"Prince Blueblood, there are some... concerns about how you are behaving as ruler of Equestria."
Blueblood, lounging on his throne (which was padded with nearly every pillow in the castle... as golden thrones were nice to look at by a pain on the flank), lazily looked at his adviser, Worry Wart. He clanked his hooves together and a page quickly hurried over to the wizened pony, glancing only briefly at the Prince before speaking. "His Majesty would like you to kindly bugger off, as he is not in the mood to hear your dribble."
"... I am sorry, but who are you?"
The page glanced at Blueblood, who barely nodded. "I am The Mouth of the Prince!" The page grinned, puffing out his chest. "The Prince is simply too important to do his own talking, so I have been selected to speak on his royal highness' behalf, so that he might focus his energies on more important matters!"
"Such as?"
"... I don't know!"
Worry Wart groaned, ignoring the page and focusing his attention on the prince. "My lord, it is things like this that are causing the ponies of Canterlot to speak of revenge and death against you."
Blueblood glanced at another page, who hurried over and, with an exaggerated sigh, rolled her eyes.
"Uh... what was-"
"That," the first page stated, "is the Royal Eye Roller. The Prince is too important to roll his own eyes, which are quite blessed, so he has selected another page to do all his eye rolling for him."
Worry Wart considered this. "And the sigh?"
"An improvisation on the part of the Royal Eye Roller." Blueblood clanked his hooves once. "The Prince is pleased with her decision."
Worry Wart turned and trotted out of the throne room without saying another word, ignoring the idle murmurs that followed after him. He kept his head high and his eyes hard the entire walk out of the castle. He did not stop for anything and even though he soon found himself in the rougher part of Canterlot (the hobos could only afford DOMESTIC wine... the horror) he did not deviate once from his chosen path.
Finally, at the end of a seemingly empty street, Worry Wart sat down on a bench, never looking at the figure that sat beside him. "The Prince has gone mad. For the good of Equestria he must be put down. Do what must be done."
Angel, aka Angelo Bunnitori de Ponyville, wiggled his nose.
The God Squad
Episode 25: Ambushed
"Punch Trunky Brown!" Luna called out, smacking Shining on the shoulder.
"Punch Trunky Brown with green moss!" Tydal called out, striking Shining on his unbruised shoulder.
"Punch Trunky Brown again!" Cadence giggled.
"Can we not play this game?" Shining whined as they continued through the Everfree. “I am tired of being hit every time you four see a tree!”
Celestia nodded. "Yes, this is a rather barbaric game."
"Thank you," Shining said pleasantly, ignoring the scowls the others were giving him.
"You know, you use to enjoy barbaric things," Luna pointed out. "I remember a certain older sister that quite enjoyed the gladiator games."
"You liked watching gladiators?" Shining asked, rubbing his sore shoulder.
Celestia let out a throaty laugh. "Oh, of course not, Shining Armor. Do not be silly."
"She WAS a gladiator," Tydal commented, leaning down and snagging a flower, chomping on its petals. "Never seen a mare take to the arena as quickly as Celestia here."
Luna smirked. "That's only because I preferred using my brains over using my brawn."
"IE my dear little sister use to run betting rings," Celestia stage whispered. "How do you think we earned the money to build all our castles?"
Cadence giggled as she happily skipped along the path. "I wasn't a gladiator but I have competed in stuff! Shining, what was that event I was good at?"
"Foxy Boxing."
"Ah, right." Cadence began to sing a nonsense song to herself.
"So, now that we have that settled," Luna said, looking to the heavens for strength (or maybe for a good donut recipe, who knows?), "anypony mind telling me where we are heading?"
Celestia nodded. "Yes, brother, I am curious about that as well. We have the location of the changeling hive, so I am interested to find out why we have not gone directly there."
Tydal scoffed. "We are headed there, but we are taking the smart route. The changelings are located on an island to the east of Zebrica. If we were to try and attack from the southern tip of the continent, the bugs would know we were coming and put up some defenses. And if we try and just cross Zebrica, we will be looking at a long, annoying journey." Tydal gestured towards Shining. "The good captain actually helped me plan out a better route."
Shining smiled slightly. While the capricorn and the unicorn bickered almost endlessly, they had a few things in common; namely both being married to powerful females (Shining to a goddess and Tydal to a former human princess-turned- capricorn god-queen who could face plant him through a wall and glare at a volcano and make it stop erupting) and both had a passion for strategy. When the two of them put their heads together to come up with a battle plan, a wise enemy decided to pack it in and call it a day. "The plan is that we will seek a ship on the coast and make our way to Griffland. From there, we will journey to Prance and then south into Zebrica. We'll be able to mount a sneak attack from the shore and take the changelings by surprise."
