"So..." Luna asked as both she and Celestia were trying to forget the sounds of the two-headed Blueblood going to the toilet... and the sight of the two-flanked Blueblood eating a carrot. It had been a very disturbing sight... he had even chewed, if one could call it that. They would likely have the image stuck inside their heads for all eternity, not to mention the sound it had made... "What are we going to do?"
"About Blueblood?" Celestia replied with a sigh, "Hope that the spell will wear off soon and keep his lower halves away from food in the mean time, I suppose."
"No, that's not what I meant..." Luna shook her head, "Even though that may be a good idea..." somewhere in Canterlot Castle, a two-flanked pony toppled over a small chair while a crying two-headed Blueblood was brushing his teeth with desperate ferocity.
Luna gave her sister a questioning gaze, "What do you intend to do about the Rite of Consent? Now that Blueblood is definitely out of the question, there aren't many choices left... except if you intend to turn him into a mare."
"I fear that may not work..." Celestia answered, "I have been trying to find a solution to this ever since our last meeting, but I can only see three possible solutions to this dilemma."
"And those are?"
Celestia took a deep breath, bracing herself for the dispute that was likely to break loose, "One; one of us marries him..."
"He would undoubtedly be delighted..." Luna scrunched her face, "I can already see him heading for the window. What are the other two?"
"Two; We select a daughter of one of the royal families and appoint her a princess of Equestria..."
"And draw the wrath of all the other families upon us in the process... and I hardly doubt the griffons would accept her without questioning her bloodline."
"I know..." Celestia sighed, "But both of the first seem a trifle opposed to the third."
Luna's face hardened, "Are you talking about the elements of harmony?"
Celestia gave a glum nod, "It is a possibility we have to consider, I am afraid."
"It is not!" Luna repelled, "You can not seriously be thinking about this!"
"Then what should I do?! Give myself or my only sister to him? Or risk a political calamity by appointing a new princess at seemingly nothing more than a whim?"
"You could find another way! There has to be a solution to this!" Luna's voice was steadily growing louder.
"Then tell me!" Celestia surprised her sister by matching her volume, "Tell me what I can do to uphold peace with the griffons! Tell me who should carry this burden if not you or me!"
Somewhere in the royal garden, a thin crack started to appear on a statue of stone.
Celestia quieted down again, "Believe me, I too despise the idea of making any of my subjects bear this burden... be it the element bearers or any other of my subjects."
"Then why tell me of these possibilities if you despise them so much?"
"Because both of us rule this country, sister." Celestia turned to Luna, "Both of us must take responsibility for the safety of our subjects. Now that I know your view on this subject, you and I must make a decision... one of us will have to marry him."
The silence that followed between the two sisters only lasted a few seconds; they were interrupted by two yelps from outside the doors, which were thrown open as the necromancer tumbled inside... two pumpkins in armor standing guard behind him, "There you are!" he slurred.
Celestia watched his staggering form approach them with a look of surprise on her features, "Aergad... Why are you here?"
"Wait!" he suddenly held up a hand and started to fish around his pockets with the other, "I brought an apple for Four-Cheeks." he chuckled, "Wanted to see if he could swallow it in one go... may need some lubricant though." a small laugh escaped him as he wobbled from side to side, "Couldn't find a melon... but an apple will do too... Damn farm pony is going to go nuts when she hears this..."
Next to Celestia, Luna couldn't help but shudder as she remembered the incident with the carrot. It had already been a terrible thing to watch, even though its shape had aided the... process. But an apple? "You came here simply to torment prince Blueblood? He is still suffering under your curse..."
"Of course he is..." Aergad's hand got caught in his robes and he started to whirl around in a frantic attempt to free himself, "You think that's bad, guess what... He'll have fart breath for weeks! But that's not what I came here for." he flopped onto the ground after a particularly unbalanced turn, "I feel dizzy..."
Celestia carefully walked up to where he was lying on the floor, carefully inspecting his face and eyes, "Are you... are you drunk?"
"Like a fish!" he held up a thumb in approval.
"Drunk?" Luna raised an eyebrow, "I thought our subjects abolished alcohol over a thousand years ago?"
"Not one of your subjects!" Aergad chuckled and got up again on shaky feet.
Celestia stepped up closer to him, almost expecting him to fall over again, "Why did you come here then?"
The necromancer straightened up, "Me and the paladin are having a game of dare..."
"Oh dear..." Celestia felt her shoulders sag, already bracing herself for whatever madness was about to break loose, "What are you..." she was cut off as the necromancer put his arms around her head and neck, pulled her into his embrace and planted a deep kiss on her lips.
