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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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2092293 I knew it, dood.
I have always asked for assistance from the "Proof-reader's group" and I asked him his thoughts on stuff like the Trixie rant I did and I think he misunderstood me but he pretty much told me "it's fine" but again...he misunderstood me, dood.
I also use random people that are available so there is no rhyme or reason to my proof-readers.
Yea...I probably will either change that or get rid of it entirely...later next week, dood.
Thanks for the heads up, dood.
No need to get rid of it entirely. It fits into your story, and is something that your Trixie needs to hear. A little tweaking, some softening of the language, and adding some "Twilightisms" would be all you need to do to it. It's a shame that someone made you dislike Trixie like that. She's really not that bad once you start writing her; at least, that's what I've found.
It's a shame that the proofreaders group flaked out on you like that. Weird that they would let all the grammatical errors pass if that's what they're supposed to be doing. There is probably one question you should ask any proofreader you use, and that is "what were your grades in English class?". If they didn't have at least a B average, I wouldn't use them. Another place you could turn to for proofreading is friends and family. Ask for them for a critique, and see what they say. Ask them what they thought of it, was it legible, were the ponies in character, etc. Unless you're like me, and have no one in real life you can show these stories to (whether through shame of what goes on in the story, or just shame of the fact that you're writing about ponies), you can get some helpful input from the people around you.
2093182 Thanks, dood.
I am actually tweaking the Trixie chapter as we speak and trying to get another guy to look at it, it was probably that the guy I asked to proof-read it before was new to proof-reading so I think all he did was fixing grammar issues and such.
I would ask my family for help....if they knew I was writting pony clop...or if they knew I was a brony at all, dood. (I'd rather stay in my closet where the monsters can't get me, dood.)
I'm in the same closet, dood. If you met my friends, you'd know why.
It's funny. The quality of the chapters seems to vary in threes. The first of the three is the worst, but the second is better, and by the third, it reaches a pinnacle. These last three chapters are the same. This last one was the best yet, I especially liked how tender Twilight was with Rarity. Very sweet. Then again, Rarilight is like, #6 in my top 10 OTPs for Twilight.
2095203 So basically, the newest three chapters were no where near as good as the first 4 chapters, but the WEAKEST so far is the Trixie chapter due to Twilight going all OC on Trixie cause I'm a stupid prinny, dood?
That is actually a good thing for me. I just hope I can get the fixes on the Trixie chapter asap, dood.
And it means I either need to rethink how I'm going to the Thunderlane chapter...cause no, Thunderlane ain't tapping purple booty, it'll be the other way around, dood. (This might be the very first time I have even HEARD of a futa pony sinking their meat into a stallion on this site, dood)
Sorta, kinda. What I meant, was that out of your first four chapters, the last was the best. and out of the last four chapters, the last was the best again. It's kinda like you need to warm up for two or three chapters before hitting your stride. Just something weird I noticed.
Also, yours is only one of maybe a dozen or so futafics I've read, and not one contains a futamare givin' the business to a stallion. Make of that what you will.
2095618 Oh I understand ya now, dood. That makes things make sense for me.
I barely read futafics despite me liking it cause my brain refuses to acknowledge any other pony as a Futa except Twilight IF Twilight is in the situation. I have that same weird mental glitch with some Video Games that I like. If it's a series that I don't know or don't care about, anyone could be dah futa, dood.
So yea...some of the stories I have come across around here has made my brain do 180 turns out of the story and back onto the menu.
2105434 Interesting thought on Celestia, dood. Personally, I refuse to see her as a goddess, only as a leader and a teacher. She seems to like to take risky gambles with her student(and friends)'s lives and come out with 777's (or Royal Flushes) each time which makes me think "so those guards of yours...they do anything?". Might as well put the Mane6 in guard armor and call it an army, dood.
