Chapter 7
Chapter 7
Twilight had woken up a bit ago from a much needed sleep after the long day she’d had with the princess. Though, seeing she had a lot on her mind that night, it wasn't the most pleasant sleep she’d ever gotten. Instead of getting out of bed and getting ready for the day as she normally would, she opted to, instead, lie in her bed and stare up at the ceiling, deep in thought.
The lavender mare had a lot to think about after all that had happened in the last couple days. She had spent most of the night, and now the early morning, thinking about what the princess had asked her and what she wanted out of life.
Part of her was unbelievably happy. She wanted nothing more than to spend her life by Celestia's side. It was where she felt most at peace, where she felt she belonged. Even if it was just as a friendly pony to give her company, she wanted to be that pony, to make the princess feel better and be able to be of help to her. That’s all she really wanted in the end: to make Celestia proud of her.
But another part of her realized the implications of what staying here would be. What she would be leaving behind back in Ponyville if she were to stay. So she did what she does best...
She made lists and compared.
If she decided to stay here at the castle, she would have to leave her library behind. Most of her books and her favorite reading spots, those special nooks where she could read in comfortable peace, without constant interruption.
But in doing so, she would gain daily access to the Canterlot library, and all the books it contained. They wouldn't be her books, but that didn't make them any harder to read. She could study and research here just as well as back at her library, so her job wasn't in danger or anything.
She also wouldn't have to cook ever again. Never again would she have to put out another kitchen fire when trying to make dinner, or stomach another batch of burnt toast in the early morning. All of her meals would be provided when necessary, which was definitely a positive considering her lack of skill in the culinary arts.
But that would also mean she wouldn't be able to eat Spike's cooking anymore. Spike had become quite the chef from having to fix food for them most nights, and without her there who would he cook for?
And what about him? What would he do?
Would he go with her, to live in Canterlot? It would be hard to leave him behind. He wasn't just her number one assistant, he was family, but she could never ask him to leave behind all of the friends he made in Ponyville. The Cutie Mark Crusaders, his friends in town, but most of all, Rarity. How could she ask him to go with her and leave them behind?
And what about her friends?
Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie.
If she left Ponyville to live here, she would not see them on a regular basis anymore. How would she tell them that she wouldn't be around to help them when they needed her? When Winter Wrap Up came around this year, who would be there to help them keep organized and on schedule? When another ursa minor, or any other monsters of the like, started rampaging in town, who would be there to save it?
She wouldn't be around to go to Pinkie Pie's parties, or picnicking with her friends anymore. Not that she couldn't go and visit them if she wanted. After all, Ponyville wasn't that far from Canterlot. And she was sure she could arrange for a carriage to take her there whenever she felt like going.
But was it worth leaving Ponyville and all of her friends behind, to be able to stay here with the princess?
After some more thought she realized,
Yeah.
It was worth it.
It was time that she left her old self behind and found her place in the world. All of her friends had what they wanted in life. They all had a place where they belonged; a place where they wanted to be more than any other. They’d all found happiness in their lives, why not her?
And what better place to find it than by Celestia's side?
A small smile worked its way across her face as she realized now what she had always known: that she was happiest when beside the princess. She always had been, and that was where she wanted to stay.
It was the last day of the weekend, and she would soon be leaving for Ponyville. Twilight knew she wouldn't have to start living there right away. The princess wouldn't want her to make such a change without taking some time to prepare, but she would have to give her an answer eventually.
She still didn't understand what Celestia’s motive was, why the princess would even ask her to stay at the castle again. What could she offer by staying? Perhaps the princess just wanted the company... After all, she knew just how lonely it could get, living in the castle with no one but guards to talk to, which was as fruitful as conversing with the garden statues.
Now that she thought about it, Celestia spent nearly all of her time in the castle. Only occasionally did an event give her a break from her duties, and allow her to leave the city. Not only that, but she’s been a princess for over a thousand years, which would mean that, for all those years, Celestia was alone within the confines of the castle. She didn't even have her sister until just recently. No wonder she’s lonely.
Twilight had her answer: she’d stay at the castle, and keep Celestia company. Besides, it wouldn't be all that bad. She’d enjoyed the time she’d gotten to spend with the princess so far, even if it was a little different from what she had been expecting.
She could give the library to Spike to continue living at when she left. He would be upset that she was going, and would probably throw a tantrum like he did when he was smaller, but he was a big dragon now, and could handle himself even without her there to wake him up.
Her friends would likely be upset too, and not want her to go at first, but she was sure that they would come to understand her decision.
And it wasn’t as if she would be completely alone. Not only would she be with Celestia, but Luna, Cadence, and Shining would be there as well, once they got back. She was sure that her brother and her former-foalsitter would be more than happy to have her around.
Feeling invigorated by having her thoughts finally in order, and knowing her choice, she sprang out of her bed and started getting ready for the day. She would tell Celestia and let her know what her answer was. Twilight could tell that the princess wanted her to say “yes “, and she really wanted to see her face light up when she did.
After a few minutes of fixing her appearance and taking the sleep out of her features, she set off for the princess of the sun’s room, seeing as Celestia had to raise the sun in the mornings, she would more than likely be up by now. But before she was even out the door she was interrupted by a voice.
