The Wheel and the Butterfly
A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga
Part 14 Pinkie Vs. N.A.R.F.
Chapter 127 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Bakery Rush
-ooooooo-
A massive, metal pendulum with razor sharp edges vibrated rapidly as the gears and mechanisms that worked it from the ceiling gave off a high pitched squeal followed by the sound of metal grinding on metal.
‘EEEEEEEEEEEEEEECHCHCHCHC…’
The back and forth motion of the dangerous items began to slow, eventually stopping altogether. The blade pointed downward but still vibrated violently. The metal device that worked the pendulum continued to emit a squeal as well as the grinding noise, as if protesting this development. With a mechanical sounding hiss, the pendulum suddenly fell to the stone floor, its sharp edge cutting into the stone, causing the now-detached blade and long metal arm that formerly held it to stand upright.
Dan and Pinkie stepped around thebroken trap and back out into the gigantic, open chamber of the underground HQ of N.A.R.F. The rest of their group followed.
“Hey! Old guys!” Dan called out. A wicked smile spread itself across his face. “We made it through your stupid obstacle course.” He smiled. “And by that, I mean we destroyed it.”
From beside him, Pinkie spoke up, “To be fair, it was pretty much entirely D.H. who destroyed it. We just sort of followed along as her clumsiness and iron butt took out everything. Omn…”
“Uhhh… Yay?” D.H. said in an unsure tone.
“Details, details,” Dan said as he waved a hand about dismissively. “The important thing is we’re awesome and their stuff is wrecked.” He looked back up at the trio of men. “Are we members of your little club yet?”
“Patience,” Balthazar said. “You’ve all done remarkably well, for the most part…”
Dan narrowed his and turned back into the group. “Way to weigh us down, Chris!”
Gibson pumped his fist and exclaimed a quiet but triumphant sounding “Yes!”
“Me?!” Chris exclaimed as he motioned to himself. “I thought you were picking on Gibson, and then Amber, and then maybe Wally!”
Amber scowled at Chris as Wally, now dressed in very tight-fitting black robes, sighed.
Dan folded his arms across his chest. “Yeah, but you’ve been getting a little too comfortable now that you’re no longer ‘The Chris’. I’ve got to keep you on your toes, otherwise you might go soft.”
Chris spoke in a tone as if he was trying to defend himself, then quickly lost steam as he continued speaking. “Yeah well… I… alright… okay…”
“Still!” Dan continued as he stared up at the council members of N.A.R.F. “This is taking forever! This is all time I could be using to spend with the people in my life I love! Like TV, or Mr. Mumbles… or even Pinkie Pie!”
“Awwwww!” Pinkie replied. She leaned down and planted a quick peck on Dan’s cheek. “You’re so sweet!”
Dan smiled. “I am pretty great, aren’t I?”
Elise raised an eyebrow. “Seriously? You’re not the littlest bit perturbed you were last on that list?”
Pinkie shrugged. “Well, we have spent pretty much the entire day together still! Think how lonely Mr. Mumbles and TV must feel!”
“Uh… alright…” Elise replied.
Chris sighed. “At least she was worth mentioning…”
Elise, Becky, and Ninja Dave all turned and looked at Chris in surprise.
“Whoa,” Becky spoke up, “are you actually jealous?”
“… Maybe…” Chris uttered.
“That’s so cute!” Elise said. “A bit disturbing considering it’s Dan we’re talking about, but cute!”
“Speaking of this taking a while, it is getting rather late…” Gibson said in a worried tone as he looked at his phone. “If it gets much later we’ll be past my mom getting upset with me and onto her launching a search expedition to find me…”
-ooo-
A thin-framed man with spiky black hair and a big bushy mustache typed away at a laptop. He wore a black leather jacket with metal spikes on the shoulders over a plain white tank top. A pair of chrome-framed goggles were wrapped tightly around his forehead.
“Come on, Chip!” Love Tap cried as she rested a hand covered by a fingerless leather glove on the man’s shoulder, taking care to avoid the spikes. “Hack that site!”
The man called ‘Chip’ frowned as he looked up at Love Tap. Love Tap’s gloves were full-length and held in place with a small belt at both the wrist and the top, which ended halfway up Love Tap’s forearm. A skin-tight leather outfit that also looked to be held in place with belts hugged her torso, and a pair of skin-tight leather pants went down from her waist to a pair of black, platform boots. The red headband that usually held her ponytail in place was instead replaced by a set of neon-colored bands.
“I’m not sure if seeing if we can check our son’s GPS details through our cell phone provider counts as ‘hacking’, Ela—”
“Call me ‘Love Tap’ when we’re working on a case, darling.”
