't true).
Sorry again, but I just wanted to mention that.
Uh, I'll just shutup now.
However, I have to say that all this talk has made me want to go back and play again.
362377 actually for prototype 2 the main character is blackwatch and blackwatch spreads to there soldiers mercer wants to spread it to hae him but i could care less how you made him evil or good this is interesting
cool
Have you ever played Prototype?
That description of Mercer was all wrong.
He doesn't kill everything in sight, not unless it attacks him or someone else.
And what of the people that never played?
How would they know what a "Whipfist" or "Musclemass" would be?
You didn't even describe how his body changes to all that.
Other wise it's a good story.
362270 check my story and you will change your mind!
362845 Hello archive
362665 Well I care because I put a lot of work in getting mercers personality right in my story, and this is just wrong a simple piece of work with no continuity and just mindless killing, this isn't Prototype X Equestria, this is cupcakes.
362750 Compare this to his other fics. And then compare this to my fic. If done right its a great story, if done wrong you end up with this !
363955 Ahem my story !
363101 You seem only focused on the evil part of Mercer which is completely wrong [ cool pic at the end though]. When he finds x wife he tries to create an antidote. He helps Ragland for the same reason. At the end before you fight the Supreme Hunter on the Reagan Alex says : ' You, you could have stopped this from happening .' Something along those lines. And it may just be my opinion but who enjoys reading about ponies getting slaughtered ? While I don't like it and it feels like a poor interpretation of how Alex would react 'Revenge was the only thing on my mind, the only thought I can call my own' after he gets his revenge, he's done. In other words this sucks, it portrays Alex in a horribly wrong way. Some may like this, but that is their choice. If they want a version that doesn't involve slaughtering a race of innocent ponies, who had done nothing wrong they will come to me !
364573 Again, I agree. I read his story, found his portrayal of the character wrong (it felt like he read a Wiki article and just used that as the basis of of Alex), disliked it, and moved on. There is truly nothing forcing me to track it and continue reading it. I'm just trying to say is that people really shouldn't be arguing. If you don't like it, say why you don't, and just move on.
P.S.: I find this very ironic that I'm arguing about a Prototype cross over with the author of a Prototype cross over that I have been putting off reading for a while now. Guess now I'm going to have to read it tonight!
364573
He's not "slaughtering" innocent ponies, he's fighting them. I wrote this so I could make epic fight scenes with Alex Mercer, that is why he is bad in the story. Don't hate just because I have to change him to make the story interesting. You want to know what would happen if a more realistic Alex Mercer was there? Nothing. He would go home, not get into fights. It wouldn't be worth writing a story about. And in the end, you just can't disregard HIS LAST QUOTE! He said he lost all humanity! That means he doesn't care about life anymore! Why are people ignoring my evidence and just putting their opinion in?
364573 I saw a different Prototype crossover, tracked it for awhile, then ignored it completely, I don't remember what the story was about but I think it sounded pretty boring, or maybe I just don't like Alex Mercer.
366298
I might know what you're talking about: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/11100
The one where it isn't Alex Mercer and is very fanboyish. I gave up on it also.
First off, this is entertaining. Id like to see the story a success so in that light.
1) Being a little more descriptive wont hurt at all, because of the lack of imagery the story kinda seemed to take place in a fog (that is if i didnt know what these places looked like.) we are fans, but thats no excuse to go light on this kinda stuff.
And as for mercer, as stated before definitely describe his powers man. Making a prologue of mercer doing a self explanatory and reflective soliloquy might work, because people not familiar with prototype have nothing to go on.
2) I understand that there has to be a compromise when it comes to crossovers, but i think you took a little TOO much from Mercer. And i understand this is your interpretation of the character. But I am pretty sad at how weak you made Mercer. Please can you work on that? At the beginning of prototype mercer could take the blast from a helicopter missile without even registering it as an injury then immediately catch a falling taxi with no effort. Here he need muscle mass enhancement to toss a table through a wall and was almost down and out after a blast of magic, a drain spell and a tackle from Dash.
Just think about it for a bit, you can make twilight stronger then you portrayed her, Rainbow Dash is screaming to be powered up, Applejack was already really strong maybe big mac strong i could suspend disbelief to the point of her going toe to toe with mercer. But after seeing the extent of mercers powers in Prototype i find that fight painful to read.