“Ah, Lady Twilight.”
Jumping a little, she turned to find a guard approaching her with a piece of paper.
“Her majesty said I was to give you this when you awakened,” he said, giving her what turned out to be a note. She took it in her magic and thanked him for his trouble.
As soon as the note had been successfully delivered he gave a small salute and departed down the hall. She unfurled the paper and read it over, which didn't take long considering there were only a few words.
Twilight,
I have decided to enjoy my morning in the garden. If, when you wake, you feel like joining me, I
would be happy to have your company.
Twilight grinned. If Celestia was in the garden they could talk in private, and she could tell the princess much more easily. They’d often spent time in the castle garden in the past, and Twilight was glad it was still among the things the princess liked to do. It may have seemed foalish to make something so simple into something special, but it was the fact that they got to spend time alone that truly gave it meaning. The location was just a place where they could get away from the ever-present guards that roamed the castle.
She slipped the note back inside the room, not wanting to carry it around, and closed the door behind her.
As she traversed the halls she noticed some of the morning staff were already up and about, preparing for the day. As she passed through the breezeway leading to the gardens, she could see the sun was just beginning its journey from the horizon. The air was still cool and crisp as a gentle breeze blew by, the first signs of autumn bearing its chilly winds. It was actually quite peaceful in the mornings here at the castle, most of the staff was still sleeping or working inside to begin the day. Stepping out onto the cobblestone path, she could make out bits of morning dew that had yet to be evaporated still clinging to the grass.
She made her way down the stone path in a slightly quickened pace, a small clip-clop sound coming from her hooves as she walked. She wasn't particularly late, it was still early, so she hadn't slept in too long, but why not hurry to meet Celestia? A morning walk through the garden with the pony she loved? How could she not want to hurry?
Yes. That's what the princess was to her, wasn't it?
Twilight stopped as she thought about that for a second. She loved the princess, she knew that now. She wasn't going to hide it from herself anymore. She didn't even begin to hope that the princess might feel the same for her, but she was okay with that. If she worked hard, and proved herself, maybe one day she could be something more to Celestia. Until then, she was happy just being with the princess, as a friend, if nothing else.
Thunk
“Owww...”
Her thoughts were interrupted as something struck her forehead, and, upon looking down, she found a small acorn. Reaching a hoof up to rub the sore spot, she looked around, trying to see where it had come from.
She just caught the sight of another acorn in the paws of one of, what turned out to be, a pair of small squirrels, before it was launched at her head.
Thunk
“Ouch! Stop doing that!” she said pointedly at the little rodents, rubbing the second bump now forming on her head.
Instead of throwing another tree seed at the poor unicorn, the animals instead began waving their arms around and jumping, as if trying to gain her attention.
Twilight looked curiously at the critter, knowing from experience with Fluttershy's pet, Angel, that they were probably trying to tell her something. Before she could ask, though, they both took off into the garden, one of them stopping in the middle of the path. He waved his little arms as if he were beckoning her.
“You...want me to follow...?” she asked, unsure, but got a quick nod from the critter.
Her curiosity piqued, Twilight took after the tiny creatures as they lead her through the maze of hedges that filled the castle garden. She was fairly familiar with the gardens, thanks to her time as a filly in the castle, but the squirrels seemed to know exactly where they were going. Well, she thought, it’s probably where they live.
As she was led through the garden, she couldn't help but feel a sinking sensation in her stomach. Something was wrong. She began to pick up the pace as she followed the animals, hedges whizzing past as she galloped beside her smaller companions.
The chase ended as suddenly as it began, and they came to a clearing in the hedges. The squirrels stopped just before the exit and looked at her, pointing wildly towards whatever was behind the hedge in the clearing, some quiet noise coming from behind it.
Twilight's ears perked up at the sound. Voices.
“Quick. We need to be gone before more guards come looking.”
A chill ran down Twilight's spine. They sounded rough, but somewhat familiar, like she’d heard them before. She could hear her heart beating in her ears, but whether it was from running through the garden or what she was hearing, she wasn't sure.
Guards? What were they talking about?
Summoning up some will, she stepped past the hedging and into the clearing.
Her eyes widened, pupils dilating as she took in the scene before her. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she registered several large winged birds there that she recognized as griffins in the clearing, but almost all of her attention was focused on the figure they were all standing around. Its pure white fur blindingly out of place amongst the vast greenery and color of the flora.
The world around her seemed to distort as she stared at the white alicorn laying motionless on the grass. Though her mane was pink again, it wasn't hard to see that it was Celestia lying there.
One of the griffins was was doing something with her horn, but, from that angle, she couldn't see what. Not that she was paying much attention to anything other than the princess' face, which was set in a pained expression.
Tears welled in her eyes as fear and panic began to settle in. She hyperventilated as her vision zeroed in on the princess alone, and, for just a moment, one of the alicorn’s eyes opened weakly. As it fell upon Twilight, it widened and a pulse of gold magic lit her horn, but instead of any magic happening, her body spasmed and she let out a groan of pain as the glow faded.
