The Wheel and the Butterfly
A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga
Bonus Arc Dan Vs. Doctor Doom… ?
Chapter 1 Elise Vs. Chris’s Appetite
-ooooooo-
“GrrrrrrrooooAAAAAAAH!” Elise shouted as the gentle female voice on her phone said, “Call ended.”
“Everything okay in there?” Chris asked from the kitchen.
“No! Everything's not okay in here!” Elise yelled towards the kitchen entrance. “Dan and Pinkie have outdone themselves in the worst possible way.”
“Knowing those two, I’m sure it’ll work out fine,” Chris said casually.
Elise put her smartphone back in her pocket. “We can’t risk that! There’s too much at stake. We need to go right now and make sure they don’t turn Eastern Europe into a smoking crater!”
“Uh… I’m a little busy here…” Chris replied.
Elise pinched the bridge of her nose and let out an annoyed sigh. She made her way towards the kitchen from the living room. “Chris! Dan and Pinkie have the world’s most advanced combat jet, are taking it dangerously close to Russia, and have enough firepower to kick off World War III.” She walked into the kitchen. “What could—” Elise’s shoulders slumped. “Of course…”
“What?” Chris said in a protesting tone as he added a final slice of bread to a cartoonishly large sandwich. “I just beat my personal record in largest sandwich made,” he said as he motioned to his massive sandwich tower on the kitchen table. “Now I’m going to beat my personal record for largest sandwich eaten!”
“We don’t have time for this! We need to stop Dan and Pinkie, again, before they inadvertently destroy the world, again.”
Chris scrunched his lips slightly. “To be fair, Pinkie and Dan usually only get up to enough trouble to maybe level a building. Not the entire planet.”
Elise rolled her eyes. “Fine! Well this is a first for them as a pair then. I need you to be on ‘Dan’ duty. The last thing we need is for him to almost start World War III, again.”
Chris took a generous bite of his sandwich. “WWhy dwo wI al’ays afta bwe on Dlan dluty?”
“Because if you’re on Pinkie duty, suddenly all the food is gone and we have to set up squirrel traps and figure out what mushrooms aren’t poisonous so we can live!”
Chris swallowed. “That was only one time! Besides, when you’re on Dan duty, the Los Angeles area quickly runs out of ambulances to send.”
Elise smirked. “Great! So we’re agreed. You keep Dan in line. I’ll keep an eye on Pinkie.”
Chris sighed. “Alright, but can we set expectations from ‘keep Dan in line’ to ‘Dan damage control?’”
Elise nodded. “That’s fair.”
“How’d Dan and Pinkie figure out how to pilot the world’s most advanced jet, anyhow? Dan’s unpredictable in terms of knowledge, but operating a fighter jet seems a bit out his usual wheelhouse of knowing the exact chemical composition of gunpowder or how many people died when Pompeii erupted,” Chris said, punctuating his thought with another bite.
Elise’s cheeks flushed slightly. “The jet is designed to interface with a number of easily obtainable wireless devices that could manipulate it.”
“Mweeneeng?” Chris said before swallowing.
Elise sighed. “Let’s just say it wouldn’t be hard for Dan or Pinkie to come with something they’re familiar with to get the jet running.”
“Okay, so where are they taking this jet anyway?” Chris asked before taking yet another bite of his sandwich.
“Latvia.”
Chris stared at Elise blankly as he chewed his food.
Elise thought for a moment. “It’s sandwiched between ‘Estonia’ and ‘Lithuania’.”
Chris swallowed and continued to give Elise a blank look as he leaned in to take another bite.
Elise scrunched up her face slightly. “It shares a border with Russia and is almost directly west of Moscow.”
Chris swallowed once more. “Moscow! I know where that is.”
Elise narrowed her eyes. “Can we focus please? The world’s sort of at stake.”
At the word ‘stake’, Chris took another look at his sandwich, a ponderous expression rolled over his face like a gentle fog.
“Chris!” Elise snapped as she stepped over to the kitchen door and opened it. “World peril!” she said as she motioned outside.
Chris turned to Elise with a sad look.
Elise sighed as the corners of her lips lifted slightly into the hints of a smile. “You can take the sandwich with you.”
