I Killed Fiddy Men, Not Ponies

by LtMajorDude

I met the Mane 6

Cotton continued to look around in this strange world.

Eventually he walked into a park with ponies everywhere.

"I need to ask someone where I am." he muttered.

He noticed these six ponies having a picnic. "Hilarious." he groaned.

Cotton looked closely. There was a purple unicorn, a pink pony, an orange pony with a cowboy hat, a white unicorn, an those two pegasi he saw a while ago.

He shrugged. He might as well ask them.

As soon as he walked up to them, they stopped eating and looked at Cotton.

Cotton rolled my eyes, "Excuse me ladies. You know where the hell i am?"

The purple unicorn looked confused.

"What's hell?" she asked politely

Cotton grunted. "Ya don't know what hell is? What kind of a world is this?"

The purple unicorn looked more confused.

"Umm...You are in the world of Equestria." she said.

Cotton became angry. "The hell kinda name is that? Jesus Christ, am i in a women's show"

The orange pony tilted her head.

"Who in tarnation is Jesus Christ?"

He shook his head. "Forget it OK?"

The pink pony jumped to Cotton.

"Oh! Oh! I should throw a welcome party! Just for him! What should I make the party theme?" She said in an impossible speed.

Cotton looked at the white unicorn. "She on PCP or something?"

The white unicorn giggled. "I don't know what PCP is but I don't think she has that or something. She's just always like that"

He rolled his eyes. The blue pegasus flew to him.

"I like this guy." She said with a smirk. "He gets too angry."

Cotton rolled his eyes and glared at the yellow pegasus, who was silent the whole time.

The purple horse walked up to him. "And you are?" she asked.

Cotton thought for a moment. "Should Ah tell 'em my real name?" he thought "Eh, screw it."

He looked at the purple unicorn. "Cotton Hill"

The purple unicorn smiled. "I'm Twilight Sparkle."

The blue pegasus smirked. "Name's Rainbow Dash!"

The pink pony giggled. "PINKIE PIE!"

The white unicorn bowed. "My name is Rarity."

The orange pony tipped her hat to Cotton. "Howdy! Name's Applejack."

The yellow pegasus grinned weakly. "Fluttershy"

"What the hell is wit' these names?!" Cotton thought. "And Ah thought Hank Rutherford Hill was bad!"

Twilight walked up to him. "Can I talk to you later? I still have some questions to talk."

He shrugged. "Sure, why not?"

Twilight smiled. "Great! Where do you live?"

"Can't let her know Ah'm from another world." Cotton thought. "Uhh...Ah just moved here."

Applejack got curious. "From where?"

"Ah crap." Cotton thought.

Rainbow Dash flew next to me. "Manehatten, Canterlot...?"

"Screw it." he thought. "Umm...Manehatten?"

Rarity frowned. "So you don't have a home"

Cotton shook his head.

Twilight smiled. "If you want...I have an extra room in my home"

Pinkie Pie nodded rapidly. "I also have an extra room!"

Rarity smiled. "I have an attic I'm not using. You can live in it"

Applejack nodded. "I don't have any extra rooms but you can live in mah barn"

Fluttershy smiled weakly. "My cottage has an extra room."

Rainbow Dash shrugged. "Sorry but my home is up in the sky. Only pegasus ponies can live there. You're an Earth pony. Sorry."

"I'm an earth pony?" Cotton thought. "What the hell? Ah forget it. So. Where should I live? Twilight sounds like a nerd. Pinkie's crazy. Rarity's too gentlemen-like or something like that. Rainbow Dash makes a point. Fluttershy's too shy. But Applejack..."

Cotton smiled at Applejack. "Alright. I'll live with you. Thank you"

His eyes widen. "Did I just thank a WOMAN?" he thought.

Applejack smiled brightly. "Ah shucks. No problem."

Twilight smiled. "Want to join our picnic?"

He shrugged. "Why not?"