"Oh Shining, that is so devious!" Cadence cuddled up against her husband as they broke through the treeline and stepped onto a scenic beach. "Somepony is getting mouth hugs tonight!"
"It better be me, Cadence..." Shining playfully warned.
"I still say we should have gone with my plan!" Luna complained.
"Constructing a giant laser powered by professional wrestlers was never feasible or logical," Celestia said.
"You're not feasible!" Luna countered.
Tydal rolled his eyes. "Girls, could you-"
"GET'EM!"
The fivesome never saw the attack coming. One moment they were playfully bantering with each other, the next they were thrown to the sand with seaweed wrapped around their hooves. Shining struggled against his bonds, only to get a wet fishy tail smacking his face for his trouble. Luna growled and bucked but several of their attackers merely pounced on her. Celestia was worthless as the attackers had discovered the best way to take down the solar princess: tickle her.
"Stop it you little scamps!" Celestia squealed.
"Never!" one of the attackers exclaimed happily. He leapt off of Celestia and pounced on Tydal, who was oddly calm about the situation. "We got you, Lord Tydal! We gots ya good!"
"That you do, little one!" Tydal laughed, his horns glowing as he lifted up the 3 year old capricorn kid who had happily bounced onto his chest. The other little ones giggled, running over to him and nuzzling his chest. The four ponies, even those that had seen this time and again, were shocked at how casually the kids romped on the sea god, happily tackling him and hugging him and giggling up a storm. More surprising was the broad grin Tydal wore as they did so. "You are all going to be fine warriors one day."
"We already are!" a blue scaled capricorn kid giggled, her little tail swishing happily. "We caughts you!"
"Did you?" Tydal asked mischievously, before calling for a small wave that washed over the kids, sending them squirming over the beach. "Don't be so sure!" He leapt to his hooves, his tail lashing out and cutting away the seaweed. "You should never get too lax; you all remember my first rule, don't you?"
"I do," a voice purred in his ear. Tydal stiffened as he felt a razor sharp edge press against his throat. "But it seems you don't..." The new arrival leaned in closer, lips playing against his ear. "What have we here... Lord Tydal caught off guard?"
"I am many things," Tydal stated, a slightly smile forming on his lips. "But I am never off guard!" He slammed his head back, striking his assailant and sending her tumbling back. His grin grew even bigger as he turned around, staring at the capricorn female who had tried to capture him. Her ruby red tail thrashed as she got back onto her hooves, a trickle of blood oozing from her mouth.
"You have a hard head."
"You have a soft one, my queen."
"You love my head, my love," the female taunted.
"Stop it, there are kids present," Tydal teased.
"Make me," his opponent stated, flashing a lewd smile that made Cadence proud.
"Maybe I will," Tydal rumbled, a cocky grin on his face.
"Are you two actually flirting?" Shining complained as Tydal and the female capricorn began to nuzzle each other. Every once and a while they would nip at the other, delivering stinging little love bites that only served to intensify their actions.
"Hello Merida," Luna said, her horn flashing as she ripped away the seaweed that held her before moving to help Cadence (who was enjoying the bondage a bit too much).
"Luna... Celestia," the queen of the capricorn, mistress of the sea, and loving wife of Tydal, gave them a playful wink before returning her attention to her husband. "You let my students get the drop on you... you are getting old and fat as the years go by."
"Oi!" Tydal snapped. "I might be old but I am not fat in the slightest... except where it counts."
"Don't tease a girl if you aren't going to play," Merida stated.
Tydal took a step back, pawing at the ground. "Kids, I am afraid I am going to have to steal your teacher. Please show my sisters and Captain Armor to the Keep." The little capricorns cheered and began to dance around the ponies' hooves, clamoring for them to follow them. "Ready for a nice, long fight, my love?"
"The harder and rougher the better," Merida purred before launching herself at Tydal, the two of them tumbling into the water and out of sight. The remaining adults could only watch as the sea began to churn violently.
"Well then..." Celestia said, turning to Shining Armor, "welcome to the Mareatine... the domain of Lord Tydal."
"Tydal and Merida, fighting below the sea," Cadence sang. "F-U-C-"
"CADENCE!" Shining shouted, covering the ears of a giggling capricorn kid.
K-I-N-G!
Sorry I am about as mature as a five year old.
Holy crap I got first comment!
This...
Like a sir.
~Edward
.
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MOAR!