Luna watched, frozen in shock just as her sister was as the necromancer gently trailed his fingers through Celestia's mane and along her neck while playing with one of her ears with the other hand. Luna felt her mouth fall open as she saw her sister's rear legs give out beneath her and her rump fall onto the floor. Luna's mouth fell even further, as under his caressing hands, there was a small pompf and Celestia's wings shot fully open.
Aergad pulled back from the kiss with a happy smirk on his lips as he watched the crimson face of the startled alicorn in his arms, "Still got it..." he chuckled and turned to Luna with a maniacal grin, "Now..." Luna felt a strange shiver run down her spine as she saw the look in his eyes, "Your turn."
---
In Ponyville, the ponies watched in wonder and marvel, as the clearly intoxicated, shouting paladin led a parade of costumed and dancing imps, juggling demons, assorted monsters and an orchestra of skeletons through the streets.
Oh god my sides
and on that day all the lawlz were had,
Dear god. A melon. Nope. Nopenopenope! NOPE!
Drunk Aergad/Paladin are best characters.
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3175289
You just made me collapse on the ground in a pile of limbs. I can't stop laughing!
well least the paladin not a princess so she safe i think... hmmphmm unless the princesses think as a last resort kind of crazy idea to add to the crazy mix up. this may be sort in chapters but it got impact of potential epic.
The image of Blueblood... WHY GNOLLREADER, WHY? WHY MUST YOU TORMENT ME So?
Luna knows what hands can do so thats what the shiver represent I think. All your bodies belong to me now! For science ofcourse.
I still think Celestia will give up Twilight to the necromancer to save her flank. Doesn't it take both of them to run Equestria? Yes yes, Celestia ran the place for 1000 years on her own but the night was static, boring and untended. I suspect Celestia didn't get much sleep for all that time too. You think you're cranky after not getting enough sleep after one night? Try 1000 years and see how chipper you are.
Kinda surprised Blueblood wasn't dumped in that magic box with the gnomes. He would be under the necromancer's protection. Er... sort of. Right?
Now, this might be silly but what if... and it's a big IF. What if he marries both of them? BUT... a time-share marriage. Ok, I hear you already going, "WTF?" By that I mean Celestia is his during the night, and Luna is during the day. The two princess can still run Equestria during their normal shifts. See? Problem solved.
That is the most stupid thing I've ever heard.
Oh yeah? You got a better idea?!
welp....... only one thing to do now *starts clapping* img.pandawhale.com/36243-slow-clap-citizen-kane-orson-w-bJkI.gif
I can't stop laughing!
haha, celestia, you enjoyed it
A parade of demons you say. Will there be bone flutes?
ITS RAPING TIME
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I can't stop crying from laughter, this was brilliant.
3176289
This is going to be fun
Problem is, I am already laughing my ass of. If it becomes any more hilarious, I will probably implode and my insurance doesn't cower death by imploding or exploding any more.
I wish I could allow myself to laugh my ass off, I really do.
3175478
Give Blueblood to Aergad as a personal pet and soon to be mascot of the new kingdom
Of course, they must share. So! They choose which one to keep and which one to go to Aergad's new crib
3175478
A little something I noticed in this chapter...
Due to the fact that Discord is ex-ruler of Equestria, is not he eligible? Due to the fact that they are of the same gender, Discord could be considered "under the protection" of Aergad, plus it would present a reason as to why Discord is not seen after "Keep Calm and Flutter On".
Nothing... Has EVER been funnier!
holy pants on a hobo, it's Discord! Discord's gonna be the representative from equestria under Aegrads protection, isn' he? He ruled before luna and celestia, making him eligible!. Le gasp!
Somewhere in the royal garden, a thin crack started to appear on a statue of stone.
Well, the universe will now collapse due to the amount of glorious awesomeness that will SOON occur!!,
Now Celestia and Luna will want to marry him.
3177011 Discord and the Necromancer would have a blast turning the guards into glowing dicks.
Literary.
Oh god, I can't stop laughing! That was great! Freaking hilarious!
If I had any amount of animating skills...
3456924 it would be in that comment
Ok so I started this fic earlier but now it's 5:10 am. Sleep is for the weak
3456924 Do you need Photoshop?
3180262 Shit, welp. it was nice knowing you people.
Will the paladin become a princess and then they marry?
6132293
She would also first have to become a citizen...
3180262
Best I start getting my good golden chalice for that sweet chocolate rain!