Appledashery

by Just Essay

Positively Sinful

”You got them bolt cutters?” Applejack asked, her voice echoing tightly across the dank, bricklaid corridor.

“Yup.” Rainbow Dash nodded with an evil glint to her eyes. “You got the mallet?”

“Darn tootin’.” Applejack cracked the joints in her neck, tilted the brim of her hat forward, and slithered forward into the shadows. “Let’s do this thang.”

Side by side, the marefriends crept down a long hallway and approached a junction of intersecting passageways. At last, they came upon an alcove where a guard in royal armor stood at attention.

Applejack paused and turned towards Rainbow Dash. With a sinister smile clamped around her mallet, she nodded towards the pegasus.

Hovering high to the ceiling, Rainbow Dash cupped her hooves around her muzzle and let loose a hooting bird call. She succeeded in throwing her voice towards the far end of the underground chamber.

Blinking, the guard turned his head and looked for the source of the faraway owl noise.

With cat-like hooves, Applejack closed the distance between them, spun a full three-sixty, and whalloped the weight of the mallet hard across the guard’s cranium. His helmet rattled as he fell down and landed in a thud across the moist cobblestone floor. His lungs shuddered and he fell unconscious, blissfully numb to the throbbing pain.

“Wowsers, AJ!” Rainbow Dash pumped her hoof in victory. “Nice landing!”

“Mmmf! Ptooie!” Applejack turned and saluted her floating friend. “You bet! I learned that one from my foalhood vacation in Manehattan!”

“Well, I’m glad it’s you and not me,” Rainbow Dash shuddered. “You know how much I hate hitting stallions.”

“Heh… I reckon.” The farm filly motioned with her hoof. “C’mon. Right thisaway.”

The two slinked forward, but it didn’t take them long to reach their destination. Just beyond a stack of crates, they found a series of gated doors. They reached the largest one and approached a series of chains wrapped tightly with a lock.

“I got this one, girl.” Rainbow Dash muttered, spitting on her hooves before rubbing them together.

“She’s all yers, sugarcube.”

Rainbow Dash gripped the bolt-cutters in two forelimbs and clamped the teeth over the thinnest part of the chain. “Nnnnnnnn-nnnnngh!” It took a bit of effort, but she was finally able to snap the chains free.

“Hahh!” Applejack slammed her hooves into the unlocked gate, causing both iron-wrought doors to swing open.

The air of the dungeon filled with a loose creaking noise. Then, icily, several bodies slithered out of the shadows: diamond dogs and hydras and timberwolves and ursa minors and monsters of all shapes and sizes and colors.

“Whyyyyy have you freeeeeed us, ponyyyyy?!” hissed a sentient manticore with an eyepatch and a monocle.

“Oh… Why, you ask?” Rainbow Dash and Applejack exchanged glances. They smiled. “We came down here to help you fight…” They stood up on their hind limbs. “...for your right…” They pulled out streamers and whoopie cushions. “...to partyyyyyy!”

“Awwwwwwwwwwww yeahhhhh!” The monsters chanted in unison.

With explosions of confetti, the entire dungeon lit up like a rave party. Disco ball lights streamed around, illuminating every body in the throes of spontaneous subterranean reverie. Diamond Dogs popped and locked. Hydras break-danced. And several gigantic arachnids did the salsa.

At last, Applejack tipped her hat back and line-danced like nopony’s business. Rainbow Dash cheered her name as she floated by, making the unconscious guard dance like a unicorn on marionette strings and--

Comments

[DarkSonicTrail]

That blunt on your shoulder, it isn't real.

[MellowMabari]

This is why fanfic and crack cocaine don't mix...

That, or they mix really, really well. At the end of the day, it all comes down to how one feels about salsa-ing arachnids.

Onward!

[zaponator]

Okay!

[Spinner of Tales]

This is what I immediately thought of as I read this chapter.

[Elysium]

The only thing I can think of when I read through this is The Hangover.

[YoshiFawful64]

Okay, this is definitely a dream. After all, since when has Rainbow hated hitting stallions?

[Full-time_Introvert]

4606332 JESUS MAN!!! its so quiet in my room it startled me.

[BabySkittleMonster]

I forgot all about this chapter! All I can say is... What the heck? Okay, WHO fed the author crack?

[JustAnotherTimeLord]

So I was just singing that song not but five minutes ago. That's really coincidental.

[Gammahoof]

Wat

[LucyHorseThing]

I don't even know.

[Dash32]

FIGHT....FOR YOUR RIGHT!! TO PAAAAARTYYY!!! am I the only one who loves that song?!

[Metal Aura]

The guard represents the emotion problems Dashie faces. The only way for her to overcome this obstacle which has imprisioned her sense of genuine happiness is through AJ. Once RD can learn to let her emotional guard down she can be set free like the manticore. The mallet that she holds must come down on this guard for her to break free of her delusional fantasy world. She is the only one who can "bring down the hammer" on this situation and tear down the emotional walls she has created for herself.

[Czar_Yoshi]

I guess now we know what Rainbow sees when she gets drunk. I'll be staying away from that cider, thanks...

[AppleTank]

Rainbow likes beating up girls?

[Snowdrifter]

Nnnnnah, the comment about RD not hitting (on) stallions might just imply something there. Just saying...

[arancaytar]

... now I want to read the story where that actually happens.

[Boop-Happy Lass]

Huh...