I Killed Fiddy Men, Not Ponies

by LtMajorDude

=Yup, Yup, Yup, Mmm hmm=

"Yup"

"Mmm hmm"

---

Hank Hill and Jeff Boomhauer were outside Hank's house, sipping beer.

Hank was the man with brown hair and blue jeans. He stood as he drank his beer.

A young man with yellow hair and tannish skin, Boomhauer, stood next to Hank. Boomhauer had a black t-shirt and blue jeans.

It was 6:00 PM.

Thursday.

October 30.

One day before Halloween.

2009.

Hank finished selling propane and propane accessories today and scaring off teenage Halloween pranksters at work. Boomhauer just got back from a one-night stand with a Halloween store attendant.

A few minutes later, they noticed someone, in an exterminator suit and wearing a gas mask, coming out of Hank neighbor's house.

"Oh God" Hank muttered after realizing who it was:
Dale Gribble, Hank's crazy best friend.

Dale came to the guys and quoted through his mask.

"It is my destiny to be the nameless, faceless executioner" Dale said in a muffled voice, thanks to his mask. "But do not fear me for I am just part of the circle of life..."

"...the last part."

Dale then got into his fighting stance.

"Made you flinch" Dale said before letting out a muffled laughter, as Hank and Boomhuaer just stood there, looking at Dale.

A fat man dressed like a ghost walked up to Dale.

"Hey Dale" Bill replied.

Dale turned around...

...then screamed like a girl.

"AHHHHHH!"

Everyone started to laugh.

Dale took off his mask and frowned as he shook his head.

"Dale, what are you doing?" Hank asked after he finished laughing.

"What? Can't a guy show off his new threads?" Dale replied, grabbing a beer from the cooler next to Hank and standing next to him.

Bill removed his costume. He was an obese man wearing a white shirt and blue jeans. Despite being bald, he still had some brown hair on his head.

He took a beer from the cooler and stood next to Boomhauer.

"I wanted to dress as a military soldier but nothing can beat a ghost. Besides, there's always next year!" Bill said before he sipped his beer.

"There won't be a next year!" Dale muttered. "I had a dream that someone named Seth MacSomething was gonna destroy our world!-!"

Boomhauer just stared at Dale and shook his head. "Dang ol' getting stupider man. Must be dat dang old smoking, nicotine, I tell you what, yo man."

Hank just shook his head and headed home.

"Stupid Dale. Thinking the world's gonna end" Hank replied, holding back his laughter.

Dale watched Hank go to his house and shook his head.

"He's gonna regret saying that" he said as he sipped his beer.

Boomhauer shook his head and chuckled.

"Dang o end of the world man I tell you want man i read this here story Dang O' Horses and let me tell you yo man dang o GAY man not the ponies man the damn story tell you what man NOT creative and POORLY written, tell you what man yo"

Dale glared at Boomhauer.

"THIS IS NO LAUGHING MATTER Boomhauer. The next day our world will be destroyed!"

Bill cringed.

"We're all gonna DIE TOMORROW?"

Dale shook his head.

"Nope. In my dream, we were all reincarnated into another world."

Bill widen his eyes.

"Really?"

Bill thought a moment and looked happy.

"WOW."

Bill headed home as he put on his costume.

Boomhauer put a hand on his forehead. "Why do I dang old listen to you Gribble man, dang ol' end of the world, 4th season, government shut down, man damn, I tell you what"

Boomhauer and Dale turned to see Hank's Laotian neighbor Kahn, who was taking out the trash.

"What's wrong hillbillies? Ran out of food stamps?" Kahn quipped before laughing.

Dale shook his head. "Nope. Just talking about how the world is gonna end"

Kahn laughed "You hillbillies say the most stupidest things ever! Even Cotton was better than you rednecks!"

Dale looked sad. "Ah yes. Colonel Cotton Hill. May he rest in peace"

Kahn sighed. "Poor guy. Probably being tortured by Satan. Well, I better head inside and install my new security cameras. Don't want teenagers TPing my house!"

Kahn went back to his house, leaving Dale and Boomhauer outside.

Dale decided to start some conversation. "So Dang O' Horses? I read that story. Crap."

Boomhauer rolled his eyes "Tell you what man, dang o tell me about man"

Dale nodded. Even though he hated the story (especially when that mare just kissed that stallion like THAT), he didn't like it when someone insults ponies.

Yes.

Dale is a brony.

---

It was 11:56 PM

Hank was trying to go to sleep but couldn't.

He looked at the clock and shrugged.

"Well since I'm awake, I might as well grab a beer" he thought.

Hank got off the bed and went to the kitchen.

Hank exited the room quietly and arrived at the kitchen.

Dale was hiding in the basement.

He still has his suit and mask.

He was busy looking at his watch.

Boomhauer was still in bed trying to sleep.

It was not working so far.

Bill tried to sleep but couldn't.

Mostly because he was sleeping in the couch, since he was too lazy to sleep in his bed.

Kahn was not even asleep.

He was putting the finishing touches to the cameras.

11:57 PM

Hank took a beer from the fridge and opened it.

He stood next to window, taking a sip.

Dale gritted his teeth.

Boomhauer tried counting sheep.

Bill also tried counting sheep.

Kahn smirked as he went to his home.

11:58 PM

Hank chuckled to himself.

"End of the world. Good one Dale"

He continued to drink his beer.

He could not wait for Halloween.

"Anytime..." Dale said.

"25 sheep" Bill said.

"Dang o' 25 sheep man" Boomhauer said.

"Kiss my ass idiot teenagers" Kahn said.

11:59 PM

Hank finished his beer and went outside to put it in his recycling bin.

He noticed a white light.

"Huh?"

He tried shaking it off but it didn't go away.

It suddenly became bigger and bigger.

"What the hell?"

"Huh?"

"Is this the end?"

"Dang o' what?"

"The hell is this?"

---

Celestia sighed.

"It has begun"

---

Cotton woke up.

"Wat the hell? Ah screw it..."

Eventually he went back to sleep.

Author's Note:

Yes. I did rip off the 1st chapter from Dang O' Ponies.

Yes. Dang O' Horses IS Dang O' Ponies.

Yes. Even I, THE AUTHOR, thinks it was a mistake...kinda. I just think I could have done better. I'm not a professional writer.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!...even though it's not until 26 more days...

Comments

[Lag Incarnate]

Well shit, Hank won't survive in a world without Propane.

[Paladin Redflare]

NO PROPANE?! BUUUUUUUHHHH!!