386425
Yeah, I know Alex is very under powered right now. I'll explain why later in the story. But, from an author's standpoint, I made him like this so I could come up with more powers and upgrade him. He's in a different world with different things, so it would only make sense that he learns new things.
Phew...i kinda hoped you were gonna pull a "in a different universe so my powers arent working right" kinda thing.
I just thought it odd that he'd be weaker then he was even in his weakest state. But carry on, i make no final judgments until the end.
....is he really going to kill everyone?
386690
Maybe, maybe not. Read on.
Wait wait wait....so lemme get this straight....
1) Killed Spike
2) Killed Rainbow
3) Library not cleaned
4) TWILIGHT'S GONNA GET PISSED
Am I following so far?
386890
Nope. Killed Doctor Whooves.
A resounding eh is what I can gleam from this story, and it reminds me of when I used force myself to write even when I had no ideas. Bland and uninteresting and entirely too fast. While it's not unsalvageable, it's close. Take it a little bit slower and space more and you should be fine. Pour example':
"Then there was a loud, boom, and she shot downward even faster. There was a trail of the rainbow following her as she plummeted toward me. Oh please, we have aircraft on Earth that can go 3+ times the speed of sound. What's a small pony going to do? But, I have noticed something is different here. Either way, I'm not going to stay here when she crashes into me.
I ran and jumped toward the next building. But she just re-targeted, yet again aiming right at me. I attempted to move to another building, but it was too late. I grew a shield, and braced for impact. Time and sound appeared to stop as she was feet from me. There was one look on her face, the look of determination. She hit my shield, breaking it into many pieces. Her body kept going forward, hitting my chest and sending me flying backwards. Time was still in slow-motion as blood flied everywhere, shooting out from both me and her."
It's easier to read that way. Another thing is that you should never include the actual numerical form of numbers in a story, it breaks flow and is very ugly, makes it seem like an essay, using the word form is the most accepted way of conveying a numeral (I.e: three). There are also some very noticible errors in grammar such as near the end of that example I cut from the story itself: "Her body kept going forward, hitting my chest and sending me flying backwards. Time was still in slow-motion as blood flied everywhere, shooting out from both me and her."
That italicized word 'flied' should be something along the lines of 'flew', and while it is technically correct to use it like that, I find it to sound very childish and rough.
"YOU TIMES IT BY TWO!!1"
"You multiply it by two."
See the difference?
TL;DR: You have a good idea, but try to take it slower and use more descriptive wording even if you have to use a dictionary to figure out how to say the same thing twice without reusing the words, it pays off in the end.
As a closing note, he seems a bit overpowered and instinctual, but I played the game killing the very least amount of people and hiding whenever possible from everything to make it more interesting like I was vulnerable. A bit of projective roleplay perhaps, but giving him a blade that is on fire is a little OP.(Overpowered, a term used in gaming to convey the idea that the entity in question is too awesome in contrast with it's surroundings.)
To quote a very respected internet game critic and my personal idol, Ben Yahtzee Croshaw:
"img.photobucket.com/albums/v282/shmadyle/motivator7397954.jpg "
Point in that closing statement was as follows; over the top overpowered-ness = fine and dandy whilst actually playing it yourself but it makes for a boring story line. Ever notice that when the protagonist is injured bodily and significantly weakened, shit actually feels like it's going down?
386918
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lz81auvPmI1rp0yhho1_500.jpg
Looking forward for the rest to die...
386941
Okay, while I do write quickly, I'll try to slow down. And I love Zero Punctuation! And if you read a few comments above, I made him pretty under powered for right now. If he really was OP'd he would have already nuked the place and have Celestia consumed.
Awesome Chapter i can't wait to see the expression Twilight will have after finding out the event that Viral Alex done.
389225
I'm thinking like a final boss kind of thing with Twilight. The next victim: Flutterbitch.
Hohohoh!! Flutterbitch versus Viral Alex who will win? Can't wait!
They changed the names... I guess Ra1nbow Dash is now Firefly, and what the fuck is up with the font? Wait, Firefly had the same personality as Rainbow Dash from G1, so I guess that's why. Oh great, the admins are trolls.
Ahhh FUCK! NO, DASHIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
389270 Dude this is epic fucking shit favoriting OH and can you play the music
Two Steps From Hell Strength of a Thousand Men in the next chapter?
uurrgghhh!!!! I WANT MOAR KILLING