The retort of the gun was a loud, deafening thing that left ears ringing all around the room. Alan's eyes slowly opened, and he lowered the foreleg he’d thrown up in panic, cautiously peering around. Everything but him, Twilight and their friends was frozen, and the Princess was panting from the exertion, her horn flickering with the light of her spell. There were several human figures in the room, the closest being a mere three meters away, gun in hand and straining in an effort to move .
Hovering right in front of Allan, was the bullet that had just been fired, and it too was attempting to continue its trajectory and ram home between Alan's eyes. Cautiously and wisely, Allan moved aside, so that he was no longer in the bullet's path.
Since Twilight was busy concentrating on holding the spell, that left Allan to speak up. “Okay, listen up you lot, cause I’m only saying this once. We. Are. Not. Your. Enemy. So keep your guns down! We’re gonna let you go, and then we’re gonna talk this out. Anyone who tries to shoot us gets punched unconscious. Got it? Good.”
Twilight let the spell go, and things started to move again. The bullet slammed into the floor, and the human with the gun fell on their ass, cursing loudly. No one seemed to want to move, but, in compliance with Alan's request, they lowered their guns….slowly.
With things now a little calmer, Allan was able to take in more of the apartment. All in all, there were five people in the main room of his apartment, each with a pistol or bolt action rifle. There were three rooms in total, the main room serving as a kitchen, dining/living room, and guest bedroom, thanks to the fold up couch bed set up opposite a small television and internet router box. The other two rooms were a small bedroom, and a bathroom, complete with shower, toilet and sink. Not a bad place for a twenty-three year old….was he still only Twenty-three?
Something Allan found interesting, was how he and his friends only came up to the human’s chests, but were a little bigger than them in regards to overall size.
As the guns slowly sank down and their muzzles pointed towards the floor and away from Allan, he sent a silent prayer to whichever gods may be watching…..then sent another to Luna, Celestia and Cadance, just to be sure.
“Thank you.” Allan breathed a sigh of relief, trying to stop his stomach from doing panicked somersaults in his torso.
Twilight stepped up, playing the part of the diplomat despite her lack of experience. “Thank you for lowering your weapons. My name is Twilight Sparkle-”
One of the humans snorted with laughter, before another one shushed him.
Twilight rolled her eyes and kept going. “Me and my friends have come from our world to help stop the one responsible for all this. Can you please tell us what’s been going on?”
The shooter from before stares through their makeshift mask before sighing, a female voice coming through the cloth. “You didn’t jump us when you had the advantage. Pretty sure those things out there wouldn’t let us go if they caught us…. Makes you a hell of a lot better than them in my book, so I’ll trust you…..for now at least.” She holstered her pistol, and began to explain. “Alright, so, things were pretty normal until a few months ago, when people started acting really weird, telling us to stay in our homes, and to not resist. Those towers started popping up all over the place, and those things did too. When some of us didn’t listen to the warnings, those people who’d been telling us not to resist started getting violent, forcing anyone who disobeyed to do as they said. Then those bug things came in and started hauling people away, and when those people they’d taken came back, they were acting like the other ones.”
“They were brainwashed?” Rainbow asked, worried. “That’s like what happened with your brother!”
Twilight nodded, grimly, while Allan blanched. “Please, continue.”
The woman nodded, starting up again. She sounded tired, like she had been running a marathon and only just paused for a rest. “ A bunch of us decided we weren’t going to stand for that, and someone must of called the army, because they came in and surrounded the city.” The woman sighed, sadly. “That’s when that dome thing went up, and the military couldn’t get through, no matter what they tried, and no one could get out either. Things went to shit pretty fast after that. Someone gathered up a bunch of people and weapons, started trying to fight back, but it wasn’t even a fight. Those things beat them without even trying, and anyone that’s left has been hiding out ever since. We only just escaped a patrol yesterday while looking for supplies, and we’ve been waiting for an opportunity to leave.”
“It seemed pretty clear to us on the way here. We picked up your trail when we found your vehicle. There were blood spatters. Are any of you hurt?”
One of the men lifted up a hand, showing off a red stained bandage. “Me. I cut my hand on the glass getting out of the car.”
