The Wheel and the Butterfly
A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga
Part 6 Pinkie & Dan Vs. Camping
Chapter 32 Pinkie Vs. The Bellagio
****
“Ooooh….aaaaaah…” Pinkie called out from her seat as she admired the giant streams of water that shot up into the sky.
This was quickly followed by the ‘click’ of her camera.
Dan rubbed his self-inflicted bruised head.
Well, at least the singing stopped once we got into Vegas….but does she have to do that at EVERY FRICKIN’ THING she sees?!
“Pinkie.” Dan called out. “Mustache Mr. Mumbles.”
“Uh-huh!” Pinkie said affirmatively, reaching into the brown box and pull out a small, fake mustache.
Dan picked the cat up from the middle seat and held her up towards Pinkie.
“Merrrow!” Mr. Mumbles protested.
“I know it itches, Mr. Mumbles.” Dan replied, his voice a bit gentler than his normal tone. “But it’s the only way we can get you in.”
Mr. Mumbles reluctantly allowed Pinkie to apply the small mustache below her nose.
Elise turned and looked at the trio in the back seat skeptically. “A fake mustache? That’s enough?” She asked.
Dan shrugged. “Don’t ask me why it works.”
Mustache applied, Mr. Mumbles crawled up Dan’s arm and onto his shoulder.
“Ooooh….aaaaaah…” Pinkie said as she looked up at the large, somewhat rectangular hotel that shot up over a dozen stories into the sky. A large, pillar like structure sat in the middle with a dome that resembles a crown that read ‘Bellagio’. To the left and right of the pillar, dozens of hotel rooms shot off in a very slightly curved line, giving the entire building a gentle, rounded look.
‘Click’
Chris pulled the car up to the front and a valet in a red shirt and black pants approached to take his keys. Chris handed him the keys and walked towards the entrance of the hotel with Elise. The man held out a hand, palm up, to Dan as Dan walked by. Dan slapped it with a “’Sup?” and small smile.
What is it with these guys and low fives?
The man frowned, and raised his hand up towards Mr. Mumbles who meowed and gave it a swat with his paw.
Dan continued after Elise and Chris.
Pinkie approached the man, her hand already held up in the air at face level. “High five!” She said enthusiastically.
With some degree of confusion, the man slapped her hand.
Pinkie giggled and bounded after Dan as the four people and one cat (or five people as near as anyone could tell) entered the hotel.
“Ooooh….aaaaaah…” Pinkie said as she looked up at an explosion of rainbow colored art above her. Bright, colorful glass in somewhat spherical shapes jutted towards the ground off stems as if a meadow of glass flowers was growing on the ceiling.
‘Click’
The group continued through the beige and red lobby and into a large hall of an assortment of gambling tables, games, and slot machines, as noises poured in from all direction and people walked about from game to game, or sat fixed in front of a machine. Waitresses walked about with an assortment of beverages held high on trays.
“Ooooh….aaaaaah…”
‘Click’
Dan scoffed at his surroundings. “This place is too pretentions.”
“Dan. It’s the Bellagio.” Chris said in a slightly vexed tone of voice.
“I don’t care if they gave it a fancy name! It’s going on the list!” Dan declared, pulling out a notepad, flipping towards the end, and writing ‘The Bellagio’ down with a pencil.
Pinkie frowned. “I think it’s pretty, and kinda neat! If I weren’t trying to get away from crowds and noise and stuff, I’d probably like to see more of it!”
“You’ll get to see more of it when we come back to burn it down.” Dan countered.
Pinkie’s frown widened, her lower lip puffing out a bit. “But I don’t want to burn it down…and isn’t that a little extreme?” She asked.
Elise leaned over to Dan and softly reminded, “We’re taking Chris and Pinkie to an all you can eat buffet here.”
Dan paused. “You know what, Pinkie? You’re right.” Dan said with an evil smile. “I’m sure we can figure out a more appropriate punishment later.”
“Hurray!” Pinkie said happily, wrapping her arms around one of Dan’s and planting a quick peck on his cheek. “You’re the bestest, Dan!”
“Yeah, I know.” Dan replied with a smile.
Elise rolled her eyes with a smile.
I see being the ‘bestest’ only requires not burning down entire structures.
