Applejack looked over the dusty truck dashboard at the cars on the road in front of her, her forehead folded into a scowl as she kept her emerald eyes pointed forward. With a heavy sigh, she muttered an audible, “Ah can’t believe I got roped into this… stupid Rarity and Rainbow getting’ caught up in giving Sonata a ride…”
“Was that a cowboy pun, Hayseed?”
Applejack glanced to her right, past Fluttershy who sat next to her, and towards her other passenger Aria Blaze, who looked out her window with a bored expression.
“Wasn’t intended as one,” Applejack answered flatly as she refocused her attention on the road.
“A’int that yer thang?” Aria replied in the most obnoxious country accent she can manage. “Talkin’ hick until the cows come home for milkin’ and the like?”
Applejack let out an annoyed growl. “Ah’m beginning to see why you Dazzlin's are always at each other’s throats like a coyote who caught a chick…” Applejack’s face scrunched up in annoyance as she caught herself most the way through her countryism. “Ah see why you three fight so much.”
Aria turned with a victorious smile on her face. “Hah! You’re so hick, you can’t even help it!”
Applejack took a long inhale in through her nose and let it out loudly. “Just keepin’ in touch with my roots is all…”
In between the two girls, Fluttershy whimpered softly and tried to shrink into the middle section of the bench seat of the pickup truck.
“Also, thanks for the compliment, Hayseed,” Aria said.
Applejack’s brow tightened in confusion. “What compliment?”
“The one about me being the reason Dagi, Sonata, and I fight all the time…”
“… That wasn’t intended as a compliment.”
Aria smiled smugly and nodded. “Sometimes those are the best ones.”
Applejack glanced to her side again and decided that Aria’s face was more punchable than usual. Quickly she considered the ramifications of starting a fight while she was driving and the chances Fluttershy would get hurt if the two girls began a slugfest with her yellow-colored friend literally caught between them.
Having shrunk herself as much as she could, Fluttershy’s eyes darted back and forth like a nervous version of wall mounted cat clock, “Maybe some music will make this trip a little less tense?”
“Tense, who’s tense?” Aria quipped. “I’m enjoying this self-contained look at pioneer days!”
Applejack’s entire head twitched. “Good idea Fluttershy. I was getting bored of talkin’ anyhow.”
“Hah!” Aria chirped. “Burn notice, Fluttershy!”
“Wha-?!” Applejack exclaimed in confusion. “I wasn’t-Grrrrr…” Applejack reached for the radio dial and clicked it on, the sounds of country music immediately filled the car.
“Ugh…” Aria grunted. “Way to adhere to stereotypes, Hayseed.”
“My truck, my music.”
Aria rolled her eyes. “Lemme give you the shorthand version of the entire country music genre, AJ. Everyone is drunk all the time, dogs run away, if it’s a dude, his wife or girlfriend is a no-good low-down cheat, and if it’s a girl yodeling, her hubby or boyfriend is a no-good, low-down cheat. Did I miss anything?”
Applejack’s eyes narrowed. “There’s plenty songs about true love, too, you no-good, low-down—”
“Varmint?” Aria interrupted with a wry grin.
Applejack’s face tightened enough she could feel the blood throbbing right under it. “Idgit. Was gonna say ‘idgit’.”
Aria shrugged. “Same difference. Anyhow, all that lovey-dovey garbage is just the prelude to someone cheatin’ on someone else.”
Applejack grit her teeth.
“And those songs are just the prelude to the wife getting the house and dog in the divorce!”
Applejack began to breathe in and out heavily.
“Sorry,” Aria said. “Did I say house? I meant ‘trailer’.”
Applejack began to take short, shallow breaths.
“Dude will always get the truck, for some reason,” Aria continued. “Ah think that’s just hick law, or whatever.”
Applejack suddenly ceased breathing and her eyes became slightly unfocused as her knuckles went from orange to white as she gripped the steering wheel with all her might. “Fixer Christ, take the wheel…” she muttered.