Rarity trotted forward, her magic pulling the man’s hand closer to her as she examined the wound with a critical eye. The man protested, but Rarity shushed him. “That bandage won’t do. You need proper stitches.” She brought out a small sewing kit from a pocket in her shirt, and started to administer her mandated treatment. While she was doing that, the other humans started to come further out of hiding, now that they had less reason to fear the ponies. They steered clear of Allan, but they seemed curious about the rest of the ponies. But that was it. The ice had been broken, or at least fractured, just a bit. A few moments later, and the humans and ponies were talking together, exchanging knowledge, and swapping stories as if they were old companions. Allan wasn’t sure why this was the case, but he decided it might be because it was the closest thing to normal that these people had experienced in some time, and they had been craving normalcy.
“Five minutes on Earth, and they’re already making friends.” Allan muttered with a smile, watching the scene of first contact with some mild amusement. A set of booted footsteps drew his attention back to the shooter from before, who had warily approached Allan, no doubt with questions to ask.
“Sorry about nearly blowing your face off.” She said. Well, that was a surprise, an apology before the questions.
“Don’t worry about it.” Allan replied, a little tersely. “I’m sure I would have done the same, had our roles been reversed. I’m…..Bronze. Bronze Riff.”
The woman reached up with her hand, and pulled off her mask, letting her brown hair tumble down in it’s ponytail, and her familiar blue eyes stared freely back at him.
“I’m Katherine Ryder.”
Alan's eyes went wide with shock, ears folding down as he realized what had almost happened. He’d almost been shot by his own sister! Shot! Sister! By! His brain scrambled to reboot as he stared at her, and she stared uncomfortably back.
“W-what? Do I look that ugly to you? Wow….harsh.” Kathy being there was not expected. The odds of running into her were astronomical, and the odds she’d be free of Chrysalis were even slimmer. What had she gone through to survive this long? What had she done to survive? Those thoughts and questions ran through Alan's head, but while his subconscious was busy asking questions A, B, all the way through to Z, his conscious was busy memorizing the details of her face, as if he’d never seen this woman before in his life. How long had it been since he’d seen her? Two years? Three?
“You’re….you’re staring at me.”
Allan blinked, trying to hide his watering eyes as he forced himself to deal with reality. “Sorry! I don’t know what came over me...I’ll….I’ll leave you alone now…” He stood, turning away from her and starting to walk away.
“Hey, wait…..You...you sound familiar…”
He stiffened, not wanting to turn and face her. She couldn’t know. She’d not trust him, or believe him, and it would break his heart. She seemed to be leading these people, and if she thought he was lying, she’d think he was a spy, and then she’d stop trusting the others. His heart pounded in his chest, and he felt weak in the knees.
“You’re imagining things.” He replied, stiffly. “We’ve never met.”
“No, I’m not. I’m pretty sure I’ve heard you somewhere before.”
Allan knew he sounded different as a Changeling, but he was pretty certain she could still recognize his voice if he didn’t try to hide it. He shifted his vocal chords around a little, before he spoke again. “No, you’re definitely imagining things!”
Her eyes narrowed. Katherine was not stupid, she’d noticed the change. A silence fell through the room as everyone and everypony stopped talking, focusing on the changeling and Katherine. “Turn around.” She commanded.
“Why?”
“Turn around, now!”
Alan's legs felt like jelly. He slowly pivoted around, putting on a mask of false calm, one which was already cracking. “You’re being very loud.” He cautioned.
Katherine kneeled down and looked him in the eyes, a solemn look of quiet fury etched into her features. “I know you’re not the same as those things out there, but I bet you can do the same things they can. Stop pretending. Look me in the eyes and tell me who you are.”
“I’m Bronze Riff.” Allan felt his voice tremble.
“Tell me the truth.” Kathy snarled.
“I-I’m Bronze-”
“ThE TRUTH DAMNIT!”
“NO!” Allan cried. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t ruin the chance to save her.
“THE TRUTH!”
Allan threw himself to the floor, hooves over his ears. He wouldn’t break. He wanted to, but he wouldn’t let himself.
“TELL ME THE TRUTH!”
His lips were trying to betray him already, their narrow lengths wobbling as he strained to keep the words in, but it was an ultimately futile attempt. Maybe he could get away with saying it in a way she couldn’t hear hi?
The whisper crept from his lips before he could stop it. “Allan…..”
“LOUDER!”
Allan felt it in his chest. He couldn’t stop it. He couldn’t even try.
