"I'm going to miss you down in Appleloosa, Candy," said Sweetie Belle as she levitated another item into her saddlebags. "Even though I totally understand why you don't want to go."
I smiled as I watched from the threshold of her room. Earlier, I had explained in more detail how going to a rodeo just wasn't in the wish-list of a city-bred girl like me. "Thanks. I hope you have fun."
"So how much like Manehattan was this city you lived in? Or do you know?"
"I was curious, so I looked it up in a geography book Twilight gave me. A lot looks the same. It even has a statue in the harbor like the city in my world does."
"Cool!" Sweetie Belle closed her saddlebags with a final glow from her horn and trotted towards me. "Do you want to go there someday?"
She really knew how to get to the heart of the matter. "I'm not sure."
She gave me a surprised look. "Really?"
I flicked my tail. "It's kinda hard to explain, Sweetie. I'd like to see it, but I don't know if it'll make me homesick or not."
"Oh, I hadn't thought of that," Sweetie Belle said in a softer voice.
I had only scratched the surface of my feelings. Would I find that it matched New York almost exactly except for, well, ponies? Or would it feel just as foreign as Ponyville sometimes did?
"You should talk to Rarity about it," Sweetie said. "She always says she wants to visit Manehattan again."
I tilted my head. "Again?"
"She went there last year for a fashion competition. She even made a new friend there. I think her her name was Coco."
More often than not, when the conversation turned to venues outside Ponyville, Rarity seemed interested in Canterlot above all else. She pined to open another boutique there, but real estate was apparently both scarce and hideously expensive, at least to hear Rarity complain about it.
"I'll think about it, Sweetie, thanks," I said with a small smile. "You better get going. I thought I heard Applejack's voice on my way up here."
Sweetie Belle trotted out of her room and down the hall. "I'll try to bring you back a souvenir."
"Just promise you won't go after any more changelings," I said as I trotted alongside her.
She rolled her eyes. "I promised that already."
"Or do anything else dangerous."
"Ugh, you're getting as bad as Rarity!"
I smirked. "I am technically your older sister, too."
"Yeah, but I didn't think you'd be as bossy as her."
Sweetie Belle suddenly drew up short when Rarity appeared in our path. "Candy is as bossy as who now?" Rarity asked.
Sweetie's pupils shrank. "Um ... uh ..."
I grinned. "She was talking about somepony at school."
"Yes, I was!" Sweetie piped. "Some big meanie at school. Totally not you."
"Mmm," Rarity murmured. "Considering school is out for the summer, do you want to try that again?"
"Um, well ..."
"That's our story, and we're sticking to it," I said firmly.
Sweetie nodded. "Yep, same here!"
Rarity uttered a dramatic sigh, but her expression softened, and she gave me a tiny smirk. "Very well. Applejack is here to take you to the train station, Sweetie."
I leaned over as Rarity turned away and whispered to Sweetie Belle, "You owe me one."
"Okay, okay, two souvenirs, then," she whispered back.
I giggled. I would have preferred a Pinkie Promise to stay out of trouble, but I doubted I could have maneuvered her into that. At least it would be Applejack's problem this time and not mine.
I knew Sweetie Belle enough by now to realize she was mostly kidding about me being bossy. Though I had been asserting myself a bit more the past week, not the least of which was fending off another attempt by the Crusaders to help me earn my cutie mark. While extracting sap from trees was nowhere near as dangerous as chasing changelings, I saw it ending only in hours spent trying to clean sap from my mane and fur.
Applejack stood waiting at the front of the boutique. I hesitated when I saw Twilight standing next to her, the first time I had seen her since the party.
"Howdy, Candy," said Applejack.
"Hello, Candy," said Twilight, her voice more subdued.
"Um, hi," I said, glancing from one to the other.
Sweetie Belle trotted forward. "I'm ready to go, Applejack! Sorry for the wait."
"No worries," said Applejack. "But we better get goin' ta the station if we wanna snag some decent seats on the train. Apple Bloom's jus' outside, but we still gotta swing by Scootaloo's place."
Sweetie gave first Rarity and then me a hug. "I'll miss you, Candy, even if you are getting bossy."
I chuckled and hugged her back. "See you in a week."
As Sweetie trailed Applejack out the door, Rarity turned to me. "It seems you may have a chance for a little trip of your own."
My heart skipped a beat. "What kind of trip?"