“Eep…” Fluttershy let out. “Maybe we could listen to something else...?” she intoned hopefully and affrightedly, mostly affrightedly.
Aria shook her head. “I don’t think this truck knows radio stations that have songs without at least one banjo, fiddle, or harmonica.”
Applejack took her hands off the wheel, turned, and raised her right fist above her head as she pointed it towards Aria.
“Applejack! The truck!” Fluttershy cried as she leaned over and grabbed the steering wheel.
Applejack’s eyes went wide and she quickly refocused her attention forward and grabbed the wheel as a car heading towards the truck swerved slightly and let out an angry honk.
“Good one, Hayseed,” Aria replied as if she wasn’t just nearly in a head-on collision. “Maybe you should have picked me up in the horse-drawn carriage. Or were the horses too busy working the farm?”
Applejack and Fluttershy said nothing. Instead, they both breathed in and out heavily as they tried to catch their breaths.
“Maybe we can listen to something else…?” Fluttershy squeaked out.
“See!” Aria exclaimed. “Even Fluttershy doesn’t want to listen to this drunken hillbilly mating-call music!”
“I-I d-didn’t mean…” Fluttershy stammered.
Applejack’s irritated expression returned even as she devoted all attention to the road.
Aria leaned forward and glanced at Applejack. He lips pursing slightly. “Well, maybe we can see if the ‘ol’ family truck’ can pick up a rock or alternative station.”
Applejack shook her head. “We’re not gonna listen to any of that yelling or whiney hullaballoo.”
“Not a fan of rock-and-roll?” Aria asked evenly.
Applejack shrugged. “Guess not especially…”
Aria pulled out a smartphone. “I’ll be sure to tell Rainbow Dash that her bassist thinks her taste in music sucks.”
Applejack suddenly reached her hand out and swatted at Aria’s phone. “You shut yer typing fingers!”
Aria pulled her phone out of the way and let out a mirthful snort. “Right, ‘cause that’s how phones work!”
“ROAD!” Fluttershy exclaimed.
Applejack turned and refocused her attention to the task at hand. She took another deep breath and let it out. “Go ahead and text Rainbow whatever you want. It’s not like she’s gonna believe you over me anyhow.”
Aria felt her own features tighten and put her phone away. “Alright, Hayseed. I’ll give you that one… Still much more of this Nashville nonsense and I’m gonna be disappointed if we don’t stop at the old saloon for some sarsaparilla.”
“You know what?” Applejack said as she reached for the radio dial and turned it off. “Silence… Silence is golden…”
“Yeah, Fluttershy!” Aria chimed in without missing a beat. “Why don’t you ease up, ya frickin’ chatterbox?”
Fluttershy let out a whimper.
Applejack simply glanced upwards with a small smile and shook her head slightly. “Nice try, Ari,”—
“… Ari?”
—“but Fluttershy is quieter than a mouse on Christmas eve.”
Aria raised a finger and opened her mouth.
“That’s a reference to a poem, Ari.” Applejack quickly interjected. “Not a countryism.”
Aria gave Applejack a sour look.
Fluttershy giggled slightly then stopped when she noticed Aria glaring at her. Her apprehension soon turned to full on worry as she noticed a thin, dagger smile spread across Aria’s face.
Aria looked up at Applejack. “What’s with picking us up in the jalopy anyhow? Your family is, like, rich landowners and apple sellers. Dontcha have something nicer?”
Applejack smiled smugly. “The BMW is only for people who deserve a nice ride, Ari.”
“Daaang… that’s cold!” Aria quipped. She shook her head. “I don’t know what you did to tick off AJ, Fluttershy, but you better apologize.”
Fluttershy let out another distressed whimper. “I’m sorry, Applejack… Erm… What did I do?”