“Princess!”
All at once several pairs of sharp eyes fell upon her, her presence among them announced by the shrill cry.
“Damn, we took too long! The guards got here,” the one standing over the white alicorn hissed as another jumped between her and her mentor.
“W-What do you want with the princess?” she squeaked out through her fear, her eyes wide with panic.
“No. She doesn't look like one of them, she must be the one the princess was expecting,” the one standing over the princess said, ignoring her question entirely, but turning to face her.
Twilight quickly looked around, vainly hoping to find a group of guards, but there were none. The only ones in the area were the griffins, the princess, and her. But they didn't even give her a chance to figure out what to do as, who she thought was the leader said,
“Knock her out before she alerts the guards."
She had remained frozen in place until now, but the quickly advancing griffin brought her out of her shock and forced her to act. But only enough for her to start backing away in terror.
She had no idea what was happening, or why it was happening. All she knew was that Celestia was in danger, and now, apparently, so was she.
Her mind was spinning so quickly that she couldn't speak, but some part of her was screaming at her not to flee.
She couldn't run away! She had to stop this! Celestia needed her and she was there! What had she been doing all her life?! Did she learn all those spells for nothing?! This was her chance to prove that she was of help to the princess, that Celestia's lessons weren't wasted on her!
And she would never leave the princess while she was in danger!
Determination filling her, she summoned up her magic, and, just before the griffin was upon her, instinctively brought up a basic shield spell to defend herself. It wasn't anything Shining Armor would find spectacular, but it was nothing to scoff at as far as a basic spell went. It happened too fast for the griffin to react and he slammed head-first into the hard barrier coating, dropping like a rock from the frontal impact.
As soon as the first griffin fell to the ground, another jumped into the air, keeping low, and flew straight at her. She charged a bit of magic and fired off a burst of magic at the fast-approaching griffin, catching him in the chest and knocking him to the grassy field. The other two’s swift defeat didn't make the rest back away, but it did give them pause.
“Let the princess go!” she growled through her teeth.
She could make out what looked like four others, not including the two griffins lying on the ground, and each of them now staring her down. An adult griffin on average was almost twice as large as a pony, so she couldn't help but feel a little intimidated by the difference in size. Not only that, but she was outnumbered four to one.
No. She could do this. She just needed to stay calm. She had her magic and that gave her an edge. But that wouldn't last long as she was beginning to tire already, the match with the princess the other day left her feeling more drained than usual.
Now that they knew she was skilled with magic, it wouldn't be as easy, but she could do this, she just needed to strike sparingly and with precision.
One of the griffins reached into a small pack he had strapped around his wings. Twilight stared at him, assuming that he was going to bring out some sort of weapon or something, but was surprised when he instead pulled out what looked like a crystal stone.
“The gems,” he said, looking over to the others. The rest following him, pulling out similar small crystals from their bags, each just normal looking gemstones. Were they just here to steal gems?
Twilight felt anger flare up in her as she thought about that. Was that all this was for? Some thieves looking for some get rich quick ransom?!
Bringing up another charge of magic, she turned to who she believed was the leader of the group and took aim. Her horn glowed brightly as magical energy welled up within her, building up raw magical power to a more concentrated form at the tip of her horn, the end sparking errantly as it shined a bright lavender.
A second later a beam of magic purple light shot out straight at her target. Twilight kept her eyes open, ready to curve it when the griffin tried to dodge out of the way.
But to her immeasurable surprise, he didn't.
Instead, he just stood there, holding the gem out in front of him. As the beam of magic came within the last few feet to his body, it bent towards the gem held between his talons.
She missed?!
No...
Twilight's eyes widened as the blast was sucked into the small topaz colored crystal. It spiraled into the colored gem like water down a drain.
“You didn't think we would come to capture an alicorn without a way to get around her magic, did you?” the one holding the stone said snidely, looking at the small crystal in his claws.
She risked a glance towards where the princess was lying, and noticed something stuck to her ivory horn. Some sort of colorful gem. Not only that, but she was also wearing all of her royal attire. Then why was her hair pink...
“Its a good thing we took the time to go and steal these special stones. I must say, they work wonders on alicorn magic and, apparently, unicorn magic as well.”
It couldn't be... Those stones... Irritus gems? How?
“You stole those from the Equestrian Magic Academy!”
That must have been how they managed to subdue the princess, by disarming her magic! They suck up magic without end! if that thing actually touched a horn, the spot on a unicorn or alicorn where magic focused...
She actually didn't know what would happen as none of the reports she was given with the samples told of any tests in that regard. But she could see from the occasional pained twitch of the white alicorn that it couldn't be a pleasant experience. When a unicorn's magic ran low they would pass out, she assumed from the princess' form that the same could be said of alicorns. She had to end this and get that thing off her horn.
But before she could do that, she had to deal with the four approaching griffins.
She may have been well versed in magic, but she never really focused on offensive spells. She usually used her magic in everyday events and had little need for spells meant for causing harm. What she needed now was a spell that stayed with her, something that couldn't be absorbed so easily. Something not so direct and obvious.
