Sunset groaned as she shakily stood up. “That was a really rough teleport.” She inwardly scolded herself for not casting a shield spell of some kind. She may not be all that well proficient in shield magic, since she was more into offensive spells, but it would have been better for her. Being thrown onto cold, stone tiles isn’t exactly the best thing for a unicorn’s fragile body. An Earth pony could have taken it, no problem. However, that clearly wasn’t the case for her. ‘Thank the gods for that.’
Getting back to her senses, she looked down at herself. Besides some minor bruises, she was relatively fine. ‘The Elements have to be around here somewhere.’ Her horn lit up faintly as she prepared a number of spells in her mind. Somepony had teleported the Elements away and said somepony was more than likely to fight for them. She had to be on her guard.
Sunset heard a faint ‘humming’ sound behind her. It was pulsing like a heartbeat. A very sick, unnatural heartbeat. Looking up over herself, she gasped. Right before her was a giant spire that looked like it pierced the skies. Purple magical ley-lines crisscrossed it like pussy veins. It felt completely wrong and Sunset had to stop herself from throwing up/and or screaming in fright at the sight and sense of it.
“Breath taking, isn’t it?” Nightmare Moon’s voice rung out from behind her.
Acting quickly, Sunset swiveled around and pointed her horn at her foe. The ghostly mare hovered over the Elements of Harmony like a mother over her eggs. Though in this case, Nightmare didn’t love said eggs… ‘I have to come up with better parrallels.’ She was on the other side of the room and her tentacles swirled protectively over the stone orbs. Each of them looked like a coiled snake ready to strike. Nightmare Moon herself wore a cocky grin as if she’d already won.
“What you see before you is my gateway,” Nightmare Moon chuckled. “Soon the planets will align and my machine will use their energy to rip a hole between this world and the realm of darkness. My armies will come pouring out like the plagues of old and I, Nightmare Moon, will once again walk this earth in flesh and blood.” She scowled and looked down at herself. “No longer shall I be nothing more than a spirit. This is the night of my rebirth. It would be wise to join me.”
“Join you?” Sunset scoffed. “Don’t start that shtick. Do you really think I would give up now? That I would ever work for the mare that wanted my mother dead? Who wants to plunge the world into eternal darkness?” She stomped the ground, magical energies spun around her. “The very mare who stole my baby brother from me? No, I’m not going to listen to your cliché ‘join the evil side’ speech. Nor will I listen to your ‘we’re not so different’ or ‘I can give you whatever you want’ rants. Nope, I’m just going to skip all that and get to kicking your butt straight to the moon. Sound fair?”
Nightmare Moon merely blinked in both confusion and anger. “You dare cast me aside? You dare call me cliché?”
“I do,” Sunset quickly thought up a few spells. She couldn’t use any of the powerful ones at the moment, or risk destroying the Elements of Harmony. That and she wanted to goad Nightmare to leave them alone. She just needed a sec to get a spark going.
“Then let us see how ‘cliché’ I am, shall we?” Nightmare growled, her tendrils raised up into the air. “When I kill you, be comforted with the knowledge that your name will be remembered for all time. The name of the fool who dared stand up to her true goddess.”
“Celestia is the one and only god of Equestria,” Sunset snorted in anger.
“Do not say her name in my presence!” Nightmare Moon moved forward. “She is not worthy to rule you ponies. Only I have that right. Only I can build Equestria to its heights. She holds it back! I am doing the world a favor by killing her.”
Sunset didn’t say anything. Instead, she let a firebolt speak for her. Nightmare ducked and threw two tendrils her way, eager to pierce the young unicorn’s hide. Sunset teleported and struck again with another firebolt. This time, it made contact with the ghostly image. Nightmare screeched in pain and anger, but there wasn’t any obvious damage done.
‘She’s still a goddess. I don’t have anything to kill her, but in her current state, I can knock her out. I just need to hit her hard and enough times to do so…this is going to take a while.’
Sunset ducked and rolled out of the way of even more tendrils of death. She huffed. “Is this the best you can do?”
Nightmare answered with a screech of anger and charged. Her tendrils flailing about, slashing at every angle. Thankfully, Sunset was a unicorn. She was quick and nimble enough to dodge the strikes. She tried teleporting behind Nightmare and make a run for the Elements, but Nightmare quickly coiled a tendril around her leg and threw her across the floor. Sunset teleported, or ‘winked’, back onto her feet before she could keep skidding about. She was ever so thankful she was a high tier unicorn. If she wasn’t, teleportation, or ‘winking’ as some may call it, would have been impossible or at the very least, take up a lot of her energy. Sunset still had plenty to spare.
“Pfft, that’s it, isn’t it? Just thrashing those tendrils around, hoping to hit me. I expected better from a supposed goddess of the night. Goes to show how much of a hack you really are.”
Nightmare’s roar shook the entire palace. Sunset was caught off guard by its voracity and paid for it when Nightmare came upon her and smacked a tendril into the side of her head. This time she was too disoriented to stop her tumble across the floor. Still, she jumped back to her hooves and threw up a yellow shield around herself to block out the next strikes. Again, she wasn’t all that great at defensive spells, so this wasn’t a good, long term strategy, especially when her attacker was a goddess. So, she winked once more and fired a firebolt. Nightmare cried out once more when it struck.
