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This is the first story I ever wrote, and I'm keeping it here to have a reminder of where I came from.
This is my original story in all of its glory cancer.
Enjoy.
c:
EDIT: Apparently this description has to be longer to upload this. This should just about do it.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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My mirror shattered in a similar fashion night before last, but sadly there was no interdimensional portal behind it, just a pane of rusty metal.
review time
First of all, Hey, alright. A pretty damned decent HiE fic, finally. MOVING ON.
Second of all, the pacing. I don't think that, after telling Fluttershy that you're an alien, she would not be the least bit skeptical and perhaps check in with the nearest mental hospital before bothering Twilight Sparkle. The characters seemed flat, like they were only set there just to drive along the storyline, like if you hired Steve Jobs to do anything for you and instead of building you a laptop or something you get him to drive you to the nearest Target. Also, Steve Jobs is dead. Andrew doesn't freak out about the fact that he's suddenly a horse and that he's in another world, whilst if you gave another regular human being the body of an equine he would not be very pleased.
Third, the dialogue. Man, Andrew just blurts out that he's an inter-dimensional traveler like it was no big fucking deal, and Fluttershy stares for a while before shrugging and dragging him along to the Tree House Library. Then, when they get there, Twilight Sparkle just ups and explains, right then and there, why exactly Andrew got there, without any, you know, getting to know the guy.
And then Princess Celestia pops irght the fuck out of nowhere, to the surprise of absolutely no one.
I still Favorited and liked the story, though.
Hmmmm, eeeenteresting.
>>M.E You are absolutely right about those things, but then again, I didn't want to make him seem like a liar, because then Fluttershy may not trust him. And about the Princess Celestia thing, that's true, I'm actually gonna edit that real quick to have Twilight send her a letter first, and have Celestia come in on her royal carriage. But as for Twilight not getting to know him first, I've planned from the beginning to regress the mane 6 into lesser roles as time goes by anyways, because this is mainly about Andrew's quest. By the way, this next chapter will introduce his love interest for the series. Not giving any hints though... And thanks for the feedback, it'll really help me improve in the future.
Also, on another note, I'm nearing completion of the 3rd chapter and it should be up in maybe 30 minutes, but most likely more around 45.
Chapter 3 is officially up, so go ahead and leave some feedback, and yes, I know the name change sub-plot was cheesy, but if you've read my blog, I didn't feel like changing basically all of chapter 2 just for a name.
maybe insted of representing the portal the mark represent his ability to hop dimensions
>>kazoie1 Well it's kind of what i meant, but I see what you mean, I did word it in a different way.
the whole date thing seemed a little bit sudden.
I would think that he would need more than a week or two before he became acquainted with the lingo, let alone wanting to date a horse.
but this is a very good story indeed.
wow. that was quick. like if you were to find that your hand could suddenly talk and you let him be your best man, and you would have plentiful adventures together and i kind of lost my train of thought.
ahem...
anyways, good chapter.
Interesting, but with one fallacy...
Isn't MLP on at like 10 or 12:30?
Otherwise, the idea seems intriguing. Good chapter
Chapter was great, but Luna seemed a tad OOC.
Still, have 4 mustached Spikes out of 5.
I have to agree with the others.
Still, it was well-written and I look forward to the next chapter.
moar. its good, but i think i might kno whats gonna happen (luna=nmm) but not sure.
Thanks again for the feedback guys, and Namara, perhaps you are right in a way, but not completely...
Hey guys, sorry it's taking a bit longer for chapter 5, but I've been having killer writer's block. Also, I met a few fellow bronies on Xbox LIVE and have been playing Reach with them a lot, which btw is my favorite game. If you wanna play with me, just tell me, and I'll give you my gamertag, always nice to play with people who love and tolerate rather than hate and criticize. And I have waaay more game than just Halo by the way, I have around 80, plus about 40 steam games.
Good chapter.
Have a moustache.
Just a reminder, if you guys want to play with me later today, message me your gamertag and I'll get around to adding you.