"Do you remember when I said at the party that I had to seek outside help concerning the pendant?" Twilight began.
"Um, yeah."
"I enlisted the aid of a friend named Zecora. She's a--"
"A zebra sorceress," I said.
Twilight smiled. "Why, yes. You've heard of her?"
"The Crusaders told me about her," I said. "I saw you talking to her at that party."
"Twilight tells me Zecora discovered something but needs to speak with you personally," said Rarity.
My eyes widened. "But doesn't she live in the Everfree Forest?"
Rarity smiled. "I trust Twilight implicitly to get you through safely. That is, if you wish to go. Neither of us have any intention of forcing you."
As much as I valued the measure of independence I had gained, I felt it would never be a case of wanting to do this, but more that I felt obligated by Michelle's memory.
"Candy, Zecora may have an explanation for the effect the pendant has had on you," said Twilight.
Despite knowing what my decision had to be, I gave into the impulse to protest anyway. "But it hasn't, not lately. I've seen no more visions of Cherry and had no more dreams about her."
"That's because the pendant has no more energy to use to contact you from a distance," said Twilight. "But ... as Rarity said, nopony will force you to do this."
I believed her, but that didn't stop me from thinking that some intangible force had already begun pushing me forward. I took a step towards Twilight, then glanced at Rarity. "Um ... would you ...?"
"Do you wish me to accompany you?" asked Rarity.
"Yes, but I thought you had an order you needed to finish this morning."
"This is far more important."
My need for support overcame guilt. "Thank you." I turned to Twilight. "All right, I'll come along."
Whether the foreboding look of the Everfree as compared to the White Tail Woods was a real perception or just nerves mattered little when an eerie darkness settled over us despite the cloudless skies. The air even carried a tang of moisture, and drops of water clung to the twisted vines and huge, shadowy trees which loomed over the path. Unlike the Woods, the Everfree was anything but silent. Leaves rustled despite the deathly still air, and faint howls and roars sounded in the distance.
I sincerely hoped they remained in the distance.
Rarity drew closer to me. "Are you okay, dear?"
"M-more or less," I said in a quavering voice. "Are we there yet?"
"Almost," said Twilight.
"Take care not to step in those flowers up ahead, Candy," said Rarity.
Just ahead, flowers with bright blue petals congregated along the far edge of the path as it curved. They looked rather pretty, a much needed dash of color for this dreary place. "Are they poisonous?"
"Not fatally, but very annoying," said Twilight.
Rarity shivered. "Trust me, you don't want to find out what those things do."
It figured that even the most innocuous-looking thing in this place was dangerous. I kept to the opposite side of the path from them; I didn't need the Equestrian equivalent of poison ivy.
"Here we are," said Twilight as we cleared the flowers.
I stepped alongside her and nearly recoiled. So did Zecora decide one day to pick the scariest-looking tree in the forest to make into her home? This started to feel more like an adventure imagined by the Crusaders.
Twilight nudged open the door with her magic, and we stepped inside.
An enclosed space of thick tree bark and wood should have offered solace from the brooding Everfree. Instead, the flickering flames from several small lamps did little to dispel the gloom, though perhaps some of my reaction was just my emotional state. At least this place enforced a sort of quiet, save for the soft bubbling of a cauldron and the clop of the zebra's hooves as she turned towards us upon our entry.
"Hello, Zecora," Twilight said. "This is Candy Swirl, the one I told you about."
"Um, hi," I said in an uncertain voice.
Zecora stepped towards me, smiling. "Since Twilight explained to me about the one called Candy Swirl," she began, speaking in a much deeper voice than I had expected. "I've wanted to meet she whose life has been sent into such a twirl."
"I ... um ... okay?" I glanced at Twilight and Rarity.
"I've already explained your background to her," said Twilight. "And what happened to your friend."
"Of most interest to me is your origin," said Zecora as she swept a hoof towards Twilight. "For it is the key to the pendant and what dwells within."
"What dwells ...?" I sputtered, my mind grinding through both her odd speech pattern and the greater implication of her words.
"Remember when I told you I sensed another presence inside the pendant?" said Twilight.
I glanced at her. "Um, right, yeah."
"Well ... Zecora was able to make more sense out of my findings."
My brain finally lurched back into gear. "It's another avatar, right? Something Starswirl made up somehow?"
Twilight looked to Zecora. "Can you explain it to her, please?"
