Her boots clicked against crust-covered linoleum as Aria half-ran, half-stumbled through the nearly pitch black hallways of Greasy’s. Her sprint occasionally interrupted with a bump against a table or small, plastic chair with a shin. Cursing to herself, she fumbled with the device in her hand and her flashlight briefly until she got the latter on, just in time to light-up a red-sauce splattered wall she was about to get a little too personal with. Aria rotated slightly and slid in an attempt to stop, something that only happened when she felt her left shoulder slam into the wall.
Grunting in displeasure as she practically peeled her shoulder off the sickeningly sticky wall, Aria could hear Oddjob’s tennis shoes squeaking after her and noted another flashlight bobbing up and down as her ‘wing-guard’ did her best to catch up. “WAAAAAAAIT!” Oddjob’s pleading voice called out.
Aria smirked and pointed her flashlight forward, noting her target was just in sight. “Sorry, O.J., but the first kill… er… bust is mine!” She exclaimed as she marched purposely into the room containing what Aria had identified as ‘a whiteish-gray slime monster, or some junk’.
While holding the flashlight up in her left hand, she used her left forearm to help prop-up her right arm and took careful aim. A small red button under a small toggle called out for her thumb which she stretched out to press the—
“WAAAAAIT!” Oddjob screamed, throwing herself in front of Aria.
Her eyes going wide, Aria quickly pointed her device upward where a fiery-orange blast of energy fired out as blue arcs of what looked like electricity danced around it.
Her face contorted in fear, Oddjob stared up at the singed and still-burning ceiling as she attempted to say something coherent. “Bwa-ba-bwa-bwa-bwa…” This was proving exceedingly difficult at the moment.
“Oddjob?! The HELL?! I was gonna shot a slime monster!”
“Well you almost shot me!” Oddjob shouted incredulously.
“Not my fault!” insisted Aria. “You jumped in the line of fire! Semper Fi!”
“I am positive that doesn’t mean what you think it means, and there’s no slime monster in here!”
Aria rolled her eyes. “Yeah, ‘cause you ran in and it got spooked… no pun intended.”
“No… ugh…” Oddjob shifted slightly out of the way of Aria’s flashlight and pointed to a grayish blob on the counter next to the oven. The grey semi-solid goo that made up its composition ran down the side of the counter, over a couple of drawers and even pooled on the floor somewhat. Her teeth clamped tightly as she heard another hum from Aria’s device, something like electricity spooling up to fire out bolts of lightning. “It’s just the grease pile!”
Aria lowered the aperture of her device once more. “‘The grease pile’ ?!” She asked in a disbelieving tone. “As in a designated place to pile grease?!”
“Well yeah…” Oddjob said. “Like… okay… you know how you make bacon and you keep like a jar or a coffee can on the side to fill with the excess grease?”
Aria tossed a sideways glance at the disgusting pile of dingy grey material. “I know that’s a thing that people do, sure.”
“Okay… it’s like that.”
“But there’s no jar or coffee can!” Aria countered.
“Rumor is there is one under the pile somewhere!” Oddjob said with a smile.
“Oddjob?”
“Yes, Aria?”
“Your job and your unreasonable upbeat attitude about it disgust me.”
Oddjob sighed. “I know…” Her eyes finally settled on the aperture in Aria’s right hand that was connected to whatever was slung on Aria’s back, which was some sort of misshapen black backpack sized item. Towards the bottom a quad of four red lights were set in a round dish that looked to be held in place with a black bracket and the mother of all bolts. Wires lead up from this into other parts of the more rectangular, if sometimes bulbous pack which connected elsewhere in the device only for a few more wires and hoses to come out and reattach elsewhere. A single blue strip of LEDs, which probably indicated something, set near the upper left hand corner of the device, and on the near opposite end, a hose attachment let into the aperture which Aria held.
