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A former pink pony finds herself in a new, hostile world and a new friend who's perhaps even more hostile. A small, angry man finds himself with a new friend he didn't want. Can they make it through this new misadventure together, or is it the universe that needs to watch out for them?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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SO! What is done so far is posted.
I spent most of tonight after work trying to get formatting to work. Seems, Fimfiction, MS word, and Google Docs aren't on the best of speaking terms.
Next chapter is in the works.
I'm getting this done pretty quickly, me thinks, but balancing work and family at the same time. Sorry if my pace slows later.
Still, if I want to return to restful sleep, I need to get this out of my head and onto the net...and I've got a looooong way to go.
Anyhow, hope everypony enjoys!
*Peeks head out. Looks around.*
Carry on...
But let it be known, there's a lot of a dialogue- with very few emotions being displayed. We get he is annoyed and angry- but please show us "how much."
3188318
Thanks for the feedback. I'll try to remember that.
With Dan's primary moods being "annoyed" and "angry", I'll definitely need to add some details here...
Huh...
Dan should be like "We saved her life from a mugger! And you are giving her a ride! The least she could do is show some gratitude and respect with a free meal!"
3188333
I never considered that angle.
I kinda pictured Dan just wanting to be rid of her over figuring out how useful she could be at this point.
He's also not privy to what resources she has on hand, and really doesn't care.
To him, she's just some girl who ruined his night of ill-thought out revenge. Chris is usually meal ticket. :P
With that said and done, reached current chapter.
Not bad, though Dan showing genuine concern for someone getting hurt by their own stupidity is not like him.
Still, Dan't not a total heartless person, and you've used lines from the show. Kudos.
Look forward to more. The pacing's nice, if a bit slow.
Thanks!
I'm trying to get somewhere with this and not get too bogged down with building the story and characters, on the other hand, I'm trying to avoid Dan warming up to Pinkie too quickly and trying to establish just how difficult someone like Pinkie even befriending him would be. On the other, other hand
I'm always trying to walk a fine line between Dan's hatred of most things including things that annoy him and him showing some decent qualities to someone who has not really done him any wrong aside from delaying an evening of posting flyers.
Ultimately, I think Dan's not immune to a hard-luck story. Heck, if he had saved a clumsy animal, instead of a clumsy girl, he'd probably have another pet.
Note that I'm partially convincing myself here. :P I actually toned down Dan's jerk behavior considerably from what I had envisioned during writing this next chapter.
Still need to watch the movie. Maybe.
I don't think Pinkie would be so happy over setting someone on fire in the pouring rain... twice.
Also, what computer did that guy mention?
Oh if he only knew...
But was the buckle thing necessary? Seatbelt yes, but the explanation is rather strange.
3188772
It's not bad!
I sat through it once, and have had something of a rewatch as it's my daughter's favorite thing to have on the computer (she's 20 months old and loves dancing to all the songs).
I'm not the biggest fan of the character body designs, especially the cookie-cutter female ones, but other than a few other nit-picky comments, the movie surprised me how good some parts where. Some aspects actually blew me away, especially the climax.
3188333 He probably would. I wonder when he will try to make another catapult.
3188795
I believe it's common knowledge in one of the later episodes.
3188786
The computer WILL come up in a later chapter.
I actually debated quite a bit on Pinkie's reaction to this whole thing. It's someone who was, in all likelihood, planning on harming her, so I felt her reactions weren't too out of character.
It is a really good story you made there. I will be waiting for the next chapter.
MMm. Interesting.
Well, I'm happy that there is more DanXPinkie fic out there.
3188318
Why I'm not surprised to see you here?
This makes me think of this:
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ll81cmM6161qbu3ot.gif
3189137
Thanks for the feedback.
I'll definitely try to keep a handle on the spelling errors. The latest chapter probably needs a couple more proof reads from me. Though, the advantage of maintaining my formatting is I'm going through both word and Chrome's spell checker. *Has Dan Vs. Stupidity flashback*
I'll try to add more details about their surroundings, for sure.
I'm not sure how familiar the audience here is with the Dan uniVs. so I've definitely been a bit light in describing things in case everyone already is visualizing and I'd be wasting their time. But I've been kinda feeling I'm using all the dialogue as a crutch a bit, especially with recent feedback.
Thanks for all the feedback guys, I'm really glad there's some interest here and that I'm getting feedback almost immediately.
Where did Pinkie learn such language?
3189312
Heh. I actually considered toning down that line, too. I wasn't sure if I should sacrifice impact in favor of feeding Pinkie a standard Pinkie insult. I didn't think Pinkie responding to her evening of verbal (and arranged physical) abuse with calling Dan a "meanie" was going to be enough in the end.
3188795 That explanation is exactly how Dan and Chris would explain buckling a seatbelt. So far, the character interactions between Chris and Dan have been spot on and hilarious.
3189741
Wow! Thanks for the compliment.
I was going for needlessly pedantic on Dan's part because...well, He's DAN and he ping-pongs between knowing a ton of details about something and knowing "bubkis" as one of my friends/readers put it.
I'm really happy you like how I write Dan and Chris.
3188968
I'm a bigger fan of Dan's show than of mlp. I'm a hardcore fan of his, and I will make sure to read any Dan vs. MLP fic out there.
Also, I require more Chris x Fluttershy from you.
Back to you Mr. Author, do not worry about taking liberties. That is what can make a story better. But do give the readers not familiar with the characters a reason they take such actions.