Zecora nodded and took another step towards me. When she spoke again, her voice was softer and her tone measured. "You believe the memory of your friend is represented by this pendant. But I assure you, what is contained within is more than a mere remnant."
...
... was she ...?
Rarity leaned over and whispered in my ear, "Yes, she speaks in rhyme."
I took a deep breath. I could deal with only so many bizarre things at a time. Okay, fine, she rhymed her speech. I had to chalk it up to more Equestrian weirdness and move on. "A-all right, what does that even mean?"
Zecora trotted over to Twilight and cradled the pendant in her hoof. "Twilight found the entity but asked me to confirm the source. There is every possibility it is your friend's life force."
I almost didn't hear Rarity's gasp as my stomach flipped. The world threatened to become a gray miasma before I forced myself to take a breath, by which time Rarity had wrapped a foreleg around me. When I let my breath go, along with it came the words not so much spoken as begged, "My f-friend is dead."
"If you speak of her body, then the answer is most definitely yes," said Zecora. "But of her spirit, it continues on in the pendant is my guess."
"Oh, dear Celestia," Rarity breathed.
"Your guess?!" I cried. "You don't even know?!"
Twilight stepped forward. "Candy, please, calm down, she's--"
"Don't you dare tell me to calm down!" I bellowed, and Rarity flinched. I thrust a hoof at Zecora. "She just told me that Cherry m-might be alive and I carried her around my neck all that time without even knowing!"
"I know this is a shock to you," Twilight said.
"No, Twilight, you can't even come close to understanding how I feel!"
"All right, maybe I don't, but we still need to confirm--"
I stomped my fore-hooves and broke from Rarity's half-embrace. "I almost gave the pendant away to Chrysalis! I almost k-killed her a second time ... I a-almost ..."
I started to collapse. Rarity caught me and pulled me close. I struggled to free myself, but this short conversation had completely drained my strength in equal measure to how it had turned my life upside down again. I leaned into Rarity, but I resisted the urge to burst into tears. I couldn't let myself descend into another emotional morass.
"Candy, this is not your fault," Rarity said gently. "You had no idea. None of us did. Not even Twilight."
"I am so very sorry, dear Candy Swirl, to cause you such grief," came Zecora's heavy voice. "But heed Rarity's words, and do not let self-blame become your belief."
That wasn't it.
I didn't really blame myself anymore for Michelle's death, but the convenience of such an easily understood concept bred greater acceptance in my mind than the alternative. It had worked for me in the past, so why not now? Instead, a stark realization drove the tears that leaked from my eyes no matter how hard I fought against them.
Somehow, I already knew. Ever since the dreams started, I knew. She had forged such a powerful presence in my mind and in the forest that there could be no other explanation. Yet what did this really mean? What was I supposed to do? What was I supposed to feel?
A greater wisdom simply didn't exist. Even this vaunted rhyming sorceress could offer only possibilities. I could simply cry into Rarity's fur, and it would get me nowhere. Sometimes crying was a good, needed release. But sometimes, like now, it just separated me from what I needed to do.
I was a teenager. I wasn't mature by any stretch of the imagination across two universes. I knew I still had yet to find a balance between blazing my own trail and taking the advice of others. But now, I could draw on others only for strength and comfort; I could admit my weakness that far without shame, but they had no connection to Michelle like I had. Like I did.
I forced myself to take a few deep breaths, each a little less shaky than the last. I sniffled and blinked away tears as I slowly drew back from Rarity's embrace. Her concerned eyes sought mine, her lips parting to ask the question that I chose to answer before she could speak. "I-I'm okay now."
Rarity hesitated, her eyes uncertain. I could guess that she was debating how much of a protective mother to be. Like I had implied at the party and said more directly in the talk we had afterward, I could only be protected so much. She understood and nodded once.
I turned to the others, wiping my eyes with the back of a hoof. "I'm sorry for all the drama."
"It's all right, Candy," Twilight said, her own eyes glistening. "There was no easy way to break this."
I turned to Zecora. Despite her sympathetic gaze, I quelled a surge of hostility, as it was just a childish attempt to place blame. I paused until my ears stopped trying to flatten against my head. "Zecora, you said you weren't sure about this. Is that what you needed me for?"
"A spirit different from other ponies resides within you," Zecora replied. "From this I can determine if my theory is true."
"Twilight said the other day that I looked like an ordinary unicorn pony."