“I’M ALLAN RYDER!!!”
Silence. Dead silence. Silence so dead it’s tombstone had been ground to dust. Allan's whole body shook. He’d done it. He’d just ruined any hope of saving his family’s lives. She wouldn’t trust him. She’d hate him. She’d turn him away. She’d-
A hand delicately lifted up his head, and directed his gaze into a pair of oh so familiar eyes, which bored into his tear filled ones with a focus so intense it could crack glass. Kathy stared at him for a good long while, the silence in the room deafening.
A tear dripped to the floor. It wasn’t Allan's.
“It’s you.”
Allan's ears shot up, unable to believe what they had heard.
“I don’t know how…..but it’s really you.”
He blinked, trying to make sense of it.
“Allan…”
His mind roiled. She….she believed him?
He stared back at her stupified expression, both siblings unable to move.
“You stupid twat.”
His ears flicked. A bubble of laughter filled his chest.
“I’ve missed you.” Her arms were folding around him, wrapping him in a great warm hug, and he felt his tears flow freely. She believed him. She was crying, and laughing. And he was crying. And laughing. It felt good. “I’ve missed you so much….”
“I’ve missed you too, Kathy…..” He sob-laughed, pulling back to wipe his tears. Katherine pulled back too, eyes roaming up and down the alien body that she had recognized as her brother.
“What the hell happened to you? You’re a bug-horse!”
“Which you shot at, you great pleb!” Allan responded, indignantly. “Hell of a welcome home, don’t you think?”
Her hands clapped to her mouth as she realized what she’d almost done. “Oh my god! I almost killed you!”
“Yeah, you did! You’re a lousy sister!” Allan accused, grinning through his tears. “Lousy, lousy, lousy!”
”Lousy? Which of us has been being impersonated by a horrible bug-bitch for the past few months?!”
The two continued to trade playfully snide comments back and forth as the rest of the room watched in either confusion or delight.
“Uh, what’s going on?” One man asked, looking to his nearest friend.
“Not a damn clue.” Was her reply.
Fluttershy was too busy smiling to voice any comments, while Applejack had her hat clutched to her chest and a tear in her eye. Rarity looked about ready to start bawling her eyes out, Pinkie was grinning a grin a mile wide, and Twilight beamed happily. Three of the humans had managed to piece together the fact that this bug-horse was somehow Kathy’s missing brother, and were just standing awkwardly, wandering what to do as Allan and Kate caught up on several years worth of lost time.
“So why did you guys come here?” Allan asked, having poked enough fun at his sister for the time being. “I mean, to my apartment, specifically?”
Kate lead him to the window and pointed at something in the street below. “That.”
Alan's eyes went wide with joy. “Little Blue! She’s still there! I thought she’d have been towed for sure!”
“After that bitch wearing your face insisted on staying at Mom and Dad’s until it ‘felt ready’, Dad pulled some strings so they wouldn’t take your stuff. Being a cop has perks.” Kate grinned.
“Little blue? What’s “little blue”?” Applejack asked, confused.
“That’s “Little Blue”. Allan pointed out the window, directly at a small, blue truck just across the street from the apartment building they were in. “Bought her for cheap off of our late Uncle Max a few years ago. She got me anywhere I needed to go with little fuss. She’s older than most of us and still runs like a beauty!” Turning to his sister, he raised an eyebrow. “And you want to take her?”
Kate shrugged, smiling sheepishly. “Well, it wasn’t like you were using it, and since I was sure I could find the key, it was better than breaking into some random car and bringing more of those black-shelled creeps down on us before we could hotwire it. You kinda interrupted our little search.”
“The key was with me when I ended up going to Equus, and I don’t think it survived the trip.” Allan groaned, before clopping his hooves together. “But the spare key should be…..”
He trotted easily past one of Kate’s friends, offering a polite “excuse me” as he did, before reaching up with his magic, and lifting a small, metal shape out of a large wall lamp shaped similarly to a bowl, above his couch. Oddly enough, despite most of the other lights in its set being on, this particular light fixture was still dark.