She remembered her duel with Celestia, and the spell they’d used in horn foiling. With a few tweaks to the spell it could work. But even with it, she would still need a way to get around that gem. She couldn't let it touch her even once, or it would be over.
If she teleported around them and caught them off guard with attacks from behind, like she did with Celestia, she could avoid the gems and strike at them swiftly while keeping out of their reach.
Charging her horn again, she aimed like she was going to fire off another burst of magic at the griffin. He in turn held up the crystal, ready to block whatever magic she threw at him. But his eyes widened as she instead disappeared.
Rather than going after the same griffin twice, she teleported behind the one that had been standing to his left. Taking advantage of the griffins’ confusion, she quickly cast her horn foiling spell and infused it with an additional spell. She could feel it tax her magic heavily, but the spells held as her horn began to glow a bright purple.
The griffin by the princess noticed the glow and her position, but could do little as she struck a blow across his fellow griffin's torso, sending a burst of magical sparks flying into the air. The griffin that was hit screeched as his body jerked and spasmed.
Twilight had added electricity to her normal horn foiling spell. Griffins weren't resistant to lightning like pegasi were, so a jolt of a couple ten thousand volts should send them to the ground.
And the griffin did just that. He fell in a heap on the grass, a small trail of smoke rising from him. Unmoving aside from the occasional twitch or erratic spark from the leftover electricity. The gem he was holding fell to the ground.
Sure the Irritus gems might have absorbed spells. But she wasn't casting a spell on them, she was casting a spell on herself that affected them through her horn. With the spell close to her and not floating in the air, she could make sure that she hit her target.
She couldn't resist a wave of nausea hit her at having used her magic to hurt another. Even in the most worst case scenarios she never used her magic to hurt others if she could help it. The only other time she ever used her magic to physically assault another was during the changeling attack. But that was only because they needed her to. For her brother, Cadence, her friends. For Equestria...
For Celestia.
Celestia had needed her help then, she’d given Twilight a task to complete. But she’d failed to pull through for the princess. She’d tried her best but... it just wasn't good enough. She and her friends were defeated and captured before they could even obtain the elements. She had failed her.
Not this time. Not again. She could do it! She wouldn't let the princess down again!
Before the other griffins could react further, she charged her horn and disappeared in a flash. The three remaining griffins shifted, looking around wildly for where she would appear. Several seconds ticked by before a flash to the side of a griffin caught their attention. She dove at his side but he pulled away at the last second, using his wings to lift off the ground.
Before he could get away, she brought her horn upward, just like when Celestia had used her wings. She silently thanked the princess for taking the time to teach her the spell and for the match they’d shared. The shield spell only nipped the griffin's leg, but a touch was all she needed as raw electrical power shot through him, making him cry out before sending him to the ground.
Breathing heavily, she spun around to face the remaining two griffins, both taking a step back from the purple unicorn. Finally breaking their attitude of assured of victory.
“Take the princess and go!” one said, the other making a dash to the white alicorn.
“No!” she shouted. Pulling together more magic, she teleported between them and the princess, striking out at the approaching griffin. He jumped back, just in time to avoid the sweep of her horn.
Twilight stood in front of Celestia, fire in her eyes as she stared them down.
“Don't touch her!” she growled, the magic from her horn flaring threateningly.
For a second, she thought about how this must have looked and chuckled in her mind. Twilight protecting the princess, using something as old-fashioned as horn foiling to fight off a group of griffins trying to kidnap her. It was just like something she would find in one of her fairytale books shining would read to her as a foal. Maybe it ran in the family? Who says she can't be Celestia's knight?
But before she could enjoy her position any longer, she wavered on her hooves. She suddenly found herself struggling to stay standing as her vision blurred, her legs wobbled beneath her as she tried to steady herself.
No no no no no! She couldn't be running out of magic now! Not when she was so close!
She tried not to show it, holding herself together, but the griffins could see her legs shaking slightly under her. Leaving no breathing room, one of them leapt towards her, closing the gap in a second, gem held firmly in one claw as he swiped at her with the other.
Twilight managed to jump back in time to avoid his blow, but failed to notice the griffin behind her. While she was distracted, one of the griffins she had felled earlier grabbed her back legs, digging his talons in and pulling them out from under her. She yelped as she fell, trying to gather enough magic to teleport again, but her reserves were tapped out. The other griffin that had been left wasted no time in pouncing on her and holding her to the ground.
The unicorn cried out as the weight of the griffin pinned her to the ground. She struggled against him, but in her weakened state, and him being twice her size, she offered little resistance. And nothing could stop him as he pressed the colored gem up against her horn.
White hot pain shot through her as the stone came in contact. It felt as if her body were burning and being squeezed dry of every bit of magic in her. She screamed in pain, partly from the weight on her back, but mostly from the feeling of her magic being pulled out.
Her vision began to, the fatigue of yesterday piled onto her current state of exhaustion left her little to use to resist the griffin that held her down. All she could do was watch the unconscious form of the princess, unmoving on the ground across from her as she also began to black out.
She dimly remembered how cold it was as she was pushed into the wet grass. She resisted for as long as she could against the oppressive dark cloud, but it was a losing battle. A few useless tears fell to the grass as the darkness overcame her.