As for the pacing, I will credit you for trying to bridge the gap from one character to another. Too often it is taken for granted.
3189945
Thanks! I'll keep that all in mind.
I would have guessed that Dan would have just come to the conclusion that Pinkie is insane, unless he's humouring her, which is also possible, I guess. Even being genre savvy, if I met someone who used such terms, I'd guess that they were just a bit deranged.
Then again, Dan isn't the most rational of people, so I guess him coming to an obscure conclusion makes some sense, especially as his off-the-wall theories inevitably end up being right.
3188946 lolz. I knew id find you and mister shield here. Always with the Dan fics huh? Guess ill give this story a gander as well
3190080
This scene is probably an overly subtle nod to Pinkie in Equestria Girls where both human! and pony! Pinkie guess what has happened to Twilight without her saying anything.
Dan's line was ALMOST "Just a hunch."
I decided Dan being the smug guy that he is probably would be more than happy to explain how he came to his conclusion.
One thing that I sort of feel about this pairing is that Pinkie and Dan are actually much more alike than they are different. Temperament wise, they are night and day, but if you take that away, they're both super energetic characters who are ultimately children at heart who somehow seem to know and figure out things that other characters would dismiss out of hand because of the absurdity. Yet, somehow they're both right more often than wrong.
"Crazy girl" definitely was a direction I considered heading for a while, but I just couldn't help but draw a parallel between Dan and Pinkie between their respective series.
Also, based on comments off a form I go to with a buddy, I may revise the prologue a bit. It's sort of screwy on two counts:
I address most the characters by color and race, at first. This is kind of silly given pretty much anyone who reads this KNOWS who the mane six are, and it's not like I took the time to detail what Celestia and Luna look like in a later chapter.
I started this from Twilight's point of view for some reason.
Yeah, I got nothing here. It was from Pinkie's initially in my head, and started from Twilight's when I first began writing. MAYBE The prologue can be renamed to "Princess Twilight Vs. Blue/black cloud thingies", but that's just sort of cheating my way out of doing what I know I should be done.
Dat's racist, Pinkie.
images.wikia.com/mlp/images/0/07/Mule_wearing_shades_S3E04.png
3190361
Heh. I didn't think about that at all.
CURSE YOU, SETTING FULL OF TALKING ANIMALS!
I apparently have netted a proof reader.
So what little free time I have to spend on this tonight will probably be spent fixing all the suck.
how have i not seen this before......i LOVE DAN
Dan´s patchwork information banks strike again
Prologue has been modified.
Mostly fixed some errors, but I tidied up some of the things I mentioned.
Gonna fix up the other chapters now.
Well THAT took longer then expected.
Many technical errors addressed and I took some of the criticism I received and applied it to the chapters. Hence the much longer time.
Mostly just described what the characters where doing as they talked a bit more, no major changes.
Hopefully it's a little easier for people to read.
Thanks again for all your comments and reading.
Unless if you have really good insurance.
Also,
and I can't find the other one again.
Thanks for catching that. Fixed.
So now instead of just disliking her, he has officially declared war on Pinkie.
Ho boy.
This is gonna be like watching a train wreck. You know its gonna end badly but you just can't help but watch anyways.
phh... bedazzled...pink...phhhahaha!
Good show, my dear author, good show indeed.
I admit, I totally stole that idea from the hub.
But there was no way I was going to let an idea like that slide. I've been driving the story towards this for a while now.
............wow, dan and pinkie, two avatars of chaos.......world is gonna go boom
pinkies learning some things thats for sure!
Dan is a terrible influence just one day and a contusion later and look at pinkie now
3199557
Pretty much EVERY detail I've added will come back into play at some point or another.
Obviously, I've sort of zigged into goofy comedy territory, and It's unlikely I'll be out of those woods for a while. Hopefully readers who are more invested in the serious side of this and the events that happened in the prologue can make it through all the chapters of zany nonsense.
So, yes, all the vague, sinister sounding stuff will definitely come back in a big way
To your point, I do need to be mindful that these important elements I've begun the story with don't sort of disappear for long stretches of time, even if ultimately dealing with them isn't going to happen for a long while yet.
It probably behooves me to include some details from what's going on with everyone still back in Equestria. Especially Twilight, who can serve as an exposition machine.
I've thankfully set myself up so a limited inclusion of the rest of the cast is pretty easy to explain.
great story thus far but one question
Where did the name The wheel and the Butterfly come from?
3205504
I was waiting for this question.
I'll actually fit this into an upcoming chapter, but I picked up the reference from a Coldplay song, Paradise.
"The Wheel breaks the Butterfly."
Originally, I thought they where referencing The Wheel of Samsara, or the Wheel of life and rebirth
However, the actual reference, I later found out, was a saying. "Who breaks a butterfly upon a wheel?"
"Wheel", in this case, is a torture device used for breaking bones. A butterfly, of course, is a well...
...A butterfly.
The idea being putting an unnecessary amount of effort to hurt someone.
It was an image I thought that was oddly appropriate for the pair, especially if I wanted to present a rocky beginning for the two.
3205535 ok that is ... genius!!
also i love how that perfectly descripes dans revenges
dislike the beach??? get a giant shark to eat everyone!
Attempting to sort out groups.
Apologies if I screwed that up...
Hahaha!
3209466
Yeah, I'm a reference whore.
Glad you liked it!
Nice call out in the opening section. I'll reread it try to revise it. Thankfully it's less than a page, so it shouldn't be too crazy to fix.