You do know you are severely lucky right?
Im lucky? Please tell me how
A Human with your past should be happy you are in a land that accepts those who have terrible flaws.
Then why aren't I?
Pathetic? Refuse to accept happiness when its shoved in your face? You pick, I can't decide
You know, your pretty high and mighty to criticize me when you don't know a fucking thing about me
On the contrary i know everything about you, Boy
No one knows everything, Voice
then how come I know so much about you?
. . .
Heh heh. Can't answer me?
No, I refuse to answer you
Its gonna be hard to ignore me when I fuck your dreams up so bad you won't want to fall asleep anymore
I haven't wanted to dream for a long time, Voice
Voice? Is that my name? I always thought you would name me something awesome like...Awesome voice! Or Amazing Voice
If I called you something you aren't, I would be lying wouldn't I?
Are you saying im not awesome? That's mean, Ray
If it offends you so much, go haunt someone else
If I was haunting you, I would be personally fucking your life up. Wither it be in your world, this world, or mine. I would mentally destroy you.
Nothing Mr. Jack Daniels can't handle
You think hiding your problems behind something else will help you? It only masks the pain, it doesn't make it go away
No, but it will go away with time
You had two years, Ray. If it didn't go away when you killed he-
Shut your mouth...
I must of hit a nerve, then again I would be hurt too if someone brought up the day I k-
I SAID SHUT YOUR GODDAMN
Sheesh, touchy
Well, as much as i would like to stay and chat, im afraid your waking up
Thank God
Don't think being awake will save you from me, Ray. It only makes it more fun to me...
Goodbye, Ray. I will see you again very soon
For those who are wondering, the story will be developed into two parts. when Ray is awake, and when he is dreaming. These parts of the story will be called Sequences.
This story, Green_Brony, needs a LOT of work.
1) The paragraphs. Oh god, the paragraphs. Why are there so many indents? Instead of using three or four (or however many) indents on your paragraphs, use one. ONE! That is all that's needed.
2) The idea. Human in Equestria. You haven't been here for very long, have you? This genre (yes, it is it's own genre) has been done to death. You're just beating a dead horse, making yet another one. The only way that this story will get halfway decent reviews is if it's a fucking PHENOMENAL Human in Equestria story. Anything else just doesn't make the cut. Sorry.
3) The plot. Guy has shitty life. Guy appears in Equestria. Shit happens. Really? That's the best you could do? I'm surprised he hasn't turned into a goddamn red and black alicorn by now. My point is, CLICHE STORY IS CLICHE.
4) Grammar, or lack of it. Please, for the love of Celestia, put this story into some sort of spell checker. Even the most basic one will tell you that there is a fuckton of things wrong with this story. From over comma usage, to improper capitalization, to just downright bad sentence structure, this story should be completely rewritten. Hopefully with a better plot.
Ugh. Well, there's my two cents. Take it or leave it, it's your choice.
On a different note, I hope you like trains.
-DivideByZero
1577311 Well, it is your opinion and you are entitled to it, but I did say that this IS my first story, so I know that it isn't gonna be without its faults. I'm going to have someone proof-read it and correct it.
On another note, I thank you for explaining why you didn't like it instead of just saying " o godz lol d1s is stupid ass fuk"
1577311 Huh, I just noticed you created one of the stories I favourites. Good job on that part! :D
Is your trainus prepared yet?
1578347 Trainus? Sorry, I do not know what the means :/