An aperture that fired lightning, real lightning, as far as Oddjob could tell. The whole thing looked very sciencey, a technical term Oddjob was sure, and somehow makeshift at the same time… Like some mad scientist type had made it in his garage.
“Where the heck did you even get that?!” Oddjob exclaimed, pointing with enough enthusiasm to match her tone.
“Oh,” Aria glanced at the aperture in her hand proudly. “I kinda have it on loan from some people… you know… The Real Ghostbusters.”
“…Uh… I thought they were made up…”
Aria threw her hands up in the air. “Why the hell would I say ‘real’ if they were fake?! What would be the point?!”
“Well, why did you bother to add in the ‘real’ part anyways?!”
Aria grunted in displeasure. “There’s just been a handful of ghostbuster teams, and not all of them have exactly added a lot of ‘cred’ to the whole ghost busting gig…” Aria rubbed her chin and thought for a moment. “I think like two had a gorilla in them.”
Oddjob’s lips tightened slightly as her eyes widened. “... What?”
“I know, right!” Aria exclaimed. “And I guess the gorilla was the smartest of the bunch in those cases, too! Like… Who's going to take a profession seriously where the leading expert’s favorite pastime most likely involves a tire swing?”
“Er… Fair enough… I guess…” Oddjob nodded towards the pack on Aria’s back. “So… you can really catch ghosts with it?”
Aria face tightened. “No, stupid. I just lug this thing around incase someone decides to throw an impromptu cosplay party at venues I know will be closed and empt- OF COURSE I CAN REALLY CATCH GHOST WITH IT!”
“Okay, but you almost set fire to this whole place with it…” Oddjob looked up. “In fact, I should get that smoldering ceiling…”
Aria watched, her face a mixture of surprise and pity, as Oddjob turned on the sink, which spat out water only after a groan that suggested the sink might be haunted, and hunted down a rusty pot. Oddjob half-filled the pot with water and then brought it over towards the small flames above where she flung the water in the direction of the errant flames that were slowly eating at the smoke soaked ceiling.
The dingy water splashed against the top and the flames went out, much to Oddjob’s satisfaction.
Aria raised a thumb and forefinger to her face and rubbed at her eyes. “Okay… I’m going to forego asking about any fire extinguishers.”
“Thanks,” Oddjob said, “I appreciate that.”
“However!” Aria exclaimed dramatically.
Oddjob let out a long, annoyed sigh.
Aria continued as she scowled up at the scorched ceiling that Oddjob had just dampened. “I just blasted the ceiling and melted a sprinkler head…” Aria nodded upwards to a slagged metal lump that was attached to a pipe above. “Shouldn’t there be like… water pouring out of it, or something? You know… comically drenching the two of us?”
“Comically?”
“Well, I’d say ‘sexily’, but my jumpsuit and your uniform aren’t exactly going to up that factor just by getting wet.”
“… Who the heck would we be getting ‘sexy’ for in this case?!”
“The camera, stupid,” Aria replied, her eyes dropping slightly.
“What camera?!”
Aria rolled her eyes and pointed towards the security camera.
“Oh, right… Uh, the sprinkler-heads are just for show, anyways.”
“… What?”
“Yeah… They’re not hooked up to any water pipes or anything… They’re just kinda there to give the pizza cooks a false sense of security.”
Oddjob suddenly felt stinging pain in the side of her face courtesy of Aria slapping her hard.
“OW! What the heck, Aria?!” Oddjob exclaimed as she raised a hand to her face.
“The thing you just said made me very angry,” Aria informed, “… And like… I think maybe you should take a moment to reevaluate your life choices or at least try to dig down and found some dignity or something regarding where you work?”
Oddjob rubbed her cheek. “Okay, but you work here now, too!”
“Yeah, but only ‘cause I want to bust ghosts… I mean… Getting hired and having them hand you a key to this place makes what I’m doing substantially less illegal… I think... At the very least if the fuzz shows up I can tell them I’m a security guard and don’t have to explain any broken windows or doors cracked open with a crowbar.”