I'm sorry Celestia...
The griffin finally took the dark stone away from the unicorn beneath him after he was sure that she was down for good. His breathing was ragged even now from the fight she had put up. If it weren't for the stones they never would have been able to win.
“Alright, now lets get out of here befo-”
He couldn’t even remove himself from the purple unicorn before a dark blue alicorn-sized figure tackled him. He was thrown off of the unconscious form and across the beds of flowers until he tumbled to a stop in one of the hedges. The stone he’d been holding was blown out of his grip and landed somewhere among the flowers.
About the same time this happened, several guards that had heard the sounds of the earlier struggle had now appeared and were rushing towards the group. They quickly surrounded the remaining griffins that weren't already knocked out and the group surrendered, knowing that any more resistance was futile at this point.
As soon as the griffins were being secured by the royal guards, Luna made her way to the downed white form that was her sister. She quickly used her mouth to rip the strange stone that had been attached to her horn away.
She managed to piece together that it was some sort of magic absorbing stone and tossed it a good distance away so its effects would disappear. After looking them over and assessing the health of her sister and Twilight, it seemed that they were both just suffering from magic fatigue, which would clear up with a few days’ rest.
“Princess Luna! We found three guards unconscious further in the garden, hidden behind some hedges. They must have been the ones on patrol at the time.”
She let out a breath of air she’d been holding, glad that she had gotten here in time, and that Celestia and Twilight were, for the most part, unharmed. But her job wasn't done yet, there were some things she wanted to deal with now rather than later. She had to make sure this situation wouldn't become any worse than it already was.
“Take my sister and her student to the medical ward to be treated! And round up these griffins and place them into some cells until I or my sister say otherwise. They are to remain unharmed.” The guards quickly moved to fulfill her orders.
She couldn’t fully blame the griffins for their motives, desperate times made for desperate actions. She would have to sort this out at the root of the problem. Hopefully her night guards would bring her some fruitful information and she could set this right. She would have to work fast but it could still be solved.
This was also a chance for her to show her worth as a princess of Equestria since she returned. That Equestria was safe in her hooves and that she could handle this while her sister recovered.
‘Don’t worry sister. We will fix this. Rest now.’
After making sure that her sister was still okay, she walked towards the other pony that had been caught up in all of this. Twilight had protected Celestia right up until the end. In fact, if Twilight hadn't been there to stall for time, she might have been too late.
She really is quite the special unicorn, she thought, smiling at the purple pony.
'Thank you for being there, Twilight.'
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Finally some closer from the suspense I left at the end of the last chapter. I know I said 6000 words but it ended up less from the editing afterwards. I would have got this up a couple days ago but hurricane sandy held me up.
Special thanks go out to Shumiry, the newest member to my editing team. He did a great job in cleaning up this chapter.
Nice chapter once again allthough i almost thought that you would let Celestia get captured.
Made me question the tags a bit until i started to read further and everything was a-ok again.
1555934
FINALY DOOD! I was getting bored of waiting! I hope you post again real soon.
Nice Chapter!
Wait... ok how in Tirek's Nine Hells did to Griffins infiltrate the Palace and manged to disarm and capture Celestia without anypomy knowing? Ok other than that great chaper
I'm sure you mean safe
Good chapter and damn, I'm wondering if Gilda will appear.
1556657>>1556736>>1556741>>1556848
Glad you all enjoyed it
1556915
ah, yes, sorry bout that. Thanks for the spot.
Okay, I get that you can't have Twilight OP, or there wouldn't really be any conflict...But seriously, you made her way too weak. She doesn't have to win the fight, but when she was down to the last two and teleported between them and Celestia, instead of being tired (she cast a wind spell, levitated a water tower, milked at least 50-150 cows, and levitated the Ursa Minor all the way back to the Everfree Forest), the griffins should have both attacked at once, left and right, and while she zapped one of them, the other was quick enough to touch her with the Irritus stone. That would allow her to still be defeated, while not weakening her magical ability.
Though I still can't figure out why she didn't simply cast a Want it Need it spell on a nearby plant and watch as every single griffin fight over the plant. Then she could have casually strolled over to Celestia and plucked off the stone with her hooves/mouth like Luna did. Also, she could have used the Time Travel spell to tell a guard to arrive at the garden a couple of moments from when she left, got back and watched as Luna and the gang came in and captured the griffins. No paradoxes and she still wins.
Perhaps the princess just wanted the company... After all, she knew just how lonely it could get, living in the castle with one one but guards to talk to, which was as fruitful as conversing with the garden statues.
just a little miss there i think it's meant to be no one.
Great chapter btw
I predict that some noble houses will have a few vacancies in the near term future
Inciting a war with a friendly nation is (or should be) an act of treason.
Those nobles could have their titles pulled and face permanent exile
I doubt that will happen though ... politics will rule All
1556979 you're welcome
Awesome Twilight is awesome!
Great chapter, really enjoyed the combat Twilight had with the Griffins.
No one hurts Celestia when Twilight is around to stop it!
This story is awesome. We need more!
