Brony-wan-kenobi
Joined 16th Nov, 2012 ·
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Brony-wan-kenobi · 37k words · 195 34 · 6.5k views
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This story is great so far.
This was fantastic, an amazing example of 'Opposites Attract' not to mention heartwarming. There were a few spelling mistakes but other than that this story is just amazing and I hope to see more chapters as amazing as this.
By the way you have my like, favorite, and follow.
So many spelling errors! But not a bad fic overall!
I could overlook the spelling errors, I noticed them, but I knew what you meant. I believed the Chemistry between the two... I give it a taco!
lh6.googleusercontent.com/-gauYz9rmOnQ/UUDOy_U6FaI/AAAAAAAAZlQ/H35mPHwqqsg/s1600/ItsalwaystimeforTacoBelle.png
Needs a good editing run for all the spelling and grammar errors, but they don't really detract too much.
Also, if Luna wants to continue a relationship with Mac post island, what's to stop her from moving back into the Palace of the Pony Sisters to hold her Night Court? It's not like either Celestia or Luna would have difficulty flying back and forth for visits.
Alternatively, there's always dream visits.
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Remember that she says she's planning something. Anyways, working on the next chapter
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Cool.
This is a nice little pants tightener you got here.
I for one wouldn't complane if the story took a nudist bent.
Damn sexy Lunamac. Well done.
Books "to" read.
"clothes"
You will probably get heat stroke Maccy.
Two things. One, why does Apple Bloom not comment on what Luna is wearing?
Two: "Invitin", drop the extra 'n' you have.
I believe the word you are looking for is 'faltered'.
Why did she not say that in her letter!?!?
British sci-fi technology
Fortunately I've read the IDW comics to understand that reference!
"Ferris"
Because horse cock amirite
"pre-cum"
"mood"
Overall verdict:
Originality: 7/10. I don't see too many of these kinds of fics around.
Spelling, grammar etc: 5.5/10. Aside the spelling mistakes I pointed out, much was left to be desired. There were several instances of misplaced punctuation. The low 'score' is mostly because there were some things that could've been expanded upon while other places could have had some stuff cut. It's a case of fine tuning and polishing.
Fappability: 6.5/10. You have a knack for writing this sort of thing, and while I can't say I've read any of your other stuff I will say that this has promise.
You would do well to get an editor or someone that can proofread. Had you done all of what I mentioned, then you most likely would have hit the featured box.
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One: the truth wasn't completely revealed to the apple family when they were invited so there was no reason not to invite her
Two: Granny Smith is out of town so they couldn't leave her behind
Three: It adds to the comedy of them trying to keep her from finding out
Now chapter two is between Applejack and Harvest Moon, please write!
A few typos here and there but definitely worth following. Not bad so far!
Not a bad pairing and idea, keep going
Just a question but is Apple Bloom over 18 in this? I don't remember
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No she isn't. Becuase she isn't she isn't having sex until the sequal where she will be eightteen
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Sequel? Dare I hope the sequel will include all three Crusaders? And possibly Spike?
As for this chapter, I like it. Very nice characterization, very hot sex, and very believable danger. Although I am surprised Celestia didn't think to mention a carnivorous plant was in the forest so Luna could have at least warned Apple Bloom to be careful in the forest. Idiot Ball moment there, Tia. And I like Harvest's story.
I am so damn tempted to have your backstory on the thestrals becoming my headcannon, I loved it!
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Yeah, I loved every moment while I was writing. See, I was always wondering where that tribe came from and if they existed then why did Luna go crazy. And that's what I came up with
I've enjoyed this story a lot, and can't wait to read more.
what happen do chapter 3 i havent read it yet
Why the re-upload?
6136230
Parts of the story were missing
6136243 Well that would explain the difference in word count.
Is it anything I need to look over in the gdoc or not?
Remember to toss me the link for the next one when you get around to it.
6136245
I will. But I'm still wondering how it got messed up in the first place. Random sections were just missing
Love the story.
really needs a sequel.
The sex scenes in here were so hot that I was afraid I would lose a lot of blood. Also when Apple Bloom said that she would love to have Luna as a big sister please let that mean what I think it means in the next chapter. Or in another story, Please.
Is that....?
*Sniff sniff
Do... do I smell sequel bait?
6189038 I smell it too... Smells like... Future featured
*looks up*
I sense a disturbance on the internet
*gasps*
Is it. ..no it can't be......it is. ..YES!
*laughs*
It's a Sequel
Oh now you just began milking this series.
AND I LOVE IT!
I sure hope you make a sequel to this, maybe one where Apple Bloom finds love. While also continuing the love of Applejack and Harvest and also Big Mac and Luna. Thanks for the amazing story.
6189076 I smell it too...it smells like an instant favorite and like.
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I want to thank all of you for your comments and yes, there will be seqauls. However, not all of them will have the cast...cast as this one but will be placed in the same world. And I am even planning a few non-clops like showing the new Apple family reunion
sequal!
Eagerly awaiting the promised sequel. Dare I hope this time it will include the Crusaders going to the island along with the colts - now young stallions - that they happen to have crushes on, plus awkward explanations from Applejack, Harvest, Big Mac, and Luna to Apple Bloom?
This chapter had some sick twist, holy buck!
Poor AppleBloom, she still doesn't know...
Also please, sequel! That really smells like a lovely sequel.
Kinda wanna know what Diamond said at the funeral.
6191277
Just think of the worst country hic remarks you can think of plus saying that she should have been gone long ago and add in her odder for good messure and you will have half of the horrableness
This chapter, man, this flippin' chapter. It's not a slice of life, it's the whole damn pie. Made me think of the song "Shadows and Regrets". Can't remember who it's by, but it's a real nostalgia-inducing song.
Sequel, please! Applebloom needs some lovin' .
Sequel:?
Applebloom becomes a Potions Master
Applebloom meets a 'nice' zebra stallion named Zeverus
Gets pregnant, loses husband And not necessarily dies, until Big Mac gets ahold of him
Comes home to raise her child(ren), gets into herd with CMC and random 'good stallion'.
Just a thought.
6195467 Mmm... I see it more like this:
Applebloom returns 3 years later with a handsome stallion of her own, almost always sharing their free time together and having a family and making the best out of life while it lasts.
That was a great story
I love how you used this chapter to introduce the next story that will be happening in about 3 years 
I do hope the sequal doesn't take an actual three years but I am willing to wait because your writing is quite good 
Well all I have to say is bravo, I look forward to more of your works in this world 
6241641
You may be surprised as to sequels
6242374 What did Diamond Tiara do?
6259262 Sorry for the long delay. Anyways, she just really insulted poor Granny at her own funeral. Like she was an inbreed hic and the like.
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/497/712/4b1.png
Big Mac is best (now immortal) Princess!
That Naruto shadow clone reference though...
Was alright, 'till you decided to turn it into the generic "Luna knows better Celestia is awful lets bash Celestia" fanfic with the ridiculously hamfisted, poorly-told events ranted down in this last chapter. It was painful to read and so incredibly, terribly forced. Downvoted.