Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06
Look Before You Sleep
Dear Princess Celestia,
I've noticed something about Rainbow Dash. She loves napping on the job. In trees. As a matter of fact, she's been laying on so many tree branches, that a group of ponies had to tear down all the loose branches before a severe thunderstorm hits. And we're having this severe thunderstorm to make up for one they missed last week. Last I checked, Rainbow runs the weather patrol around here. So they probably missed last week's rainfall because she was napping in yet another tree.
So Rarity and Applejack went and helped some non-lazy ponies take down all the loose branches that the lazy bitch had been sleeping on, before they get snapped off in the winds of this upcoming storm. But Rarity thought she had to give each and every branch a spa treatment. Even if trees, or maybe just their branches, were sentient, I doubt they'd want their leaves to look like us. Especially when one of our kind has been sleeping on them. So we have a ditz who prettifies everything and a redneck workaholic. Clearly, I knew they were going to get into a fight.
Then it starts to rain. I stood there watching for a minute or two, then I called them in. I considered leaving them to run home in the rain, but I kind of want to see if they'll fight for a few hours in a sleepover, and then we all end up sleeping with each other. I mean come on; snobby fashion designer and a simpleton who kicks trees for a living? That's bound to brew up some conflict. And from that conflict, could potentially be a very sexy night.
Thankfully, Rarity stopped Applejack from coming in with muddy hooves, or I would've had to do some bucking of my own. So how did I come up with this sleepover idea? Simple. I was rounding up the worst books for my annual book bonfire when I came across one titled Slumber 101: Everything You Wanted To Know About Sleepovers But Were Afraid to Ask. I thought to myself, 'Wow, this isn't even good enough to burn. So why not torment my 'friends' with it instead?' Frustration build up, and could be released via sexual urges!
First up was makeovers. Not so much for me, but Rarity was certainly excited about it, and I figured if we put mud masks on, that's at least five minutes that I don't have to look at Rarity's hideous face. Then, during the ghost stories, they turned their stories into how they didn't like each other. Brilliant, it was working! So I decided to fuel the flames with a little truth or dare. Rarity forced Applejack to slut herself up a bit, and in return, Rarity got all wet. When they starting yelling at each other, I knew the opportunity was at hand. It was pillow fight time. Pillow fights usually lead to sex.
Sure enough, they went into it full force, and I got the brunt of the hits, and that really started to turn me on. So I suggested that we go up to bed. I decided for them to make the first move, so I pretended to sleep.
But they wouldn't stop fighting! Soon they started shoving each other off the bed and began tug of war with the blanket. Here I was, horny underneath the covers, and they weren't making any headway. I finally had enough, and pointed out that in Slumber 101, that the most important point was fun, and I can't think of more fun than a threesome. I was just about to lay into them when the thunder and lightning got really bad. It struck a tree, and it was leaning dangerously towards the house next door.
Now me? I would've let it fall. But Applejack, all compassionate and hardworking decided to try and tether the tree, and in the process, brings the whole damn thing crashing through my window.
That absolutely killed the mood. While they managed to get the tree out of my bedroom and get everything cleaned up, I couldn't get horny again. So my sexcapades would have to wait for another night.
Maybe I'll go after Rainbow Dash. I mean, she has to be into mares. Just look at that mane.
Your sleep-deprived, sexually frustrated student,
Twilight Sparkle
Nice dodge for when Twilight is center of the story.
Twilight do you rly think applejack would agree to a threesome? Rarity maybe she's slutty enough, but applejack would probribly go for one of her cousins....2 things 1 I'm going by the mentally advance series on this lol and 2 I now feel horrible for doing so
- Ugk! This sleepover is a disaster thanks to you two! I hope you're happy! You've ruined everything!
- Ahm awful sorry, Twah. We should know better.
- I can't possibly be more apologetic for my role in all this as well, darling.
- It's fine girls, really. Once again, however, it'll be up to me if I want to salvage what's left of this sleepover.
- How d'you mean, sugarcube?
- *fapfapfapfapfap*
- OH MY EYES!
So now only is Twilight a bitch, but a horny, lesbian bitch... Good night, everybody!