Chip rolled his eyes. “Alright, ‘Love Tap’,” he said in a slightly sarcastic-sounding tone. “I still don’t think anything we’re doing constitutes as hacking…”
“But… we’re wearing cyber-punk gear!” Love Tap cried. “How can we not be hacking?”
Chip raised an eyebrow. “How are you doing any hacking? You’re not even on a computer!”
“Hey!” Love Tap protested as she raised her smartphone. “I’ve been using my advanced communication device here to try to reach Gibson!”
“I don’t think leaving irate and or distressed-sounding voice messages counts!”
“And texting!” Love Tap added. “I’ve been texting, too! Also, using this highly advanced interface to defend our base.”
Chip shot Love Tap a sideways glance. “Playing Radiant Defense doesn’t count as hacking either. And how is that helping us get ahold of Gibson?”
Love Tap frowned. “Sorry, it’s highly addicting.”
“I’m not sure what you’re worried about. You would stay out late when you were his age too,” Chip pointed out. “And you got into way worse situations than anything Gibson is capable of.”
“You mean, ‘we’!” Love Tap said. “We would stay out late…”
Chip nodded. “Only because you dragged me along for everything!”
“What?!” Love Tap protested. “We had fun!”
“When we weren’t hiding from our parents or the police, you mean…”
Love Tap smiled and stared off into space. “Awwww, good times…” she said wistfully.
Chip sighed and shook his head. “Honey, he called you and said he’d be late for a ‘work thing’. I’m sure he’s fine!”
Love Tap scowled at her husband. “The last time he was late for a ‘work thing’,”—Love Tap air quoted— “he was taking bets on an impromptu street-fighter brawl between a female co-worker and a girl who had walked in to settle a dispute with an entirely different female co-worker!”
Chip folded his arms across his chest. “And then you ended up fighting that girl. You knocked her out if memory serves.”
“Well, it was getting late and no one had had dinner yet!” Love Tap cried.
“Mom?” an unsure voice called out. “What’s going on?”
Love Tapped turned to a set of stairs where her young son stood rubbing his eyes. He wore a black raglan with blue arms that read ‘MINECRAFT’ above a rectangular green creature with a hollow look on its face. A black pair of pants with a skull and crossbones pattern hung loosely from his waist.
“Nothing Button, go back to bed,” Love Tap said.
“Are you two hacking right now?” Button asked.
Chip sighed. “No Button, we’re not hacking.”
“Oh, because you’re both dressed like you’re hacking…”
“See!” Love Tap said as she motioned to her son. “He gets it!”
Chip rolled his eyes.
Button continued, “Are you two hacking past mega-corps ice to get to its central server because they’ve targeted Gibson and are holding him against his will?”
Love Tap and Chip exchanged glances briefly and turned back to Button.
Love Tap nodded. “Yes, we are absolutely doing that.”
Button smiled. “Awesome.”
Love Tap smiled. “Now go upstairs! If you’re too close to daddy’s rig, you might suffer net damage!”
“Alright, mom!” Button said with a nod and a smile as he started walking upstairs.
Chip sighed. “Why’d you tell him that?”
Love Tap turned and folded her arms across her chest. “Is there a problem with your son thinking you’re a leet haxor?”
Chip cocked an eyebrow. “Remember how Gibson thought I was a wizard until he was eleven?”
Love Tap chuckled. “What?! That was cute!”
“Do you know how many times he asked me to brew a love potion?!”
Love Tap frowned. “I’ll uh… I’ll be sure to set Button’s expectations so he doesn’t ask you to hack his school, or Blizzard, or anything…”
Chip nodded. “That would be best.” He paused and looked down at his ensemble. “I’m not sure why you insisted we get changed. It’s not like our outfits are helping us find Gibson.”
“I thought it would help set the mood! You know, make tracking down our son a little more exciting!”
“You’re just making me do this because you wanted an excuse for both of us to put on a pair of leather outfits, didn’t you?”
“You can’t prove that!” Love Tap snapped.
-ooo-
Gibson continued, “…and who knows what she’ll do if I disappear entirely.”
Caspar smiled down at the spiky-haired teenager. “Don’t worry.” He grinned wickedly. “We’ll inform your next of kin should something dire happen to you.”
Gibson shrugged. “Your funeral…” he uttered.
Amber raised an eyebrow. “I think you mean your funeral.”
“No… no I don’t…” Gibson said.
“Enough yapping, already!” Dan cried. “This is boring! You’re boring, old geezers!”
“Uh, dude?” Ninja Dave said. “We’re talking a potential life-or-death situation here!”
