Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06
A Canterlot Wedding, Part 2
Dear Shining Armor,
'You're being a tiny bit possessive of your brother,' they said. 'Spike's playing with dolls, are you beating him enough?' they said. 'Please get some counseling' they said. Well, what the fuck do they know?
You know, I'm purposefully right most of the time, but it's somewhat rare that I'm accidentally right. Turns out the Cadance I met up in Canterlot was a doppelganger who locked the real one down here. She had gotten quite horny down here, but we figured it was a bit more important to try and make the bitch upstairs pay for taking our stallion for herself. Cadance was a bit skeptical of our chances, so I told her that if we actually pulled it off, she had to promise to do a threesome with you and me.
So we set off. Did you know that in order to get up to Canterlot, first you have to take an old rusty minecart DOWN a spiraling track? Who the hell dug this place? Seriously, it makes just about as much sense as the doppelganger singing at the top of her lungs about her evil plans and no one hears her. After tricking the mind-controlled bridesmaids into jumping off a cliff, we made it to the chapel just in time. Revealing herself to be the queen of the Changelings, this 'Chrysalis' plots to feed off of all the love in Equestria. So at least Ponyville's safe. I'm convinced that it's impossible for anypony to get laid in that town.
And what the fuck is this? Celestia is actually standing up to a threat rather than just sending me and the goof troop? Well, at least I now understand why she constantly sends us, because she just got her ass handed to her. I guess trolling really is the only thing she's good at. She tells us to go get the Elements of Harmony and use them to defeat the Queen. That's another thing; when she is aware of a threat to our nation, why doesn't she have the most powerful weapons of her arsenal out and ready to use? Nope, just keep them sealed up in that little box in that vault that only she can open, and not the actual wielders of the Elements. I bet that after this, she'll use this attack as an excuse to create a completely new arm of government, call it something like the Department of Equestrian Security, and it'll be so fucking useless and a waste of tax bits that it'll be the butt of jokes for the next decade.
So because the Changelings know a thing or five about actual warfare, we're brought back to the chapel, where they have Celestia encased in a cocoon, and Cadance glued to the floor with some kind of goo. Either that or they jizzed on her. Kinky. When the Queen goes to the window to sing her shitty song again, I quick make a move to free Cadance, and you and her perform a dual love spell that repels Chrysalis and her minions. Oh no, don't obliterate them, just send them flying off into the distance so they can come back one day. Also, I find it very hard to believe that every single Changeling was perfectly positioned to be pushed out of the city by the force field, and not turned to paste on the side of a building.
So after all this, Applejack was the only one with enough balls to actually apologize to me. Damn straight, now where are the other four? And what about Bitchlestia? I just saved your castle, city, and country, you flowing-hair whore! All she had to say to me was “this is your victory too.” Well no shit.
So guess what, big brother best fucker forever? Since I saved the day, I'm getting a threesome. So you're going to satisfy me whether you want to or not. I'll prove myself to you one way or another, and one day you'll be mine!
Now to go off and see how Fax Machine is going to totally fuck up this bachelor party he's put together.
Your incestuous sexy sister,
Twilight Sparkle
Damm. Twilight's extra bitchy in this one.
There isn't a thing that can be said to this that hasn't already been said.
Haha!
Well.... that was ... surprising.
Just wait till Trixie comes back!
Fax Machine
Brilliant!
Wow
i think twilight deserves more than a threesome by the end of this XD...maybe like an eight or ninesome
perfect discription of INS, CIA, FBI, more and more the military in general, does equestria have parks and wildlife?
meh, she's sentiant so I don't know what Shinning's problem is
you know, I have kinda wondered about that myself, with all those changlings there should have been mininal of fifty turned into paste
I... Hrrmm...
I... What?
Yes?
Maybe, just maybe, Applejack was hoping for a little angry-sex herself.
Someone just drop her in the middle of an orgy with a "want it, need it" spell and be done with it!