Applejack’s eyes shot open wide. “You didn’t do—”
Aria suddenly cut Applejack off. “What surprises me more Fluttershy, is that you even agreed to get in this old gasoline guzzler.”
“Uh… What do you mean?” Fluttershy asked.
Aria turned as if she was glancing behind the truck. “Heck, I think I can see the black smoke coming out of this rust bucket! I bet Applejack’s tearing a scar across the ozone layer as we drive!”
Fluttershy looked up and let out yet another whimper.
“Hey now!” Applejack protested. “Ah can’t help if this truck was made before all them fancy environmental fuel efficiency stuff!”
“Sure,” Aria said, “but you could have picked us up in something that was far less of a planet choker.”
“… That’s true…” Fluttershy murmured.
“Fluttershy?” Applejack said in a slightly hurt tone. “Ah didn’t mean ta—”
“Why do you hate the planet, Hayseed?!” Aria cried in an accusing tone.
“Ah don’t—”
“Is it because you’re sad that you can only kill one deer or tiny bunny at a time with a gun, and poisoning the air makes it so you can kill all the animals at once?!”
“Now, that’s just ridiculous!” Applejack retorted. “Ah never kill more than me and big Mac can carry back on the truck!”
Fluttershy’s face went from yellow to white and she began to clutch her skirt.
Aria looked up. “This truck?”
“Well of course, this truck!” Applejack said. “You think we have some sort of special hunting truck?”
Aria’s brow tightened slightly. “Okay, ignoring the fact that you invited Mother Nature’s daughter into a truck you use as an ‘animal Hearse’ before your family, no doubt, dissects their prey for the meat inside and gets a taxidermist to lop off the heads of the animals and mount them in your living room…” Aria said, with a slicing motion followed by an ax swinging motion with her right hand.
Fluttershy’s grip tightened, her face began to go from white to red.
“That’s stupid,” Applejack said.
Fluttershy’s grip loosened slightly,
“The heads are mounted back at my family’s huntin’ lodge.”
Fluttershy’s knuckles suddenly went white.
Aria continued. “Well, why don’t you have a hunting truck? I mean… I doubt this thing off-roads that well.”
Applejack thought for a moment. “Guess it wouldn’t be a half-bad idea to get something bigger… Something we could also put a gun rack on… Plus we’d be able to haul more carcasses back to the lodge…”
Fluttershy bit at her lower lip.
“Hah!” Aria said and shook her head. “Guessing you didn’t cry when Bambi’s mother died, huh?”
Applejack let out a “Hyuk” and smiled. “Yeah… Didn’t quite get that movie… Circle of life, ya know?”
Fluttershy let out a feral growl and undid her seatbelt.
Applejack’s eyes shot open. “Ah think I know what it feels like to be one of the bears who caught their leg in one of my steel traps.”
Fluttershy turned towards Applejack with a glazed over expression that seemed to be beyond anger and rage.
Aria said nothing and instead opened her lips in a smile that was all teeth and malevolence.
“Ah have a lot of regrets right now…” Applejack uttered right before Fluttershy practically leaped on top of her.
As the vicious cries came out of Fluttershy, as Applejack took her hands off the wheel to defend herself, and, most importantly, as the Truck began to turn off the road and towards the guard rail on the highway, Aria’s smile suddenly fled the truck cabin with quite enviable ease and safety.
“You and me, both, AJ!” Aria cried as she leaned over as far as she could and grabbed the wheel.
o.o *Clap... clap... clap* Way to go Aria. I don't think anyone has managed that before. Sorry you got yourself killed in the process.
Applejack, Aria, on a scale of one to dumb, that was pretty freakin' stupid.
8017492
That is dedication to your art.
Dear god that was hilarious!
Best epitaph ever!
