Adagio Dazzle stared at the TV in front of her with a perplexed expression deeply etched on her face. To her right sat Sonata Dusk, who seemed mesmerized by what she was seeing, and to Adagio’s left sat Aria Blaze, who looked on with a rather uncharacteristic smile of amusement on her face.
Though the fact that all the Dazzlings were successfully sharing the couch without any fighting, violence, or drama of any kind was pretty rare, this was not the source of Adagio’s confusion.
Adagio threw her hands up into the air. “Okay… I give… You two are just pretending to enjoy this movie to lead me on, right?”
Aria and Sonata turned to exchange glances briefly, then turned towards Adagio.
“Dagi, what are you talking about?” Aria asked in an annoyed tone.
“Yeah!” Sonata said. “This movie is killer! As in people are being killed in it!” She smiled widely. “It’s great!”
Aria nodded and began to lift fingers as she counted off. “It’s got explosions, robots, fighting, and explosions caused by robot fights!” She shook her head and motioned out to the TV. “I really don’t know what you’re looking for here.”
Adagio ushered out to the TV as tense dialogue came out of the speakers. “Maybe a plot that wasn’t impossible to follow?!”
Aria shrugged. “As long as the robot fight ends in explosions and the chase scenes are awesome, who cares?”
Adagio narrowed her eyes. “Anyone with a brain?”
Aria rolled her eyes. “Adagio, it’s a movie about time-travelling robot assassins, it’s not like one of your boring romantic dramadies or whatever…”
Sonata shook her head. “I can’t follow those at all! Who wants to watch a movie where everyone just talks?! I just fall asleep a few minutes in…”
Adagio sneered at Sonata and threw her right hand out at the screen. “Well, the time travel makes no sense!” She looked down at her hands about began to list off things on her own fingers. “The first movie created a stable time loop, but then the second movie invalidated everything in the first AND itself but preemptively destroying the main threat through time. Then the third movie came along and said that wasn’t actually completely possible. Then the fourth movie—”
Aria cringed. “We don’t talk about the fourth movie.”
Sonata nodded. “Yeah! Even though it had Batman in it.” She frowned heavily. “He didn’t even throw one batarang! …Or do anything really.” She suddenly grinned wide. “Oh! Except for yell at that guy working on the lights… That was the best part!”
“Okay, whatever…” Adagio said, shaking her head. She extended her thumb on her right hand and hit it with her left index finger. “Well then there was the series, and that did a bunch of contradictory stuff too and it’s like the writers don’t even care about causality at all!”
Aria shrugged. “Again, it’s a franchise about time traveling robot assassins. Do they have to?”
Adagio let out a defeated sigh. “Well, I guess as long as morons of the lowest common denominator are entertained, they’re going to keep making movies.”
Aria glared at Adagio. “Hey! Just because you’re a picky little bi@!h doesn’t mean you’re like… mentally superior to everyone or whatever…”
“No, no,” Adagio said as she put up her hands palms forward. “You all being idiots is why I’m mentally superior.”
Aria let out a growl in the tone of a warning, as if Adagio’s next words could easily mean violence on the part of the grumpiest Dazzling.
Sonata giggled. “I don’t see what’s so hard to understand. I mean… I know how all the time travel stuff works!”
Aria and Adagio paused their argument and turned towards Sonata. “You do?!” they said in disbelief.
Sonata nodded her head up and down. “Yep! It can all be explained by multidimensional theory!”
Aria and Adagio turned and looked at each other, their mouths hanging agape.
Adagio turned back to Sonata. “Sonata, do you even understand what those words you said mean?”
“Hehe… Look, a lot of the times when a person or robot is sent back in time, they’re creating another parallel dimension like… Okay, so you know how the store has more than one Game of Thrones coloring book?”
“… Uh… sure…?” Aria repli
ed. “I mean… I’m kinda surprised they even have one, but uh… yeah, those things are real.”