Dan rolled his eyes. “Right, because that happens to me so infrequently! In fact, all the tests up to this point have been life or death!”
Amber cocked an eyebrow. “Even the math test?”
“Especially the math test!” Dan snapped back.
Pinkie wrapped her arms around herself and shivered slightly. “So many dead…” she uttered.
Balthazar looked down at the group below and smiled. “I assure you, this next test will be unlike anything you’ve faced up until this point.”
Dan rolled his eyes. “Thrilling, I’m sure…”
Balthazar continued, “In this next test, you will have to combine everything you’ve shown us.”
Dan groaned and slumped his shoulders. “Since you’ve already seen that, can’t you just imagine would it would look like if combined all the things you’ve seen us do?!”
Melchior suddenly spoke up. “Silence!” he commanded. “The next test will challenge your very will to survive. It will be the most soul-crushing task we have put forth before you!”
The group paused and exchanged glances as Balthazar and Caspar got up from their seats and began to descend the steps.
Dan looked up at Melchior. “So, when you say ‘soul-crushing’, like how bad are you talking about exactly? Weekday breakfast run? After work run? Weekend brunch run? One of those with a giant order on top of it?”
Melchior leaned forward, his cloak still casting a dark shadows over his eyes as his mouth pulled up into a sneer. “You will be surrounded on all sides by the insatiable. A chorus of voices all calling out in hunger will fill the air. A field of hands all clutching for you, desperate to get your attention. Each one attached to someone who will add yet another task to your already seemingly impossibly long list of things to do.”
Dan spoke up again, “So… are we talking like Friday bad, or Sunday bad? Help us out here…”
Melchior began to speak louder, “There will be no respite, no rest!” His voice lowered to a quiet hiss once more. “You will pray… beg for someone to put you out of your misery, a mercy that no one will hear or deliver. You will either weather this seemingly insurmountable task, or my young friends… you will die…”
The group looked amongst themselves again and then back up at Melchior.
Dan turned to Pinkie and shot her a confused look. Pinkie merely raised her palms into a shrug. Dan turned back and waved a hand about dismissively. “You know what? I’m sure we’ll figure it out. It’s fine...”
“… And not a peaceful or welcome death!” Melchior cried. “You shall fall to the floor in mental anguish! Ignored by those who you once thought your trusted allies, as they struggle to keep their own sanity in this—”
“Alright already!” Dan cried. “We get it!”
Melchior’s grin widened wickedly once more. “Very well, if you feel you are prepared for your next test…” Melchior motioned out to a wall behind the group where Balthazar and Caspar stood holding ropes. “… Behold!”
The group turned and stared Balthazar and Caspar who simply stared back.
“…”
“COUGH…”
Dan motioned to the two men in front of him. “Are they… are they supposed to do some—”
“I SAID ‘BEHOLD!’” Melchior cried in annoyance as he waved his hand out again.
“I’m sorry, was that the signal?” Balthazar asked.
Melchior shook his fist. “How can dramatically waving my hand about and shouting ‘Behold!’ not be the signal?!”
“Huh… ” Caspar uttered as he turned to Balthazar. “When he puts it like that, it does seem obvious.”
Balthazar turned back to Melchior. “Look, do you want to start again, we’ll be read—”
“OH, JUST SHOW THEM TO STUPID HIDDEN CENTER ROOM ALREADY!” Melchior cried.
Balthazar and Caspar walked away from each other holding the ropes. The stone wall slid away as they did, revealing tables full of people who stared at the group of bakers with a collection of scowls, frowns, and other unpleasant expressions.
“In front of you are a group the rudest, hardest to please, most irritating group of people you will come across, and you have no choice but to serve them your baked goods!”
Once again, the group of bakers looked amongst themselves, then stared back up at Melchior in confusion.
Dan frowned. “Still not narrowing it down… Like… at all…”
-ooo-
An overweight man with a long, thin nose and short black hair stared up at Pinkie, who smiled happily back at him. He wore a white long-sleeved shirt.
“Gee, those are a lot of options,” the man mused. “Do you mind saying them again?”
Pinkie grinned widely. “What if I sang you the options? Would that help? Omn…”
“… Sing me the options?”
Pinkie’s lips pulled open even further. “Don’t mind if I do! Oooooh…”
-ooo-
Amber smiled as she glanced at a woman with long, wavy blond hair and a tight black tank top over her ample chest.
“Is something wrong?” Amber asked as she motioned to a rainbow cupcake with a single bite taken out of it.
“Yeah, this was horrible,” the woman said as she pushed forward the rainbow cupcake. “I want something else.”