1556991 When Twilight used all that magic in dealing with the ursa, she didn't really use that much magic the day before or that day. Here, she just got finished facing Celestia is a horn duel. Something she had never done before. Now, the next day, she wakes up, goes to the maze and finds Celestia incapacitated against four griffins. She did not have time to think, so the first thing that came to mind (after realizing her normal means wasn't going to work) was using what she learned yesterday (that she still wasn't used to.) She had to act and didn't have much time to think.
1555934 I don't care how long a chapter is (though I prefer shorter ones) as much as I care about the quality of the work. Besides, I find shorter chapters get updated quicker.
Alright... Nice to see that Twilight isn't fallible, though I'm SLIGHTLY disappointed in how quickly she was drained of magic during the fight. (Only slightly. Like a very tiny, small bit, that's all. :3)
1556991
You're right about everything but the time travel spell. That was a one-time only spell.
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But yeah, understanding easily that OP Twi and OP Alicorns would ruin any sense of drama and suspense, but making them so weak kind of results in a reverse plot device. These are effectively terrestrial deities. Immortal and immensely powerful. And Twilight, from what we can tell is the most powerful mortal spellcaster in Equestria.
It's your world, so it's one thing to have them not be as powerful as they actually should be, but to the point it becomes obvious that it's just to advance the plot is kind of an issue. I mean... this is Celestia. She's /eons\ old, she's gone toe to toe with other deific-level entities. She populated Tartarus with Equestria's demons by locking them up herself if the fact that Hell's guard dog is her pet Cerberus. She got punked like a bitch.
Twilight can lift at least fifty tons, probably about a hundred, for at least a mile - with precision, without even using her eyes to aim. Though, the Want It Need It spell itself is needlessly OP and should be omitted anyway just for the fact it's an instant-win spell.
Either way, even if you tone them down, they should still perform better than this. Celestia's massive bank of experience, Twilight's huge magical reserves - becoming magically fatigued BEFORE physically fatigued is completely out of character and breaks suspension of disbelief. I hope we'll see a bit different from them in the future possible conflicts.
That said, still enjoying the story and waiting eagerly for the next installment.
"Ya got the makin's of greatness in ya" - john silver
A better reason for the mane change than canon too.
5/5
I hope twilight doesn't loose her magic because of this. and luna when you find that bastard who built the dam I want you to rip his heart and guts out and feed them to the griffons.
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vvvvvvvvvvvv
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To both of you, I KNOW that having her live up to her canon potential (Time Travel and Mind Control whenever she feels like it) against the adversaries that were portrayed in this chapter would be bad (I agree with Aurora there). She would win hooves down, all the time. Though I don't see why the time travel spell would be "one time only" if she learned how to cast the spell...that's just a copout, I would have written that the Irritus stones absorbed the magic she poured into the environment. That would include the time travel (the magic would have to affect space-time, which is decidedly outside her body) and the Want it-Need it spell (the desire magic would be absorbed into the Irritus before reaching the griffins minds.
Anyway, Frankie: she had a full nights rest and the contest with Celestia was not magically exhaustive in comparison to what she has done in the past, she should be fine. Look at it this way: Do you know how much energy it would take to travel backwards in time a full week? She did that after not sleeping for at least 3-7 full days. That takes skill and magic power.
Saying she'd be tired after magic fencing the previous day would be like saying a marathon runner would be tired because the previous day they ran 6km (around 1/4 of a marathon). That would be enough to get them out of top physical shape directly afterward, but they have trained their body to do that sort of thing, so they recover from it quicker than non-athletes. Twilight would have the same magical endurance, both because her special talent is magic and Celestia says "I don't think I've ever come across a unicorn with your raw abilities," and Celestia had been alive for at least 1,000+ years...Okay, that's enough of that.
My point was that Twilight Sparkle was too weak. She wasn't even up to canon standards (Again, I agree with Aurora). The proper way to fix a conflict so that the hero is not too overpowered is not make the hero weaker (unless due to injury for plot progression- See Eragon's Spine injury in the Inheritance Cycle books), but to make the enemy stronger. Thus, I gave a version of events that had THE EXACT SAME OUTCOME, but the griffins had a proper battle strategy.
As the rule of fanfiction goes:
"Rule One: If you do anything to increase the protagonist's power, or make their life easier, you must also amplify their opponent or add extra difficulties to their life. You can't make Frodo a Jedi unless you give Sauron the Death Star. Otherwise, even if it is well-written in all other ways, your story will suck because the reader will know to expect an unending string of easy victories, leading them to neither wonder nor care about what happens next. The Mary Sue is not defined by her power being too strong, but by her challenges being too easily overcome."
Update! Great!
1558477
Rewatch the episode. The episode itself says it's a one time only spell. Just because you learn how to do something doesn't mean you can do it more than once. This isn't just some levitation trick we're talking about, it's fucking around with an entire timeline. Chaos effect is in full bloom. Closed time loops. Becoming her own grandmother. Erasing Equestria because she sneezed at the formation of the world. Do not make me bring out the wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey.