Soon, the group arrived in front of a large door with the word ‘BUFFET’ printed above it in large, blue letters in front of brick like, golden and dark brown, lit panels.
“Five?” A young woman in a white, button up shirt asked from behind a podium.
“Meow.” Mr. Mumbles responded.
The woman smiled. “Right this way, please.” She led the five past a long line of people leading down the hall.
“Did Mr. Mumbles just get us past the line?!” Chris asked surprised.
Dan shot Elise a smug look. “And you weren’t sure about bringing her on the trip.”
The young woman led them into a spacious dining room of beige tiled floors and wooden tables with padded wooden chairs sitting under them. Tall, old fashioned street lamps extended from the floor on poles providing light along with smaller lights embedded in the brown, red, and blue tiled ceiling.
Pinkie gasped and Chris made an excited, hungry sound as the two looked over marble and glass counters upon counters filled with seafood, meats, sushi, fruits, veggies, and pastries.
Pinkie turned to Dan, his arm still firmly held in hers. “…And I can eat as much of this as I want!?” She said in disbelief.
Dan’s evil grew like a bent and twisted tree shooing gnarled branches off in all directions. “Yep. Have as much as you want.”
Pinkie’s eyes went wide and her smile spread across her face like water slowly poured onto a sheet of glass.
*soon*
A young, clean shaven man in a white a chef’s coat, white pants, and a chef apron huddled behind the dessert counter. “I’m not sure how much more I can take!” He announced as his body shook.
“Hang in their Freddie.” An older man with shoulder length, white hair and a close cropped beard, also in a chef’s uniform responded, sitting next to the young man on the ground. “We trained for this.”
“But we only ever prepared for one ‘S level’ eater! Not two…” Freddie protested in a panicked tone.
“He’s right, Hubert.” A young, brown haired, woman responded, her hair tied into a tight bun against the back of her head, also huddled on the ground. “The kitchen staff has buckled under the pressure.” She gulped. “They’ve gone feral. Last I saw, they had erected a pig’s head on a poll and were dancing around it and chanting!”
“They’ll finish eating soon, Mary, don’t worry…” Hubert said. Assuring himself as much as anyone.
“BUT THEY’VE ONLY BEEN HERE 2O MINUTES!” Freddy reminded.
“Ooo! One last piece of carrot cake!” Pinkie exclaimed walking up to the counter. She added it to a plate filled with baked goods and continued back to her table.
Freddie gasped. “The last piece of carrot cake! How dare she take the cake?!”
Hubert’s expression went grim. “I’m sorry, Freddie. You’ll have to alert the kitchen staff.”
The color drained from Freddie’s face. “But…”
Hubert pulled out a large, wooden spoon from his coat and handed it to him. “Here! Use this to protect yourself.”
“Is it…a magic spoon?” Freddie asked hopefully.
Hubert shrugged. “Yeah, sure…may you go with the protection of the mighty spoon.” He answered, handing the spoon to Freddie.
Freddie took it and rose to his feet resolutely. “I shall not fail you! SPOOOOOOON!” He shouted as he ran towards the kitchen.
“Pray for him, Mary.” Hubert said quietly.
Soon, the sounds of Freddie talking to the kitchen staff could be heard. “Hey guys, we’re out of carrot cake and…”
He was cut off as the sound of wild growling and tearing of clothing was heard.
“AHHHH! Why, spoon?! WHYYYYY?!” Freddie called as the noises intensified into a crescendo of savage violence.
Mary closed her eyes and murmured something to herself, making the sign of the cross across her chest with her right hand.
“Hey guys.”
Mary and Hubert flinched looking up to see a smiling face of a tall man, with short brown hair.
“Yes, sir?” Hubert asked.
“You’re out of ice cream,” Chris began, “Could you…”
“Right away, sir.” Hubert turned to the woman sitting next to him and put his hands on her shoulders. “Go into the kitchen, Mary, and sneak towards the freezer. Retrieve the ice cream mix and bring it back. Stay in the shadows.” Hubert’s voice dropped to a whisper. “Stay safe.”
Mary put a hand on one of Hubert’s, “I won’t fail you.” Mary slinked off towards the kitchen.
Hubert stood up to look at Chris. “One of my best.” He said motioning to Mary with a nod of his head.