“This neighborhood was always a hotspot for burglary, and I didn’t want my things getting nicked, so I kept hiding stuff in here, since it’s the one light in here that doesn’t work.” Allan's eyes lit up as he pulled out something else. “My MP3 player! Thought I’d never hear my music again…” He galloped off into the bedroom, and returning with a set of earbuds to plug into the small device. He stuck the buds into their respective ears, pressed a button, which turned it on. “You still have power! Oh hell yes….” He quickly went through his selection of songs before pressing play, and nearly swooned at the crisp, electronic reproduction of music. Oh the little things…..
It was only after the first verse that he realized everyone was staring at him like he was insane, so, with an embarrassed grin, he pulled out his headphones and tucked the MP3 Player into a small bag fitted into his armour. “Not the best time to get distracted, huh?”
Katie shook her head, muttering the words ‘scatterbrained oaf’ to herself. Allan gave her the key, while she stared at his horn. “.....you’d better explain this all to me at some point, mister.”
“Who are you? Our Mom?” Allan snorted. “Come on. We’d better get out of here and to wherever you guys are holed up before we get caught.”
“My thoughts exactly.” Rarity chimed in, having stitched up the man’s hand and re-bandaged it. “I think we should be careful out there. There’s one of those ghastly towers nearby, and there are Changelings all around it.”
“Changelings? Is that what they’re called?” Katherine asked. “We just call ‘em bugs most of the time.”
“Well, whatever they’re called, let’s try not attracting their attention!” The man whose hand Rarity had stitched up said, ushering his friends towards the door. The ponies nodded to one another, and soon, emptied the apartment. The last to leave, Allan took one last look at the rooms he had spent much of his life before Equestria in, a heavy feeling settling in the pit of his stomach. One way or another, this was the last time he would set foot…...hoof, in this place.
As he stared, something flashed before his eyes. A single image, burned into his retinas. One that set his heart beating wildly. The twisted and mangled corpses of the ones he loved, dead because he had failed to stop Chrysalis.
Allan turned tail and bolted, slamming the door shut as he went.
**********************************
The street outside was clear of Changelings, much to the relief of the five humans, who made a beeline for Little Blue, with Kate headed right to the drivers side door. As Allan emerged, shaken, from the building, he got the awful feeling that he had forgotten something important. Something that could cause a lot of problems.
Kate unlocked the door, and climbed into the drivers seat. She turned to her companions and gave a few swift orders. “Alice, Allan, you’re with me in the cab. The rest of you, in the back!”
Allan and the woman who Kate had called Alice hopped inside the drivers section of the truck, whilst everyone, and everypony else hopped and clambered into the back, except Rainbow, Fluttershy, and Twilight, who stayed put outside, since they had wings.
“Kay, you guys hold on back there! Those things are going to hear us, and when they come, we have to be ready to fight them off!” Kate turned to her brother, perched in the space between her and Alice. “I hope your friends can do more than we can, with all that fancy armour. “
Allan smiled, though it was without any joy, completely grim. “I hope so too.”
Kate breathed out, readying herself, before turning the key.
The truck let out a loud, throaty roar, starting to rev up-
Before sputtering and dying.
Everyone was dead silent.
Kate twisted the key. The truck roared…..and died.
The truck roared again…...and again….
“Uh…..no offense, but ain’t this here thingamajig supposed to move?” Applejack asked, worriedly.
“Yes!” Kate yelled back. “Come on! Come on! Start damn you!”
Beside her, Allan realized what he’d forgotten, and, panicked, turned to Kate. “I didn’t have my truck with me that last night before I left because something was wrong with it! I had to get it towed here! It won’t start unless we fix it!”
Katherine’s face went white, and her head whipped around towards the direction of the Changeling tower Rarity had noticed before. The sound of buzzing wings could be faintly heard.
“Shit!!” Alice cried, opening the door and jumping out of the cab. She ran to the front of the truck and yelled back. “Open the hood! I’ll try and find what’s wrong!”
Allan vaulted out of the cab too, galloping around the truck to join his friends as they stood, eyes scanning the surrounding area for any sign of Chrysalis’s new swarm. The buzzing was growing louder, coming from all directions, but it was nowhere near the cacophony of the Badlands Hive.
“Allan, what are you doing!?!?” Kate cried from the cab window.
“We’ll keep the Changelings off your back! Get Blue fixed now!” Allan barked back. Kate was stunned for a moment, seeing the eyes of the Changeling Allan had become, instead of the eyes of the man he had been. She barely recognized those eyes now. Focused. Driven. Alive.