"And you still do," Twilight said. "The differences Zecora speaks of are more subtle and at a level that my magic doesn't reach."
Rarity brushed her hoof through my mane. "Candy, this doesn't change at all who you are, or how I feel about you, or how your friends feel."
"I-I know," I said with a small sigh. "I'm not really concerned about that right now. This is just a lot to take in, and ... well, no offense, Twilight, but I kinda thought you knew everything about magic."
Twilight smiled. "Even as an alicorn, there are things I don't know. Zecora's magic works on an entirely different basis than my own. She's been a very big help to me in the past."
"To all of us," said Rarity. "Candy, if you're worried as to whether you can trust her or not ..."
I shook my head quickly. "No, it's not that. If you and Twilight trust her, so do I."
Zecora smiled. "It warms my heart to hear this praise of me." She took a step back, standing alongside her cauldron. "Now, Candy Swirl, will you step forward so we may see?"
I swallowed hard, and my heart pounded. Rarity gave me a brief hug and whispered, "Go ahead, Candy, I'll be right here if you need me."
I took a step forward. "What do I need to do? Will this hurt?"
"I assure you, there will be no pain," said Zecora. "But before we start, something you have lost you must now gain."
"I don't understand."
Twilight stepped over to me. "She means you'll need this." Her magic suffused her horn and the pendant. She detached the pendant from her neck and held it before me. "You have to accept this back. I'm sorry, Candy, I know how hard this will be, but it's the only way Zecora's spell will work."
My eyes shimmered as I stared. Despite the fact that my magic would never damage the thing even if I practiced for the next hundred years, I still didn't trust my ability that far. I sat down and took it in my shaking hooves instead. After a few tries, I lifted it towards my neck. I uttered a startled gasp when the ends of the chain suddenly snaked around my neck and came together under my mane. For a moment my heart thundered as if I expected it to start choking me. When nothing of the sort happened, I rose on my trembling legs.
"A-all right," I said. "Now what?"
Zecora trotted around to the other side of the cauldron. "You now have the lightest load to bear," she said as she turned towards a shelf. "You need only to stand there."
She tilted her head and grabbed something from the shelf in her teeth. She turned around, holding a large vial of bright purple fluid, which she poured into the cauldron.
With a sudden whoosh, vapors boiled out of the mix, roiling towards the ceiling in snaking clouds of purple-red smoke. I flinched and nearly fell back on my haunches. My ears flattened as the vapors suddenly imploded at a spot a few hoof-widths above the surface of the brew, and the air shimmered.
Zecora peered at me through the miasma and nodded. "This mist lifts away the veils covering your spirit, and now allows us to very clearly see it."
Twilight trotted to where Zecora stood and uttered a soft gasp. "Is that what Candy looked like in her original form?"
My heart froze. They were seeing me as a human through that?
"Spirit truly has no actual shape or form," said Zecora. "But instead resonates with what it still believes is the norm."
I had avoided discussing my original form with them, for what reasons I couldn't explain. Likely stupid ones, knowing me. This made me feel more naked than the casual nudity among ponykind ever had. Or was I simply reacting as a typical teenager, afraid of what others would think of me? Perhaps Twilight read this on my face, for she smiled as she said in a gentle voice, "Well, it's little wonder now why you had some difficulties with coordination when you first arrived. I didn't realize you used to be bipedal."
My heart sank when a curious Rarity trotted forward, but she paused and turned to me. "Would you mind if I looked? I won't if it bothers you at all."
It did bother me, but I refused to go back to the days when I was afraid of everything they might find out about me, and it meant the world to me that she cared enough to ask permission. "Go ahead."
Rarity nodded and joined Twilight, and her gaze took on a look of what I hoped was no more than simple fascination. "My stars," she said in a soft voice.
"It's okay, Candy," Twilight said. "Please, don't worry. This is not as strange as you may think."
"Yes, of course," said Rarity with a soft smile. "Spike walks on two feet, for example."
"I was also thinking about the Diamond Dogs. Very different body shape, of course, but still the same general anatomical principle concerning--"
Rarity rolled her eyes. "Oh, really, Twilight, you could've used a better analogy than that! Candy's old form is far more pleasing to the eye than a scruffy old Diamond Dog."
Twilight's pupils shrank. "W-wait, I didn't mean--!"
Both Rarity and Zecora laughed, and Twilight blushed, though her lips twitched into a smile.