1908548 HOORAY YOU GET FURST COMMENT! Who has a cookie?
Story was a welcome wake up read
1908557 You summed it up perfectly *bows*
The G-Team :D
1908548
You forgot the "K". Anywho...
Take the ingredients from the following image, and that is pretty much what this fic consists of.
i104.photobucket.com/albums/m169/TheKiltedStranger/AwesomeSauceLabel-1.jpg
Warning: Powdered Unicorn is actually unicorn substitute.
1908548
You also can't spell!
*Pronounces*
F-U-C-I-N-G
Foo-sing? What the heck does that mean?
I could barely make it past the intro this time I was laughing so hard. Oooo, and Merida shows up finally.
This story and universe is probably my favorite alternate headcanon.
Tydal is going to talk to his mom about turning Shining into a god. . .
And yet they all keep abusing him.
I wonder what his 10% form is going to be
MOAR!
And please add Far Cry 3 references 8D
1908795 - Agreed... I still need to see more of Twilight driven insane by constant references to Luna as her mother. Until she eventually finds out it's true.
1908945
I like to think of it as hazing the new guy. It is done out of love... plus, Tydal is use to dealing with immortals that don't die easily, so if he goes a bit overboard...
I wonder what Shining will embody? Reasonablenesss? Frustration?
1909436 oh, I know, but I have the image of Shining turning into the "Armored Stallion" and paying Tydal and the rest of the family back for the abuse.
1909477 He would totally be the god of duty. Giving the others lots of pun based oportunities to keep abusing him
Cadence there are children present here.
Disrespectful opinion post
hehehe... dirty joke! hehehe
anywho- YAY! MORE GODSQUAD! *gains composure* ahem, you know, god squad is actually the reason i started visiting FIMfiction... id like to thankyou for bringing me into this pure awsumness! so thanks a million, and stay awsum my friend.
I do not regret choosing to subscribe to this story, I love it so f-ing much
Oh man, I got some weird looks when I started laughing out loud at the end of this one...
>>>"Constructing a giant laser powered by professional wrestlers was never feasible or logical," Celestia said.>>>
*Alondro scribbles some equations on a notepad* My god... it's more powerful than anything I could have imagined!
*The next day, all the professional wrestlers are abducted and Alondro, in the guise of Dr. Meen Mc'Nastey, holds the world hostage for $1 trillion dollars with his new Mass Pile Driver Laser!*
Wat...
1910984
You are welcome!
When I read the sentence introducing the Royal Eye Roller, my brain interpreted it as him reading a book, and I wondered why you were emasculating him by calling him a her.
So we've had the many secret origins of Scootaloo. Now we have The God Squad, featuring of everyone's favorite group of wacky immortals... well, and Shining Armor too. Both are full of so much win.
Please tell me that somewhere down the line is the further adventures of Angelo Bunnitori de Ponyville
1917452
Yup, Angelo Bunnitori de Ponyville will appear again
Those pages better have cockney accents.
Somewhere, somehow, in a different dimension, this has happened.
Nice to see the capricorns again and this chapter was hilarious, good chapter.
"Foxy Boxing"
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GIMME MY HUNTER'S GEAR!!! I COULDN'T HUNT ANY REFERRENCES DOWN!!! TWI, WHERE'S THAT ENCHANTED BOW YOU GAVE ME LAST CHRISTMAS?!?!?!
1973064 I CAUGHT ONE!
*continuing Cadence's song at the end*
K-I-N-G
*Shining glares*
What?! Technically I was only spelling "King"!
Also, a giant laser powered by professional wrestlers may not be feasible nor logical, but it'd be totally awesome (just hope those wrestlers were supposed to be more like hamsters than glue...)
Damn, Tydal's wife is amazing And very awesome cold opener, I really want to read an Assassin Creed fic about Angel
Not the children
1908738
No. Just no.
1973064 Your profile pic. I wuv it.
1908706
It's more likely to kil, you from the sheer amount of alcohol.
Angel kills Blueblood. Nice.
This, kinda makes sense.
They're Vitriolic Best Buds. They snark endlessly at each other, but they do get along well, and have a lot of things in common like you said. It'd be so easy to flanderize Shining into nothing more than a Straight Man and Tydal into a violence obsessed mad-capricorn, but you do remind us now and then that there are other aspects to their personalities.
Lucky stallion.
Oh he IS good.
Yep.
K-I-N-G!
Oooh, this is going to be a long and exciting journey, hm?
I was supposed to be asleep 5 hours ago.
If Angel's an assasin, can I be Pearce?
The longer the route the better, clearly.