“No it wasn’t, and no you don’t,” Amber replied, still smiling.
“Excuse me?” The woman said in an irritated tone.
Amber looked the woman dead in the eyes as she maintained the same smile. Though the smile seemed somehow dead and listless against her intense stare. “People often commit little ‘tells’ when they lie. You just committed a boatload of them.”
The woman began to fidget nervously. “But, I—”
“Why did you lie to me?” Amber asked as she smiled widely and tilted her head.
“Uh…”
Amber leaned in closer to the woman. “Do you like lying to people?”
The woman leaned back, a nervous expression on her face. “I NEED AN ADULT!” she cried.
“Awwww, nuts!” Gibson cried out in a disappointed tone.
Amber’s already wide smile somehow grew larger as her eyes also widened, making her already unhinged expression look downright crazed. “I am an adult!”
“I NEED A DIFFERENT ADULT!”
“THEY ALL HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO!” Dan shouted back. “WE HAVE ONE TEENAGER IF YOU’RE DESPERATE THOUGH!”
“Yes! Anyone!” the woman cried.
“Yay!” Gibson cried as he walked up. “Phone number please!” Gibson said with a smile.
The woman looked up at Gibson in surprise. “Excuse me?”
“I get your number, or you get left with her,” Gibson said as he nodded to Amber.
Amber simply stared and smiled at the woman.
“Erm… its 867-5309!” The woman said.
Gibson rolled his eyes. “Oh, and I bet your name is ‘Jenny’… You can at least try!”
The woman frowned then rattled off another set of numbers.
“Amber?” Gibson asked as he turned to Amber.
“Oh, she’s totally lying.” Amber leaned close to the woman again. “Do you consider yourself a pathological liar?”
“Ahhhh!” The woman called out in alarm. She rattled off another set of numbers.
Gibson glanced at Amber, who nodded at him. He smiled as he pulled out a rectangular smart phone and started pressing the screen a few times. “Better,” he said with a nod. He turned to Amber. “Alright, I think I can handle this.”
Amber nodded and walked away from the table.
“I want a different muffin!” a man called out.
Amber fixed her blank, happy smile on the man. “Oh no you don’t!” she replied.
“Ah!” the man called out in alarm as Amber approached.
-ooo-
The man with the thin nose stared up at Pinkie with wide eyes. “Uh… wow… that’s uh… that’s still a lot to take in…”
Pinkie frowned. “Singing and rapping and sing-rapping not doing it for you, huh?”
“Uh… I guess not…”
Pinkie’s frown suddenly turned a 180 as she smiled once more. “Do you like interpretive dance?”
“I uh… don’t know…”
Pinkie flashed a toothy smile. “Well maybe we should find out. Omn…”
The man whimpered slightly.
-ooo-
Dan scowled at several muffins that sat discarded on a plate, each one with a bite taken out of them. He raised his head slightly to shoot the same scowl at a large man in a red-and-yellow plaid shirt.
“And what, pray tell, is your frickin’ deal?” Dan asked.
The man cocked an eyebrow at Dan. “I didn’t like them,” he said simply.
Dan’s eye twitched slightly. “Well maybe you should be better at picking something you like!”
The man frowned further. “I think you should get me something else!”
Dan glared at the man and gritted his teeth. He clenched his fist tightly and began to pull it back.
The man’s eyes went wide as he noticed a slight red glow from Dan’s hand. “Ha-hey… What is…”
To the man’s surprise, Dan slowly unclenched his hand and took a step closer to the man.
“Life isn’t always about getting what you want,” Dan said as he reached into his pockets.
“Uh… what?” The man replied.
Dan nodded as he casually unscrewed the cap off a silver hip flask and poured a bit of a clear substance onto the table opposite the man. The stinging scent of incredibly strong alcohol suddenly filled the area. He continued, “I don’t want to be here helping obnoxious people, and you probably don’t want to sit at a table that’s on fire…” Dan pulled his golden zippo lighter from his pocket and quickly set fire to the substance he had poured onto the table.
“Uh, you know what?” The man stood up. “I think I’m done.”
“Oh no,” Dan said as he placed his walked up and placed his hands on both shoulders of the man, pushing him back into his seat. “You weren’t satisfied. Why don’t you just sit there at that chair where the fire is slowly, but surely getting closer, and tell me what you want?”
“Uh… Right now I really don’t want to catch fire…”
Dan grinned wickedly. “I’m afraid we’re fresh out of that.”
-ooo-
“…Alright,” Crunchy said happily as he looked over a notepad at a gruff-looking man. “I’ve written down all your complaints, what else don’t you like?”
