Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Wow, that was your first story? I'm very impressed.
5546540 Thank you; it's the first thing I've written with the exception of a few story-assignments in English way back when. Can't take all the credit though - my two editors/proofers helped me tremendously.
too soon to judge in my opinion. Or maybe "not enough you need more" is a better way to put it?
5547135 Mm, what do you mean by more? Do you think the chapter should've been longer or more expansive or something else? Sorry if the question bothers you, I'm just desperately trying to grasp some form of feedback. ^^;
5547162
More than just this first chapter before I feel I can drawn any conclusions about the story quality.
I like what I've read so far, but it's very little to go on thus far. I look forward to more chapters.
You may want to separate some the text to indicate a transition, it currently seems like no time at all passes when the armor's taken off, even though Magic Barrier was apparently knocked out for days.
5550310 Thank you. I wasn't exactly sure what to do to signify the passing of time...I didn't want to just put a bunch of space for fear of it looking ignorant but...yeah. ^^; I'll add the space in from now on. Thank you.
5550349 I find a good way to do so is by putting hr in between some brackets Like these []. It gets results like this
I hope this helps.
5550359 I ended up putting a section-break in to split the scenes up. I think it worked...better than before, at the very least.
5550401 I think it works better as well, it makes things much clearer.
5550414 Right, back to chapter 3. Thanks again for the advice.
5550419 You're welcome, I hope this helps.
Thus far pretty good
Looks like Shining Armor, really interested in Twilight's cutie mark, named MAGIC Barrier. Well what his hunch is isn't hard to guess, suppose the "meat" will have to be the reaction. Only complaint I can think of is the chapters are pretty short, but no real problem
Nice chapter, but there's a few minor things you may want to edit.
I think all of those should be capitalized.
That should be "unicorn's".
And I suggest adding a comma after "majesty".
5552914 Done, changed, and done, thank you. :3
I certainly like the possibilities this story has. I would suggest you work on making he chapters a bit longer, or, in your case, combining a few. The grammar is quite good, and very fluent. Keep it up!
5554142 Thank you - I'm actually in the process of trying to lengthen my new chapters. Hoping to get to an average of 2200-2500 per before long.
Whaddya know, it did sound better in his head.
5556380 I know, I know >.< Was originally going to try to work in "I boinked your grandmother" but couldn't find a comfortable way to do it.
5556416
Although, considering the thousand years and all-- 'Ancestor' would fit better.
5556425 Very true. Might change it tbh - the last bit didn't come out like planned. It really sounded funnier in my head. x.x
5556430
So in other words, the chapter title fits both autor and character?
5556442 To a T, good sir.
I do hope this is just him wanting to keep the title short, because unless unicorns live for 300+ years, there's a lot more great's to be added in. At least ten, I'd think.
5556611 It was. Added it up with 80 years as the average lifespan. I'd have had to put like...12 greats in there.
This is a nice chapter, but there some things you may want to edit.
You may want to delete that.
That should be "unicorn's".
I think there should also be a a question mark before the exclamation point.
You may want to delete those repeated words.
And you're missing a quotation mark at the end of this.
5557179 Done and done.
Now, you're gonna make me blush. I told you I don't need any credit.
5558357 Doesn't mean you won't get it. ;)
Nice chapter, but there's some things you may want to edit.
I think that should be "was", since he didn't bring this up with Twilight before.
"her".
I think some words are missing there.
I think that should be "Shining, Barrier finally stopped, a wide grin on his face."
I think "was" should be deleted.
First, that should be "rest", and second, that should be "princesses".
See my previous note.
And you'll want to delete that extra "l".
5565019 Done, done, and thanks. :)
...and the ball keeps rolling.
5575843 I tried throwing my cousin's kids in front of it but it wouldn't stop.
5576323
...there's a punchline, right?
5576661 Does their mom hitting me count? She has a helluva of a right.
5576700
Ouch. Should have LEFT it up to her to deal with, eh?
5576749 vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/e/e1/FANMADE_Luna_I_see_what_you_did_there.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20130405221911
5576810
That is a great pic. However, I should probably stop with the puns before it gets worse...
Nah. That pic fit just right.
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5584450 I think your link shut my brain down.
I feel like Vinyl will be Barrier's connection to Octavia.
5588299 I can neither confirm nor deny; I can only say the next two chapters are already done.
5576855... your puns...
Well I decided to give this story a chance and so far I like what I'm reading so I will be tracking this.
Great chapter, but there's a few really minor things you may want to edit.
First off, that should be "unicorn's". And second, you have two periods instead of one.
And lastly, there should be an apostrophe at the end of "earth-ponies'".
5588705
Did my puns hit too close to home?
Different....the pacing could use some work though, unless you are planning on slowing it down now that hes on his own away from the rest?