It is seriously a miracle that the Sirens managed to survive all the way to the battle of the Bands. We have their leader, who will seduce anyone and anything just for the sake of it, their bully, who knows the exact way to set somebody into a murderous rage despite not knowing when is the right time to do so, and then Sonata... who is, well, Siren Pinkie Pie but with more violence. Honestly if they didn't have their magical 'hear our voices and obey!' necklaces, they'd have been doomed within the first month.
Wow. Got to hand it to Aria, not many people can bring out the urge to kill in someone like Fluttershy. Still though she have known better.
Pretty sure the exacts words that ran through her mind at the end were: damn I f*cked up.
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Aria to Fluttershy:
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And what about AJ? bluntly confessing her family hunting tradition next to Fluttershy while driving a truck? just because you are the Element of Honesty and unable of lying in a convincing way doesn´t mean you cannot keeping your mouth shut.
Probably not.
She's right, you know.
And we've hit breaking point.
Oh god.
Uh, Fluttershy is right there.
I don't remember that movie.
That was a poor choice of words.
And that's why you shouldn't piss off someone if they can disrupt the driving of a vehicle.
My god,Aria can't stay in a place without causing trouble? (Let me guess,no,that's why she is my favorite Dazzling.)
Damn it, Aria. Do you not have any sense of self preservation?
Wow. How did Applejack NOT see she was walking right into a ? I mean...damn.
Also, I get the feeling the next thing they'll be mounting at the hunting lodge is Aria.
Hey, the ones where everyone's drunk are the best ones!
Wow. This is one of the few times I've seen a story effectively painted a scene I can believe where Fluttershy violently attacks one of her own friends, and you also did it while having some very nice characterization with Aria. She's mean, aggressive, and smart, guiding Applejack towards infuriating Fluttershy for her own amusement, but also at the same time completely forgets that someone has to drive the damn truck.
For AJ, who confess about hunting season in front of Fluttershy the animal lover.
Aria you KNOW Applejack is dumb enough to let go of the wheel in a fight! Why? Why would you do something so STUPID??> I mean that level of stupidity is normally reserved for SONATA!!
Aria's trolling, though.
In my opinion, I think most people hate country because the genre lost it's authenticity throughout the passing decades. Could be wrong, though.
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_luyoyfn9GH1r3qz1no1_1280.gif
hearse
? = missing 'to'
Aria, you pay out Nata for being stupid but honestly....?
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Fixed! Thank you!
Ohoho! This was gold!
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That sounds kinky and fun.
Hahaha, wow... Aria, good going Hehehe... lesson learned, don't do that around Flutters.
Good show Justice!
8017674 An interesting point. Imagine if Justice tried re-writing the movie with these versions of The Dazzlings.
(Hint hint )
Note to self, never give Sonata or Aria a ride. Let Adagio ride all she wants.
Jesus take the wheel!.......
I need to beat a passenger.
............... can I jest say that they all belong on a SMG4 video now or something equily as crazy?
You missed "momma," "trains," and "prison."
8086860 ya, most writers utterly butcher what actual hacking is. Think one of the worst offenders is NCIS despite their efforts. Would be much better if they asked a hacker to explain it to the writer.
rarely is it that I want to punch a fictional character. I feel more like filling a water balloon with my piss and throwing it at Aria here.
Ugh, you made AJ way too redneck in this chapter. Infuriatingly redneck.
I think you left out the best joke against country music ever:
What do you get when you play a country song backwards?
You get your dog back, you get your truck back, and you get your wife back!
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Bein' a redneck myself, I say she was pretty mild on the scale. (It goes from corporate rancher to hillbilly. AJ is somewhere in the middle.)
Ah
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Wow ... Aria, definitely not the smartest thing to goad Fluttershy into a frothing blood rage. And AJ should know better than to talk about animal murder in front of Fluttershy.
Ah
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This is just as hilarious as it was the last time I read this.
This was amazing, by far the funniest chapter yet!
It's not often we get to see Aria be manipulative instead of brute forceful, so this was really nice
What Fluttershy sounded like towards the disaster