Chapter 6 is out, and may I say, it took a while to finish. I had some major writer's block, hehe. But it's out, and while it's my shortest chapter thus far, I think it's one of my best when it comes to quality. Really hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as I struggled writing it lol. Well, I'm gonna go to a concert now with my band, but I'll be bringing my phone with me, and I'll respond to comments and questions in between songs if I get any.
You know you're in Equestria when you start reading things aloud :D
Haha, absolutely man. Also, if any of you are as big fans of DOOM as I am, you'll understand why I'll be spending most of tomorrow playing DOOM 1 and 2 on my 360 on Nightmare difficulty, I'll write the story while I'm playing, but I have to get a few hours in on DOOM each week or I'll go mad lol
Took down chapter 7, as after I read it over, I realized I only thought it was good because it was 4 AM when I uploaded it, and frankly, I'll admit that it sucked, I definitely shouldn't be writing when I'm that tired, but I'll have it back up later tonight, don't worry
EDIT: Correction, it won't be up for at least another 2 days, as my family is once again leaving town and leaving me in charge, sorry about the delays.
Putting my story on hiatus for a little while, as I have a lot of unresolved issues IRL, and need to take care of those first. I will try to work on it as much as I can during this hiatus, but very little will be done most likely. I will try to at least finish ONE chapter, but it will be hard, since I work Fridays and Sundays, and when I'm not working, I'm always busy or hanging out with friends. I hope you guys understand, and I apologize for this, but it needs to be done if I want to keep my sanity.
Did his horn grow back?
961060 if you want him to see your reply you have to click the reply button ( the one w/ the two speech bubbles)
1095986 Haha ur the gay
1099001 thats the comment number i believe
1095958 Okay good, it finally changed to numbers to the profile name. It used to keep the numbers even after I posted my reply, it was stupid.
I am, of course, instantly grabbed by the idea that good ol' Poison Joke is just as annoying for ponified humans -- and by the idea that one of same would be smitten with Princess Luna, who sometimes just doesn't seem to get enough love around here.
This is fucking trash. Honestly kys.
Also, all your comments are in red. What an edgelord.
I'm glad you called this Shattered Glass. It feels fitting because maybe Andrew will just cut himself with a shard of glass and fucking kill himself to end this torture.
What an absolute fucking unit.
Fine, be a killjoy.
8271553
reported
Why can't I upvote this story again?
Man, that new character sounds like a cunt.
Hey there,
I know it's hard to feel like I don't care at all.
Where you are and how you feel.
Put these lights off as these wheels
Keep rolling on and on. (and on and on and on...)
Slow things down or speed them up.
Not enough or way too much. (and on and on and on...)
Are you and I gone?
And I can't make it on my own.
(And I can't make it on my own.)
Because my heart is in Ohio.
So cut my wrists and black my eyes.
(Cut my wrists and black my eyes)
So I can fall asleep tonight, or die.
Because you kill me.
You know you do, you kill me well.
You like it too, and I can tell.
You never stop until my final breath is gone.
Spare me just three last words.
"I love you" is all she heard.
I'll wait for you, but I can't wait forever.
[x2]
And I can't make it on my own.
(And I can't make it on my own.)
Because my heart is in Ohio.
So cut my wrists and black my eyes.
(Cut my wrists and black my eyes)
So I can fall asleep tonight, or die.
Because you kill me.
You know you do, you kill me well.
You like it too, and I can tell.
You never stop until my final breath is gone.
8859203
It takes one to know one. *bada boom*
does spider have puspus?
Is he unable to have a Pony Name (tm) because of his crippling gonorrhea?
He's from the dimension of DEEZ NUTS.
IDENTITY THEFT IS A SERIOUS CRIME, CELESTIA!
SUCKING DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK
The constant comma errors are the real tragicomedy.
SMONKING IS BAD NO DO DRUGS oR DRUg wilL DO YOU IN MOTHER RusSIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa
8271553
he kries tears of red because he's hashtags #notLiketheOTHERalleyKORNohsees
bigot
this is how you geT AIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I KNOW BECAUSE THE
HOLLY BLIBBLE (peace be upon Tim) told ME SO!!!
It's not shocking but still impressive that this was the man that would go on to write as Emo and Edgy.
Moar pls
10335353
NO!