Chris smiled as he filled his plate with confectionaries. “Great service, here by the way.”
Hubert smiled weakly. “Thank you, sir.”
Elise regarded the huge stacks of plates sitting next to Chris and Pinkie and leaned over to Dan. “Satisfied? These two got the staff here to go all Lord of the Flies in roughly 15 minutes.” She mentioned over a plate of crab legs.
Dan sat in front of a plate loaded high with meat and a small portion of steamed veggies to the side. Dan rubbed his chin, considering this. “Well…that’s pretty good…though I kinda would like to hurt the casino directly…” He grinned. “Maybe we should give Pinkie a few energy drinks.” He suggested.
Elise raised an eyebrow at him. “Do you want to spend several hours trapped in a car with a hyperactive, caffeinated Pinkie Pie?”
Dan frowned. “Touché.”
“Ooo!” Pinkie said, squirming in her chair slightly as she wiped cake frosting off her lips with a napkin. “My back is itchy.”
“So?” Dan asked.
Pinkie smiled. “That means it’s my lucky day.”
“Is this a ‘Pinkie sense’, thing?” Dan asked with a creased brow.
“Uh-huh!” Pinkie responded, enthusiastically bobbing her head up and down.
“Pwinkie swense?” Chris asked through a mouthful of cake.
“Ooo! My body gives me these little, niggling feelings with something is going to happen!” Pinkie explained.
“Pinkie has pulled me out of the way of about a dozen flower pots that mysteriously fell from the sky at some time or another.” Dan added, motioning to Pinkie with a hand.
“Really?” Elise asked skeptically. “How does it work?”
Pinkie raised her hands into a shrug, smile still on her face as she shook her head slightly. “I have no idea.”
“All I know is that it does, and that’s good enough for me.” Dan said.
“Well, I’d like to study it sometime.” Elise offered.
Pinkie smile turned pensive. “That’s… probably not as fun sounding as you’d think it would be.” She answered.
“Hey.” Dan interjected. “Maybe when you two are done eating you can try a few games at the casino.” Dan said to Pinkie, as a mischievous grin entered his features.
Pinkie considered this, resting her cheek against her hand and a forefinger. “Well…we really should be on our way soon…”
“Come on!” Dan insisted. “Just a few games. It’ll be fun!”
Pinkie smiled back at him. “I do like things that are fun!”
Pinkie turned to Chris. “Want to go for one more helping?”
Chris smiled. “DO I!?”
Hubert and a bruised and scratched Mary groaned and ducked behind the dessert counter once more as the two approached.
**
A sharply dressed woman waved to the group as the blue sedan was pulled up. “Come back soon! You’re always welcome at the Bellagio.”
Pinkie smiled and waved back with her free hand, a heavy duty, silver case in her other. “Thank you! I had a great time! Bye-bye!”
“I can’t believe they wanted to give us the suite.” Chris said with a big smile.
“Of course.” Dan commented, happily crossing ‘The Bellagio’ off his list. “They probably hoped they could get their money back.”
Elise was too busy laughing hysterically to respond.
“How much do you think she won?” Chris asked.
“I lost count after the first, $100,000” Dan answered with an evil grin.
The same redshirted valet from before exited the car and handed the keys to Chris.
Before Chris could grab them, Elise quickly snatched them and announced. “Heheheh, I’ll…pfft…drive.”
Chris smiled and walked over to the passenger seat.
Elise giggly entered the driver’s side.
The valet sighed and held out a palm to Dan, who gave it a slap and the valet a smile. The valet raised his hands to Mr. Mumbles who swatted at it again. He held up his hand for Pinkie who shoved a bundle of money in it.
“Buy yourself something extra nice.” Pinkie said with a smile as she walked over to the car.
The valet’s jaw dropped as he examined the large sum of money he was just handed.
Chris looked through the rearview mirror as the valet began giddily dancing about. “How much did you just give him?” Chris asked looking back towards Pinkie.
Pinkie shrugged cheerfully. “Oh I don’t know…whatever is in one of those stacks they filled the case with.”
Chris just smiled as Elise broke into another fit of laughter.
Dan simply chuckled slightly as he removed the mustache from Mr. Mumbles and began stroking her.
“So, Pinkie.” Chris began, leaning back to look into the backseat with a smile. “What should we sing next?”