As much as my heart melted over Rarity's comment about my human appearance in Zecora's magical mist, it again raised the old question: was I still just a human wrapped in a pony body? I no longer knew what answer I wanted. I didn't hate this body anymore. While having hands and fingers had its advantages, so did a unicorn horn. Was it even that, or did I just like having a family and friends, and being a pony seemed integral to that?
I didn't dare ask the question. I had to believe what Rarity had said, that my form ultimately didn't matter. Princess Luna already knew what I used to look like, yet even her opinion no longer mattered as much to me as the pony who now looked upon my old visage with simple, gentle affection.
"So what do we do next?" Twilight asked. "How do we confirm your theory, Zecora?"
"To complete the spell, you need to do one thing more," said Zecora. "Infuse your magic into the pendant as you did the day before."
Twilight trotted around the side of the cauldron. "But wouldn't that amount of energy while she's still wearing it be a bit dangerous?"
"For this we need no more than a spark. Just enough for the spirit to make its mark."
Twilight stepped towards me. "Just stand still, Candy," she said in a soft voice. "You might feel a tingling, but that's all. Are you ready?"
I simply nodded once, not trusting my voice.
Twilight gave me an encouraging smile and lowered her head. I took a shuddering breath as her horn glowed, and let it go as a gasp as the pendant itself suddenly blazed and flooded the cramped space with golden light.
Rarity stared in wonder at something I could not see. "I-is that ...?"
Zecora nodded once. "That is the one this pony had befriended," she said in a subdued voice. "It is clear now that her journey has not yet ended."
I refused to let my waning strength dump me on my haunches while Twilight's spell still surged through the pendant, yet I could not stop my vision from blurring into a watery mess. "Sh-she's ... she's alive??"
Rarity turned to Zecora. "My stars, is that true? Is her friend still alive somehow?"
Zecora did not respond at first, and my throat became too tight to demand she answer. She turned towards her shelves and retrieved another vial, this one filled with white. She poured it into the cauldron, and the brew frothed and rumbled. The shimmering veil vanished. Twilight ceased her spell and lifted her head, the glow from my pendant fading.
"The spirit contained within the pendant is as strong as Candy's own," said Zecora. "To the extent that this conveys life is not as clearly known."
Rarity trotted to my side and wrapped a foreleg around me. I sniffled once but managed not to cry. I gently placed a hoof over the pendant. What had been such a source of contention was now almost as precious as my own life. "So what happens now?"
"That's entirely up to you, Candy," said Twilight.
I jerked my head towards her. "Huh?"
"Zecora told me that if she did confirm that Cherry's spirit is contained within the pendant, she could arrange for you to ... to talk to your friend."
My heart lurched, and yet I felt no surprise. Perhaps I was simply numb to any further shock ... or perhaps I already sensed the greater truth.
Zecora stepped around the cauldron. "It will take me a few days to brew the proper potion, but only if you desire to proceed with this notion."
I trembled hard. This time I couldn't stop the tears. I at least managed to not to descend into histrionics; the tears just slid silently down my face and splashed to the floor. Rarity held me, and I closed my eyes tightly. "How did he do it?"
"I'm sorry?" Rarity said.
"S-starswirl ... how did he do it? Why did he do it?!"
"I honestly don't know, Candy," Twilight said. "There's no record he ever accomplished such a feat. But I'm going to find out."
I wished I felt the same determination that I heard in Twilight's voice. Instead, I was looking for someone or something to blame. Again.
No more. I had to make this decision. That was the greater truth I had sensed, that only I could answer my own question this time. Only I knew Michelle well enough to tell if she were truly still alive or just a memory given little more than a cruel semblance of life by the mental shadow of a unicorn wizard who died millennia ago.
"All right, Zecora," I said in a shaky voice. "I'll do it."
Dang, that cliffhanger! And now we know that Candy's friend is still alive, but... How did she even get into that amulet?
I don't say this often but this is worth it.
DAMN!
I need to stop reading stories with teenage protagonists. Some authors are too good at writing them.
I really like where this story is going. You have intrigued me with your authoring powers!
Some... was the amulet some form of soul jar that captured Michelle's spirit when her body died? Gah. I have so many questions!
No, she's pretty well and proper dead. Being a soul stuck in an amulet doesn't make you alive, it makes you a ghost. Not having a permanent, living physical body anymore is kind of one of the defining qualities of being dead.
