When a person is taken to Equestria he sees it as a chance to escape from a life of solitude and loneliness and tries to start a new one in Ponyville. Unfotunately he also has his 'other form to deal with', something that he considers to be a curse, however it could also be a gift it just takes right influence, perhaps the friendship of a certain group of ponies.
I just got done reading this prologue and here is what I have to say:
Ahem.
Why is this not on Equestria Daily?!?
MOAR
1146427 Thanks for the feedback and I will try to get more chapters uploaded as soon as I can
Its a bit rushed, spend more time on the details, but thats it. Its a great fanfic and i cant wait for more chapters
Just a note. Read this: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/435/First-Pony-View
New body with different proportions, different walking style and different balance MIGHT cause problems with walking unless you train for it to happen.
Mistakes:
"bullies,. I"
"to help me ou. As "
There was one more, but ignored it.
Oh and... I's! THE I's are attacking! There is a swarm of I's!
Wait... Didn't I had same problem?
*shuffle-shuffle*
Ah, here it is. Mail with help.
"-Indeed, that is a lot of 'I's in your paragraph! I don't know what to do about it. If I were you, I'd stop referencing myself so much."
Read those magic words three times and there will be less I's in your text. Doing the same helped me.
"I have a box of butterflies" vs "Here, a box of butterflies"
"I read that text and it helped me" vs "This text helped me" or "Reading that text helped me"
"I have read a private message and wrote a reply" vs "A nagging thought popped up in my head while writing an answer after reading private message".
Bad examples, but... Still... Less I's.
I's will conquer the world.
nice premise interesting story line but just two things it's a little too rushed and the other is mostly a preferance of mine you know the one everyone has it and that is a little longer chapters but otherwise it's great! I just chopped off my thumb to give to you!
Short but good.
Huh... color me very intrigued.
Why do so many stories nowadays have a large break at the end?
You're going to go over it again? Then I will withhold judgment until that time.
Beautiful, nice work, aaannnddd.... NOOOO WAAAYY CCOOOOLLNNEEEESSS
1680800 Thanks
okay so... haven't read this one yet.
but! this fics name was ripe for a Bioshock Infinite crossover. am i wrong?
2305922 no it's not a bioshock crossover
very good story so far.
2578835 Thanks. Glad to hear you like it.