Chris happily gathered his massive sandwich into his arms, it towering about a foot above his head. He walked over to give Elise a peck on the cheek. “Thanks, honey. I’ll go start the car,” he said as he walked towards the door.
Elise’s eyes shot open wide. “You’re not seriously considering driving while you eat that monstrosity?!”
Chris walked outside, still balancing the sandwich. To Elise’s great surprise, she heard the sounds of a car door being opened. This was quickly followed by the sound of an engine starting.
“Chris! CHRIS!” Elise shouted after her husband as she leapt outside and quickly closed the door behind her. “I’ll drive!”
-ooo-
Pinkie Pie skipped towards the jet’s large windshield and pilot console lined with displays, bright flashing buttons, and an assortment of knobs. Her long curly hair shifted down and up with each bound as it tried to keep up with the hyperactive woman. The golden bracelets on her left wrist jangled with each hop as her loose-fitting pink tee-shirt bearing her cutie mark billowed slightly. In contrast, her white tank top clung tightly to her chest and her blue jeans continued to hug her thighs and legs.
In the pilot’s seat, Dan sat wearing his usual attire of black ‘JERK’ tee-shirt, blue jeans, and black boots. He wore a not-so-innocent grin on his face as he manipulated a small black controller with his thumbs on two analog sticks. Each stick was set downwards of four buttons that Dan would occasionally hit with one of his thumbs. His index and middle fingers rested on a pair of black rectangular buttons on the controller’s side.
As Pinkie hopped up to the co-pilot’s seat and plopped into it, Dan turned slightly and favored her with a smile slightly less steeped in deviousness.
Pinkie gave Dan a dazzling smile in return. “You look like you’re having fun.”
“I am!” Dan said enthusiastically as he pushed forward on both analog sticks, causing the jet to dip close enough to a group of houses that left laundry out to dry. Errant roof tiles were soon airborne in the jet’s wake. “So, what’d you think of Paris?”
Pinkie smiled widely. “It looked amazing from up here! There were so many pretty buildings!” Pinkie leaned forward on her seat’s armrest and batted her eyelashes a few times. “We should go back and visit once we’re done in Latvia.”
Dan pulled the sticks back, causing the jet to climb once more. He glanced at Pinkie, his smile starting to warm up substantially. “Sounds like a date. We should check out the Louvre, draw a mustache on the Mona Lisa for funzies. Maybe even hit up the catacombs and pick up a few souvenirs for people. Who couldn’t use a few extra skulls and femurs around the house?”
Pinkie gave Dan an impressed look. “Wow, you sure know a lot about Paris.”
Dan shrugged. “I’ve picked up a few things here and there. We should also check out King’s Cross, Big Ben, and Westminster Abbey.”
“Uhhh… I think at least one of those is in London,” Pinkie said in an unsure tone.
Dan’s eyebrows tensed slightly and his smile dropped. “And just where did you pick up such geographical knowledge, miss pony-person?”
Pinkie quickly reached into her hair and pulled out a yellow scarf with black stripes and a tapered foot-long stick with symbols burned into the backside. She waved the wand a bit and flicked her wrists. “Expecto Patronum!” she said in lieu of a real response.
Dan seemed to ponder this for a moment. “Alright, your source checks out.”
“Yay!” Pinkie said happily. She placed the wand and scarf back into her hair and gave Dan a more serious look. “Do you think Elise will be mad we borrowed her super-secret experimental jet?”
Dan sighed. “We’ve been over this! It’s not her jet. It belongs to the US government, and who pays the US government?”
“We do, but—”
“So, this is more like two employers using a piece of company equipment.” Dan shook his head. “It’s no different from having a company car.”
“Well… I guess that makes sense,” Pinkie said. She looked forward with a knowing look as forests and clouds rapidly shot past the jet as it sped along its journey. “But I can’t help but feel Elise is going to be a little bit peeved over all this.”
Dan rolled his eyes. “She’ll get over it. Plus we’re using it to help punish a known criminal!” He shook his head. “We’re doing a service to the world here.”
“You really think this’ll make the world a better place?” Pinkie asked with a serious expression.
Dan’s features darkened. “Who cares about the world?” His eyes became narrow slits. “This is about revenge.”
A short chapter, but a good update. Thanks for showing us how they plan to do Damage Control. While we know how far Dan will go, I'm in this to enjoy the ride and it will definitely be an epic sight to behold.
bearing
Also, obligatory "it's alive!" comment
Something's wrong with the upvote button.
