A chariot pulled by eight stallion pegasi wearing gold armor landed in front of Golden Oaks library in Ponyville. Out of it stepped three alicorn princesses regarded as Princess Celestia, Luna, and Cadence.
Bowing in front of the princesses as they exited the chariot kneeled three mares that were all anxiously awaiting their arrival. Of there three Twilight was the first to speak. "Thank you all for deciding to come and assist with this matter, princesses." She said after all three of them stood up.
"If all what you two said holds true, then this needs investigation in a proper fashion." The white coated and largets of the princesses, Princess Celestia, said to her student. "Now. Where exactly the source of out endeavors?"
"In the library princess, on a bookshelf under the staircase." Responded Twilight, pleased to be getting somewhere with this finding.
As Princess Celestia walked over to the library door, Twilight trotted over to the youngest of the princesses, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, more commonly referred to as Cadence and reenacted their traditional greeting towards one another.
"Sunshine, sunshine ladybugs awake. Clap your hooves and do a little shake." Each sang, preforming the appropriate movements for each part.
While Twilight and cadence greeted each other, Nyx approached a weary looking princess of the night.
"You seem exhausted. Was it an early morning for you?"
"That, coupled with the interruption of my sleep." Response the princess.
"Is Tia still giving you trouble for your hobby?"
"No, that has relatively passed. Although I am paying for it now."
"Yes the games do occupy quite a bit of personal time. No offence, but you can only blame yourself for this."
"I realize, I can fault nopony else. Thought they are entertaining to play, hours on end" Admitted the princess.
"Well, lets get this underway so you can relax before you have to take over for the night."
With that, everypony followed Celestia's lead and entered the library.
Celestia decided to initiate the conversation. "Now, what is the source of this endeavor?"
Twilight was the one to speak up. "The bookshelf over there is the one described in both of our letters." Motioning to the empty bookshelf.
All of the princesses walked over to the bookshelf and started closely examining it.
"What dost thou thinkith?" Luna inquired after a moment of looking over the cause of confusion.
""They were not exaggerating when they stated the power of this spell." Came the input from Princess Cadence.
"The age of it appears to predate the documented founding of Equestria." Added Princess Celestia
A silence fell in the library as all of the princesses pondered the origin of the arcane subject.
An oddity occurred to Cadence. "Wait, How old is this tree then?"
"I fail to see the necessity of that information." Celestia responded, confused.
"Let her advance her intentions sister."
"Thank you, Luna. Well, if the spell casted before ponies settled in Equestria and it was placed on this tree, then this tree must be from the same time as the spell. Just to give us a reference point." Explained the alicorn of love.
It was Twilight and Nyx's turn for sudden realization.
"Of course, the tree had to be here. We now have a point of reference. Twilight, are you thinking what I am?" Nyx said a bit faster than necessary.
A small smile quickly found it's way to Twilight's face.
All others looked around at each other in bewilderment. That is all except Fluttershy, who was slightly smiling and waiting, completely aware of what the two of her friends were thinking.
Both Nyx and Twilight started concentrating, horns glowing. Two blue rings encompassed each of the casters and started spinning, gathering speed. Once the rings were spinning at a nearly invisible rate all of the others in the room were covered in a similar blue aura. Instantly after that a pink aura shot throughout the entire tree.
The rings slowed after a moment of activity. The result was the library had an entirely different layout, and it was storming outside.
"I always did love the rain." Nyx randomly commented staring out the windows across the room from near the bookshelf.
"We see thou hast a fair mastery of the time vision spell."
"I see, now what is meant to occur here and now?" Celestia wondered out loud.
"I don't. What's going on?" Cadence admitted.
"You know of the time vision spells don't you Cadence?" Twilight asked "They allow you to see past events so long as you have an object that was there at the desired moment."
"Oh right, those. I completely forget about them, it has been so long. Brilliant. So what is suppose to..." Cadence began as she was cut off by the door to the library slamming open.