The man looked Crunchy up and down and folded his arms across his chest. “I don’t like your shirt,” he announced.
Crunchy nodded. “Fair enough…” Crunchy quickly took off his purple vest and set it on a chair. He then proceeded to lift his green shirt over his head.
“Wait!” the man cried. “What are you doing?!”
“Well,” Crunchy began as he put his purple vest back over his bare chest, “you can’t please all the people all the time, but you can at least try.”
“Uh…”
“What the heck are you doing!?” A woman’s voice called out from another table.
D.H.’s chipper voice replied, “Well, you said you didn’t like my shirt!”
The man turned and to his great surprise, saw a woman with long, messy blonde hair in a simple grey bra, her blue shirt clearly removed and placed on a chair next to her.
Before anyone else could say anything, a man ran by wearing a red-and-yellow plaid shirt that was also on fire. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” he cried as he ran from the dining room area.
“WAIT!” Dan called out as he followed the man, an arm full of cupcakes cradled against his chest. “YOU HAVEN’T TRIED OUR CUPCAKES YET!” With that, Dan began picking up the cupcakes in his arm and lobbing them after the man in the flaming plaid shirt.
The man who was talking to Crunchy locked eyes with the woman who was talking to D.H. “Bail?” he asked simply.
The woman nodded. “Bail!”
The two quickly got up from their seats and bolted for the exit.
“Wait!” Crunchy called. “What else about me don’t you like!” he cried as he motioned to himself. “I AIM TO PLEASE, BRAH!”
D.H. shook her head and placed her hands on her hips. “Huh, some people…”
Crunchy turned to her. “I know, right?”
“Oh, D.H.!” Gibson called out. “I don’t like your skir—”
‘SMACK!’
“OW!”
“Not another word!” Amber said in a warning tone.
-ooo-
A man with short brown hair and a small brown mustache, wearing a red t-shirt stared at the large amount of baked goods in front of him, and the much larger man with his arm in a sling standing in front of him. A soggy-looking bag rested on the larger man’s arm that rested in the sling.
“Uh… And you’re sure that’s everything?” the man with the mustache asked.
“Sir, yes sir!” Sarge said saluting with his left hand. “Eight muffins: two peanut butter, one banana nut, two poppy-seed, one chocolate, one vanilla, and one Neapolitan.”
“You uh… also got all the cupcakes?” the man asked.
Sarge nodded. “Twelve cupcakes: One chocolate madness, another chocolate madness with only slightly crazy amounts of chocolate, two regular rainbow cupcakes, one rainbow cupcake with the colors reversed, two MMMMMs, one half an MMMMM, one half a strawberry shortcake cupcake, one whole strawberry shortcake cupcake, one triple lemon cupcake, one single lemon cupcake, and one quadruple lemon cupcake, hold the lemons.”
“Er…”
“Oh!” Sarge exclaimed as he grabbed the soggy paper bag off his arm. He set it on the table. “And here’s all the lemon we held.”
“Wow… I… uh… I guess I don’t have any complaints, then.”
Sarge smiled wide. “I am very happy to hear that, sir.”
“I guess I’ll just try to eat… all of this…”
-ooo-
“Alright,” Pinkie said as she looked over the man with the thin nose. “So I guess interpretive dance was inoperative, and it seems haikus didn’t take…” Her face lit up. “Morse code!”
The man frowned. “What? Morse code?”
Pinkie nodded her head up and down vigorously. “Dash dot dash dot pause dot dot dot dot pause dash dash dash pause dash dot dash dot pause dash dash dash pause dot dash dot dot pause dot dash pause dash pause dot.” She paused to finish the cookie in her hand. “Omn… ”
“What was that?” the man asked.
Pinkie smiled. “The first word!”
The color drained from the man’s face.
“Oh, Ninja Davey!” Pinkie called. “I need another cookie!”
Ninja Dave was there in a flash with another cookie. “Now make this last,” he said in a warning tone. “You’re running very low.”
Pinkie nodded. “I will!” she said. “Now where was I…?”
The man frowned up at Pinkie. “Uh…”
“Oh! I remember!” Pinkie said. “Dash dash pause dot dot dash pause dot dot dash dot pause dot dot dash dot pause dot dot pause dash dot…”
-ooo-
Chris happily picked a rainbow-colored cupcake off his face and quickly devoured it. “Swo…” he said before he swallowed the bits of cupcake in his mouth. “If you didn’t like this, what else would you like to try?”
A woman with long black hair and a purple dress glared back at him. “I want a Neapolitan Muffin,” she said.
Chris nodded. “Good choice! I’ll bring it right up!”