“GUARDS!” Nightmare Moon yelled at the top of her lungs.
Instantly, several soldiers of Nightmare ran into the room. She was sure all of them had been in the large, open room, but Nightmare had obviously kept some other guards close to her. ‘She’s smarter than I thought.’ Some would have called Nightmare Moon a coward right now. Sunset knew better. Nightmare couldn’t use much magic right now, relying on her tendrils to do her dirty work. Against a foe that could teleport so effectively, she would have a hard time hitting her.
As the guards took their places around the room, Nightmare Moon chuckled. “Do you accept defeat now?”
“Pfft, as if.” Sunset smirked and teleported once more.
_______________________________________________________________________________
Apostle scowled as he approached his now laughing soldiers. He hated them all with such a fiery passion, but he needed the morons. Yes, they were under the effects of a PJB, but that was no real excuse in his own opinion. He wanted to blaze his way through them, but he had bigger issues to deal with right now. Raising his staff into the air, he focused his magic into a spell. His staff amplified the spell’s power and instantly the cloud and effects of the bomb lifted from the cultists, who staggered upwards. “IDIOTS! This is shameful behavior. You are her majesty’s soldiers. You are supposed to be her shining examples of bravery and aggression. Instead, I find you loafing around.”
“But…” one of the cultists spoke up.
“SILENCE!” Apostle’s voice thundered about. “I don’t want to hear another word from any of you. Just kill these heathens and be done with it. We’re on a tight schedule.”
“HA!” The laugh was barely audible against the loud ‘whirring’ sound he heard. “That’s what ye think. Ah, on the other hoof, think ye don’t have much ‘cept dyin’ on that fancy schedule of yers.”
Apostle looked up and saw to his great displeasure a goblin flight machine. Oh how he hated goblins. They were filthy, money grubbing, vermin. He so awaited the day his mistress sent him to exterminate those pests. Future genocides aside, he could hear a Northern inflection in the speakers’, a mare, voice. 'After the goblins, we must take care of these pesky Northerners.'
“Death fears the path I tread. Yours on the other hoof,” he smirked and raised his staff. With a single bolt of dark energy, he cut through whatever measly shield it had and destroyed the machine’s ‘tail’. To his glee, it went down in the Everfree, spinning out of control, until it crashed and blew up in a fiery explosion. Unfortunately, the occupants had jumped out and landed on…A sphinx’s back.
‘I knew I should have killed that beast,’ Apostle scowled.
“My helicopter!” One of the goblins shrieked in terror. From the looks of him, Apostle guessed he was the leader. Goblin bosses usually wore fancier outfits as a way to show off their wealth. The little creature then scowled and pointed a little gun at him. “You’ll pay for that!” He fired.
Apostle didn’t even move an inch. The bullets just bounced off his magical shield and he smirked. “If that’s it, I think we can conclude this little distraction. I have the remains of a pesky unicorn to clean upstairs. Her Highness can be quite…messy during her meals.”
“If you so much as touch Sunset, I’ll…” Spike growled and took a menacing step forward.
“You’ll what?” Apostle shot back. “Kill me? Of course you will, you’re a dragon. That’s all your kind thinks about; killing.”
“That’s not…” Spike started, but Apostle cut him off.
“Did your false goddess blind you to the truth? Did she raise you a fool? Hundreds, thousands, millions of our kind have been burned by your fires, shredded by your teeth and claws. Entire graveyards are filled to the brim with the victims of dragons. Face it, you’re a monster.”
“A monster?” Spike snorted. “You have no right to brand another such a title. You call yourself a protector, a guardian, but you’re nothing more than a genocidal tyrant led by an even bigger one. If anyone is the monster, it’s you. You’ve drained the souls of good, honest ponies and fed them to a depraved goddess. You’ve slaughtered babes in their cribs. What right do you have to take their lives?”
“What right?” Apostle tilted his head back and laughed. “What right?!! I fight for a brighter future, filled….”
“Uh, sire?” One of the soldiers interrupted.
“Not now,” Apostle’s ears twitched in annoyance. “I’m busy having a moral discussion with this beast.”
“But sire….” The soldier was cut off when Apostle blasted apart her head.
“I WILL NOT BE INTERRUPTED!” Apostle raged. ‘If there is one thing I can’t stand, it’s being interrupted…besides someone disrespecting our goddess.’ He looked back to Spike and found the mares weren’t anywhere to be seen. “What?!! Where did those ponies go?”
“That’s what she was about to tell you,” another soldier hesitantly said. “They’re getting away.”
Apostle snorted. “No matter. We’ll kill them after we kill these creatures. I mean, what can seven mares do….Seven?” Something clicked in his mind. ‘The Elements of Harmony need bearers. Seven mares…Seven Elements….SWEET NIGHTMARE’S SUCCULENT TITS!’ “Kill them! I’ll handle those mares.” He turned and ran…only to come face to face with a giant, red bull.
Apostle yelped in fright and jumped backwards. Just as he landed, he felt something smash into him. Lying on the floor, he turned just in time to see Spike ready to slash him open. Having only a split second to act, he brought up his staff to block the blow. The dragon’s claws easily broke his staff, but gave him time to teleport away. Once broken, the staff’s magic burst outwards, launching Spike across the room.
