"This is a cruel joke..." the necromancer muttered as the paladin shoved him along. Once again, his hands were bound, with anti-magic rope this time, courtesy of Twilight Sparkle.
"You're lucky you get to sleep in a house at all!" she barked at him, "I should drag you back to the dungeon! What were you thinking?"
"Exactly!" Twilight stomped her hoof, "Tomorrow morning you're going to go and apologize to the princesses!"
"Yes, yes... of course I will." he wouldn't, "But back to the matter at hand..." he pointed his bound hands towards the little house in desperation, "Look at it!"
"What about it?" Twilight asked with an annoyed tone.
"It's pink! I can't live inside something that's pink!"
"Sucker up... I think it looks..." the paladin gave it a measuring look, "Nice."
He raised an eyebrow, "You think it looks gay."
The paladin flinched, "You can read minds too?"
"No." he replied with a smirk.
"You don't like it either?" Twilight asked in shock, "But it's so pretty!"
"To a five-year old maybe..." he muttered before turning to the paladin, "I think I like the dungeon better..."
Calindria gave a groan, "I'm too tired for this... Look, we'll just get some sleep. Go apologize to the princesses tomorrow morning, and then we can go look for some paint."
"And skulls..."
"No skulls." she barked at him, "We'll be lucky enough not to scare the townsfolk by our sheer looks."
"Says the sword-swinging goat..." he mumbled under his breath.
Twilight turned to him, "We should get you something nice to wear... those black robes just look creepy..."
"They're supposed to look like that."
She tilted her head, "Why?"
He stared at her, "You don't leave this place very often, do you?"
"Hey!"
"That's enough, both of you!" she started to pull him by his wrist, "We're going to get some rest..." she saw his face, "And I swear, if you start shouting rape again like before, I'll make you sleep in a trash can."
---
He hated the house. Everything inside was small and colorful, the chairs, the shelves, his bed... He wriggled to around to find a more comfortable position. Sleeping tied in anti-magical rope sucked, even more so in a bed suited for a child.
At least he had gotten to hear the paladin swear like a sailor when she hit her head on a low door frame. He had even learned a few new words... the flush on Twilight's face had been priceless.
Suddenly, he became aware of little taps sounding through the door. He strained his ears. There it was again, almost like Morse code. A grin spread his lips as he realized it was the hand.
"Get the key!" he whispered. There was a short pause, followed by more taps. He gave a groan, "I'll scratch you later. Just get the key!"
He could hear the hand scurry off. After a few minutes, there was click and the door swung open. The hand quickly scurried inside and jumped up onto his chest, wiggling its wrist around in joy.
"Did you have a good time? Good boy!" he greeted it, "Now, untie these blasted ropes." the hand immidiately got to work, "No! Don't pull there! The other end!" the hand twirled around frantically to free its master.
When the rope finally slid off, he sat up and rubbed his wrists, "Perfect!" He turned to the hand and scratched it behind its knuckles, making it shudder in wanton abandon, "Who's daddy's favorite little hand? It's you! Yes it's you!" the hand fell on its back and wiggled its fingers happily, "Good boy!"
He stood up and rubbed his palms in glee while the hand climbed onto his shoulders, "Now..." he said with a big grin, "Let's do some serious work!" sparks started to form from his fingers, "They are going to love this!"
---
Even in spite of the little bed, the paladin had slept like a log. When she woke up she stretched her limbs with a sigh, the sun was already starting to rise outside. A content smile passed over her lips, the necromancer was locked in his room, unable to use his magic, so this would surely be a good...
"Calindria!" a voice called from outside, "Calindria! Are you there?"
She got out of her bed and walked over to the window, finding that not only Twilight, but also a whole mass of colorful ponies was standing outside the house. It seemed the whole town was here. She noticed their strange expressions... whatever was going on now?
"Twilight, is something wrong?"
"I think you better get down here and see it for yourself." Twilight replied with a worried voice.
The paladin quickly adjusted her clothing. She didn't want to scare the locals so she left her armor and sword behind. On her way down the stairs, she did a quick check on the necromancer's door... still closed. Good. She reached the front door and stepped outside, meeting a stressful looking Twilight Sparkle.
"What's going on? Why is everyone looking..." her gaze followed the ponies' views, making her turn around and stop dead in her tracks.
For a moment, she just stared, mouth opening and closing in a futile attempt to form words. When she finally did, "You have got to be kidding me."
There, next to the little house and rearing into the sky like a black pillar, was a tower made of stone. A tower that had definitely not been there the night before. At the bottom of the tower, little imps were scurrying around frantically to carry all kinds of furniture and chests inside. For a moment, Calindria even thought she saw one of them run around with a bucket of paint. As she and the ponies observed the spectacle in wonder, a voice suddenly piped up behind them.
"Shaquar! Shaquar da tsam!"
The paladin and the ponies whirled around to see several imps approach them, a huge couch balanced on their little shoulders. The imps ignored their stares and quickly carried the couch towards the entrance of the tower. Upon arrival, one of the imps looked up at a window and called out.