“Okay….” She murmured.
“There!” One of the men crouched in the truck cried, pointing to a flying black figure emerging from between two buildings a block away. It was high up, perhaps ten stories, but it had already seen them and had changed its course.
“I got him!” Yelled a second man, whom Allan had heard Alice call Jacob back in the apartment. He raised his rifle, lined up his shot, and pulled the trigger. The bullet struck a projected shield, just in front of the Changeling’s face, and it veered aside slightly, still heading for the twelve of them.
A spell danced on it’s horn, before careening towards the group. Twilight’s own horn lit up, deflecting the spell easily with a shield of her own, before a beam of energy smashed through the Changeling’s shield and into the Changeling’s chest, sending it flying backwards through a window, shattering the glass with a loud crash.
“That was just a scout!” Jacob called. “There’ll be more any second!”
“Too bad!” Alice called, triumphantly. “I got it! Start her up!”
Kate twisted the key, and the engine roared to life, before settling into a throaty purr. “Yes! All of you, back in the truck, now! Let’s go let’s go let’s go!”
None of them needed telling twice, and the sound of several sets of hooves clanging on metal was quickly overpowered by the engine roaring as Kate pulled away from the curb, tires screeching, and started to speed down the street.
Applejack and Rarity had to hold onto their hats, though only the former found the sudden onset of speed exciting. “Yeeeehaw!!!!!!!!”
Allan spun about in the trailer, looking back up to were the Changeling had crashed. It was stood in the broken window frame, and, as he watched, it took off after them, swiftly followed by…...Allan felt the blood drain from his face. Over a hundred changelings filled the sky behind them, and they were gaining fast.
“FLOOR IT!!” He screamed.
***********************************
Nice we are finally getting in the action part of the story.
it's time to fight back against the bug menace! https://youtu.be/5QmvEbphF8c
9072213
Nice reference...
9072224
Oh hush, Mr Sarcasm.
9072959
That's because there aren't any words. They're Act pages, separating the story into three chunks. I want to try and get artwork in them at some point, but for now, they're just blank. There's nothing wrong with your phone.
well shit this just turned side-wise really fast.
a grate chapter, this story ark looks to be vary interesting.
So I assume chrysalis had to brainwash everyone she met because she sucks at acting even though she is a changleing,
Should have used an OC changeling as a villain chrysallis is fodder who needs a deux ex machina to be a reasonable threat.
9073290
No, she just needs her ENEMIES to stop getting Deus Ex Machina's. Think about it. The Wedding? Until Shining and Cadence did the bullshit "Power of Love-one shot KO" she had Canterlot on the ropes. When she captured the main 6, Discord, Trixie all the other Princesses and Shining for good measure, she had removed every major opponent in Equestria....right up until the writers introduced the concept of Changelings sharing love and made Thorax a Stag-beetle-moose-horse (I do like the design, but I can see other people's displeasure). Chrysalis doesn't need a Deus Ex Machina. Her plans need Deus Ex Machina's to be stopped, because her plans work too well (Mean 6 being an exception, rather than the rule.). Without Equestria constantly getting their own Deus Ex Machina's, and having so many Magical McGuffins getting pulled out of their ass at the last minue, Chrysalis and Tirek would have flattened Equestria for sure, and the other villains would have had a shot a it too.
Chrysalis now has the majority of a human city on her side, so she has a BIG army now, enough to trump Equestria's standing force, given that they're barely trained and know more about standing around looking pretty than actual fighting. She has a shield to keep the other humans from interfering, so she's got a secure foothold on Earth. All she needs to do to win, is finish her plan, which we'll find out about soon enough. Unlike the show, I'm not going to use a bloody Deus Ex Machina to get my main characters out. They're going to earn it. And there will be blood before this is over.
9073349
If the humans suspect that the city is truly infested with hostile aliens intent on taking over the planet, regardless of the fact that people may still be alive in the city, they WILL use tactical nukes to take down that shield. Magical blasts may be pretty powerful, and a magic shield could stop them, but a fifteen-million degree nuke against the shield would collapse it pretty darn quick. Followed by another two nukes at the base of each of the towers, and good-bye aliens. (I refuse to believe that their magic could create a shield that could stop a blast capable of creating a melted crater a hundred yards in diameter and four or five yards deep-- much less a dozen or so more in quick succession.) Heck, even the old battleships throwing twenty-ton shells at four hundred miles an hour would power through a magic shield like it wasn't there.