The levity from Dan and Elise’s face fell to the earth and burned up on reentry.
“Oh! I know!” Pinkie immediately broke into song. “This is the song that never ends...”
Chris smiled and joined in. “Yes, it goes on and on my friends.”
Elise looked back at Dan who held up his green bottle of chloroform.
Elise nodded.
“Some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…”
*Five minutes outside Las Vegas.*
“This is the...snore…song that never ends…”Chris said, deep in sleep.
Dan grunted as he held up Chris’s legs under the knees. “I think he ate his own weight in prime ribs.”
Elise, likewise, struggled as she held Chris up with her hands placed under his arms. “I just wish they’d stop singing!”
“Yes it…snooze…goes on and on…snore…my friend…” Pinkie replied from the backseat, Mr. Mumbles sleeping on her lap in a fuzzy, grey ball.
With no small amount of effort, Dan and Elise loaded the unconscious Chris into the back seat. Elise leaned over to fasten his seatbelt.
“Some people…zzz…started singing it not…snore…knowing what it was…”
Elise returned to the driver’s seat as Dan sat down in the passenger seat.
“At least they’re quieter now…” Dan said irritably.
The two continued their infinite duet complete with synchronized snores from the back.
“I can’t believe they’re keeping in time with each other, though! They both must be on the same doofus wavelength.” Dan commented, irritation still present in his voice. With a sigh, he turned to Elise. “So, how long do you think Chris will be out?” Dan asked.
Elise sighed started the car and started to pull back onto the Freeway. “Maybe we can get to Salt Lake before he’s up. I think he’s starting to build a resistance to chloroform.” Elise glanced over at Dan. “What about Pinkie.”
“We’ll be very lucky if we get that far. Pinkie has some sort of crazy fast metabolism.” Dan answered. “I think it’s because she never stops moving, ever.”
Elise scrunched her mouth to a side of her face. “I’ll drive fast.”
After a bit of relative silence (the singing and gentle snoring becoming little more than quiet background noise), Elise spoke up. “So…how are things with you and Pinkie?”
Dan took a break from staring out at the expansive desert to look back at Elise. “You mean, besides her recent attempt to club me to death?”
“Er…” Elise smiled nervously. “Yes, aside from that that.”
Dan shrugged. “I guess she’s been less hopeless now that she isn’t tripping over stuff every five minutes.”
“…That’s it?” Elise asked, a small amount of disappointment entering her voice.
Dan eyed Elise wearily. “What the heck am I supposed to say?” He faced forward and motioned with his hands out at the road in front of the car. “We have fun together at the apartment and we go out for food or vengeance purposes and sometimes people get hurt and something gets burned down and we have fun then, too.”
“Come on!” Elise said with a smile. “You spend almost every waking second with the girl and probably every sleeping second with her and you really don’t see her as more than your roommate?”
“Well…” Dan trailed off, staring off into the road as white stripes and white poles adorned with orange reflectors on the top zoomed towards and past the car. “I guess she’s a bit more than that…” He admitted.
Elise smiled to herself as she slowly broke down Dan’s defenses. “Just take a look back there at that cute, sleeping girl in the backseat and tell me how you feel.”
Dan narrowed eyes laced with suspicion at Elise, but complied nonetheless. He twisted in his chair and looked behind him.
Pinkie looked uncharacteristically peaceful in her pink dress as her head rested against her blue jacket clad shoulder. Light poured into the back of the car and her bright, curly, pink hair shimmered in the rays. Her light skin was turned golden as the Nevada sun washed over her sleeping face and down her décolletage to the neckline of her dress.
Dan’s eyes widened and his pupils dilated as he sat transfixed by the sleeping beauty in front of him. “I feel…” He began to answer.
“Yeees?”Elise cooed.
“SNORE…yes it goes on and on my friend…” Pinkie murmured.
“I feel a strong and sudden urge to crawl back there and stick a rag in her mouth.” Dan said, his eyes narrowing into slits. He reached for his seatbelt buckle.
Elise quickly reached over and put a hand on Dan’s arm.
“Unhand me strumpet!” Dan protested turning his head to leverage an angry glare at Elise.
“Do you want her to wake up?” Elise asked, lowering her chin and staring at Dan with large, inquisitive eyes.