The woman glared at Chris with an angry expression. “THIS IS LIKE THE 20TH TIME I’VE CHANGED MY MIND!” she shrieked. “WHY AREN’T YOU UPSET, YOU IDIOT?!”
Chris stared blankly at the woman. “Do you want me to be upset?”
The woman furrowed her brow. “Would you really be upset, or just pretending?”
Chris sighed. “Just pretending…” he admitted.
“Well, then I’m afraid it won’t do.”
Chris nodded. “I’m sorry, I’ll just get you that muffin, now…”
“AAAAAHHHHH!” The woman stood up and slammed her hands on the table. “You know what? I’m going to take a break, and when I come back, I’ll have thought of new ways to make your life miserable.”
Chris nodded with a happy smile on his face. “Well I’ll be right here!”
“And try to be upset about it!” the woman shouted as she stormed off.
Chris waved. “I shall do my best.”
The woman made her way out of the room and to a water cooler where Elise, Becky, and Ninja Dave sat chatting away. She uttered a frustrated “UHHHHG!” as she approached before grabbing a small paper cup attached to the large water bottle that sat on top of the machine.
“Pretty tough in there, huh?” Elise asked.
The woman nodded as she filled her cup. “I can’t just break that tall, goofy looking guy! He just seems so incredibly stupid that he’s just happy all the time!”
Elise’s eye twitched. “You don’t say…”
Ninja Dave and Becky’s eyes widened as they took a few large steps away from Elise.
The woman nodded. “I keep just throwing cupcakes and insulting him too! But he just seems so happy to take it and eat anything I throw at him! UHG! He’s like a big… empty… monkey-faced goon!”
A crooked, twisted smile slowly made its way across Elise’s face, like a thorny vine crawling into an otherwise pristine garden. She placed an arm around the woman. “Sounds rough? Wanna talk about it more?”
The woman sighed. “Yeah… I would like that…” she said.
Elise nodded and she and the woman walked away.
Becky looked on in concern. “I’m guessing we’ll never see her again…” she said, motioning out to the woman that walked with Elise.
Ninja Dave sighed and shook his head. “Nope…”
-ooo-
“… And you’re sure everything is fine?” Wally asked. His normal clothes had been replaced by a black set of robes that hugged his portly frame tightly.
A man with a silver-haired comb over and red sweater vest over a white collared shirt looked over Wally nervously. “Ye… yes?” he replied. He glanced up at the trio of three men high above him, paying special attention to Melchior who sat motionless on his chair.
“Are you sure?” Wally asked.
“Ya… yes… ” the man stammered out. “I’m fine. Everything is fine here now, thank you… How are you?”
Wally frowned. “Well… not so good actually.”
“Uh… yeah?” the man said as he shot another nervous glance up at Melchior.
Wally nodded. “It’s been a rough night. Just terrible, and—”
Wally was interrupted as a pair of men in white paramedic outfits ran by carrying the man with brown hair and small mustache on a stretcher. The man raised his hand as he stared emptily up into the vast ceiling. “So… much… sugar…”
Wally shook his head. “Poor guy… That’s like the fifth or sixth person that’s happened to tonight.”
“Oh… well… uh… ESCAPE!” the man with silver hair cried as he stood up out of his chair and fled the dining room area.
“Huh…” Wally uttered as he watched the man flee. He brought an index finger up to his chin. “I wonder why everyone keeps doing that around me… Oh well!” he said with a shrug.
Wally turned to a woman who was sitting at a table. “Can I get you—?”
“EEEEEEK!” The woman shrieked. “PLEASE DON’T HAVE ME EXECUTED!”
-ooo-
“Please… no more…” the thin-nosed man pleaded.
Pinkie frowned. “Morse code not doing it for you?” She smiled again. “That’s okay! We have plenty of other things we can try!”
The man whimpered in response.
“But first…” Pinkie paused to finish the cookie in her hand with an “Omn…” She looked out towards the dining area entrance. “Oh, Ninja Davey!” she cried. “I need another cookie.”
“Pinkie!” Ninja Dave cried. “I told you when I handed you that last cookie that that was the last one!”
The large cavernous room went quiet enough that one could hear a pin dropping echo off the large walls.
“Oh…” Pinkie uttered. “Oopsie…” she said with a nervous grin.
What's that at the end? Were we about to find out her real name?
And now for a typo.
Okay, not really a typo, but needs an end quotation mark.
Also:
Needs to be a period after "out."
4665650
Her name is not that hard to figure out if someone does a little searching.
Also, fixed! Thank you!
4665655
And this too!
Oh shit...
Quick Dave! Become the Ultimate Ninja and pull more cookies out of thin air!