Apostle didn’t think about the drake, nor the mares. No, he was solely focused on something else. “MY STAFF!”
While he was immensely powerful, the staff gave him power far and above any unicorn alive. That’s why ponies used such weapons. They could be engraved with symbols and made conduits to focus and amplify spells of any sort. That wasn’t it. That staff had been personally given to him by Nightmare Moon…well, Luna really, but they were one and the same pony. It had been blessed with dark magic straight from her own essence. Apostle cherished it more than anything and now it was broken.
Apostle prided himself on his ability to stay collected in any given situation. With all the idiots and ill twists of fate around him, he needed that in order to stay sane through the centuries. Now he could only see red. He turned his gaze over to Spike and the others who were putting up a surprisingly good fight against his forces. His lips peeled back into a snarl. He was going to kill that dragon if it was the last thing he did.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Sunset could be very creative with spells when she wanted to be. Usually, she preferred simple, effective spells, mostly fire related, to solve her problems. They were nice, but she loved to show off her skills now and again. ‘I mean, who wouldn’t if they were me? I’m probably the most powerful unicorn since Starswirl the Bearded.’ Not that she liked to brag about it…okay, she did.
Sunset was going to put her creativity to the test. So, when she teleported, she simultaneously prepared two other spells. The first, an invisibility spell in conjuncture to her teleport, and the second was an illusion spell. Once she ‘winked’ behind a group of cultists, she used the illusion spell to create a show of light and cast an image of herself over one of them. Just as she expected, her copy was cut down instantly. The cultists gasped when the mirage lifted and revealed one of their own.
Sunset did it again and the same thing happened. She grinned. They weren’t that smart, or they feared Nightmare Moon too much to just stand there and do nothing. Starting to up the ante, she cast the illusion spell multiple times. While she was no great illusionist, only really being able to create duplicates of herself, this proved to be foal’s play. Several Sunset’s appeared everywhere. While the cultists were stunned into stupor, Nightmare Moon had grown fed up and started cutting down some of them. Not surprisingly, her soldiers were thrown into a frenzy as they tried to avoid her strikes.
With that going on, Sunset quickly ‘winked’ between the Elements. ‘Here goes nothing.’ She lowered her horn and started to channel magic into the stone orbs. She grit her teeth as she poured more and more of herself into the effort. Unfortunately, she couldn’t feel anything in them yet. ‘Odd, I should at least feel something.’
“GET OUT!” Nightmare Moon screamed and the cultists that were still breathing ran as fast as they could out of the room. She quickly turned her attention to the elements and her eyes widened.
Sunset cursed inwardly. While she was still invisible, her magic could still be seen over the stone orbs. ‘Just one second more…..’
“NOOOOOOO!” Nightmare Moon quickly struck. A tendril pounded into the ground in front of Sunset and released a surge of dark magic.
Sunset screamed in shock and pain as she was blasted away from the Elements. She smashed into the wall. Groaning, she turned her head to see the Elements…smashed to pieces. “No.”
Nightmare Moon was shocked as well at their destruction. That is, until she started laughing. “They’re gone. They’re gone. HAHAHAHA!” She was filled with elation. Her laughter was the stuff of nightmares and insanity. She turned her gaze to Sunset. “You failed.”
‘This….this can’t be happening. It can’t.’ Everything she had been working toward, everything she had been fighting for, it was all crashing before her eyes. The same mare who had taken her brother away had destroyed the Elements. Her mouth opened and closed, but she couldn’t get any words out.
“Speechless?” Nightmare chuckled. “Pity. I wanted to hear some sort of outcry or last passage of defiance. You’re too much like your mother, but that can be fixed. Once I kill her and that insipid brother of yours, I’m sure your sweet cries of anguish and hatred will fill my ears for years to come.”
Something in Sunset snapped. “BURN!” Jumping to her hooves, she fired a strong firebolt. Nightmare Moon screeched in pain and surprise as the magical attack hit her. Sunset ‘winked’ again. “BURN!” She did it again. “BURN!”
Nightmare Moon retaliated and the two raced around the room. Sunset kept up her attacks and Nightmare lashed out in anger. She missed, only scouring glancing blows. Sunset didn’t let small gashes and clumps of lost mane get in her way. She was going to bring this mare down. Given the way Nightmare Moon was destroying columns and tearing up the ground, she was sure that the whole castle was going to go with her.
However, her new sense of bravado was short lived. The dark spire surged with magic. A sickly, purple light flashed brightly at its base before it fired into the sky. Sunset glanced up to see it hit the moon and to her horror, a beam of energy returned to the spire. When it reached its base, the energy exploded outwards, nearly knocking her off her hooves. She stood her ground, however barely. She huffed in exhaustion, mentally berating herself for using so much magic in such a short time.
Nightmare Moon however was differently affected. Her form dissolved into a shapeless, black cloud of the night sky. For a moment, Sunset thought she was finally dead. That hope dissolved when the cloud struck the ground and dissipated. Nightmare Moon was no longer a spirit.
Sunset was looking at her bare bones.