Dan sighed and settled back into his seat.
After another pause Dan spoke up. “Favorite horror movie?”
“Hmmmm?” Elise asked.
Dan raised an eyebrow. “Did I stutter? Favorite horror movie?!” He stressed.
Elise paused and answered, “The Campground Chainsaw Unpleasantness.” Her mouth pulled up into a smile.
“Yeah, I hear that.” Dan said, smiling back and holding up a fist.
Elise gave him a friendly fist bump. Elise turned back to the road. “Okay, my turn…hmmm….Favorite zombie movie?”
Dan smiled. “Night of the Living Dead.” He paused and added. “1968”
“Ooo, old school, ‘eh?”
Dan shrugged. “Gotta love the classics. Yours?”
“World War Z.”
“HA!” Dan erupted snidely. “Don’t tell me it’s just because of Brad Pitt!”
“Well, he is handsome…” Elise said, trailing off slightly.
“Yeah, he sure is…” Dan said wistfully, he shook his head to clear it. “...I mean, you have to have a better reason than that!”
Elise shrugged and blushed slightly, “I kinda like the agent running around the world fighting zombies aspect…” She admitted.
“Ahhh, so it’s a spy thing.”
“Hey! You gotta admit the whole attack on Israel was pretty cool.”
Dan chuckled, “Alright, I’ll give you that…Vampire movie? Wait…let me guess. Interview with the Vampire.” Dan said with a smug smile.
“Heh. Don’t think you can get me on the Pitt angle.” Elise responded, mirroring Dan’s smile. “Let the Right One In.”
Dan frowned slightly. “The Swedish one? I only saw the American…”He admitted.
Elise smiled. “I’ll have to let you borrow it. It’s great! Your turn.”
“From Dusk Till Dawn.” Dan replied.
Elise scoffed slightly. “Still worshiping at Tarantino’s altar, I see. I was sure you’d say ‘Nosferatu’.”
“Hey! Tarantino is awesome!” Dan protested. “And Nosferatu is just for people who are desperate to show they’re cultured!”
Elise giggled, “Tell me what you really think, Dan. Let’s see…Werewolf?”
The blue sedan cruised over the highway occupied by the sounds of a two sleeping occupants engaged in an endless song punctuated by snores and another two happily comparing movie tastes.
OOooh, almost had admitted it Dan. So close.
Wow, I didn't think it'd make it in!
Kinda funny how Pinkie seems to bond with Chris more now and Dan with Elise. Would be one hell of a twist if you ended up shipping them in that way
3401186
I kinda noticed this, too. The skating thing was sort of serendipitous in that both Pinkie and Chris are (briefly) shown to be really good ice skaters in their respective shows. They've also got eating and have a sort of goofiness the other two don't have.
Dan Vs. is interesting where it has the occasional movement where Elise and Dan are getting along and it's sort of apparent there intelligent levels are a tad closer than Elise's and Chris's. Talking horror movies is also something Elise probably doesn't do much with Chris.
Definitely some bonding going on all around as these four spent lots of time together and are seemingly the only friends each other has on this world.
One a side note, I've thought about Pinkie making more friends than just the three here, but realized Dan Vs. characters outside the main cast tend to be kinda one dimensional given they usually are only there for an episode or two or to serve as a victim.
Plus Pinkie still has her friends in Equestria, so it makes sense to me she'd spend more time with Dan, Chris, and Elise or talking to her best friends through a mirror than, say, trying to become buddies with Crunchy who's mostly an oblivious hippy that probably smells vaguely of patchouli at all times...
Dan and elise has always been best frienemies
3402173 All true, and unlike all the one-time or every-once-in-a-while characters Dan himself is a surprisingly deep character, evidently, when you just look at all the slightly unusual situations and interactions he has (meaning not bullying Chris into killing someone or being mad, but rather interacting with Elise or even freaking... that girl with a burger hat, forgot her name). Him slowly converting Pinkie into a maniac of his level is a bit distressing, but I still think that his friendship with her is the most weirdly adorable part of this whole setup. Doesn't hurt that Pinkie is the most adorable character on her show IMO. So don't get carried away with all this pinkie-chris bonding now Although meeting Elise's parents could be interesting (unless it already happened and I forgot).