But again...I'm a prinny, dood, I serve demon overlords and worship a small purple unicorn while kissing the ass of a sardine-loving vampire under death threats enlisted by a control freak werewolf. And when that same vampire spits in God's eyes (God God, not some other misc God) I now believe that no god is even close to perfection, and they get seriously butthurt when you power level and ROLFSTOMP 6 fungi variations of Jesus using everything AND the kitchen Sink, dood.
And Thank you for the Captain Planet reference, dood. It made me laugh.
2105312 I swear there are more tyrant Celestia fics than anything close to her canon personality and yes, Celestia probably could have stopped Nightmare Moon from ever happening if she was perfect. Also the Season 3 premiere alluded to it taking both Celestia and Luna to defeat Sombra when he was a normal pony (before he became living shadow like when Twilight had to deal with him). Sombra is probably my favorite villain just for the fact, he only lost because of Spike. It wasn't like Chrysalis who was stupid enough to send Twilight to the caverns where Candance was or Discord who thought of it as a game, he lost because Spike went with Twilight to find the Crystal Heart.
speaking of gods, I think Celestia might be more like an eternal caretaker for the sun, same with Luna and the moon, they are gods in a way, but at the same time it is because the sun and moon allow the princesses to guide them. Discord is probably the closest to a god the show has (not counting Fausticorn)
2124935 I can agree with you on the whole "Caretaker of the astral body" thing, dood.
As for the Tyrant Celestia thing...I don't think Tyrant Celestia can happen in this day of age since Celestia is "too useless" outside of moving the sun, If the Mane6 suddenly took a vacation and Nightmare Moon, Chrysalis, Discord, and Sombra walked up to her doorstep during that vacation...she would go "shit", dood.
Now call me picky when it comes to the cast and whatnot, I actually HATED Spike for stealing the glory from Twilight in Season 3 because my prinny mind can only comprehend one thing "Twilight is OP, and thus never fails" and this shattered my mind, dood. (in all seriousness, I was sorta annoyed by Spike at this, but shrugged it off as 'me being immature')
Hope you enjoyed the story, dood.
2124972 hey at least it wasn't one of the other mane 6 who did absolutely nothing during the 2 episodes my point was that at least it was something he didn't have control of, Discord, NMM and Chrysalis did have control of how they lost for the most part.
also I am going to say something to Twilight in the latest chapter... Daring is tighter than before the thing with NMM? Well Twilight did you REALLY shrink your dick back to it's original size?
Hm, would be funny to see how Twilight is mentioned in Daring's books. They would probably get an M-rating.
Keep up the good work.
I just noticed in the description of the story, that you're looking for a cover image similar to the one you have now, but with Twilight. I present you with these:
i38.photobucket.com/albums/e132/whiterabbit75/mlfw136_130160117325_zps6a278442.png
i38.photobucket.com/albums/e132/whiterabbit75/mlfw765_loose_screw_zps1dfe39b2.jpg
Also, if you're still taking suggestions for chappies, I like to suggest the following ponies:
1. Celestia
2. Luna
3. Lyra and Bonbon
4. Octavia
5. CHEERILEE!
6. Nurse Redheart
7. Screwball
8. Vinyl Scratch
9. Derpy
10. Gilda
If you need more ideas, let me know! plenty out there! //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Twilight_crazy.png
2288720
I had a Pic in mind but it's NSFW (or something) (Humanized Fluttershy wearing a apron giving Twilight whose dressed like a british gentleman a BJ, dood. But I like the first picture so I may use that instead of Liar Applejack.
As for your selection:
- Celestia is being saved for a later date, dood.
- Twilight is still under traumatic stress of what happened in chapter 7, dood. (You would too if a Demigoddess used her thighs to grind your legs to powder, dood.)
- With how I set it up in the NEW Thunderlane chapter...that is a good possibility, dood.
- Octavia will need work as I don't want to portray her as a slut like I did Spitfire, dood. CLassy girls need to brought to bed in a classy way.
- Another Possibility since she technically knows about Twilight (hospital stuff and what not) so I could add in how Twilight had to break the news to the doctor in charge of it all while Nurse Redheart is wondering how deep it can go, dood.