Nightmare Moon, even just her skeleton, was massive. Easily towering over her, the dark goddess could easily look her mother in the eye. Her huge wings were batlike and had a spike coming out of the middle. Her mouth was full of razor sharp fangs you’d more likely see on a predator than an equine. Somehow, the skull smiled.
Sunset got over her shock and fired again. It struck, but Nightmare Moon didn’t scream anymore. Instead, she huffed in annoyance. She did buckle, but nothing more. The skeleton charged. She was faster than she should have been, with Sunset only barely able to jump out of the way. She had spent so much energy trying to burn the dark goddess that she didn’t have much left to teleport anymore.
When Nightmare Moon tried to charge again, Sunset shot a bolt into the ground. Instantly, several large, thorny vines rushed out of the floor and ensnared Nightmare. Nightmare Moon struggled for a moment, causing Sunset to chuckle.
“Had enough?” Sunset taunted.
Nightmare Moon didn’t answer. Instead, she cut through the vines with her bony wings, strong hooves, and dagger like teeth. In no time at all, she was free. The skull’s smile grew ever wider. Her mouth looked big and strong enough to smash anything that found its way into her jaws. That included Sunset’s head.
“Well…you’re full of surprises, aren’t you?” Sunset remarked, gulping in fear.
The skeletal goddess gave a rattling roar as she charged. Sunset barely had any time to dodge as Nightmare tried to bite into her flesh with her over-sized fangs. Nightmare Moon kept at it, slashing at Sunset with her fangs over sharp hooves. Sunset was only able to teleport a split send before Nightmare's clawed wings came crashing down, piercing the floor beneath her.
Sunset chuckled as she saw the skeleton struggle to free herself. "Stuck are we?"
The dark spire surged once more and Nightmare Moon was once again hit by the dark magic. This time, a layer of purple ooze settled around her. It slimed its way over her bones and turned to red muscles. Sunset had to fight the urge to throw up just looking at it.
The now muscular Nightmare Moon pulled out her wings with nary any effort. She turned, roared and charged once more. Her movements were even more powerful and the whole castle shook with each of her steps. Sunset jumped out of the way, but Nightmare Moon lifted her meaty wing. A magical gust of wind slammed into Sunset, causing her to smash into a pillar, breaking it in half. Nightmare Moon roared in victory like an animal would over a kill.
Sunset tried to stand up. Her body was sore and weak, protesting any movement whatsoever. She defied the pain and pushed through it. “I…have to beat you. I….will beat you.”
Nightmare Moon didn’t say anything. She merely cocked her head to the side, like a bird, studying her. Her predatory, reptilian eyes eyed her like a fresh corpse. She licked her meaty lips. She beat her wings and a gush of wind strong enough to break stone rushed towards Sunset.
Sunset conjured up a shield and braced herself as the attack rolled off of it. With a series of quick time spells, she conjured the vines to attack her. Nightmare Moon easily beat them back with a combination of wind and slashing. Sunset used this opportunity to pool as much magic as she could gather into herself and fired a stream of fire so big and powerful, it encompassed Nightmare Moon, tore through the wall and blasted into the night sky.
It did nothing more than irritate the dark goddess. She slammed her hooves down, causing the ground to shake and Sunset to lose her balance. Again, she teleported out of the way of Nightmare trampling her to death. 'She's too strong. I have to think of something else. I can't keep doing this'
Again, the dark spire surged, and again a purple ooze fought its way up her features. This time, Nightmare Moon grew fur and everything else. The dark goddess looked herself over in absolute glee. “Yes…YES!” She flew up into the air. The dark spire was continuously pouring energy into the sky. The moon was completely covered in darkness and looked more like a giant portal. Millions of dark forms surged behind the portal, eyes red with bloodlust. Roars of monstrosities never seen on this world in hundreds of years rung out. “I LIVE AGAIN!” Her laughter filled the sky. With every beat of her wings, Nightmare Moon caused mini whirlwinds. Trees bent, walls tumbled, and Sunset could barely keep herself from following their example.
Before Sunset was a real, true goddess. She had never known true fear before. It tore whatever sense of power she had into ribbons. ‘I can’t lose. She needs to be beaten. I…have to do it. I can do…No I can’t.’ She had lost. There was no way she could take her on now.
“DO YOU NOT SEE, CHILD OF THE SUN?” Nightmare Moon’s voice rang out over the cacophony of wind. “MY CHILDREN OF THE NIGHT WILL SOON COME FORTH TO LAY WASTE TO THIS PATHETIC WORLD! WE WILL CONSUME EVERYTHING YOU EVER LOVED! ALL OF YOUR EFFORTS HAVE BEEN DONE IN VAIN! MY NIGHT SHALL LAST FOREVER!” Her laughter smashed the air.
Sunset lowered her head in defeat. “I….You….” She didn’t know what to say. It felt strange, losing. She’d never lost to anyone before and now she lost the most important fight of her life.
“FACE IT!” Nightmare Moon landed and winds died down. “You lost, Sunset Shimmer. You’re all alone.”
“DON’T WORRY, SUNSET!” Fiddlesticks’ voice rang out from the corridors. “WE’RE COMIN’!”
