Nine Years Ago,
Rainbow Dash couldn’t go to sleep easily enough that night or any other night that followed it, and it would always haunt her with what happened then.
She stared out at her room when it happened, things and stuff started to float upwards, and she knew that wasn’t supposed to happen and she also knew that if she saw or heard anything bad or something that she had a question about she could always go to her parents, and conveniently they were just downstairs, and
these days they always seemed to be downstairs now.
And so she walked down very slowly when she saw it, her father was in the middle of the front living room while two blurs sped around in a circle very fast, one was red, and the other yellow, and she saw it very clearly. And her father, he was trapped in the middle of it, and as for her mother, well she was just outside of it luckily enough, but she looked very scared and afraid and then when she saw Rainbow Dash she screamed, “No! Get out of here! Go away right now!” but Rainbow Dash just stood there stunned and shocked, and that was when her mother took her by the shoulders and then finally said, “Look I need you to do something very important for me, I need you to be safe, okay?”
Rainbow Dash nodded still very confused, “Now that’s a good girl, now then I want you to do something else now, something completely different, I want you to run, okay? Can you do that, because you need to.
Run Rainbow Dash, run.”
And with that said Rainbow Dash started to but then suddenly was very far away from home and she knew that she couldn’t have fun this far this fast.
After that night nobody ever believed her about the details again, not even the police did, they all said that it was just the crazy mind and imagination of a child, but Rainbow Dash knew what she saw even until this very same day.
And she would not ever deny what she saw there no matter what happened to her, she could take all the talk and comments, she knew what she saw then.
And she would never ever change it no matter what happened to her.
7877683 You ruined a big plot twist regarding Harrison Wells.
For the following reasons, you fail:
1. Feeling the need to put this in the description:
Anyone too stupid to figure this out for themselves probably can't read in the first place, and it doesn't say much for the guy who feels it's necessary to point this out.
2. Listing your characters' equivalents in the description instead of allowing the reader to discover the cast organically through the story and make the connections for themselves.
3. Dropping major spoilers in the story description for The Flash. Sure, the big one is a season one spoiler so it's not exactly huge news, but some people MIGHT not have seen it yet and that's kind of a dick move. Nevermind the OTHER spoilers in the story description. Nice work on that.
I'm downvoting this based on these three problems with your description. I'm not even bothering to read the story itself. I skimmed the first few paragraphs of the first chapter and frankly felt no pressing need to continue reading.
7877983
I fixed all of this (or at least now I did)
Thanks, noted for any and all other future crossovers.
7877988 ...are you taking the piss? Adding strike tags and spoiler tags to the crap that you should've just TAKEN OUT ENTIRELY isn't fixing it, it's thumbing your nose at the person who points out the problems.
7877994
You just can't be satisfied, can you?
7877994
Thumbing my nose? What does that mean exactly?
7878001 Generally speaking, when someone point out a mistake you made, you correct it properly. When you instead choose to "correct" it in a way that looks as though you're being contrary, it looks as though you yourself do not appreciate criticism and are going out of your way to be an obnoxious jerk about it.
That's what a lot of people are going to see when they see the above "fix" and your comment just now.
Believe it or not, I'm trying to help you even though I have no intention of reading this story. You'd do well to take it more seriously. But that's up to you. I'm done here.
7878008
Whatever.
Please come join us at The Monthly Contest Club
Base it on my story? Not bad at all.
7878332
Yes, it is based on yours.
7878491 Keep it up. I like to read what happens next.
7878536
I will keep it up.
Oh and also despite being based off of your work, mine seems to be more detailed.
And also has somewhat better grammar (sometimes).
I just realized that writing is still yet another wall for me to avoid people.
And I can't ever get rid of my walls...
7877683
Nah i was rewatching it
7878008
There, no more spoilers.
(Except in comments)