- I wouldn't know where to start with her, dood.
- With the CMC knowing Twilight, Cheerilee may find out though them somehow...erotic test grading or something? lots of methods can be done with this one, dood.
- Harder than Octavia since she's like Pinkie in a sense, dood. (Likes to have fun) But I don't think of Vinyl like I do Pinkie Pie when I wrote her in her chapter and several others... Odds are it'll be a threesome with Twi, Vinyl, and Pinkie if this does become a idea, dood.
- Legally I should smack you for bringing the idea of Rule34 Derpy on anything (Demon Brony rules that Axel set up, dood) but the story Address Unknown made me appreciate Derpy as a character instead of a background pony with a lazy eye, So I might do something like that.. I dunno if I wanna do the approach that most people see Derpy as (Slightly 'special' with a absurd love of muffins) or as bronies WANT to see her as (Pretty smart but with a fucked up eye),dood.
- Misconception (the fic with TwixGilda shipping) has reignited a love I had for REALLY RARE
SHIPPING, the sort you would have to start crossovers to make a original pairing (Calling FF13 Lightning/Blazblue Noel, along with friendship pairing of Sarcastic FemHawke from DA2 with Aoi Nagisa from Strawberry Panic) SO I am a automatic fan of Gilda X Twilight so this will be a idea...later. when I get a proof-reader that actually lets me know when they decide not to proof-read my clop, dood.
Well, well. Now all of Twi´s friends know expect Fluttershy. I hope she gets to hear it from Twi herself.
And Rarity had sex with Twi. Good sex it seems. I like how the spell has effected Twi to be a more firm lover, if i understood it correctly than both her dick got thicker/longer as well as her body stronger/more fit? And it will stay permanently?
Yep, she gonna have a harem then. XD
RD`s part was very interesting, she didn´t included herself into Pinkie/Darings faction but also not in Lyra´s or in Luna´s/Spitfire´s one yet given what she says and dreams about she might later become similar to Pinks in some ways. Same for Rarity. And here´s again where i wonder if Twi wouldn´t check her own body if she has an effect on mare brains to want to have sex with her, even strangers who barely knew her like Spitfire/daring did. Or another possibility is a magic link. Given that Twi had fantasies about her friends, those could manifest in a magical link in which Twi´s desire is projected onto the mares who then like a mirror reflects it upon Twi. It could explain why Luna suddenly lost to NMM as Twi had a fantasy about Luna then and the magical etablished link made NMM stronger and able to overpower Luna.
That way it could be explained why Luna/Spitfire will remain a one-thing. As long as they don´t get to see Twi often enough the magicla link won´t reactivat and make them desire her. But for ponies like Pinkie, Daring or Lyra who see Twi more often its harder to resist the magic bound between them and Twi and they act upon it, ending in sex/closure to Twi.
I do hope that Twi will tell not only Fluttershy but also Celestia about her male parts. And i hope she´ll tell Spike that she had sex with Rarity or that Rarity and she will tell Spike, espically if that will continue. And given how Rarity had acted the whole time in the past and this chapter i call BS if you don´t put her in the Pinkie/Daring category.
What i wonder about is how the sex with AJ will happen as well as with Fluttershy. I mean, it will at some point after the Gilda chapter right?
And what more, when and how Twi gets to become fertile.
My own idea to how that could fit into this setting would be Celestia and the Equestria ratio as well as what Luna told us about the past dick-mare:
In other words, Celestia finds out about Twi´s dick + her knowledge about the past mare being responsible to have impregnated 10% of that time´s mares which in a 1000 years resulted into several xxx thousand of ponies who only exist today cause of said mare´s sex drive.
Add to that the fact that we got a 5:1 mare to stallion ratio and Celestia is both looking at declinded birthrate and unstastified mares, it would make sense to make Twi fertile as she does have the fit spell on her which should only increase her ability to cum, and before that she could come 15 times per day, to prevent the population to go down as well as unrest to swell up in the Equestria society.