Just then a cloaked pony came galloping across the library, full speed, towards the bookcase everypony was standing at.
All of the smaller ponies and Cadence jolted a little in reaction to a pony running at them.
"Right, vision, we cannot be seen." Cadence said still remembering all of the elements of the time vision spell.
The cloaked pony approached the bookcase and got as close as he could to it. He casted a quick spell that caused the solid back to open a panel, in turn making Nyx smile and have a glint in her eyes from the unintended lesson.
The mysterious unicorn levitated an object from under his cloak and into the cubby at a remarkable speed that would impress Rainbowdash, and quickly shut the panel. He rushed over to the center of the room and assembled a ritual circle with six gems evenly distributed around the circle.
With another burst of magic the circle began to glow and the gems floated around causing electrical sparks between each other and the circle. One last extravagant spark completed the ritual. The gems were sacraficed and in turn the newly created compartment was bound the protected.
The stallion with his mission supposedly completed took a seat and attempted to catch his breath.
"So..." Nyx started cut off by rumbling signifying the end of the time vision spell. "Did anyone catch what was thrown in there?" She looked around the group, but no one spoke up. "That is unfortunate, so what is next?"
"Luna Cadence and I shall discuss the best course of action." Celestia answered.
"Of course, princess." Accepted Twilight.
"Let's let them discuss. Fluttershy, would you like to have dinner?" Nyx asked certain of the answer.
"Sure, I would love to."
"If any of you like, you can eat here." Twilight generously offered.
Are you sure that is no trouble?" The timid pair answered in unison, causing them to giggle and Nyx to hug Fluttershy with her wing.
"None at all." Happily responded the unicorn "How about you three, princesses?"
"That sounds nice" Celestia answered for the bunch.
With that everypony went to the kitchen to eat.
Nyx and Fluttershy were walking, wings across eachothers backs, to Nyx's place. They had eaten and thanked Twilight for supper, Luna had risen the moon and crafted the night sky, and the couple had decided to spend the rest of the night together.
Upon arrival the pair went to the left of the house and sat down at the corner of the cliff, wings still over eachother and snuggled.
The view from the cliff was always beautiful, but was especially so this night. Ponyville seemed so calm, it was an almost clear night with only one cloud in the sky, and Canterlots elegance was magnified by the full moon not far to the upper left of it. Even the Everfree Forest seemed to be atpeace on this night. A light breeze managed to pull it all together perfectly.
(Sorry about the image, deviantart refuses to cooperate, so this is the orientation. Drawing took me 14 hours, enjoy. Deviantart)
"It's beautiful. You can clearly see all the constellations, Phoenix, Lyra, Ursa Major." Fluttershy said, absorbing the beauty of the night.
"Yes it is a magnificent night, one of the best in a while. Luna has truly outdone herself. Although, it is nothing compared to you"
A soft d'awww emanated from the canary colored pegasus as she began to blush.
Their mouths found their way to one another within seconds and remained locked together for as long as possible.
Eventually they stopped and continued to take in the night.
At one point Fluttershy Broke the silence. "Nyx, How did you get your house and your materials? I do not think there is anypony in Ponyville that sells anything like that."
"You're right, I get my resources from a very out of town source. His name is Steve, he is an earth pony who owns is own mining and crafting service. Really nice guy, he has a crossed pixelated diamond pickaxe and sword for his cutie mark, different, but is suites him. He traded me alot of materials for learning about a various amount of technology, even electricity, and transmuting a bit of his cobblestone into diamonds and other types of materials for him."
( and creation of IC2, Buildcraft, redpower, and other mods were achieved)
"Thats great, but why a sword if he mines?"
"He has this bad habit of attracting things than want to kill him either by explosions, bows, and even rage, all of which is only this dimension. But he is a natural survivor. As for my house, I built that myself with magic and the materials I got from Steve."
"That's too bad for him."
"It is, but he likes it and does it while doing what he loves."
