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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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"Warning: contains sex, and futa, dood."
Well, shit. Now I have to read this.
Not great, but not terrible, and I think if you went back and cleaned up the drunken typos and grammar it could be pretty good. And you're right, the Internet needs more FutaTwi.
If this was an experiment to see if it's worth your while to write more clop, I think the experiment should be repeated while sober.
I give it 3/5 moustaches.
Dood, this is on my Read later list. Not long but not short either dood.
447695 I have a strange fetish, dood.
447714 Alright, thank you for the critism, dood.
447778 Read at your leisure, dood. I just hope someone thinks it's not horribad.
images.encyclopediadramatica.se/thumb/5/57/YesJackNicholson.gif/200px-YesJackNicholson.gif
Wait a minute... YOU'RE NOT A PRINNY! You are to say dood at the end of EVERY line! Not every OTHER. Ever...single...line.
Dood, I just got mindfucked. Who knew you're Lyra was the... aggressive type dood. The only bad thing about this dood is the fact that its somewhat rushed. And maybe some spacing of dialogue dood. Also dood, what would happen if the other Lyra (in your Welcome to Equstria) finds out about human souls dood? Will she like... experiment on them with magic?! Dood... we are so going back to the netherworld if that happens dood... Unless the Ponyville hospital somehow has some kinda magic thing (or other places) that puts us back together dood.
Tri colored (red, yellow and green) prinnie Refferee out.
Dood.
449865 I wish I knew what that ment, dood.
450423 I think my constant 'dood' typing in a story that has nothing to do with prinnies or disgaea for that matter may have ruined this story more then it's suppose to. plus I made a warning about it, dood.
451305 I have a bad habit of doing that, I gotta pace myself, dood. As for Lyra's appearance in my 'Welcome to Equestria, dood' We are pretty much screwed cause we'll be sent back to hades or worse, dood....Master Etna. Then again, I dunno if I will add Lyra in the story.
452019 it meant ME GUSTA
452019 Er...nevermind.
452664 The Pic i posted for the story was pretty much me when i submitted it, dood.
452871 Don't worry about it, dood, Valvatorez found out, and I'm lv. 1 again, dood.
MOAR please.
502530
I agree, definitely more, there is hardly any type of futa clop fiction available on the net.
453274
This is a much better intro than your previous one. You give yourself too little credit. I can't wait to see the revised chapters, as well as the Luna chapter.
I`ve got to say... Meh.
Twilight is a complete doormat in this one.
Really? I don't mind the whole futa and everything but Twilight is an intelligent young pony and would stick up for herself.
2591064
Not really. And especially not now that she has real friends. She was afraid that they would hate her for having so much ability, after all, and all because of what her friends said about Trixie.
528421 "first clop that does not make me want to barf!" says me, a
stupid,young girl who is not even on her period yet...I am redo-ing this chapter, because I decided that Lyra isn't as much of a prick as I made her appear to be, dood.
Gives me something to do while both Rainbow Dash, Mrs. Cake, Gigavolt CYOA are being looked at and while the voting goes on, dood.
2658380 Oh good. Cuz this makes Lyra the worst kind of asshole.
a special blend of tea that forced her penis to take the form of a secondary clitoris.
Really...?
“Uh, maybe you need to more stimulation,”
And maybe you need to more proofread.
Wow...THIS is REALLY different from what I remember way back then when I readed the original chapter. I love this change of tone. Also love how you used Sunset Shimmer and the Princess as sparks to light the fire inside Twily. Same for the lovely discovery sex between Twi and Lyra.
However there are a couple things which I wonder about and which I hope you can give me answers for:
- Wasn't Sunset Shimmer a couple years older than Twi? Given the comics she had to leave the academy before Twi entered it.
- How come that Sentry, a pegasus, is a student in the same academy as Twi and Sunset when said academy is named "Academy for gifted UNICORNS"? XD
- Did you changed all comigg chapters as well? Cause this change of Lyra also will change many other happening I remember in the original chapters. Especially Twi and Lyra's relationship changes a WHOLE lot with this new tone, we no longer have blackmailer and victim here but two very good best friends with benefits. Friends who still feel an attraction towards each other, though it's not love, but stronger than just sex drive.
Anyway, great work there, I kind of wished that the old chapter was still up so that new readers could compare them. Maybe you should do a blog about that with the old chapter and the new one so that people can see how much you have grown as a writer in a couple months?
ok this....
Contradicts this
Your argument is invalid!!!!!
What's the deal with the "dood"s?
But...they have sheaths to keep that stuff tucked away.
typo.
that is all. cheers
Good stuff. Clop coulda used more detail (this kind of sex would just be full of swirling emotions, but all we got was about... a paragraph for each position?), but the build-up to it was magnificent. Well done.
Let's see... 103 weeks and that would be... 721 days. Wow, nearly 2 years (give or take a week) and I went back to the first chapter out of impulse. Good thing I did.
Twilight began to breath heavily
Ste sucked in a breath
our heads near the other's crotch It gives us a better view
forcing a gasp out of the mare below her..
Twilight's meat popped free..
1. Breathe.
2. She.
3. Forgot a fullstop here.
4. Extra fullstop.
5. Extra fullstop.
It's a wonder that the only thing I remember from the first chapter the first time would be Twi and Lyra already on bed and in the moment with Lyra on top.
Nearly 2 years and that's all I can remember. Go figure
I'm not the biggest fan of futa. Such is a slight fetish of mine, that rears it's ugly head only if it's all done right.
......This was done right.
It's not 'Twiight has a dick, deal with it' which is how the majority of futa i come across starts. It's 'Twilight has a dick, and this is how she deals wit it' which i highly enjoy!
There's a reason for why it's there, there are actual plights to follow from it's existence, and it also works to give life to characters that otherwise might have remained hidden and dull somewhere in the background.
I've brought my ticket, found my seat, and am now set to enjoy the full ride of this fic.
Most excellent!
I loved it so far and can't wait to see where this is going.it was a awesome chapter.And it was sweet how Lyra and Twilight where best friends before they banged.And Lyra was the first of any and all of her friends to find out.And its was cool that Lyra was Twilight's first real friend .And I hope to see her with Princess Celestia that would be awesome beyond awesome to see.
I am liking this re-write very much dood. Is this a world where Sunset Shimmer did not stay in EQG world for any number of reasons? I want Twilight to plow her like a Deer.
So Spike walks into the kitchen twice, as well as saying good morning twice
5709952 That's embarrassing, dood. I fixed it!
5711767
Dood!
I just finished reading the first chapter and added to your quite respectable tally of thumbs up. I think I read it once long ago before your edit, but I can say I really enjoyed it now. I came back because fans are giving you free advertising in the comments of my "My Little Pony: It's Good to be The Princess". It seems that people like how both you and I decided that Twilight sired Derpy's beloved daughter Dinky. What is that old saying? "Great Minds smut alike"?
Oops, I just accidentally advertised my story here! Sorry!
I will be back to read more of your fine literary endeavors!
*snicker*
That was awkwadorkable.
A sec comedy with futa Twilight and later Chryssie? Count me in!
Cya
Raziel-chan
what do the tags entail? like see that chrysalis got her own tag but i only see her mentioned once in the description, so i she a in the story alot or is she just in it that one time?