It won't register more than once.
Nice chapter. Really love Dan and PP's conversation.
But how will chris Distract Pinkie if he has already eaten the metre long?
6637651
Fixed! Thank you!
Meaning Pinkie accidentally started the jet while she was trying to catch Latias.
She MUST be flustered if she mixed up 'pearl' with 'peril'.
console
bound
bearing
Well it's a good thing the controls were set to reverse!
I am soooo happy!
Oh, hi Dan! Didn't see you spontaneously teleport from the Jet to Elise's kitchen to eat Chris's sandwich.
6637695
6637733
Got these, thanks! Including the bit with the y-axis on the controllers not being reversed. I somehow got that backwards when I put words to digital paper.
*We're
I could see Poinkie as a Hufflepuff, though sometimes I see shades of Slytherin
Dare I say it...
Of course I do.
And Dan?
img.memecdn.com/violence-isn-amp-039-t-always-the-answer_o_3343781.jpg
UUUUUUUUUUPDATE!
The romance in this is like Fight Club (I think. Do I need to see something to reference it?), and that's a good thing.
6637808
1st RULE: You do not talk about THE RELATIONSHIP.
2nd RULE: You DO NOT talk about THE RELATIONSHIP.
3rd RULE: If someone says "stop" or goes limp, taps out the smoochies are over.
4th RULE: Only one guy and one pony to a relationship.
5th RULE: One relationship at a time.
6th RULE: No shirts, no shoes, yes avocados.
7th RULE: Relationships will go on as long as the author continues writing.
8th RULE: If this is your first night in a RELATIONSHIP, you HAVE to have smoochies.
A good chapter. You really do write my favourite Pinkie, I think.
Alright everyone, show's over. Meet up back here next year, the next chapter will probably be here!
6637844 How many rules are there?
6637808 i'm 100% sure you need to actually see the movie to be able to reference it or else you look like a weirdo to the people who have seen it. (I haven't seen it, so you check out.)
Lolololololol. Berry funny . Get it making a joke about Chris . Lol I crack my self up.
6637767 After all: Friends don't let friends play inverted.
Also, I waited so long for an update, just to get less than 2k words... What is the dealio man?
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
1:29_11/16/2015
I'm glad to see that this is still being updated. Can't wait for the next chapter!
“Who cares about the world? This is about revenge!" Dan - 2015.
Heh...I only hope this updates soon, this is awesome.
6637906
Eight
Another enjoyable chapter. Great job.
Somehow you just KNEW I was rewatching Dan VS again, didn't you?? <3 <3
Dan has such a way with words
6638634 Ah, yes, I forgot we were dealing with the Dan of Rights. My mistake.
So, I recently just finished reading this story from the beginning. Yes, all three thousand chapters of it. Every one. My eyes are still spinning but I'm certain that's not going to stop me from giving a review. Before I begin though, allow me to preface this by saying that no matter what I say down below, I like this story. I have it upvoted, I'm tracking it, and obviously I'm still reading it, so nothing I'm about to say has seriously hampered my enjoyment of it to the point where I'm not having fun reading it. Got it? Good. Now then...
Holy dear Jesus there is a lot of filler in this story. Like...hundreds of chapters worth. It's amazing how long it takes anything to get done in this story due to arguing, fighting, pointless diversions, and comedy routines. Now, this was perfectly fine when the story was starting out and everything was more or less a Slice of Life type narrative with Pinkie trying to adapt to Dan's world, but there have been hints of greater and more amazing things hanging around in the background that have been relentlessly hinted and teased at. Things this story feels like it's been building up to with The Order Keepers, the drama going back in Equestria, Discord's role in this secret war that seems to have been fought across eons of time and space...all of those are incredibly interesting and amazing things, which only makes all the filler in between get a bit grating.