9162047
Oi, there's an explanation comin on that, so hold yer horses.
9162455
I would imagine so. It is, after all, your story, and you know the plot!
9073349
What about what happened during the events of The Mean Six? If the main OCs in this story were voiced, what would they sound like?
9252678 You mean, what would my character sound like if Chrysalis created doppelgangers of them? I don't know. Allan's clone would definitely be far less empathetic, and probably talk in a deeper tone. I could imagine him being quite quick to violence, bordering on complete psychopathy. I'm not sure about anyone else. I don't know if "Mean Six" would happen in my continuity, so it's kind of a moot point until I make up my mind on what happens to Chryssi in the end. I have two major ideas, and only one would have her continue to be a ongoing threat.
The Allan Ryder test. Is he crying? no, not Allan Ryder. Is it crying, yes its Allan Ryder.
Beats head on desk.
Ok, Ill be honest, you kept my interest for well over 20 chapters, but the reader has to empathize with the main character. The hero has to be a person the reader can see themselves as being. Most writers write their main characters dense as teak. I simply can't put myself into the place of someone who makes decisions I consider ridiculous over and over.
You don't do this. Your character is actually intelligent. so props for that. However you made him a blubbering mess. Im sorry he comes across as more of a teenaged girl than a early adult male. I can't empathize with that. I can't see myself making these decisions if I were in these situations.
I just can't keep reading this. Im simply not invested in seeing the characters future. There is nothing to him but a crying frightened adult.
Im really sorry, I don't normally give negative feedback because I want to encourage writers, but I felt I had to say this here.
You've made some mistakes in this story, but you obviously are a great writer, I look forward to seeing what else you can come up with in future.
The Monk
9655820
Okay, I'll stop you right there. Most of the characters that I thoroughly enjoy reading about, watching about or playing, are characters I know I could NEVER BE LIKE. Relatability, or lack of it, as a character flaw is a stupid and empty argument because 90% of all characters ever written are UNRELATABLE.
Also, might I just point out the stress and worry he's been under? Even in his relaxed moments, this guy has the constant, niggling worries about his family possibly being dead or brainwashed, about whether or not he's ready to fight this battle, or if he will lose everything he's gained in the process.
And yet, despite crying a lot and being emotional, he fucking gets on with it anyway. Because that's who he is. I fucking adore that quality in characters. They go through shit, show us their weaknesses, and then put on their big boy/girl pants and march right back into hell to give their demons what for.
You can't relate to him? Tough doodies. Neither can most of the rest of my audience. Just the same as I can't relate to Doctor Who, Lara Croft, Frodo and/or Sam, Aragorn, Captains Kirk, Picard, Janeway, Sisko, Archer or Pike. I can't relate to the Joker or Batman, or even most of the cast of Mlp. But do you know what? I still enjoy watching, reading and playing them anyway, despite not being able to relate.
Here's the rub, pal. Allan isn't you. He isn't anyone you know. He's a guy fighting in a war as a species he wasn't born as, with magic and swords and friendship rainbow laser death beams. He isn't even someone I can relate to- despite his initial character being loosely modeled off of my own life. He isn't relatable, and I never intended to make a RELATABLE character, because relatable, to me, would be piss fucking boring.
And, may I also add, that you are the ONLY PERSON TO MAKE THIS COMPLAINT. No one else has been bothered by this story and it's characters so much that they couldn't finish it, and felt the need to then whine at me about it.
So if you can't bring yourself to read my story because the character I created doesn't act the way YOU THINK HE SHOULD, that's entirely YOUR PROBLEM.
So fuckin' deal with it mate.
Sincerely yours- Vegan.
9656380
I think what that reader was looking for, I can't seem to find the technical name for it, but basically where the characters are so bland that they are easy for the reader/viewer to put themselves in their place. It is a technique used by Keanu Reeves and whatzername from Twilight. They get a lot of flak from critics for being bland actors, but it is the blandness that allows the audience to imagine themselves as the lead.
Your characters, on the other hoof, have depth and personalities that lend themselves to being observed. Neither method is better than the other, they are just different styles that produce different reactions in the audience.