“Well, you can buy more than one book but use different colored crayons, or markers—” Sonata gasped “—even watercolors!”
“Uh… okay…” Adagio said. “But… a major plot of like… half the movies seems to be to burn down the entire store and all the coloring books in it.” Adagio paused. “I mean… sticking to the metaphor of course.”
Sonata giggled gleefully to herself. “Yes! But it all goes back to Skynet and Batman!”
Adagio sighed and place a palm against her forehead. “Do we need to get out the charts to explain how actors work again?”
“Hold on!” Aria said as she waved a hand in front of Adagio. “I want to see where she’s going with this!”
Sonata continued, “You see, the different coloring books are of when Skynet keeps sending robots back in time to kill Batman or his mom so it can not get blown up, but Batman always uses his detective skills to figure out when this happens to send back other people or robots to make it so that he still exists and that Skynet does get blown up and because there’s like a lot of coloring books, like… infinity plus one coloring books, this just goes on forever and ever!”
Adagio rubbed her chin thoughtfully. “I’m not sure we should have brought coloring books into this…”
Sonata smiled. “Okay… so Skynet and Batman are hamsters…”
Adagio and Aria raised their eyebrows.
Aria leaned forward past Adagio. “Is there like… some sort of crazy cartoon of this series I haven’t watched? Because… I gotta tell you, I’m interested.”
Sonata shook her head. “No, I mean… Skynet gets on the hamster wheel and starts to spin it, but then the Batman hamster gets on and starts running and they’re both spinning and spinning faster and faster into eventually one hamster gets thrown off! But no matter how many times a hamster falls off, it can always just get back on the wheel and try to spin the other hamster off.”
Adagio and Aria wrinkled their brows.
Adagio turned to Aria. “Are you getting all this?”
Aria shrugged her shoulders. “I still think it’s easier not to think about time travel too much…”
“I’ll be back.”
The three Dazzlings suddenly turned towards the screen, their eyes going wide as an explosion rang out.
Aria looked at what she saw in disbelief. “He… He just jumped out of a helicopter, onto another helicopter and destroyed it…” She swallowed. “You two might want to leave because I have a sudden urge to touch myself…”
“Aria!” Adagio exclaimed. “Don’t be ridiculous!” She gave Aria a sultry smile. “Why touch yourself when I’m right here? I mean… as long as you return the favor…” she purred.
Aria turned to Adagio, then back to the TV, back to Adagio, and then back and forth a few more times. Staring at the TV she answered, “Your proposal is acceptable.”
Adagio grinned and cozied up to Aria.
“Ooo!” Sonata exclaimed. “Are we having an MM party on the couch?!” She sprang up to her feet and ran off. “I’ll go get the candy!”
Aria let out an annoyed groan. “Sonata! That’s not what MM—”
Aria found an index finger pressed against her lips.
“Shhhhh…” Adagio said as she leaned closer to Aria. “Name one thing candy does not make better,” she said quietly.
Aria narrowed her eyes. “A diabetic convention.”
Adagio’s sultry smile dropped slightly. “Touché…” She batted her eyelids as her smile returned. “Still, since there’s no diabetics around here…”
“Adagio, you’re rubbing my thigh.”
“And…?”
Aria glanced at the TV then back to Adagio. “… Faster and to the left.”
She's right.
The Terminator movies tend to do that to people.
I like Sonata's "multiverse theory" explanation for the Terminator movies.
Hahaha, I like Sonata's explination, its funny, and acceptable.
And those Terminator movies, wheeeeew... what a ride they are.
Nicely done!
Oh god, Christian Bale's rant...I actually used samples of that in a Youtube video once!
OH GOD
SONATA WATCHES DBZ, DOESN'T SHE
static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/12/128686/3119761-the-bat-cave.jpg
Quoting MIB in reference to F/F XXX while watching T3. Well okay then!
