This was fantastic, an amazing example of 'Opposites Attract' not to mention heartwarming. There were a few spelling mistakes but other than that this story is just amazing and I hope to see more chapters as amazing as this.
By the way you have my like, favorite, and follow.
Needs a good editing run for all the spelling and grammar errors, but they don't really detract too much.
Also, if Luna wants to continue a relationship with Mac post island, what's to stop her from moving back into the Palace of the Pony Sisters to hold her Night Court? It's not like either Celestia or Luna would have difficulty flying back and forth for visits.
Not so perfect for walking in 100 degree weather while carrying his luggage.
You will probably get heat stroke Maccy.
“Princess Luna!” cried out Apple Bloom as she ran towards the princess only to stop a few feet in front of her. “Thank ya so much for invintin us here.”
Two things. One, why does Apple Bloom not comment on what Luna is wearing? Two: "Invitin", drop the extra 'n' you have.
Luna’s smile flattered.
I believe the word you are looking for is 'faltered'.
“Forgive me, but part of the promise I made to my sister was that you would not be allowed to bring any of your personal items with you to this island,” said Luna.
Why did she not say that in her letter!?!?
Big Mac saw that it was much bigger on the inside.
British sci-fi technology
“Ah didn’t do much,” said Big Mac. “Ya could have won those contests without me.”
Fortunately I've read the IDW comics to understand that reference!
Farris wheel
"Ferris"
thirteen inch member
Because horse cock amirite
of his pre-seed as possible
"pre-cum"
“Nothing kills the mode faster
"mood"
Overall verdict:
Originality: 7/10. I don't see too many of these kinds of fics around. Spelling, grammar etc: 5.5/10. Aside the spelling mistakes I pointed out, much was left to be desired. There were several instances of misplaced punctuation. The low 'score' is mostly because there were some things that could've been expanded upon while other places could have had some stuff cut. It's a case of fine tuning and polishing. Fappability: 6.5/10. You have a knack for writing this sort of thing, and while I can't say I've read any of your other stuff I will say that this has promise.
You would do well to get an editor or someone that can proofread. Had you done all of what I mentioned, then you most likely would have hit the featured box.
One: the truth wasn't completely revealed to the apple family when they were invited so there was no reason not to invite her Two: Granny Smith is out of town so they couldn't leave her behind Three: It adds to the comedy of them trying to keep her from finding out
I love how you described in depth how Applejack looks in her bikini😏. Her top cradling her beautiful C cup breasts and show plenty of cleavage🍒 and her bottom, which is a thong, showing off her gorgeous ass with the string perfectly riding up her crack🍑. You have a great imagination, keep up the good work. 👍🏻
This story is great so far.
This was fantastic, an amazing example of 'Opposites Attract' not to mention heartwarming. There were a few spelling mistakes but other than that this story is just amazing and I hope to see more chapters as amazing as this.
By the way you have my like, favorite, and follow.
So many spelling errors! But not a bad fic overall!
I could overlook the spelling errors, I noticed them, but I knew what you meant. I believed the Chemistry between the two... I give it a taco!
lh6.googleusercontent.com/-gauYz9rmOnQ/UUDOy_U6FaI/AAAAAAAAZlQ/H35mPHwqqsg/s1600/ItsalwaystimeforTacoBelle.png
Needs a good editing run for all the spelling and grammar errors, but they don't really detract too much.
Also, if Luna wants to continue a relationship with Mac post island, what's to stop her from moving back into the Palace of the Pony Sisters to hold her Night Court? It's not like either Celestia or Luna would have difficulty flying back and forth for visits.
Alternatively, there's always dream visits.
5784096
Remember that she says she's planning something. Anyways, working on the next chapter
5784111
Cool.
This is a nice little pants tightener you got here.
I for one wouldn't complane if the story took a nudist bent.
Damn sexy Lunamac. Well done.
Books "to" read.
"clothes"
You will probably get heat stroke Maccy.
Two things. One, why does Apple Bloom not comment on what Luna is wearing?
Two: "Invitin", drop the extra 'n' you have.
I believe the word you are looking for is 'faltered'.
Why did she not say that in her letter!?!?
British sci-fi technology
Fortunately I've read the IDW comics to understand that reference!
"Ferris"
Because horse cock amirite
"pre-cum"
"mood"
Overall verdict:
Originality: 7/10. I don't see too many of these kinds of fics around.
Spelling, grammar etc: 5.5/10. Aside the spelling mistakes I pointed out, much was left to be desired. There were several instances of misplaced punctuation. The low 'score' is mostly because there were some things that could've been expanded upon while other places could have had some stuff cut. It's a case of fine tuning and polishing.
Fappability: 6.5/10. You have a knack for writing this sort of thing, and while I can't say I've read any of your other stuff I will say that this has promise.
You would do well to get an editor or someone that can proofread. Had you done all of what I mentioned, then you most likely would have hit the featured box.
5788828
One: the truth wasn't completely revealed to the apple family when they were invited so there was no reason not to invite her
Two: Granny Smith is out of town so they couldn't leave her behind
Three: It adds to the comedy of them trying to keep her from finding out
Now chapter two is between Applejack and Harvest Moon, please write!
A few typos here and there but definitely worth following. Not bad so far!
Not a bad pairing and idea, keep going
PropPED up.
Noticed a few spelling and grammar errors, this was the first big one to me
I think you meant to say "broke Big Mac's train of thought" there.
Noticed some more minor spelling errors, this was the first obvious one
I think you meant for that v to be a w
The story is still fun to read, though, doesn't look like you miss too much when you read the series a little out of order.
Hawwwwwwt!
I love how you described in depth how Applejack looks in her bikini😏. Her top cradling her beautiful C cup breasts and show plenty of cleavage🍒 and her bottom, which is a thong, showing off her gorgeous ass with the string perfectly riding up her crack🍑. You have a great imagination, keep up the good work. 👍🏻