Granted, I know that the character's unwillingness to actually 'care' about the greater plot is part of their charm (in the sense that they're not being proactive about it, I mean), but after the huge fight with the Impostor and the ongoing plot about The Order Keepers, moving back to enemies like the Dazzlings feels like we're just spinning our wheels so to speak. Killing time until the next big thing is about to happen. Your characterization of Pinkie is wonderful and Dan provides an amazing counterpoint to her, but a lot of my favorite moments in this story are those times when the more serious elements start to worm their way back in. Things like the changing dynamic between Twilight and Discord, or the hilarious arc where Dan is having to come to terms with the fact that his girlfriend is not, in fact, human. Perhaps my absolute favorite bit is when Dan realizes that he actually has a pretty good life, with a stable job, a circle of friends, and an amazing girlfriend, prompting Chris to tease him about it. It was a great serious but hilarious moment that felt like some real character development...even if Dan would stab me for implying that.
Essentially what I'm getting at here, is that it feels like this story should be heading somewhere epic, not just killing time with more revenge plots. Yes, those are the bread and butter of Dan Vs. but your story is obviously trying to do something more than that and it's succeeded in many places. Those small bits are tantalizing and I want more of them, to the point where it's starting to get irritating whenever the brakes get thrown for another vengeance quest. I want to see The Order Keeper's ultimate plan. I want to see a showdown. I want to see what happens if Pinkie ever finds that portal at Canterlot High and suddenly has a way back to her own world. I feel like the story has delayed these things for far too long, and even though the chapters that have been coming out in between are good, there always seems to be a hint of something greater that could be explored instead.
To reiterate my first point, none of those problems I mentioned above have stopped me from enjoying this story. I'm just not one to believe my enjoyment of a story precludes it from criticism or that I shouldn't point out what I believe to be are flaws. I'm still going to follow this story and it's going to stay firmly at 'upvote' status for me. I just hope this story can pick up the pace and start moving forward again.
6638582 i have no memory of writing that comment
Not related to the chapter but, if dan glows red does that mean he's using kaio-ken?
AHHHH THIS FIC IS AWESOME
6641334 It's a comedy. Which just happens to have 'serious' things now and then. Kinda like "Red Dwarf", really.
As opposed to "Stargate" which was much more action adventure sci-fi that occasionally had some comedic elements.
6642052 ... Yes... yes, I think so. That would work.
6638495 I am using that line when I go to vote next year.
6641334
They're not in that dimension. I know this because I'm pretty good at doing context clues, aaaaannd I have a habit of reading comments... a lot.
If you know this and were implying something else, let me know.
6644220
Obviously it's not that universe. The point of that particular part of my comment was, 'What happens when (if) Pinkie actually discovers a way to Equestria?' She's got friends on both sides and she's with Dan now. Who would end up where when the pieces fell?
6645491
Oh. OK. Yeah, I've been wondering that myself.
6637801 Knowing Dan, he'd wait for the mosquito to get off of him before setting fire to everything in a 10 mile radius.
6656899 That's if he doesn't start with knee jerk slap.
TO THE BALLS!
6667690 Ignorant Naruto fans... They are on my LIST!
6641334
Agreed. This story was really enjoyable, particularly the parts leading to the start of the relationship, then the first weeks where they both learned to live with each other. Really cute.
But then I feel it loses all focus, the chapters advancing at a snail's pace to end endless arcs, just to start a new one with different antagonists, but the same ideas. Not saying that's bad per say, I'm sure lots of people are not bothered by the repetition, but even a great story will start to get stale after a while. And this fic has been going for a while.
Maybe this type of fic is just not for me, where the slice of life takes precedent over clear story progression, but for my part I have stopped reading at the start of the Dazzling arc, and am now waiting for the story to end before starting reading again. Because if this story has no end, no goal, I don't want to keep reading. But again, that doesn't mean the story is bad, it's down to preferences.
6637844
hey, I've seen the movie, and you are missing two rules, there are ten rules in fight club, not eight
6675350
Uh... no? There are eight rules of
Fight ClubRelationship Club.6675385 okay so I was wrong, I'm sorry it's been a long time since I've seen the movie...I need to brush up on it again
6710870 As long as it works, right?
No Chris, not Moscow, Idaho, Moscow, Russia!
And wow, after a couple weeks of reading I'm finally current on this story! Been quite the epic journey, but so worth it.
has anyone kind of thought of this song when reading this fic along the lines of what is and what would be at some point of Dan and Pinkie's relationship?
3rd verse
and
It's with much trepidation that I begin reading the second to last of currently written arcs. I'm sure it'll be good, but I'm a little anxious that this was basically the point where you really started slowing down the updates for this story.