Still, that's one hell of a twist. I'm really growing to dislike Starswirl. After everything that stupid amulet has put Rachel through, they should probably just toss it into a volcano and be done with it. It can't be worth all that emotional agony.
Jeez, Rarity! clearly somepony's been practicing their intimidating expressions!
7160076 While we were told that changellings can't kill, I can't shake off off the feeling that something is going on with the weird changelling. Rather then blame Starswirl entirely (or at all) without knowing what he was trying to do, I would prefer to look at another potential culprit...
What if the changelling is responsible for that? Afterall, the pendant's spell is supposed to be dormant, it's «mechanism» should've need to be activated by something or someone...
7160185
Well, as I remember it, we haven't really been told they can't. We have just been told they don't. Those are two very different things. I don't believe there's actually anything stopping a changeling from having a direct hand in Michelle's death. Maybe not by feeding directly, but honestly, with magic, there are so many options, I'm inclined to take the situation at face value for the moment.
It'll probably turn out to not be quite that simple, of course, but still.
wow! what a twist!
7159889
Very carefully
It makes me wonder if it's possible to make a pony body for Michelle? They could be sisters!
Oh by the way, well we see The Tree of Harmony? It would be very cool for the story.
Well, obviously he had a black soul gem. Why? He's probably stuck in the Soul Cairn and wants to get out.
So is this going to be like that soul gem quest in skyrim where you get to go inside one and talk to the dude?
I have loved this story since the day I started it. And I still love it.
I am in a love hate relationship with cliff hangers though.
So here's a thought: Starswirl made the amulet and there was... how much of him in it? Was it just an avatar or fragment? Or was it the whole thing?
If it was the whole thing, what happened when Michelle became the new resident? Is she sharing a metaphorical apartment with an ancient pony wizard? Or are the boundaries even that defined? The projection in the forest had some traits of ol' Swirly, didn't it?
Or maybe things are more complicated still. That rogue changeling sounds like an independent actor.
And maybe most importantly, if the spirit in the amulet is sapient, can they give it a body?
What a scary artefact, though. If used right, it seems like it could be a form of functional immortality, and somewhat implies that maybe the Bearded one might not have been as good-hearted as history implies.
Huh, there's a surprising amount that can be read into this. Well played.
Damn, that's some powerful writing.
Character development has sped up some, fitting the high stress situation. Well done.
And Zecora's rhyming works! That's something you don't see often.
So, Starswirl managed to create something akin to a 'soulstone'? No wonder Chrysalis wanted to get her hooves on it, that thing could turn out to be an immensely powerful magical 'battery'. Or a prison.
Is there a chance you WON'T have her talk to her old friend?
7159889 We'll find out, probably, definitely not for a while though.
...did I read all of this in one day...? I...found a new story I liked and consumed all of the current material already?
Wwhat am I ssuppossed to read tomorrow...?
7160336
And then get rekt by daedra for hours before throwing your hands in the air?
I hate that quest. I hate that my pride wouldn't let me decrease the difficulty setting, too...
7159889
Physical contact at time of death, plus what amounts to a magical sinkhole. It's not that hard to imagine that she'd be able to escape the pull of death's embrace within.
7159889 I'm thinking the pendant ended up doing something like the Ghostbusters ghost trap thing and essentially captured Michelle's soul though we don't know for sure.
7163920
Yeah, pride concerning games can sucks. Stuck on this one boss early game because I refused to play on easy. When I say stuck I have been killed over 16 times an hour for a cumulative time of 2 days with multiple trips to grind lvls up. Gave up on the game after that, might play it agian on easy in a few months.
Edit: Probably should say this is the PS3 port of Kingdom Hearts Chain of Memories first battle with Larxene.
7165004
This.
Two possibilities:
1) The changeling, disguised as Rachel, actually attacked Michelle and intended to kill her by drugging her to try getting the amulet--in which case the amulet simply pulled in her spirit to save her as part of its normal function. There may very well be a whole slew of old owners throughout history buried within the matrix that just haven't yet been accessed. Or...
2) The changeling may not have intended harm, but she was still pulled in to protect her while it was using magic on her. If this is the case, it's equally possible the changeling's now mentally fucked up since he broke Chryssie's law about killing their prey.
In either case, it's possible that's how Starswirl ended up inside as well, if he had been killed by someone/thing while traveling between experiments.
