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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Doesn't bug me about th lack of sex. If anything you could just put a continuation of the chapter next or not. Doesn't matter to me I just like reading doesn't matter if its a book, fan-fic or in the case of this story clop-fic. As long as its a good story I will read it.
1363631 yea, I evidently made the Daring DO chapter stupid huge so the proofreader split it in two...now I am waiting for him to finish...cause I fail at reading the note about him being back from Japan a week ago...I'll have to contact him and ask if he'll be done part 2...then find someone to proof-read the SPitfire and Trixie chapters, dood.
1365482 Why would he split it in half? This might just be the bookworm in me talking but I see no problem with a long chapter. Hek with me it would likely only take five minutes to read all of it. Courser when you've read books for 10 or so years you tend to be faster than most.
1368620 I dunno, dood. It probably because he only did that much before he had to go overseas and asked if I wanted it cause it can stand by itself as a chapter...I said okay, dood.
1368669 Makes sense.
1365482
If you're looking for a proof-reader and editor, I can help you there. I've done editing and proofing for a few clop writers and would be glad to offer my services in those areas to you.
If you're interested, just zip me a PM and we'll work out the details.
I have a few points I'd like to make regarding Celestia. As much as hearing this would disappoint Twilight (which I do NOT enjoy the thought of), there are things that I feel must be mentioned.
I have nothing against how Celestia makes her decisions, because no matter how odd they seem, things turn out better in the end. This shows she's a good strategist and is quite intelligent. However, she is far from flawless. Celestia has a lot of power, that is obvious, but it is not infinite, she can be defeated (as seen in the Canterlot Wedding episode), and she is also able to be killed. Yes, I am aware of Celestia being an immortal, but immortality merely means that she will never die of old age, which is why she is so knowledgeable; she has centuries upon centuries of time to learn. Her vast amount of power is the result of learning everything there is to know about magic, and others can't do this because they will not live long enough. Even her trait for raising the sun is only an ability gained from pure power, as it is said (in the Hearths Warming Eve episode) that a bunch of Unicorns working together can do the same. She is only special in the fact that she can do it alone, not that she can do it in general. She is smart, and very very powerful, but she is not a true Goddess or even a Demigoddess, if she gets wounded horribly, she will die. My point being that as powerful and wise as she is, Celestia is not in any way irreplaceable and is in many cases just another pony, albeit one with millions of years of intelligence and extreme amounts of magical skill. Sorry everypony, but your princess is not the almighty being you see her as.
I like her a lot, I really do, but the way everyone depicts her as being totally perfect and all that. I've seen only one fic where the main character punched Celestia. That took serious guts, but at least someone else is aware of the fact that she can bleed. (She kicked his arse later, of course.)
So Adorable... where´s the sex?
Hoh? Might that be a hint to why every mare wants Twi so badly once they get enough alone time with her/find out she got a dick?
That was a very good part same as Twi´s questions to Pinkie in the chapter before espically the "Why?" one though Pinkie never answered it there. I wonder why those doubts/questions didn´t came up again given how Twi and Daring became marefriends yet Twi had sex with x other ponies in the coming chapters.
That sentence is incomplete. Perhaps "how I formed my hypothesis"?
to.....what?
Tell me!
prime minister to....what!?
Is Daring gonna have Twi's foal?!
I don’t know you’re name
Daring Do wondered the halls
As you said earlier, it’s her duty to protect Equestria’
1. Your.
2. Wandered.
3. Forgot your opening... I forgot what the single one was called. Been so long since I last talked about it.
4133323 either that, or a trip to the chemist is in her future.
I said it before, I really like the updated/edited version of this. During the clop I remembered that is also Voiced by Daring Do's VA. Is Twilight going to take Twist's virginity?
I loved it all so much it was awesome and sweet chapter.I can't wait to see what happens between them all next maybe a herd.And I can't wait to see what happens to them all next.
Downloading the chapter so I can delete every instance of poor literacy aside, it's growing on me. Too bad I've looked ahead and see this is a theme.
I'll pass.
Of course Daring blames Celestia, she's too thick in the head to comprehend what it takes to run a nation, especially during a crisis situation. Not to mention that she shouldn't be doing any fighting. I have a strong feeling that unicorns raising the sun and moon was just a lie they used back in the day to have a threat to hang over the Pegasi and Earth Ponies so the Pegasi didn't conquer them and the Earth Ponies were forced to feed them. If Celestia goes into battle and dies, the whole world suffers/ends.
Hate when people try to judge others who have more responsibility than they do by the same standards they hold themselves to. It's like they can't conceive there's other ways to do things, or that their ways aren't right for others. Oh well, she got dicked, I'm happy.
After finishing, not so happy. There's far too much giggling and laughing in general, a surprising lack of immersive detail and emotion in speech, just a sort of collection of internal monologue and external dialogue and then some motions. Daring felt extremely one-dimensional, and it's surprising she'd bother questioning the Magic of Friendship after her adventures. There's clearly much stranger things around. Also feels like the actions are just sort of taped together. Rather than being fluid, it's just "she does this" this now becomes "she does that".
Your writing must've improved quite a bit over the two years since this was written, since I can't read this without cringing.
Yes Twilight, you already said that.
“Twilight is cleaning that up, by the way.”
That was the perfect close for the chapter!
pre-reading reaction:
Hah, so Daring Did.
Perfect sentence to end the chapter on.
did she just come inside daring do.
dam she faer this when name popped up she was only mare that come to mind that may be ok with that almost dieing everyday and all that crazy shit . everything I fear when saw the name daring do come true crying dont want this to be end of her stories shit they are epic. my god when dash find out she will be crashed.