“Okay, but what about THAT?” Oddjob asked as she pointed at Aria’s ghostbusting equipment. “These have got to be crazy illegal.”
“Naw,” Aria said dismissively. “There’s no laws on the books about simply having a device that fires off positively charged protons.”
“… Are you trying to tell me weapon laws work on the ‘Airbud’ principle?!”
“They kinda do,” Aria replied. “I mean… flamethrowers are legal in most states...”
Oddjob clamped her eyes shut and began to massage her temples with her fingertips. “I can’t believe this…”
Aria rolled her eyes. “Oh, stop being such a little whiner about this! I brought you one too.”
“I…” Oddjob trailed off slightly. Her emerald eyes suddenly lighting up as if flickers of positively charged energy beams were being fired past. She suddenly felt her cares and concerns for her place of work melt like so much grease collecting on a countertop. Finally, a smirk flashed across her face. “Let’s bust some frickin’ ghosts!” she declared.
Aria put on a smirk to match. “That’s the spirit!”
Oddjob’s face tightened. “Did you just—?!”
Her smiling widening, Aria slapped a hand down on Oddjob’s shoulder and exited the kitchen. “Alright, let’s suit up.”
Despite her initial excitement, Oddjob found herself letting out groan of anticipated displeasure. “I just know I’m going to regret doing this…”
“What?!” Aria called back. “Like you regret every day of being a waitress here?!”
“I… Wow! Shut up!” Oddjob demanded as she turned and began following Aria. “I mean… Good point, but still! Shut up!”
Wow. They'd be doing the place a favor if they torched it.
Apparently Chuck E. Cheese's will no longer be using animatronics. Probably because of this game series. Food for thought.
8417416
"And that, Button Mash, is how we got seven ghosts of health inspectors past free from the vile machinations of terrible animatronic monsters!"
The last part was funny
That Rick and Morty reference, though
Burn it all to the ground!!
True. I had a neighbor once who used one to burn the brush out of parts of his property.
Admittedly, there's a pretty hefty difference between what you can buy at the hardware store and military grade flamethrowers.
You're insane.
ShoOt.
No.
... She, DOES have a point.
Uh, yes, quite.
GhostS.
Agreed.
True.
WHY THE HELL DO YOU WORK HERE!? This place has got to be violating at least 10 regulations!
I'm fairly certain that this is rock fucking bottom, so yes, Aria is right.
You're serious?
There we go!
Was that a fucking PUN?
Jesus shit Aria, have mercy.
I love Oddjob so much. I really hope she comes back after this.
I NEED GRATUITOUS AMOUNTS OF ENERGY!
I'M GOING TO DRINK SOME RAWBERRY, MADE WITH LIGHTNING! REAL LIGHTNING!
The cieling didnt undergoe catastrophic immediate explosion?
Theyre gonna need a bigger proton accelerator.
It is HILARIOUS how Oddjob is taking after her Ghostbusting Senpai!! XD
Another well done chapter. And jeez... like Tat said down below, I think they'd be doing this place a favor by burning it down.
Good work!
Greasy's is violating so many building codes...
Aria got this for Twilight didn't she.
It was ether that or she got it from:
Discord
Lyra
Pinkie Pie
Love Tap
Or anyone that goes to Crystal Prep.
...I ship them.
An aperture refers to things like holes, the large-diameter antenna used for receiving and transmitting radio frequency energy containing the data used in communication satellites, or the maximum angle between the two generatrices. I believe the term you're looking for is "apparatus".
8420739
Yeah. There are other words that would have been better, 'projector' and 'emitter' for pure technical accuracy. I would run through the synonyms for more poetic examples, but thesaurus.com seems to lack the entire word family for some bizarre reason.
Wow, making fun of not one but two old 80's cartoons! Excellent sir! Most excellent!
Funnily enough, the 'Ghostbusters' theme song started playing when I started reading this chapter.
