A group thousands of years old now stands in the shadows of the modern day. With one young-ling of their up bringing making head way on new grounds. But what will the journey do should he waver.
7797203 So far so good I really can't give my whole opinion until I read a couple more chapters but what I've seen so far it's good besides some misspellings and word placement other than that it's pretty good
7797291 If they give you hate but don't give you a reason they're just trying to put you down so don't listen to them but if they give you a reason tried to fix it if it's something you can fix but if they just don't like the story tell them to leave and don't come back they don't have to read it if they don't like it
This is... interesting and worth keeping an eye on, but I do have to complain that a lot of things seem rather vague. As an author one of the most important things you need to do for the reader is to provide clarity so they know what is going on and why. For example the story's description is honestly one of the worst I've ever seen. A good description should state clearly who the protagonist is and what they are generally trying to accomplish from the outset of the plot. Here we only see some vague mumbling about an abused character and an organization that wants to make to make the world better by dubious means. The only reason I decided to give this a chance was because I saw it added to the bondage group, which leads me to another point. When your story is going to involve some kind of fetish or kink it is considered a good idea to state what they are right in the description, both to attract readers that might be interested in them and ward off readers who would be repulsed by them.
As for the story itself there doesn't seem to be anything too offensive but the characters overall purpose seem somewhat confusing in regards to the organization they work for. we don't know anything substantial about it, what its goals/ guiding philosophy are or even its name. Mysterious organizations are all well and good when a decent chunk of the plot involves trying to find out more about them, but when the protagonist is a part of said organization from the get-go, we the audience will need some basic facts.
7797759 Thanks for the info as for your points they are mostly in the early stages of setting up. For the organization I have written a lot of notes. I was also planing to go more indepth around the fourth chapter talking about the various ranks among the order. As for the name I haven't mentioned yet mostly because the three work for the same group so there's no reason to go over information they already know.
The description is a good point. And I'll work on it.
Also forget to point out but I thought people would have figured this out by now. The name of Story is the name of the Group.
Thanks for the support. And dont worry I'm still working on the story. I'm just trying to figure out how to show off the different classes within the order.
7797196
So what do you think?
7797203 So far so good I really can't give my whole opinion until I read a couple more chapters but what I've seen so far it's good besides some misspellings and word placement other than that it's pretty good![:twilightsmile:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/twilightsmile.png)
7797282
Thanks I dont know why everyone hates it so much?
7797291 If they give you hate but don't give you a reason they're just trying to put you down so don't listen to them but if they give you a reason tried to fix it if it's something you can fix but if they just don't like the story tell them to leave and don't come back they don't have to read it if they don't like it
7797300
I have in the past and I've tried to fix the mistakes. Its hard when your dyslexic.
And have aspergers
You don't have to tell me anything I'm the same way my cousin has aspergers so I know what it's like
7797313
7797379
Thanks it's always good to talk.
This is... interesting and worth keeping an eye on, but I do have to complain that a lot of things seem rather vague. As an author one of the most important things you need to do for the reader is to provide clarity so they know what is going on and why. For example the story's description is honestly one of the worst I've ever seen. A good description should state clearly who the protagonist is and what they are generally trying to accomplish from the outset of the plot. Here we only see some vague mumbling about an abused character and an organization that wants to make to make the world better by dubious means. The only reason I decided to give this a chance was because I saw it added to the bondage group, which leads me to another point. When your story is going to involve some kind of fetish or kink it is considered a good idea to state what they are right in the description, both to attract readers that might be interested in them and ward off readers who would be repulsed by them.
As for the story itself there doesn't seem to be anything too offensive but the characters overall purpose seem somewhat confusing in regards to the organization they work for. we don't know anything substantial about it, what its goals/ guiding philosophy are or even its name. Mysterious organizations are all well and good when a decent chunk of the plot involves trying to find out more about them, but when the protagonist is a part of said organization from the get-go, we the audience will need some basic facts.
7797759
Thanks for the info as for your points they are mostly in the early stages of setting up. For the organization I have written a lot of notes. I was also planing to go more indepth around the fourth chapter talking about the various ranks among the order. As for the name I haven't mentioned yet mostly because the three work for the same group so there's no reason to go over information they already know.
The description is a good point. And I'll work on it.
Also forget to point out but I thought people would have figured this out by now. The name of Story is the name of the Group.
Cursed Eyes
anymore?
7924024
The story is still going. Just having some writers block with the next chapter. Sorry its taking so long.
7924982 That's is alright
7924982![:pinkiegasp:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiegasp.png)
Looking forward to it, this story is fantastic so far
7986790
Thanks for the support. And dont worry I'm still working on the story. I'm just trying to figure out how to show off the different classes within the order.