3402815
Hortense is the Burgerphile girl's name
Pinkie has not met Elise's parents yet (sooon...*evil grin*).
I enjoy having the characters interact, but admittedly I love Dan and Pinkie's dynamic the most. Though, Chris and Pinkie do interact in a kinda goofy, heartwarming way.
Still, Dan and Pinkie interact on in a fun and frenzied way that's probably far more entertaining and they connect on a level that I doubt I could really do with any other characters in this.
I did muse that Sunset was an odd, almost female version of Dan.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/9/25/434711__safe_solo_equestria+girls_cosplay_sunset+shimmer_dan_dan+vs_artist-colon-carmeliza.png
Just with very different priorities. Of course, their difference and even similarities kinda spell out that they're destined to despise one another.
3402864 Oh jeez that's horrifying.
Now you got me thinking how Sunset and a certain temporary boss of Dan's could exchange some notes and swap stories and shit. Although this Sunset appears to have suffered the fate of Rasputin from Anastasia.
For a quick gag, it would also be fun to have a this universe Pinkie kinda brush against our beloved band of misfits without anyone actually realizing it. Since you have Sunset and all (I think in that chapter's comments this sort of discussion took place but I zoned out and didn't read it).
3402908
No worries.
I did mentioned that it implies that the others probably exist if Sunset and Flash do.
But also that they don't necessarily exist in L.A. or anywhere remotely close for that matter.
Still, there's material there if I can ever figure out how to harness it.
3402915
Maybe in our world they existed back in Camelot (was Camelot real or was it just legends? Don't laugh at me). Having a Canterlot-sounding thing would be weird if we have that, and these 6 (and everyone who had the misfortune of interacting with them at any point apparently) seem to be stuck in some way to whatever Canterlot-sounding place is in a world. (Are the dorms in the EqG world called in any way similar to Ponyville? I wonder!)
3403047
Do you mean "Camelot" (as opposed to Canterlot, which would be the pony Equivalent...kinda sad this didn't click for me until now)?
Historically speaking, I don't think Camelot was a place as King Arthur is mostly myth and legend, though possibly inspired by one or more figures.
Of course, Dan's world is different than ours and he has to deal with ghost, werewolves, mummies, robots, etc...
Notably, demons are real and holy water is a thing that actually can affect evil creatures.
So it's certainly not exactly a stretch to imagine Camelot was a real place and Arthur and his knights actually existed and had to deal with rather real, magical or magical like threats.
"Altar", not "alter". You alter clothes, you worship at an altar.
3403691 Going over my comment I think I said Camelot when I meant Camelot and same with Canterlot. Though we look at the word Canterlot as derivative from our Camelot, we kinda look at the various human counterparts as derivative from the "original" ponies. At least I do. That's why I said that mane6 versions usually stick someplace where there's a Canterlot, since that's how it's called in the world with the "original" ponies and in EqG's world too. I guess it could be thought that it's Camelot as long as horses aren't too involved (the school was a bit obsessed with them, hence a non-human version of the name), and Canterlot otherwise. Same with our cities none of which are horse puns.
3403726
Thanks for the catch. I'll fix it.
Edit. Fixed.
Thanks again!
3403766
I thought just dawned on me that maybe the human equivalents to the mane 6 all work at medieval times.
Though, there's a few of those in the US...however, there is one in the greater Los Angeles area...
I sung the lamb chop (song that never ends) for FIVE hours strait and annoyed the crap out of my best friend.
Oh and ive seen like five of those movies. fav zombie flick. hmmmmmm Michal Jackson Thriller.
Somebody has better have said An American Werewolf in London. Best lycanthropic change in film.
Also props on the Let the Right One in shout out, the original was better than the remake, except for the whole castration thing.
Okay, let's do this!
Favorite Horror Movie: Cabin in the Woods
Favorite Zombie Movie: Zombieland
Favorite Vampire Movie: Blade
Favorite Werewolf Movie: Underworld: Rise of the Lycans
3806554
Cabin in the Woods is one of my favorites, too! Even though it's also part parody/deconstruction.