Ha! That was a funny twist indeed on that episode, and one i didn't see coming. Your deviant minded Twilight with her sinister plans for her two Mare "friends" was humorous to read. Gods, this line was just great: "That's bound to brew up some conflict. And from that conflict, could potentially be a very sexy night."
The only criticism is that it felt like Twilight was contradicting herself, or trying to hard to be mean when she said having the mud facial would stop her from having to see Rarity's hideous face for awhile. If she thought her face was so hideous she wouldn't be so enthusiastic about banging her.
I keep wanting to give this story a thumbs up, but then I realize I already have.
Y I NOT HAVE MOAR THUMBS???
I love it when Twi calls Rarity a slut.
"Your fucking awesome former student,
Twilight Sparkle"
Ha!. You're alright, kid.
Hmm, Ponyville librarian leads the book burning club. Goodness.
756613 with the gender ratio in the show being what it is every girl is likely to be at least bi or very lonely.
"Your sleep-deprived, sexually frustrated student, Twilight Sparkle." Golden. Simply golden.
Sexually frustrated indeed.
You are very strange, Miss Sparkle.
"And from that conflict, could potentially be a very sexy night" is now my favorite quote of everything
*dies laughing* oh god, nice.
Okay, Im stopping my reading right here for now, if I continue I'll pass out from lack of air.
Also megusta on that last line =P
after reading this whole perverted thing....
i.imgur.com/zDcF7.gif
756546 - Well it says you're suppose to have fun at a sleepover and this how I have fun, deal with it!
Dear Twilight Sparkle:
I agree with you wanting to bang mares, as long as it means you do not contribute to the gene poolI believe there are more effective ways to relieve sexual frustration. Perhaps you should consider moving back to Canterlot with your brother and foalsitter. I hear they are quite interested in the possibility of a threesome
Your faithful, joyful, happily-ordering-her-subjects-to-satisfy-her monarch, Princess Celestia.
P.S.: I put that book in Shining Armor's bookshelf when he and Cadance were in high school
1799967
I am loving your responses to Twilight's letters, keep at it!
Disliked, so that i can like it again.
When Twilight would do this, I would expect Spike to say "BURN LITERATURE, BURN"
When I clicked on the chapter and noticed the title, I was all, "Oh, this is gonna be good. "
This was the last thing I expected.
Granted, I still laughed my ass off, it just came so far out of left field, I don't really have all that much to say about it, other than that it was fucking hilarious and I can't wait to read more!!
756546 Here have my like
1799967 I second JXWheeler! Keep these up! You and Miles ought to do a collaboration (if you haven't planned this already).
1799967
I enjoy your comments
To the rest of the commenting-world:
I'm highly expecting princess molestia to come in. we have Trollestia and tyrantestia
- is that what her tyrant name is? -already i mean, c'mon. you must put in molestia.i dont know twilight you maybe a lesbian and i am too your purple
waht did you say
nothing alright gotta go bye
Twilight wanted sex.
That episode makes so much more sense with that.
~Skeeter The Lurker
This reminds me in friendship is witchcraft when twi wrote that fanfic with Applesack and Charity
Her wanting to watch her friends fight makes her 'obliviousness' much more justified in the ep!
Holy crud this makes me want to act it out!
(Also my first post ever here, but you can ignore this part. Hello everyone!)
Ha!
Sorry Twi, but RD is bucking Soarin. But maybe you could have a threesome with them instead?
Poor Twiliy, will she ever get a buck buddy?
KBO.
Best chapter so far. Maybe she'll get lucky with Sunset Shimmer and Flash Sentry?
Silly and kind of dumb so far, but thata okay. I wasn't expecting anything more than fun, and I'm getting alotta that.
I DO wish the format was more friendship report and less abridged series in letter format. But whatever, I'm still liking and favoriting it regardless.
Oh my god! He's right!
This one was not my favorite. Despite having a book that wasn't even good enough to burn.
4090758 NO. FUCK. NO.
TWIDASH FTW!!!!
I can't wait to read more of this.
These become 500% funnier if you read them in Gordon Freeman's voice. The Gordon Freeman, of course, from Freeman's Mind.
8793950
SOMEONE GET ROSS SCOTT ON THE LINE!
Ha! Phrasing!
HANDS!