“SAVE US SOME ACTION, WILL YA?!!” Lightning shouted.
Before either of the two occupants could react, something in Sunset sparked. She could idly remember that insane stallion, for some reason. 'The place where it began, the six dwell spick and span. The seventh lay dormant, waiting for its friends, to make the seven whole and make amends.'“I’m not alone. My friends are here with me.”
“Friends?” Nightmare Moon laughed. “Friendship is an illusion. There are no such things as friends.” She picked Sunset up by the throat with her magic. “There are just users and the used.”
Sunset struggled to breath. Her magic tried to fight Nightmare’s hold, but it couldn’t hold a candle to the dark goddess’s power. She felt so small, but the spark didn’t die down. It just grew. “You’re wrong.”
“I’m never wrong,” Nightmare Moon bore her fangs in anger. “I beat you. I beat my sister. I won!”
“You didn’t win,” Sunset gasped for air. “Because you forgot something very important.”
“What’s that?”
“Sometimes, you can’t win on your own.” Sunset turned her gaze as best she could to the others. They gasped upon seeing her suspended in the air.
“Let her down,” Lightning took an aggressive stance.
“Or what?” Nightmare Moon mockingly tittered. “You’ll buck my face in?”
“Don’t tempt me,” Lightning snorted.
Nightmare Moon just laughed. “You really think these ‘friends’ of yours will help you best me? I saw your magic, while impressive, could not hold a candle to a gods’ own. Your friends are below you. They are weak and pathetic.”
“We’re right here, ye know.” Quickfix growled in anger. Her horn was pointed directly at Nightmare.
“I know,” Nightmare Moon hurled Sunset at them. Thankfully, they caught her. “Now, any last words before you all die?”
“…Ya stink.” Fiddlesticks cupped her hooves over her mouth to amplify the comment.
Nightmare Moon frowned. “You’re the first to go.” She fired her horn and Fiddlesticks was consumed by black fire.
“NOO!” The rest of them cried out in anguish.
Only for the fire to fade away, revealing several little crystals floating around a perfectly fine Fiddlesticks. Said mare blinked in confusion. “Well, that happened.”
Nightmare Moon’s face was frozen in shock. “What…How?”
Sunset didn’t know at first, but somehow, everything flooded into her. Memories, feelings, intentions, all that and more came to her mind and she knew exactly what happened. “Fiddlesticks, who drove away ghouls and the dark magic within me with only her musical heart, is the Element of Joy.”
“Well, don’t that beat all.” Fiddlesticks chuckled.
“She’s an Element?” The rest of the ponies said.
Nightmare Moon’s eyes shrunk to pinpricks. “This…can’t be. You’re mortals. You can’t wield the Elements!”
Sunset ignored her. “Lightning Dust, who drove through the pain and temptation to save her friends, is the Element of Loyalty.”
Lightning was surrounded by a string of jewels and energy herself. “Aw yeah, now we’re talking.”
“Stop it!” Nightmare Moon stomped the ground in anger. “I command you to stop this at once!”
“Redheart,” Sunset looked to the nurse. “who healed an enemy combatant and kept him safe through the Everfree Forest, is the Element of Benevolence.”
The magic surrounded Redheart. “I just did what I felt was right.”
“I won’t let this happen,” Nightmare Moon lowered her horn to fire….and nothing came out. “No….you can’t have tapped into the Elements! You can’t! STOP BLOCKING MY MAGIC!”
“Coco Pommel,” Sunset smiled at the demure Earth Pony who looked scared out of her wits. “You put your life on the line to save a creature you didn’t know and gave him something precious of yours to ease his troubles. You are the Element of Selflessness.”
“Well…he looked better in the scarf then me,” Coco smiled sheepishly.
“I am Nightmare Moon!” Nightmare paced in front of them, seething in both fear and anger. “I conquered the dragon hoards of the east. I slew the daemon lords of chaos where they stood. You will fear me! You will stop!” She charged, only to be thrown back by a shield of pure energy. She screamed in pain as she was thrown about, harmonic magic dancing across her skin.
Sunset continued. “Quickfix, who mustered the goblins in their depression, is the Element of Inspiration.”
“Wasn’t that hard,” Quickfix shrugged.
“My lady,” Apostle limped into the room. He was covered in scratches and deep gashes from head to hooves. “The dragon is proving a worthy opponent. If you could….” His eyes were cast on the mares. “No….Not again!” He rushed them…only to face the same fate as his master.
“Pizzelle,” Sunset was feeling stronger by the minute. “Who saw through the illusions and found the young kitsune underneath. You are the Element of Truth.”
“I didn’t do anything any ol’ pony could do,” Pizzelle started. “I mean….”
“No,” Lightning groaned. “No stories. Please!”
“You only have six,” Nightmare Moon was back on her hooves and she looked like a madmare. Her grin was murderous and off-kilter. “You need seven. You lost! I won! You’re pathetic ‘friendship’ failed!”
“You’re wrong again,” Sunset turned on her with a scowl. A power and warmth unlike she had ever felt before filled her completely. “It hasn’t failed, because the seventh Element is right here.” Instantly, she too was surrounded by a heartwarming glow. A large star full of energy hovered above her head.