Favorite Horror Movie: The Conjuring
Favorite Zombie Movie: World War Z (Warm Bodies is a also good)
Favorite Vampire Movie: Shadow of the Vampire
Favorite Werewolf Movie: Dog Soldiers
3403870 Twilight: Onwards, to Canterlot!
Fluttershy: Canterlot
Rainbow Dash: Canterlot
Rarity: Canterlot!
Applejack: It's only a model...
*Knights of the Round Table*
Twilight: On second thought, let's not go to Canterlot...'tis a silly place.
Damn, these references are great, Lord of the Flies? Nice.
Honestly I just wanna see them admit to their feelings and kiss...
I loved 'The Tick' reference. SPOON!!!!!
“I shall not fail you! SPOOOOOOON!”
The 90's nostalgia, AHHHHH!
Nice Tick reference. :P
From Dusk Till Dawn is Rodriguez, not Tarantino. Although Tarantino did co-write it.
I'm gonna get corrections on yo ass.
(As of this chapter, another category of mass corrections has been added, related to hyphens.)
Other corrections:
pulling
Comma after 'middle'
directions
pretentious
lighted, brick-like gold and mahogany panels
(Suggesting 'mahogany' because it's more ostentatious.)
Comma after 'asked'.
Comma after 'poles'.
Is there a word missing there? Because it feels like there's a word missing there.
And there's an extra 'a' there.
Need a comma after there. (Also, as indicated above, period should be a comma.)
Change 'in' to 'wearing'
Comma after 'uniform'.
OK, I'd also like to point out that there's some serious clunkiness going on with the descriptions of the three employees. You might want to look at them and consider rearranging them. Protip: You don't go description-action-description-location. That looks weird.
pole
said, assuring
Comma after 'exclaimed'.
Comma after 'flinched'.
the smiling face
Comma after 'said'.
The comma should be after 'here', not 'service'.
Pinkie's
Apart from the standard errors I already mentioned above, you have duplicate attribution here. I recommend removing the last sentence, and doing this to the "Dan interjected" part:
"Hey," Dan interjected with a mischevious grin, "maybe etc
Reread the last part of that sentence very carefully.
This should all be one paragraph, with the second instance of Pinkie replaced with 'She'.
Missing comma at the end of the quote.
Suggest changing 'giggly' to 'giddily'.
Comma after 'asked'.
Comma after 'Dan'.
Missing space.
Commas after 'sighed' and 'car'.
That should be a question mark.
warily
Comma after 'protested'.
Missing a period there.
Stray apostrophe.
wistfully. He
Missing space here.
Gah! Run-on from hell! Let's whip this bitch into shape:
The blue sedan cruised down the highway, the sounds of two sleeping occupants engaged in an endless song keeping counterpoint to the other two occupants happily comparing their tastes in movies.
Comment for last chapter. I live just outside of Billings. Should I be worried?
*stares at Dan and Pinkie* JUST KISS ALREADY!
do you have ANY idea how hilarious this chapter is to read while mozart piano/violin music is playing in the background on youtube? xD......couldn't stop laughing for 10m afterwards
This place is too pretentions
they had erected a pig’s head on a poll
1. Pretentious.
2. Pole.
4504379 Yes, yes you should.
Best line.... WHY SPOON WHY!
37...*pants* down....*hefts bag* 120 to go.
4945765 that reminded me of the tick
I feel sorry for all of the buffet/store employees in pinkie's path. this is just gonna keep happening, isn't it.
5100563 so im not the only one who got that.
Lord of The Flies references everywhere in that casino.
I'm nowhere close to done with this story, and it is great, but if I don't see a chapter with fun times at a bar, followed by drunken bar fights and the obligitory hangover chapter, I will be upset.
My word! Is that a 'Tic' reference?
Hahahaha, oooooh this is glorious... if i had the money, I'd pay to have this animated, it would be the best thing, among many...
I'd love to see a lot of fics animated actually.
Nice job!
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I see you do the corrections thing a lot, you'd have a ball on one of my stories, typos and crap wording breed like rabbits.
7542233 I think your pun really just means you deserve to be shot
Damn it Elise! Stop shipping!
That said, I did appreciate the bonding between Dan and Elise.
Did... Did you just quote The tick?
If one of them doesn’t say An American Werewolf In London, I may have to break out my barbed wire baseball bat.
Everybody's gay for Brad Pitt
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Careful negan
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Dog Soldiers.