All said and done, it's not a copout. It makes perfect sense that Starswirl would devise a spell that could not be abused, otherwise he wouldn't bother writing it down at all. Who the fuck creates a spell that lets someone travel back in time and doesn't put serious restrictions on it? Chrysalis coulda had a changeling guard snatch it out of the Bearded Wing, gone back in time to the earliest pony tribes, conquered them, and been raising them as cattle like it was the Matrix all this time. Use your in-continuity head, man. Have to go deeper if you're going to bring up concepts like that - skimming the surface does absolutely nothing.
I also disagree that she -has- to be up to her canon appearance. It's easy enough to take the times when she's been impressive with her magic as being extraordinary times when the situation and her mindset was just right to channel more of her enormous reserve. All I'm saying is, that even being toned down to be believable and not as OP, she's still better than pretty much every other unicorn per canon explanation of magic. Sure, she can lose without the griffins being mega-gods, but just being common thugs/soldiers/assassins with some gems got under my skin. I mean... how are they going to get the drop on CELESTIA? I can't believe that, so it breaks my suspension. Twi getting fatigued so fast from so little when it really, really matters? Don't see that either. It was the same with Luna. Even if most of her magic's still tied up in the Nightmare entity, the fact she can't handle some mortals was kind of sad and made me wonder why she'd be off alone to an unruly kingdom of fierce warriors when she can't protect herself.
All said and done, I don't mind if they're somewhat weaker than they should be, I just want it to be believable that they were taken down. "Dudes with anti-magic rocks" doesn't suit. Especially since I can't believe Celestia would allow such dangerous gems to be sitting around in a school instead of in a vault in her dungeons. It doesn't make sense for an eons old immortal to leave one of her own weaknesses laying around in the reach of civilians in a place of LEARNING - so everyone knows where the hell they are and what they do, inviting any hostiles to snatch it and use it on her.
If they'd been national treasures of the griffon kingdom, from some ancient griffon vs. pony war, okay. If they had some sort of stamina/magic drain aura that gets worse the closer you are to it/insta-zaps you when it touches your horn? Perfect, it'd weaken Celestia and Twi enough that the griffons could actually get close and hit them with it. But just "Hey, you know what these are. You could also grab my intestines and turn me inside out with your brain, and then cook me and feed me to Pinkie Pie before the other guys in my squad can even move. But somehow I still manage to get you with this, because reasons."
I was only upset because it's hand-wavey, not copouts or that Twi and Celestia -must- have super special awesome villains. I just want equivalent, reasonable circumstances.
Granted it's more of a romance story than an adventure story, so Neon doesn't actually need to be hyper-realistic in his combat/implied combat scenes since it's Twilestia and not a dramatic battlefield-based fiction.
1558603>>1558477
Why not, instead of trying to make the characters in my story out to be something their not, you enjoy the story for what it is.
I'm not trying to be rude, and I like insightful comments, but please don't complain about how the characters in my story are not to your liking. And in massive walls of text no less.
If you want to start a conversation, take it up in pm's, not in the comments section.
1558603
Hmmm, yeah I guessed I missed the dialogue where she said it was one time only, my bad. It does make sense that Starswirl would put that in there. Still totally agree with the rest about weakness and such. I had actually forgotten about the Luna Vs Griffin part since it's been a while...
1558477 I have to say I disagree with your comparison of a marathon being tired after running a 6K the day before. I see it more as a marathon runner having to do an iron man triathlon for the first time in their life then having someone giving them no notice to run a marathon an hour or so after they get up. The horn fencing required Twilight to be both physical as well as magical. Twilight had to push herself to her limit just to nick Celestia. The next morning, Twilight has to fight against four griffins with magic blocking crystals. She had to use abilities she just learned the day before. She's not used to using the magic in her horn in this fashion.
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1558832
you two as well please. If you would like to discuss it further. use pms. Not that you don't have interesting things to say, just that I don't want the comment section cluttered up with a conversation.
if you had left us with a cliffy from where twi passed out (just before luna arrived), i would have cried, and raged. great chapter!
send that fucking politician to jail, then exile him when this is over...
1558477
It's not that Twilight didn't take the time to learn the Time Travel spell, it actually was only good for one use. Also, how would one make the griffons stronger without them getting unreasonably strong to just be doing this? After all, like you said, Celestia's lived for more than a thousand years and Twilight's the unicorn with the highest magical potential she's seen, plus, her special talent is magic itself. What do you do, make the griffons demigods?
1558831
Oh no, no cliffhanger in this chapter. Can't say the same for the next chapter though
1558832
Last response here:
That was what I posted in my original comment. the extra stuff after that about the Want it-Need it spell and such were "here are ways she could be overpowered, but no one bothers to figure out ways around them" scenarios.
As for the Time Travel spell, I had actually forgotten that bit from the episode. My bad. Please don't kill me. I corrected myself and gave a way to get around it anyway later on in the replies to frankie.