“No,” Nightmare Moon shook her head. “You can’t! I’m your goddess! You have no right to wield the Elements of Harmony.”
Sunset shook her head in response. “You still don’t get it. We have every right, because we have something you don’t.” Sunset turned to the others. “I know when I first met you all, I was a complete jerk.”
“Yep,” the others resounded.
“A complete jerk,” Redheart chimed.
“Biggest jerk ah ever saw,” Fiddlesticks nodded.
“…Thank you for being so honest,” Sunset rolled her eyes.
“Yer welcome,” Quickfix chuckled as did the others.
Sunset couldn’t help but follow suite. “Yeah, I was the biggest jerk around. Still am, but….maybe the biggest jerk can still have friends. I don’t know you all that well, and some of you still annoy me, but that’s what friends do, don’t they?” She turned back to Nightmare Moon. “Friends stick together and that’s why we won.”
“I WON!” Nightmare roared. She stomped the ground like an overgrown filly. “I BEAT YOU! I WON! I WON! I CAN’T LOSE!”
"Wake up! You lost this one!” Sunset shouted back at her. “We have the strongest magic on our side. The magic of friendship!” Instantly, beams of energy shot out of each shield, coming together at the star. The star grew and grew until it burst, forming a beam of rainbows.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Nightmare screamed in utter denial as the rainbow struck her. It shoot her across the room and into the spire. The rainbow grew, circling the spire in seconds until it came to the portal. The energy burst when it came into contact with it, resembling in a way to a Sonic Rainboom. Nightmare Moon’s screams filled the air as the energy grew to a crescendo.
Then, it all stopped. Sunset felt so great, yet, so drained. She smiled as her world turned to black.
Always happy to see this update. Awesome chapter.
Can't wait to see their reactions to Luna. Assuming that still happens.
Hm... Apostle is caught up too?
I wonder... it's pretty likely Luna is still corrupted and that's the problem (although with this AU all bets are off, but... are her disciples also similarly corrupted or brainwashed, or are they more unforgivable than she is?
Very cool. I was wondering all along how you would fit 7 ponies into the elements, and it worked, they are similar to the originals but just a little differnt. The climactic battle felt fittingly grand, in line with the scale of the fics.
I don't personally agree on the idea that the Elements pre-emptively block magic, they've been used in battle only 4 times, and every time they were used the villain either didn't know they existed, or didn't think the Elements were in any shape to be used against them, effectively giving them a surprise attack each time. I think the long charge-up sequence we get shown is not representative of how long they actually take to activate though, that's a show effect, like when an anime character has a 30 second sequence of magically changing into their costume.
Now I can't wait to see what will happen not only to Nightmare Moon, but also her loyal follower. BTW, this chapter was a little "saltier" than usual, with the veins reference and Nightmare Moon's Succulent... well you get my point.
5444423 While I do agree with the show effect being a more anime attribute (lasting longer than it really does just to give the audience some eye candy) I do think the Elements of Harmony actually project a field around themselves, both to protect the users and to keep the target within a zone of attack. I tend to think of the Elements as alive and so it is the Elements that choose the punishment. Given their raw power, it wouldn't be much of a stretch to say that the sheer harmonic energy it puts out negates any and all harmful or chaotic forces.
However, there is a possibility of, say, an opponent who is made up/or extensively uses Harmonic energy to resist said 'null' field and either escape or counterattack. It would matter on the skill of said user and their own power level.
Well, this is Nightmare Moon's return to the land of the living. Her very nature is 'wrong'. {As well, in this continuity, the Elements destroyed Nightmare's physical body, imprisoning her spirit in the moon. She had to grow a new one.}
I would very much like to thank you for commenting. It seems I have less and less comments each chapter and I was surprised I got so little feedback on the very chapter Nightmare Moon is defeated and the Elements first used. Kind of disconcerting.
5445745 I think you need either my explanation or yours, but not both. If the beam actually takes a second or two to fire, you don't need defenses. It wouldn't make sense, because if the defense field activates when they power up, why not just fire the rainbow laser 1st thing?
But if for some reason it takes like 15-30 seconds to activate the beam, then a preliminary field could be useful.
I think long stories always drop off in comments per chapter, but it's also the holidays. I had 50 different stories with unread chapters in my favorites list earlier this week, that's why it took me several days to read this.
So many authors write holiday one-shots or take the winter break to add chapters, I think many readers gorge themselves and are too busy reading different stories to leave lots of comments. On the bright side, your story is almost done, and there are lots of readers who only read finished stories, but then leave detailed comments about the story. I think you can look forward to that.
5446159 I think I'll go with mine. Even if it only take a couple of seconds to charge and fire, the heroes of FIM like to say speeches that last for several seconds to a minute, plenty of time for a villain to snap out of the stupor and do something.
Possibly, the speech could be a way to stall for time for the attack.
And yeah, uploading around the holidays doesn't seem to be the best idea. I mean, I uploaded 'The Greatest Treasure' on the 24th. I usually get over a thousand views each update....I barely got half that.
I do look forward to the long, detailed comments about the whole. Possibly even reviews.