I'm honestly curious, how accurate is this? Could I literally own a particle cannon and the police couldn't do jack until I shot somebody?
8469215
Yeah, I have no idea if the Ghostbusters weapons, if real, would actually be legal. As someone mentioned, flamethrowers technically ARE legal, but I believe they're intended for pest control (like wasps). They're probably far less dangerous than most firearms one could acquire. Technically, some mini-guns are legal provided they were built before a certain date, but there's only like half a dozen working models in existence, so they might as well be gold dust.
8382561
When I was in elementary school our gym teacher was also our art teacher. He wasn't really good at either, but I remember art class being fun, at least.
Random request: please have Rick and Morty make a cameo.
Thank you... now I want a EqG/Ghostbusters story....
I think you meant 'pooled'. Though true enough, with the correct accent they sound identical.
apparently it also makes her speak like a cave woman, too. Or maybe like the Heavy Weapons guy.
Are they legal in Delaware? If so, where can I go to buy one?
8417416
It'd certainly be more sanitary if they did.
8507891
Got these! Thanks.
What exactly is the Airbud principle?
_____________
8469215
Read these and be amazed at the amount of legal things you can do that are both subjectively horrifying and mind blowingly amazing!
http://www.cracked.com/article_17016_7-items-you-wont-believe-are-actually-legal.html
and
http://www.cracked.com/article_18732_6-things-you-wont-believe-are-more-legal-than-marijuana.html
The things you can legally get away with are amazing, and I wonder how many of them (After Justice looks through them), Aria would attempt.
8743915
While common sense says the act or behavior is illegal, there is not actually a law against it, so technically, it is legal. Name is based on the AirBud movie where they allow a dog to play basketball (I think) because there is no written rule against it.
9190194
Sweet thanks for the clarification .
9190434
No Problem
Okay, that was epic. They actually have the Ghostbusters?! That place is so cool; they have magic AND ghosts now...
:P
8743915
That is strange and fascinating.
9214217
You're welcome .
Ghostbusters....
Real Ghostbusters....
You be the judge.
(For those that don’t understand this, after the Ghostbusters movie blew up, Flimation copyrighted the Ghostbusters name and brought out the shitty cartoon. DIC sued them for copyright infringement, as they were fixing to bring out a cartoon based on the movie, but were unable to get the name back. So, we got The Real Ghostbusters instead. This cartoon blew the other one out of the water and I don’t think it was even renewed, though I think it was pulled shortly after The Real Ghostbusters blew up, but my memory is not what it once was and this was a long time ago).
Edit: I also wanted to add that I believe Flimation went bankrupt shortly after this incident. While they had brought out some great cartoons (He-man, She-Ra, and the like), they were really starting to struggle with cartoons and a lot of them were just getting low viewing numbers (even more so after the Ghostbusters incident, as their was quite a boycott on anything that they brought to TV). The Real Ghostbusters was very good and had some excellent stories, although I would advise that you avoid their later attempts: Slimer and The Real Ghostbusters and Extreme Ghostbusters, as both were not very good at all.
9279599
You are wrong Filmation released a live action TV show called The Ghost Busters in 1975 (the cartoon was a sequel). Columbia licenced the name for the 1984 film from Filmation.
As opposed to negatively charged protons, which are antimatter and thus a bit overkill, even for ghostbusting.
9279599
both are good shows.
8417858
yeah I know you need to bur hoses and rig a larger tank to get the same amount of fuel
8469402
Given that just 20 years ago, nearly every living room had a particle accelerator in it (CRT televisions/monitors have a 20 keV cyclotron in them: that's where the cathode ray comes from), privately owned nuclear accelerators are perfectly legal.
Turning them into weapons is harder, but probably still legal. 1 MW lasers are in most of the US, and significantly more dangerous.
It could be worse. It could work on the principle of second-amendment absolutism, in which any law restricting access to weapons is ipso facto unconstitutional.