"Zaka za shuuna na Bak?!" it seemed to wait for a response.
After a moment, a familiar head poked out of the window, "A couch? Splendid! Get it into the observatory! Top floor!"
The imp gave a groan and returned to the other imps, relaying the necromancer's orders and helping the imps carry the huge couch inside.
"I don't believe this..." the paladin groaned, "We've been here for one day and he's already build himself a bloody tower."
"What are they?" Twilight asked with concern.
"They're imps. Don't mind them. He uses them for household tasks. Only the light knows why the little pests work for him..."
"So... they're not dangerous?"
A shout could be heard from above, "No no no! The yellow goes in the kitchen! Red in the dining room! Traska mek tara! Irka mek fa fonsa!"
Calindria rubbed her temples, "They're pretty much cowards but they can be a pest if you upset them... They are sneaky thieves though, so keep a good lock on your possessions when they are around." she saw another group of imps approach with a huge bed, "There's just one thing that really concerns me at this point..."
"What?" Twilight asked as she watched the imps pass in wonder, maybe she could get one of them from the necromancer for research.
"From where are they getting all this furniture?" she saw two imps approach with a huge painting of... the royal sisters... the same one she had seen in the castle...
For a moment, she and Twilight just stared at the huge painting in utter horror and with huge eyes as the imps carried it past them.
"Twilight..." Calindria said with a quiet voice, her eyes staring straight ahead.
"Yes?" Twilight was in the same speechless state as the paladin.
"Do you realize whose bed that probably was the imps just carried in?"
"Judging by the black sheets..." Twilight gulped.
"Yeah... Luna really is going to kill him this time."
Another thing to add to the Necromancer's suicide attempt list. It is honestly starting to get quite lengthy.
Your princess's possessions are in another castle!
fucking love this so far
oh god i love this story, my lungs still hurt
Uh-oh...
2432538
*Discord, Chrysalis, or Nightmare Moon invade the tower thinking the princesses have moved in*
You are now my prisoner, Celes-
Problem, Officer?Sorry, your princesses are in another castle..2432615 I personally can't wait for when/if the Necromancer meets Discord....
2432654
Trolling of epic proportions...
What if they're long-lost brothers from different mothers?
Also, I have a feeling Luna and him are going to get along at some later point... and then she'll strike with a vengeance unmatched by any trolled person! MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Er...
2432661 if by get along you mean forming a Love-Hate relationship, then maybe. but it doesn't look like luna's going to be forgiving him until each and every one of his atoms are destroyed
2432686
Nah, she'll just have to adapt to begin counter-trolling operations.
She can call it PATS (Princess(es) Against Trolling Squad)
finding another chapter added to this story always brightens up my day
also steeling all the princesses stuff is just to funny
2432713 who would join (willingly)?
2432545
Fiction this funny should have a warning or something. But sweet Celestia flanks, the pain in my sides is so good.
Assuming he somehow manages to make himself immune to petrification, the princesses will be compelled (strongly) to find out how to send both humans back from where they came... before Luna goes insane and does something rash to the Necromancer.
2432750
Luna, Luna, Luna, and Luna.
Laughing my fucking ass out
2432828 Good enough for me! lol
let's just hope she doesn't know about the mirror pool....
2433065
hope she doesn't know? i hope the necromancer doesn't find out... one well crafted undead capable of speech and he'll have an army... even if its just one to troll the princesses with.
2433065
A goddess of unknown power and wisdom...
...decides to use a suspicious mirror pool just for the sake of trolling...
...THIS MUST HAPPEN!
2432661The Necromancer from what we've seen is a master troll of obscene proportions, he'll probably counter-troll her instantaneously.
XD! I love this story!
Awesome chapter, awesome story...
2433205
he's a bigger troll than Singed, and Singed is the most troll video-game character of all time D:
2437690Who's Singed?
2437790
...Basically the most annoying game-character to fight against. He has high health, high health regeneration, can fling you across a good distance into the entire enemy team or a turret, he can throw an adhesive slow-effect area onto the ground, and he can use a poison trail and continually troll you. Also, his ultimate ability pretty much makes him impossible to kill...
2437812From what game?
2438177
League of Legends.
2438551Ya know, I bet The Necromancer would make a fine Disciple of Tzeentch.
2438568
Oh yes indeed...
He just robbed Canterlot Castle...WHY THE HELL ISN'T THIS AN ACTUAL SHOW!?!
Why am I only just now reading this story?!
*sigh* Bright side? Don't have to deal with cliff-hangers.
This man is a genius.
It's been months since I genuinely laughted reading a story. You sir are a genius.
I seriously think the Necromanser has a thing for Luna. I'm calling it now
4508235 Of course! he just had the imps take her bed because of his obsession with her!
I... just... wow.
It's been a while since I've seen a character so hilariously evil. This story is awesome.
Well, Celestia might save, out of the respect of one troll to another.
So he's literally sleeping in Luna's bed? I can here the cruise liner leaving its dock!
5896288 And here I was hoping for Fluttershy.
I love this already. Freaking hilarious 🤣
he really love screwing with luna