5446214 You got to have the monologing!
Let me start out with this before I begin: I love Sunset Shimmer. Ever since Rainbow Rocks, she's become my all time favourite pony jumping way ahead of Pinkie Pie and Octavia. Iron woobie characters, you know. They're just much more complex than most other characters and their story arcs are usually the most satisfying to watch. I'm also a sucker for redemption stories, so she takes the cake with that.
So for the longest time, I've been looking for a fan fic that could encompass all my feelings about Sunset and lay it out in a story that doesn't overstay its welcome, yet has so much potential to grow. This fic is that story.
Since you're close to the end anyway, I'll give my two bits on the overall story.
Characters
The main thing I love about stories in general is character interactions. After all, a good character can be put in any situation and still make the story awesome. Your characters and their respective personalities are top-notch and brilliant! They play off each other well, and you could really see the bond that they have with each other. However, some characters do leave a weaker impact, like Coco Pommel and Quickfix, but there's always room for improvement I say.
Every character has a distinct personality and can hold a story of their own. They're all imaginative and stray far enough from the Mane Six to make their own name, with the possible exception of Lightning Dust because, well, Rainbow Dash clone. I do have to hand it to you, though. Kudos on using background ponies that nobody even paid any heed to. Hopefully, this story will change that about these characters. But then again, knowing the fandom, they probably won't. But who am I to say anything?
World Building
The cream of the crop to your fic, obviously. Without the world building and colourful yet dark tones of the world, this would simply be another retelling of the first two episodes of the series but with minor differences. It's like... I dunno, Warhammer 30k with ponies, I guess. All that chaos and daemons and armies and WOW! I cannot keep up with all these things! No, seriously, I can't keep up at all. I just sorta... skimmed over some of them and just nodded my head as my eyes scanned through the words.
I know some people really love the world building. Even if it isn't my cup of tea, it's still very much appreciated. Thank you for showing us that originality is not dead and you can still make awesome things like this.
Pacing
The pacing and buildup to the climax is just gorgeous, with only minor hiccups along the way while you were showing each of the ponies' elements. I love how everything just keeps building up on top of each other and the stakes keep getting bigger and bigger. What started as one simple minion destroying chaos cults turned into an all out war with sphinxes and ghouls.
During the split Element Bearers mini arc, I liked the Sunset/Fiddlesticks/Pizzelle trio best. Aside from just being the best in terms of story, the trio included Ghoul, the most dapper zombie ever made, and Hikaru which just SCREAMS kawaii! Sure, Shade is still awesome and Nurse Redheart is my favourite of the Sunset's Six, but Lightning's story is really weak. But then again, writing loyalty is pretty hard.
Just a minor nitpick, but why is Loyalty the only Element that retains its name? I mean, there are some synonyms for it, right?
Comedy
Most of the jokes hit home pretty well, what with the over-the-top characters like Twilight and Fiddlesticks being balanced out with more sane characters like Redheart and Spike. Just as I said in the Character section, all the characters play off well with one another. That, in turn, makes the comedy even better. Most people try to make balls to the wall insane jokes but forget the fact that because of its absurd nature, we need the sane mare to react to them and just say "What the hell just happened?!". Your characters do that well, and you should applaud yourself for that.
Character Ratings
Sunset Shimmer (9/10) - A good protagonist who grows and learns from her mistakes. She isn't a Mary Sue and has her own baggage and weaknesses that make her very interesting.
Fiddlesticks (8/10) - She certainly has the best scenes and jokes, and her necrophilia isn't something you see every day. It's great that you limit her weirdness factor and not abuse the Fourth Wall jokes.
Coco Pommel (7/10) - Since we've already seen her in the series, we can pretty much expect everything about her. What I didn't expect, though, was her actually trying to save that grundle. You go girl!
Lightning Dust (6.5/10) - Even though she's one of the more vocal characters in the series, she's basically a Rainbow Dash clone. Yes, it's her canon personality and there's only so many ways you can write these character archetypes, but you're a creative guy. I'm sure you could have done something with her.
Quickfix (8/10) - Who the hell is this?! I don't know, but I want more of her! A perfect mix of brawns and brains, and with a wit to boot. She's a lot like Sandy Cheeks, and that just pleases me SO much! We need more Quickfix!
Nurse Redheart (9/10) - Well, here's someone you don't see every day; A medic! She really gives off that motherly vibe every time she appears. I always did like Redheart, wonder why people don't use her that much... Also, for some reason, I keep imagining that if she was a human, she'd have the most... curves. Yeah, let's go with that.
Pizzelle (6/10) - Honestly saying, I didn't know where to place her. She's really weak as a character and her only character traits I could find are her (brutal) honesty and motor mouth. Sure, there's her friendship with Coco, but that's just standard best friend stuff. There's so much wasted potential with her and I hope you expand more on her in later stories.
Spike (8.5/10) - Oh yeah, here comes the Spike! You gave him a great personality that fits well with Sunset's proud and violent nature, and even when he's alone and captured by Nightmare Moon, he's still a riot to read! Spike has always been a great character, and I am liking this reimagining of his character.
I'd do the rest of the characters, but this post is long enough as is.