We got a good example for that in our real world: China. We have there a 3:1 man to woman ratio due 50+ years of killing off female babies, having a one-child policy or being too poor for medication and such which ended in childs deaths.
Now what do you do when 2 of three man will never get a woman to start a family and you start to face billions of old people but very few young ones who could work for their pension? You import women from other countries. No shit. China has in the past decade started lots of initatives both from the state as well as from companies, to get as many woman as possible into China for the men.
You have to see it that way, a man can´t only work and then die all alone. A family, getting children is naturally branded into our genes and if those 2 men can´t get that, they will be unstastified and could rebell. That´s a real concern there.
Same for Equestria. We see with Lyra that a couple of the remaining 4 mares engage in lesbain relationship, same for SPitfire/Dash/Pinkie and AJ as we see hinted over and over again, but Celestia still faces a future Equestria with many old ponies and few young ones as well as thousands if not ten thousands of mares being really pissed that they went out empty whereas other mares got a stallion to form a family with.
And if two unstastified men in terms of billions are a danger factor for one of our societies what danger factor would Celestia have put on four mares in terms of who knows how many billions of ponies in Equestria?
It would make sense that after Celestia had sex and heard Twi is sterile that she, as she is the most powerful magic caster in that realm, make it possible that Twi can seed foals in mares unlike before. Then she would ask her in order to bring future peace and progress to fuck as many mares as possible and that if she´d accept she´ll see to it that she´ll meet new ones from all over the country. After all a country with mostly old ponies and few young ones as well as unrest in the female part of society could end in Equestria´s end as nation. No kidding. Of cource Celestia will see to it that the mares with Twi´s foals gets enough bits from her to give foals a good home, enough food and good education.
From there sex with Twi´s marefriend/friends with benefits would become more interesting as they have to ask themselves if they want to become mothers (and as i said i can see Shy, AJ and Rarity to be mommies but since this chapter i´d also see Pinkie being that way. Daring however not so nymore) or not and if not then since Twi is fertile and got a job to make mares pregnant sex with her would be more complicated or even given up completley.
Just an idea though i can´t see how and why Twi herself could and want to get fertile so i see Celestia more as a way espically since Celestia would have the well-being of her entire nation in mind, not her own or her student one. Its why she would leave it to Twi to either accept or to refuse, if she refuse she´ll stay sterile and Equestira will face hard times if she says yes, she becomes fertile and will fuck like 20% of Equestria´s population to ensure that there will be enough foals for a new generation boom to ensure the country´s future.
As for Octavia, why not make her a Tsunshy?
You know, acting all classy and mighty, etc. but in truth being scared and shy around both stallions and mares. There could come again Twi´s "safety" which she provides to mares. On the other hoof, Vinly is more like a more sane Pinkie in my headcanon.
Well, i hope you hear some good and exciting music, i heard that helps with writing. Hope you´ll update soon as i´m close to finish your fic before the new update.
I just feel bad for Spike and that Twilight lied to him.
twilight gets all the bitches
still unsure whether believe the filly
Taking a few deep breathes
Twilight felt that Rarity had calm down
1. Still unsure whether to believe the filly.
2. Breaths.
3. Calmed.
4. Quite, not quiet. (In the authors notes)
I feel like smacking a filly. Or three. Admittedly we all knew this was going to happen but... It just feels like Twilight was cheated on because or stupid ponies (hint: AJ and Rare) couldn't just think; "She'll tell us eventually."
Call me an asshole if you want but i feel no sympathy for spike. Hes a kid and he thinks he has some claim on an older woman like a preteen checking out a chick in her 20s. Rarity even without twilight would still get a significant other and unless shes a pedo its not gona be spike. Dont get me wrong most males had fantasies about older woman when they were that age but for most thats all it was. Very few actually had the audacity to think they stood a chance. And those few usually ended up heartbroken.
What lady wants lady gets indeed.
well not kind pity twi for spike she didn't want this.
2733649 I Don't. Spike is to young for her he needs to find a mare his owe age.