Twilight could/should be taking this opportunity to seek answers directly from Starswirl. There's no reason that couldn't be done the same time as when Rachel is conferring with Michelle.
Personally, I suspect the amulet was merely intended to be just a key to access that base in the Badlands--in which case, it was simply a copy of Starswirl's mind at the time he made it. But sometimes shit happens, and items end up taking a much greater role in the events of history than they ever should have. In which case, the amulet merely contains mental clones of the people in the matrix.
7166098 How about "Pzecora"? With the same rules as "psionic" or "psoriasis"....
(and yes, in the show, Zecora always give me that itchy feeling )
This chapter's a bit of a dud. The metaphysics are strange and not terribly engaging. With Zecora, her lines are artificially lengthened and twisted to make rhymes, without an eye for meter, pacing, or comprehension. Getting that last syllable right is only a part of the job.
7166706
Thanks for the feedback. I'm not sure how to respond to the comment concerning the metaphysics. Where there is no real established canon describing any sort of rules as to how magic works in Equestria, I went with something that made sense for the story.
As for Zecora's dialog, I tried to express what she wanted to say while keeping to the rhyming pattern her speech exhibits in the show. It took a long time for me to write her dialog, so I did put a lot of thought into it. Many initial attempts wound up being rewritten to flow better and express her thoughts more clearly. I'm honestly at a loss as to how I could have done it better (not saying that it couldn't be better, just that I have no idea where to start improving it).
7168088 I read this with a friend and we discussed the rhyming scheme extensively as we went through it. I'll try and remember the specific lines that sparked comment.
These phrases are huge, about half again as long as you want your upper end to be. The first phrase has more multisyllabic words than the second, which lends it an asymmetry.
These phrases aren't even close to the same length. There's no meter or rhythm here. This problem is in nearly all of your rhymes, to some degree.
Zecora is not Yoda. She twists her phrases around a little bit, but rarely anything this awkward.
You rhymed two unrelated sentences. That's awkward at best, and something Zecora almost never does. This is the most disjointed rhyme in the chapter.
I think this might be the worst asymmetry. These don't even match in how many clauses are in each sentance.
The form of this one is okay, but the timing is horrible. The phrase "lightest load to bear" comes directly after Candy puts on a pendant that might carry the soul of her dead friend, and Zecora turns away from her.
That's just a lazy rhyme, and with the usual asymmetry it leaves the verse incomplete.
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Thanks! This is very helpful. I may come back later and redo some of her dialog when I have more time. For now, I'll try to carry this feedback forward into future chapters. You also gave me a good technique for editing her dialog that I'm smacking myself for not thinking of myself: putting both halves on separate lines so I can compare them better.
7168450 Well, perhaps with the exception of just a couple people, none of us are professional writers. And Zecora is definitely the most difficult to deal with--hell, even the show messes up occasionally with the convoluted rhyming for her.
Ryuu and I beat our collective heads against the wall trying to come up with rhyming and metered speech in our story until we finally said "Phfquet!" Pinkie Pie and Rarity are easier to write convincing dialogue for.
If you think you can do better, why not offer ASGeek your services?
PLLLLLLOT TWISSSSSST!
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7168763 Sincere apologies if my comment came off too strong, Ryvaken. I often see comments telling authors how we're messing up such characters as Zecora, or complaints about someone going overboard with the country dialogue of the Apple family, and I overreacted.
But certainly, you can see that Zecora is very difficult to write for, as most of us don't have the tools to do that task. Somewhere, I came across a post where someone provided a link to where folks could look up rhyming words, which actually helped with my stories. I'll try to find it again and post it here. Of course, getting the metering adjusted for her dialogue is A LOT harder.
As for what I said, I'm willing to own up on it, myself. There's one individual who came out with a fantastic idea for a story idea, but he had severe grammar issues. Rather than pound him like a grammar nazi, I offered my services to assist him as well as provided tools for him to help himself. As a result, his story has really picked up in popularity. Furthermore, his grammar has improved immensely on his own so much that his last couple of chapters needed almost no editing.
Lord of Dorkness recently posted such a blog about writing for Zecora, with a link to a rhyming dictionary.
7170372 Yep! That's the one. Thanks!
"So what happens now?"
So MiCherry's alive, and Candy's still a human in the Matrix. Interesting way to approach the situation. I can't help but worry that you're going to introduce the old "headvoices" cliche, but you probably won't go snarky with it.
That pendant reminds me of a horcrux.