You ever get the feeling that the Dazzlings are an offshoot branch of the Pies?
Somewhere within the depths of the multiverse:
Peter Griffin: Quagmire what the hell is up with you?
Quagmire: So very giggity of epic proportions is happening right now Peter. And it is beautiful. Sniff.
In another reality:
The Todd: Something awesome is happening five!
Turk:....Uh okay.
I've actually seen those, yeah. Made me think of Spaceballs flamethrower.
Also, Aria seems to touch herself to the weirdest of things. And Sonata's explanation kinda makes sense when you think about it.
Did it also end in the same way?
Finally, an explanation of the Terminator franchise that actually makes sense!
7399789
He actually gets credit for the hamster wheel comparison which he came up with when I explained what was happening with the movies. The ending was something that came to me when I was waking up yesterday morning as much of some of my stranger writing does.
As always, Sonata's so adorable and the chapter was hilarious.
7399630 Same here Smart moments for ditzy characters are the best.
This was gold. Especially Aria.
Another enjoyable chapter. Great job.
Sonata does make sense....
Someone hold me, I'm scared!
I have to agree with Sonata's analogy, but it's not the way I'd explain it.
It's easier to grasp once you stop thinking of the Terminator timeline is an unstable time loop as opposed to a stable one--Skynet had to have existed in the original timeline. It's less like a hula hoop and more like a slinky made of explosions and action.
So...are the Dazzlings sisters or a polyamorous lesbian trio or a polyamorous incestuous lesbian trio?
Nowhere in the canon does it say that they're sisters, so Cassandra says it's A-ok.
......That actually makes sense, Sonata!
7493278
Yes.
At this point I took a Bathroom brake. Only after sitting down again did it FINALLY click. "Oh! Terminator movies."
Was that an Jackie Kashian reference? Or just an odd coincidence?
Sonata's explanation makes a frightening amount of good sense. The third and fifth movies still sucked though!
(The only reason I have less hate for the fourth film is because I waited for 15 god damned years for the producers to finally get around to making a movie that showed us what happens after the nukes fell and by Celestia I'm going to take what I can get!)
Still better than the Bayformers.
“… Uh… sure…?” Aria replied. “I mean… I’m kinda surprised they even have one, but uh… yeah, those things are real.”
______________
8382504
Yeah ... I pretty much gave up on the series at Salvation ... didn't even think of seeing Genysis. I mean, it could've been so much cooler. And yes, Sonata's explaination makes sense. Both of the explanations.
It's even worse than Batman doing nothing and the lighting rant - the best part of the fourth movie was the callback to the second: the motorbike and You Could Be Mine.
I think I know which show that was, and I agree.
Only Sonata could break down the Terminator movies into such a simplistic view.
I still remember the Quantum Leap episode about Lee Harvey Oswald (and for those not in the know, this was the man that “supposedly” (if you don’t believe all the conspiracy theories surrounding the event) that killed President John F. Kennedy). In the original history, both Kennedy and his wife were killed by Oswald. But, because Sam leaped in and altered things, Jackie Kennedy survived and no one but him and Al would remember this. If you haven’t ever seen Quantum Leap, I would suggest you watch it. Good show.
Course, I’ve never understand time travel. Say, for instance, you time travel and accidentally stop your parents from conceiving you. You would be erased from existence, but then you wouldn’t have time traveled in and stopped your parents from conceiving you in the first place. You would quite literally be stuck in a temporal loop of erasing yourself, but not erasing yourself at the same time.
The same applies to the Terminator movies. If the Terminators succeeded in their missions of killing Sarah or John Conner, then Skynet wouldn’t need to send the Terminators back in the first place to kill them. Thus, causing a temporal loop for eternity.
....
I’m going to quit now. My head is killing me from thinking on this.
9280871
No, see, there's a scale of time travel in entertainment:
9583566
Very late but I broadly agree...except that Bill and Ted is solid closed loop writing darn it!