Just read to the end.
Oh no.
Also, got one more.
Do you mean Melchior here?
(I swear this is the last one XD)
4665655
Technically... It should be a comma, not a period.
4665673
Ooops! Got this one too! Thanks again!
4665674
It depends on if I want to treat that as one long sentence or Chip starting another one, I suppose. I'll see what my editor says in this case 'cause it seems a bit ambiguous to me. Thanks for the help though.
I love how Pinkie actually says "dash", "dot", & "pause" instead of using proper Morse code.
Apparently the first item on the menu is "Chocolate Muffin".
DAN! USE YOUR POWERS! PLEASE... *whimper*
Shouldnt that be Gibson?
Holy shit this is a long fic
Just make some more food, for pete's sake!
hahh-hahaa ha...ha...... omg my sides hurt soo much right now
Well shit just hit the fan and then some and then some more and then discord came in and started trolling and refilled the cookies magically so pinkie didn't die and the universe didnt explode
For some reason, I'm starting to expect that Love Tap will turn out to be a member of NARF from some job she had in high school, and she'll be perfectly fine with all of this once she finds out where Gibson's been. As long as he doesn't get hurt, that is.
It always makes my day to see this updated.
You should totally make a spin-off of this fic with Button's family. I know you have SweetieMash, but this one will have Chip and Gibson.
4665795 Thank you! Gods, that was gonna drive me insane until I bothered to look it up myself.
*Sigh* And you were so close, too. Now they have to fight all of NARF....probably.
A New Hope reference or Blue Harvest reference? Either way, win.
Fine! I'll join in on the correction stuff!
Than Gibson is capable of, right?
And this might be true! Except that Gibson is now running with Dan, which means he can get in much, much worse situations now. Although he'll probably be okay, for the most part. Dan still hasn't succeeded in causing any of his friends' deaths yet, despite everything.
sons GPS
...I think that's possessive, son's GPS
unsure voiced
voice
Love Tap snapped.
While technically correct, I can't help but see her smirking, smiling, or even giggling in response to the accusation. She does have that sort of ultra-violent but loving thing going on. But snapping works.
revealing table full of people
tables. Or a table.
Amber fixed her blank, happy smile on the man.
Amber gets a chance to shine with her psychology. She might actually enjoy this.
of incredible strong
incredibly
sat a table that’s
sat at a table
“Fair, enough…” Crunchy quickly took off his purple best
Don't need the comma (Fair enough), and I'd hope that's a purple vest, not his purple best.
Twelve cupcakes: One chocolate madness, another chocolate madness with only slightly crazy amounts of chocolate, two regular rainbow muffins, one rainbow muffin
The muffins are cupcakes? The cupcakes are muffins?! MADNESS! MADNESS!! (Those are probably rainbow cupcakes)
I guess inoperative dance
...Another goofball moment that works very well (If he didn't understand, then it was inoperative) but it was interpretive before.
a small paper attached
paper... cup?
insulting him to!
too, as in also.
by caring the
carrying
A lovely chapter. The cliffhanger is excellently delivered evil. Elise... you know Chris is going to keep waiting for the lady to come back, don't you?
Or at least he would've... but.. well.
Obvious angles:
The three old guys enforce the rules specifically. Pinkie is now under attack, but if they complete the final challenge the attack stops.
The old guys handwave the rules. They're in charge and enjoying the show. They add completely unfair conditions, though.
The old guys enter battle and turn out to be completely awesome fighters. Epic battle with baked goods ensues.
The old guys enter battle as the only members of NARF allowed to attack the party, but are decidedly sucky at direct combat. Sneaky puzzle boss antics ensue.
Love Tap deus ex machinas a flaming motorcycle through the wall as heavy metal guitars play. (Very unlikely, but hey)
Dude, your sexy wife is wearing a skin tight, leather outfit...What is there to complain about?
Great chapter by the way. I wonder how the council members will act now that Pinkie's out of cookies. (They seem to have grown attached to her.)
Also, is the organization going to help out with the whole 'inter-dimensional beings' later? Cause that'd be awesome.
4667332 Duuuude, I was quoting from the fic. No need to get snappy with me.
4666925
4666820
Alright got these! Thank you!
That should be “Dash dash pause dot dot dash pause dot dot dash dot pause dot dot dash dot pause dot dot pause dash dot…”
Oh, and in case anyone's wondering. The first item is "CHOCOLATE MUFFIN". Well, it's actually "CHOCOLATE MUFUIN," but I assume that was a spelling error.
4667981
Thanks... I was wondering if I'd screw one of these up somewhere..
Fixed!