I am sensing a great deal of anger... good, good.
Be careful, the Committee for State Security—I mean, the DHS might put you on a "terrorist" list and send you to be reeducated.
Yay, let season 3 BEGIN!!!
We all want to see Spike fuck up that bachelor party! ...As long as it's hilarious and not just passive Spike abuse.
2083940 Probably something like an everyonesome.
2083953
Taking cartoon physics into account, I'd expect a few changeling-shaped holes in the walls of half of Canterlot's houses.
Why do I keep reading this?
I can't be too disappointed it didn't manage to top CW pt1, because that was a hard act to follow. Still,
Finally. After all that pent up sexual frustration for the last two years she's finally getting laid. With her brother no less--kinky--and her gorgeous babysitter--awesome. Good for Twilight, she fucking needed it...hey Shining wanna tag out?
TL;DR at the moment. This goes into my ''SOOON!'' folder for the moment.
Why is she writing a letter instead of telling him face to face?
Dear God I love you.
She probably orchestrated the whole thing just so she could form that branch too
2084341
He told her about the wedding in a letter, so why not?
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssss~~
And yeh, idiotic organizations made for horrible reasons. Interesting fact: the Inquisition still exists. The name is currently "The Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith".
Recent activities: this edict
Short, non-legalese version: "Under penalty of excommunication, do NOT notify police, or in any way go public, if a child is raped. Signed, THE CURRENT POPE"
2083902 just how we like it!
Something tells me Twilight is going to be interrupted and she's going to be more frustrated. Just a guess.
Not as funny as part one, but I am glad that Twilight is finally going to get some.
And with her brother no less. Kinky.
FINALLY, I've been feeling really bad lately about how little action Twilight's been getting, so I'm very happy she finally got what she wanted.
2083909
That's what you think, but the wonderful author of this here fic has surprised us before, no?
GLORIOUS RETURN OF FAX MACHINE!! Haha, this chapter has everything! Making fun of the government, bitchy sex-depraved Twilight, poking fun at all the plot holes...good, good. Most amusing. So now the question is...season three? I'm certainly hopeful.
2084208 Oh, you.
twilight.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/134363036962.jpg
My God... You made the ultimate joke about the Department of Homeland Security. You just won the internet, good sir.
bbsimg.ngfiles.com/1/21452000/ngbbs4c3b98e058274.jpg
2084110
If you're like me, it's mostly because of an obsessive need to finish everything you start, combined with a habit of reading the shortest updates first. I've asked myself that same question of stories much worse than this one, though.
I died laughing from here to the end. Most excellent, this series, and i do hope it continues on into Season 3.
2084631 Yeah... That's probably it..... I have to finish just about everything I read...
Something tells me Twilight's not going to get any action from this threesome. Shining Armor is going to run off screaming like a little girl and Cadence is going to spend the night trying to find him and Twilight is going to be left still as sexually frustrated as before.
*Door busts open and Shining Armor looks up from the letter*
: "HIIIII Shiiiiiniiiiiinnng..."
2084533
...DA FUQ AM I READING?! also LOL Homeland Security pun hurdur
She seems a bit tense
Favorite line though, hilarious! Maybe it's just me but does Twilight seem a bit more... forward here than usual
So this is the end of S2, I'm really looking forward to Twilight's reaction when Spike actually does something useful in
I imagined Twilight singing the B.B.B.F.F song, but saying, "big brother best fucker" instead. If you need me, I need a towel to clean off my laptop.
*clap* Well done.
Best. Wedding. Ever!
2084814
Actually, given Twi's perpetual sexual frustration, it'd probably be more like this:
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Twilight_crazy.png : HIIIII Shiiiiiniiiiiinnng...
And then there was King Sombra.
Kinky.
2085315 Quite.
Damn! Seems like Twilight took her bitchy pills today.
I was not disappointed.
I hope the threeway calms her ass down.