Overall Rating
9/10
I want to write my own piece for the Shimmerverse once you open submissions. I've got a story plan ready and all that, too! Man, this story is just SO AWESOME! Kudos for writing this, man. Just know that you made this Brony really happy~
5449670 Thank you. Just...thank you. As time has moved on with this story, I've noticed its gotten less and less feedback with every chapter. I really appreciate this long and well thought out comment. It shows that you actually cared about my story and that...warms my heart.
As for some of the characters:
Lightning Dust: That's the problem I came across. In the episode she was pretty much season 1 Dash. The only thing that really sets her apart is one aspect.
Lightning wants to always push herself. Her best isn't good enough. She needs to do better and she believes she can.
Rainbow was always content with where she was, because she was confident she was already the best.
The problem? I couldn't really think of a way to flesh that aspect out in this story. Sure, I may have gotten in some hints of it, but I think she'll need a fic or two to really give her her own story.
{Eh, Magic retains its name too. I kind of thought about switching Loyalty to something else, but I couldn't find anything that hit me as strong as loyalty, especially in a world where loyalty is the only thing keeping a lot of Equestria's fighting force sane.}
Pizzelle:....Yeah, she was kind of...not my least favorite, but....
Hopefully, I can get her some much needed growth in the future.
Oh, I can't wait to read your story~ I'm happy to know that there are already some willing to add to this universe. {Maybe this will be one of the big alt-Element stories....I can dream.}
Hopefully, I can get to work on the last chapter soon enough. Sometime this month, definitely and I've already gotten in mind my next story for this world.
5449670
Actually, you can do the other characters too. I love long posts. (That or you could wait to look over the final chapter.)
....A part of me wonders if I should have kept Pizzelle or not, but I stuck with her. It was hard to write for her, since I've never written a character quite like her before. I'll get into the groove of it soon enough.
5449735
I'll wait for the final chapter, then. I'd like to see what happens to all of the characters once the war ends first because, well, I like reading them! This is one of two series' where I love all the characters, with the other being Trinity Seven.
You were just compared to an official Japanese manga, and you're only a fan fic writer. Be proud, man. Be proud.
I might not be a psychologist or anything, but I think I can analyze why your fic isn't as popular as it should be.
First and foremost, advertising. Let me tell you, the synopsis is everything. The way you write it, people will just think that it's another generic alternate universe fic. If you could rewrite that and actually sell yourself better, I'm positive your fic will get better reviews. Talk about the world of chaos and harmony, the dark cults, the war, don't make it generic and dull. Hell, the only reason I read this fic is because I had nothing better to read.
also, try to send it to EqD. It's a well written fic, and has an expansive world. If that doesn't get an EqD post, then god forbid Cupcakes ever got one.
Then there's the timing. Word of advice, never post a week before or after a national holiday like Christmas or Thanksgiving. That's when people are usually with their grandparents and won't be online often. This is different for school holidays, though. Go aim for those. Always post during weekends, too. I once posted a fic on Wednesday. It... failed, to say the least.
And finally, there's the character tags. Yeah, those... are bad choices. Since the ones you use literally have nothing to do with each other in canon, the chances that your fic will come out during searches is lower. Try using characters that people might expect in a story like this, like Nightmare Moon and Spike. People will see it if they ever want to look for a Sunset alternate world, since it's almost always versus Nightmare Moon and Spike's the assistant. The cover page already shows who Sunset's Six are, so they'll know who they are through that. People don't go looking for a Coco story to see her as an element bearer, either. So keep that in mind.
This might be different from most other alternate universe stories, but the difference there is that the Mane Six is always easy to guess. If there's Trixie, there will obviously be a Gilda, or a Lyra, or even Derpy. Here, it's Quickfix, Redheart and Pizzelle. The only one people MIGHT expect is Lightning, and even then the others are just so new and unexpected that people will have to make a double take.
These are just my thoughts on how to make the fic better. You can ignore them if you want. Remember, I'm no psychologist ar analyst so I could be wrong, and all I have is about three years worth of writing experience under my belt. Here's hoping that the fic will make it big!
5452825 An official manga? I'm honored. That means a lot. I mean, I'm working on my own series of books right now. Nothing conclusive, but it's a work in progress. Thanks for the tips. I'll get to working on them....So, I should wait till next weekend to post the last chapter? (Working on it now. Might be able to finish it sometime in the next couple of days.)
5452950
I like the second paragraph of the new summary a lot! The first is generic war stuff, and the second started as a weird AU-esque story, but you really managed to set up the mood of the story. Dark and gruesome, but lighthearted and hopeful with nothing too bad happening. Hell,it really compliments the rather mundane first part.Good job!
That would be a good time, yes. And if it doesn't work out, then don't worry. It's better to have a small group of faithful followers than an army of random guys saying "10/10 Good chapter". That's what I tell myself every time I upload a chapter.
5453121
begin the comment chain
10/10 Good chapter
5467636
I really like your icon.
Brilliant line!
Also, nice job on the end sequence.
Ah, the moment, probably one of the best parts of any alternate man six story, where we see the bond of friendship get born. This is one of the many reasons why i love to read these.
Theme music for this moment:
Theme music for the final confrontation between the Element Bearers and Nightmare Moon:
It's over
8527680
I prefer
(Undertale is a bit too specific and recognizable for me.)