"I do suppose that is nice, so what do you think is in the bookshelf compartment?"
"I honestly do not know, it was obviously small, but that could still be a wide assortment of things. Let's not worry about that though, the princesses are discussing it. Although what I do know is that tonight is just you and me under the night sky."
Nyx and Fluttershy's mouths each once again found their way to the other.
This cycle continue for some time. The two conversed about a variety of topics ranging from Nyx's eyes, to reminiscing about events past, and even touched on the subject of animals for a while. They shared laughs and a good time, but eventually decided to retire for the night once 2am came around, so they went inside Nyx's house and rested up for whatever was to be decided tomorrow.
*reads first line*
Nnnnope.
2220827 And you would suggest what, while not reveling who it is? I am all for getting critiques, but it is nice to actually get advice instead of just a 'your doing it wrong'. Also, while it is the first sentence of the fanfic, you apparently did not attempt the actual story, simply read the first sentence and disliked.
2221137
1. There should really be a comma between "Hey" and "Nyx."
2. The dialogue should end with a comma, not a period. The entire line is one statement, one sentence. It should not be broken up.
3. "Called" should not be capitalized. Again, not starting a new sentence here.
4. "Random" is bad word choice. Nobody has a "random" voice and the person who is calling to Nyx here clearly means to do so, and is not just randomly calling her out.
2221263 Thank you, then what would you recommend to replace it? While I appreciate you breaking down the entire sentence and correcting everything that's wrong with it, I do not believe that is something a great amount of people look for in stories. Personally, I do not know someone who points out where commas should replace periods and other minor flaws in grammar such as that, they enjoy the story. There is not one person that can write only perfect stories, especially if they are a novice writing their first story, which I admit I am. Again thank you for the insight it is truly appreciated, but a story like this is written for the fun of it, and for people to enjoy. I was not created to be perfect, or to win an award, I did not even expect to get as good of a ratio as I have, but it has been liked by a few people both on this site and off, which was it's one true purpose. All I set forth to do was create a decent fanfic that others would enjoy, I believe I met that goal, since it only has minor flaws in the structure of it, besides the first sentence that is.
2221473 It actually does matter how well something is written if you want people to enjoy your story. It doesn't matter how good the plot is; most people are not willing to take the time to read something if it is poorly written. You're putting this out for an audience, and the audience deserves the story to be the best you can make it.
2239551 I did not say there was no causation to how well something was written and how well it is liked, just that the plot is the main factor in the overall continuing of the story. If someone does not like the plot it does not matter how perfect the grammar in it is, it will not be entirely read. However if a story has only moderate grammar, that can be overlooked if someone is really into the plot. Plot trumps grammar, but both are essential to having having good ratings, and I am doing my best with the grammar of the story while sticking to the plot I want to write. I am putting my all into this story, which again is my first story I have ever written, i put the best grammar can all parts I can while rs out as regularly as possible. This entire story is also made and corrected only by me since there is no one that I know that is willing to critique it. There are not many people around me that can correct a story, and even fewer that are bronies, who are the only people who will touch this story that I know. All of these requirements limit the people who will be willing and are able to help me, and everyone who qualifies is too busy to assist. I am giving my all, and I do care for my readers. I will make any improvement pointed out if it will make the readers happy, but most just dislike the fanfic and do not specify why making it impossible to improve its quality for them.
2387444 Yes, I'm very sorry, my fault for comparing the two in the description and not stating they are not the same pony. It is a different Nyx, the name was just inspired from the Pest Sins fic, I read the story and absolutely fell in love with the name. Thank you for showing me a potential error that could occur, I will make sure to correct the description. As well thank you for the concern on the comments in chapter one, I never noticed it was void of comments, and the other chapters are littered with hate and love alike, mainly hate from one person whom is very stubborn about every aspect of grammar, but the ones who like it or ask for something to be changed to make it better is worth while. If you see anything that has to be changed or you want to be changed simply ask, I am happy to oblige. And sorry for such a long reply.