He sat next to Applejack. "What the..." he thought. "My shins! They're back! It is weren't for this girly crap, i would thank you God."

He dug into the picnic basket and took out a sandwich...

...a hay and flower sandwich. "Really?" he said to himself.

He gulped and took a bite. "Huh. Doesn't taste like crap." he said to himself.

He relaxed and began eating with the ponies.

---

After the picnic

Nighttime

He began walking with Applejack to her home.

When they reached it, Applejack smiled proudly.

"Welcome to Sweet Apple Acres!" she said as she pointed to the acres of apple trees.

Cotton whistled at the sight of the orchard. "Wow! I never knew you were a farmer. I thought you were a cowgirl or something."

She chuckled at his last statement and said. "Come on! I'll introduce you to mah family"

She walked to a farmhouse and called out her family. Three ponies came out.

Applejack pointed to the big red Earth pony. "This here's Big Macintosh, mah big brother!"

Big Macintosh nodded. "Eeyup."

"Oh God. You had to put me in a world wit' a Hank Hill." Cotton thought with a small scared look on his face. "Just great. Meh. Maybe he ain't a jackass like my son."

Applejack pointed to the small pony. "This here's Apple Bloom, mah lil' sister!"

Apple Bloom smiled. "Howdy!"

"Cute" Cotton thought. "Wait, did I just call a girl CUTE? Oh Lord why?"

Applejack pointed to the light green pony that looked about his age. "And this here's Granny Smith!"

Granny Smith nodded. "Mighty nice to see you"

"Finally, a horse about mah age." he thought.

Cotton smiled nervously. "I'm surrounded by women." he thought. "And Hank Hill the Big Red Dog."

Cotton cleared his throat. "um. Can you show me my room, um, I mean the barn, or somthing"

Applejack nodded. "Sure thing!"

She led him to the barn, which was in poor condition.

"Barn looks like a dump" Cotton muttered with a whistle.

Applejack smiled weakly. "Yeah, sorry about that."

Cotton shrugged. "That's fine. One time I spent 2 weeks under a pile of dead bodies on Iwo Jima. You wouldn't imagine the smell..."

Applejack gulped. "W-What's Iwo Jima?"

"Damnit Cotton." he thought. "Umm...Just kidding. I made the whole thing up...heh..." He smiled like an idiot.

Applejack grinned nervously. "Um...OK...Good night!"

She walked back to her home. Cotton stared at his bed...a pile of hay.

"Eh. Whatever." he thought as he laid on the hay. "Huh. Felt comfortable."

Eventually Cotton fell asleep. "Man what a day..." he said before dozing off.

---

Applejack walked to her home. She was still wondering what Iwo Jima was.

She looked nervous. Even though Cotton said he was joking, she couldn't help but think that he was lying.

She shook her head. She was tired. She'll think about it another time.

Comments

[Terrorizer231]

My thoughts on the story so far:

On the bad side, you tend to rush a bit. You don't crowd your story that much, but there's little meat in it. And there are some mild mistakes in grammar and spelling, but that's the norm for most stories.

On the plus side, you did Cotton pretty well. And I really like this idea . Keep it up!

[bluemoon1996]

You get a like for doing a king of the hill story

[Celestias Paladin]

Funny thing is Cotton Hill sounds like a perfectly reasonable pony name

[LtMajorDude]

3207829
Now that you mentioned it, it does kinda sound like one.

[Zachurra]

You get a like for doing a king of the hill story

I second that emotion
Will return once there are a few more chapters so i may more thoroughly enjoy this spark of genius

[Shirohige]

I love the second Peggy tells Cotton not to die, he just does. Lol Cotton is such a prick

[Marokk]

3208482 Cotton is synonymous with the word prick.

[LtMajorDude]

3211697
What do you think?

[SHITSTORM]

Moar now!

[Paladin Redflare]

Ahhh... THIS IS F'ING FUNNY! If a bit rushed.

[recca pony]

i like this so far cotton is my favorite too bad they killed him on the show