Dun dun DUNNNNN
4666105 And it's all good too! I don't have a chapter I didn't love, only a few I didn't love as much! This one will be revisited by me many a time over the years I think.
4668043 Sooooo much goodness in one chapter! Love Tap and her hubby in Shadowrun get-ups, tracking down Gibson; Gibson explaining the potential lethality of his mom to Amber; Amber getting a girl's number to Gibson despite having been groped by the teen several times that same night...
I think I have a new, favorite chapter...
i1.ytimg.com/vi/kscG_gs2BOc/hqdefault.jpg
A Tommy Tutone reference? And a song that I love? God man your comedic use of references slays me.
MFW D.H. and Crunchy were stripping cause people didn't like their clothes.
And Pinkie's use of singing to tell that customer the cupcake flavors. Multiple ways.
media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/3d/3f/5f/3d3f5f2d0a2f54664db9249edf49d7a5.jpg
4665962 Chip is Gibson's Hacker name. IT causes confusion as it is also his father's hacker name. I guess you could say Gibson is a "Micro" Chip.
Exept you couldn't because that's Button's hacker name. Uncreativ lot, are Lovetap's Loved ones
Hrrm. Gibson is an Anagram of Big Son. Is that where his name comes from or is that just a coincidence
Oops, Dans usual days at teh cafe, except for he who shall not be named and probably is NARFs ultimate weapon.
Did Pinkie have to eat one specific specally premade cookie colection, because if she could eat any cookie, or any baked goods, and they were serving them all this time to the offenders.. ?
Im confused.
4669607
It would have to be served by Ninja Dave as he's technically the one potentially providing Pinkie's last meal here.
4669438 Gibson Guitars.
You can not break the insane, Dan's troops will destroy you
Ninja dave vs Pinkie is the final challenge. Pinkie beat him with a day old bagette
4672497 Well played, good sir. Know any others?
I'd almost think "hacking" was a euphemism, until you so thoroughly set the scene.
4673003 Maybe she just masturbated to get rid of the feeling of being in heat.
4674023
Well that was a disappointingly simple answer.
4674023 which brings me to quote my own comment, specifically this;
I am aware that she could have masturbated sure but the theory was immediately knocked off as she would probably need more than just well... Her hooves to satisfy herself.
Come to think of it, is there even such a thing as virginity in Equestria? Since y'know... Heat cycles. Hmm... I think if they actually restrained themselves until they met the one they wished to marry, that would be quite an achievement in and of itself, showing exactly how much restraint they have.
4675515 Perhaps they were not enough to break her hymen.
4675515
4676770
This is one of those topics that an author usually has free reign to do whatever they wish for because the chances of it being discussed in any canonical or even quasi-canonical source is pretty much nonexistent, but I guess I'm operating off the idea that most mares attempt to keep from picking up a mate unless they're romantically interested in them. So usually, there is stilll something akin to dating or some such before mating season hits.
This is why I tied in 'Hearts and Hoofs' day to this arc from Twilight's explanation, since it would take place a bit before spring if it's date was close to that of Valentine's day. On a side topic, that might sort of explain Big Mac's and Cheerilee's awkwardness above and beyond them simply being friends. The CMC wouldn't be likely to know or really understand that the holiday is also about picking out a pony you will very well be banging in a few months.
Of course I'm also operating under the idea that Ponyville has a somewhat ridiculous ration of males to female, Hence the mention of things getting kind of weird with mares maybe compromising on the traditional notions of romance if it means dealing with their crazy urges
Also,everypony is necessarily that concerned over going about things in proper way either.
Ahhh... Another day of warping and tainting a children's cartoon. The exciting world of horse words, amirite?
4676927
A few people seemed to like the therapy arc, or at least some of the chapters in it. However, I can definitely see it as being much slower than almost any other arc. The entire arc ended up being something of a setup for the next arc.
4676876 I'm going with what I said before to help the mares with their...carnal urges. Thanks.
Grandma Nazi
(Yup, Grandma, deal with it.)
4677019
Well, I think the story suggests Twilight basically does just this, except she uses magic in a rather direct way.
4678251 How many chapters do you plan this to have?!
4678380
Honestly, I had no idea I'd even hit as many chapters as I have already have, so it's hard to say. I can tell you at have lots more material to cover still and even more "Dan & Pinkie Take a Slice of Life" stuff I want to write.
4678393 Hmm OK.
I'm getting a little annoyed with how Pinkie seems to be the comic relief in a story where she is a title character. And yelling, so much yelling! What gives?
4679142
Pinkie will definitely be driving the story quite a bit more next arc. Not sure what to say about the yelling. Dan yells a lot.