Rainbow Dash lives an exciting life and is swiftly becoming the most daring, awesome pegasus in all of Equestria. She would gladly give it all up, though, just to confess her love to Applejack.
“Hey, uh, do you smell something?” Rainbow Dash asked.
Churning Bag fidgeted from where he dangled in the pegasus' grip. “Actually. No. I don't smell anything.”
“Exactly!” Rainbow Dash exhaled through a grinning muzzle “Whew! Tell you what—it sucks that this 'Slithering' thing is snatching up buffalo left and right, but if they didn't bathe themselves in bat poop all the time then maybe they'd be less easy to track!”
“I can't imagine the buffalo get much in the way of fresh water up here,” Churning said as the two ascended past layer and layer of craggy rock. The torch in his horns lit the blurring surfaces of the vertical passage around them. “I once asked them how they washed up for dinner, and it was around the time they tried explaining what it took to communally spit into a bucket that I decided I was done listening.”
“Just what kind of a thing would prey on them?” Rainbow Dash asked. “Like, for real, I don't get carnivores.”
“What, and you think I do?”
“I guess they're kind of meaty,” Rainbow said with a shrug. “Though all the bumpiness and pointiness can't be good for the throat.”
“You and I are rather scrawny,” Churning said. “Maybe whatever it is would pass us up.”
“Eh. Perhaps.”
Churning's eyes went narrow. “I meant that as a joke.”
“Whatever.”
He glanced up at her, almost brushing her belly with the flickering torch. “I can't help but notice that you have a distinct lack of fear when it comes to stuff that could kill us.”
“Listen, buddy, in barely a quarter of a century, I've a life more awesome than fifty ponies thrown together. If something was to cancel my swagger tomorrow—pffft—so be it, but they'd better have a good stomach to digest my radicalness.”
“You're rather fatalistic for an apple merchant.”
“For the last time, they're not my apple pies.”
“Then whose are they?”
“Hang on a sec.” Rainbow Dash slowed her ascent. “I see a ledge.” She flew towards it. “I think I see a regular cave up here.”
She came upon a flat stretch of rock and planted the two of them down. Churning swiveled his head around, casting the burning light across the porous rock and dangling stalactites. Rainbow Dash crawled ahead of him.
“Yeah, if I 'slithered,' this is soooooo where I would hang out,” Rainbow said.
“You didn't answer my question.” Churning bounced after her with the torchlight. “Whose apple pies are you selling that makes it worth risking life, limb, and lip gloss?”
“Let's just say a friend and leave it at that.” Rainbow Dash froze, blinked, and glared back at him. “And I so don't wear lip gloss!”
“Must be some friend,” Churning said with a smirk. “Extended relative, perhaps?”
“Ew, no!”
“A sister?”
“Double ew! Look...” Rainbow strolled ahead by about five paces in the shadows. “She needs someone to buy these apples way more than I do—or anypony, for that matter. If I can give Fancy Pants an excuse for delivering them to the buffalo of Granite Mountain here, then it can give her and her apple farm the edge that's needed to get back into the business.”
“Was this her idea?”
“No, it's mine.”
“Well, I sure hope she's okay with her close friend risking everything on her account.”
“She... uh...” Rainbow Dash gulped. “She doesn't exactly know about it.”
Churning made a face. “You're doing this behind her back?”
“It's for her own good. Simple as that.”
“Heh...” Churning smirked. “If I didn't know better, I'd say that those are the kinds of words a lover would use.”
“Hmmmmmmmmmm...” Rainbow exhaled dreamily with a smile. “Yeahhhhh—No! I-I mean no!” She frowned back at him. “What are you going on about?!”
“Heh. I gotta say, sister. Your face is like a scarlet labyrinth. It's full of twists and turns on the inside and red on the outside!”
Rainbow rubbed her fuzzy cheek, feeling the blood rushing through her facial muscles. She pouted, glaring away from the ram. “That's just the torchlight.”
“Sure it is!” Churning chuckled, then pointed. “And that wall behind you is moving.”
“Meh.”
“Uhm...” Churning suddenly paled, his pupils shrinking. “Why is that wall behind you moving?”
“Huh?” Rainbow Dash casually looked over at a swath of glossy scales bulging past her. With a low rumbling noise, a giant leg scraped past her, followed by another leg, then another and another and—
“Luna's nipple!” Rainbow Dash plowed Churning to the ground, used her hooves to stamp out the torch, then crouched down beside him.
“What in the name of Shearing Day is—?!”
”Shhhhhh!” Rainbow Dash held his muzzle shut as her teeth clenched tightly. Together, the two watched in the darkness as a thick, solid body rolled past them. Multiple claws scraped against the craggy surfaces of the tunnel. At one point, the huge mass paused, and down towards the vertical chamber, a bright light flashed—like a beacon. It waved around, dancing with breathy vapors that billowed in tune to a snarling breath. Then—following a loud hiss—the rest of the massive thing slithered out and downward, disappearing beyond sight of the horizontal passageway's end.
At last, Rainbow Dash and Churning stood up, their eyes locked on the faint splotch of light that came from the chamber.
“Is it just me...?” Churning spoke. “...or is that thing heading down to—?”
“Where the buffalo roam?” Rainbow Dash nodded. She hoisted the ram up to his hooves. “Come. Quickly!” She galloped ahead as he followed closely behind, stumbling in the darkness. When they reached the end, Rainbow and the ram peered down.
“It went down to where Buffalo Who Bags Well is...” Churning glanced aside. “Didn't it?”
“Only one way to find out.” Rainbow grabbed the gasping ram. “Goddess, how I hate backtracking.”
“Just d-don't go too f-f-fasssssst!” Churning's voice yelped as the two plunged together.
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Ohhh dear. Dragon? Or some other big reptilian beastie?
Giant cockatrice? Basilisk?
A Balrog of Nightmare Moon.
Ah crap, it's going to be a giant centipede, isn't it? Yeugh.
Dash is Harry and Churning is Ron - it's officially been head canoned. Now all we need is a magical hat to crap out a sword, and we're golden!
Until tomorrow/the day after/whenever this fabulous thing updates!
Gah! It's a bug!!
Hehe...Luna's nipple.
Centipedes... Why's it always gotta be centipedes?
Its probably one of those glow eyed monsters dash killed.
Centepede?!?! Blech
omg lol
Its like Innavedr all over again. Millipeeds.
I laughed way too hard.
3873925 APPLEJACK LEMME' BORROW YOUR HAT
m.memegen.com/kq5ahw.jpg
Twists and turns...
OH MY GOD CHURNING IS DISCORD
(Probably not though?
Pls don't die, you have so much to live for! 932 chapters of it
8448986
Aaacctualllyyy. . . . . That kinda sounds like it’s dangerously close to making sense. O.o