1558626
Neon, slow your roll mang. We're going to have our opinions, and just because they don't match yours does not mean it's meant to get under your skin. I don't know what the other guy was on about, but I'm giving you my opinion along with feedback - flame free and no disrespect intended. I feel there's some inconsistency, I have informed you of it. I have also stated that despite being jarred out of my immersion in the story, I am still enjoying it and wait patiently for the next chapter because I love me some good-quality Twilestia and you're the one delivering it. Don't let nitpickin' bug you Neon, if you think it can be of any help to you, take it into consideration - otherwise just ignore it.
There is really no room on the internet for apologizing for being mean in the same post where you are rude to someone. Because you have the time to slow down and decide NOT to sound that way. Meaning it was very much on purpose, and then just tacked on an apology. Come on man, I'm not twelve, I know how this ish works. I spend all day sounding mean to people I think deserve it. No need to apologize to me, I understand.
Now you know good and well I'm not sitting here insulting you or your story, just gave my own critique based on my feelings on the chapter. Also, try not to get worked up about disagreements in comments. I see you posting all over the place with that sweet ass Kamina Dash avi, so I know you know that happens in pretty much every story. Let it ride and don't pay it no mind, man. No one's got any problem with you.
If anything I was a bit annoyed with the other dude having a harsher opinion than mine, but I think we worked that out and are done with the disagreements. Nothin' but respect for you and your writin' man, so hope you understand.
No more arguments from me on this issue. If anyone still wants to discuss any points I brought up, shoot me a PM so we can let Neon relax and not have to worry about all of us carrying on lookin' like assholes. That way we can have sensible discussions in private and not wave it around and scare off the more sensitive readers. Or you know, start a comment war that lasts twenty pages. Do it for Neon, folks.
Her friends supposedly are happy because they have what they want, but they want Twilight too, don't they?
1558767 1558877 Everyone's overreacting at me because I'm late to the party and the comments section doesn't update. ;~;
Not that PMs are a way to have a conversation where we can all see each others' points... Somebody needs to make a group where any arguments that have less to do with the story itself are taken to a thread and people can post their opinions.
don'thurtmeforreplyingpleasethankyou
Fun chapter.
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Oh come on! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Twilight_Sparkle.png
I expected that at the end, Twilight goes into a super-power mode and all the gems just explode. And Griffins too. All six. Twice.
Twilight just wants to be there for Celestia!
More criticism (hopefully constructive) time! Yay!
This is regards to Twilight, but NOT having anything to do with her shown level of power here. That ship has sailed here I think, and on the whole didn't really seem out of place to me here anyway.
But I found Twilight's initial reaction somewhat, off. Specifically, her freezing up in terror. I can understand being worried by 6 griffons standing over her unconscious teacher. That would be pretty rattling, but given that she has confronted 2 gods and an army in the show, I just can't imagine her being "paralyzed with fear" grade spooked by just 6 griffons. 
Anyway, that's my take on this. Certainly I have enjoyed the story as a whole, and look forward to the next chapter.
I wonder what Luna meant by desperate times. Maybe I need to read the last chapter over.
I hope that moronic sonafabitch politician goes to jail. Or is exiled. Or better yet, thrown in jail in the place he is exiled to. So, Twilight fighting off bad guys from Celestia was completely awesome! And that scene at the beginning where Twilight makes up her mind was really good. The feels were there. I can't wait to see what happens next...
Edge of my seat the whole way through. Damn that was exciting. I hope they use the mayor's still screaming body to break the dam. Douche.
1559759 Yeah, I would have expected Twilight to Rage-shift at the sight of Celestia in the hands of the birdies...
Still, awesome story so far, and I can't wait to read more!
Luna to th rescue
good chapter looking forward to the next.
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Wow bravo another great chapter
Shame how nobody manages to portray Celestia as actually having any power when it matters...
A weak chapter at best if you ask me, here's to hoping the next one will be better.
You should do a recap of the previous chapter for every new chapter since you take a long time updating. ( I'm not blaming ou or anything, just giving helpful advice)
Luna has the best timing.
So intense...
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Good chapter, looking forward to the aftermath.
1558603
You hit the nail on the head with the last sentence. Looking for a show-canon tactically sound battle scene in a Romance story like this is like asking why a Harlequin novel doesn't read like The Bridge over the River Kwai - that's not what we're here for, and I can accept a glossing-over if it gets us closer to some sweet Twiliestia is Bestia. Because of that, I have no problem with underpowered magic in Neon's universe, even if it's just for plot reasons. After all, it's Neon's universe, and I'm just a guest in it.
Was I in Celestia's and/or Luna's hoofsteps, I would be very tempted to order seven plates of delicious execution.
Or life-time prison.
Desperate times calls for desperate measures, yada yada.
They ATTACKED and tried to kidnap one of two ruling sisters of Equestria. If they are just let go unpunished... I'm going to have some doubts.
Hmm...if it's within an author's rights to write a fic where Celestia is a tyrant, why not one where her and her student are weaker than what we're used to?
Anyway, good job as usual. I really didn't want Celestia and Twilight to get captured, but at the same time, seeing them both in a situation like that together, where they were captured and maybe had to escape, was really interesting, since I've never seen it before. So I was kinda torn, haha. Suffice it to say, I liked how the chapter ended.
Seriously can't wait to see that mayor get his butt busted though--hopefully very painfully.