Zebrica
20km northwest of New Timbuktu
Arzew Refinery
12:03am
Rainbow had been waiting for hours, her only "entertainment" being the two guards in front of her target. From what she could see they didn't pay much attention to the sky, instead keeping their gaze on the road leading to the building (and maybe the floor every now and then). She would count off as one patrol would go out of site, before another of of march in and take its place. Sadly, the intervals between shifts seemed very short. Her wings just hadn't felt right since she had come to this Celestia forsaken country. Seeing that she still had some time to kill, she took out a small pouch, before frowning; it was nearly empty. She sighed, before snorting the last of the blue dust within. Inhaling deeply, she savored the sweet burn, before throwing the bag over her shoulder. With the exception of the few electric lights that shone through the large glass windows of the concrete building, it was fairly plain looking; like a large grey block with a number of iron pipes sticking out of the structure. The chimneys were belching smoke into the sky, but for the most part the refinery was dormant. Even from her spot she could smell the foul fumes, the place tainting the airspace. She growled softly, imagining all the machines that this refinery powered that turned her once proud home into a floating slum.
With a smile, she watches the current guards run off, apparently seeing something in the opposite direction of her. This was her opening! With a small running start, she takes off into the sky, trying to be as quiet as possible with her flapping. Wouldn't be very fun if one slip blew her cover... She already feels some fatigue after flying over the chain link fence, causing her to curse softly at her weakness. Still, she was able to slip into one of the large opened windows. She landed on one of the concrete ledges just under the windows, before taking a look around. The refinery floor was lit by some electrical lamps hanged from the ceiling. There were countless pressure gauges and valves that were connected to massive tanks and furnaces. Several unused catwalks hung a few feet below the light bulbs, casting long shadows across the lit up ground.
"I don't even know what I'm going to do. If I was Twilight I would at least have an idea of what I'm doing..." She said. She fluttered down to a nearby furnace, heat leaking through the imposing cast iron bars and washing over her. "What am I looking for...?" She noticed multiple gauges attached to the furnace, labeled with sciency words like 'celcius' and "Psi". She clumsily fiddled with the valves for a bit until she noticed the flames in the furnace getting larger and the temperature rising on the gauge. "Heh..." She continues to fiddle with the other gauges, looking for some kind of reaction. The gauges ran wild, the needles on them flickering back and forth...
A number of the gauges were simply labeled open/close; she flipped them, causing the pressure in the furnace to continue to climb steadily. She shifted her attention to the tanks of crude, before flying over to them. Looking them up and down she found what she was looking for; a connection with a few loose bolts that were improperly fastened. A small trickle of that dark gold dripped out of it. She flew over to the weak connection and smiled, before giving it a strong buck. She nearly yowled in pain as her hoof connected with the metal pipe. but managed to suppress it before hitting it again. Biting back the tears she continued to buck the pipe until it broke and started to spew crude all over the floor. She noticed a faint, familiar buzzing sound, but shrugged it off; it was probably from all the equipment.
"Hey, what the hell are you doing?! The furnace can't be heated up so quickly!" She turns to see a Zebra charging towards the furance.
"No!" She tackles him into a pipe, cracking his skull against it. He slumps to the ground, blood covering the back of his head and staining the ground red. "Nonononono... Wake up come on!" She shakes the zebra as a pit in her stomach starts to grow. "Come on, you just hit your head! I do it all the time; wake up!" He doesn't answer; his chest doesn't even move. She starts to hyperventilate and backs away from the corpse.
Her panic attack was interrupted by a loud bang, followed by yells of surprise. "I have to leave!" She took off again, but her exit was hampered by her wing getting caught in a window pane. Her face was painfully smashed into the glass, and she muffled a scream. Suddenly, the furnace started to moan and creak as a number of rivets burst from the furnace like bullets. The skeleton crew operating the facility were ripped apart by the shrapnel, and Rainbow was forced to watch the gruesome spectacle. Tears stream down her face, as burning hot rivets piece their skin, their faces were torn to pieces with there wounds being cauterized by the red hot rivets. The crude on the floor was ignited as the fire started to grow with a number of the pipes starting to burst sending shrapnel flying.
"Agh! The furnace is gonna blow; we have to-!" The stocky zebra was cut off as the shrapnel severed his head from his body in a mess of gore. The other wounded zebras stopped what they were doing to stare in shock.
"We have to get out of here! Run for it!" The crew ran to the exit, desperately extinguishing the fires blocking their path.
Rainbow's ears were assaulted by the madness, but she couldn't look away or even cover her ears; she could only watch as the crude covered floor was engulfed in flames, steadily spreading closer to the zebra who was already being cooked alive from the sheer amount of heat. Their fur was gone, and their flesh bubbled and churned. Even as she lost sight of them in the flames she could still hear their screams from her high perch. Not even the chaos around her could blot out that awful, animalistic cry of pure pain and terror! "T-this isn't what I wanted! Somepony help!" She screamed, the flames coming closer to her ensnared form. She could already feel the heat in her wings, once again forcing the poor Zebra into her mind's eye. "Not like this, not like this!" She finally managed to pull her singed wing from the window and frantically begins to flap, even as the noise grows louder. Her ears ring, the buzzing grow ever louder, before a voice cuts through the noise.
"Up there! A Pegasus saboteur!" A guard shouts at her, but Rainbow ignores him, instead focusing on finding the buzzing noise. Climbing out the window, she saw the source. Her eyes widened...an airship was nearly directly above the refinery! Suddenly, her ears were assaulted with new force as the main furnace detonated.
Her ears screamed at her, and she could feel wet liquid dribble down from her tortured eardrums leaving her nearly deaf.
"I-it wasn't supposed to be like this... I-I just wanted to fix things!" She flew back to the resort, leaving a burning wreck behind her. Her mind churned with thoughts, and her eyes were filled with tears.
She barely hears a CRACK from the edge of her distorted senses, as the zebra guards started to shoot at her with the rifles.Dazedly, Rainbow continued flying, gasping in surprise.Three bullets made there mark on her body; one for her leg, one to herside, and one just grazing the side of her face. She wobbles, barely able to keep herself afloat...
Zebrica
20km northwest of new Timbuktu
Above Arzew Refinery
HMS Fylgia
12:37am
The alarm sounded onboard the Fylgia. "Sir, the hull has been pieced! We have lost hydrogen cells 3 though 7! The refinery below us has gone up!" A short mutt yelled. The console in front of him was covered in flashing red lights, and a piercing wail came from a speaker set next to it. The group could hear loud pings all around them, as shrapnel bounced off the reinforced armor of the bridge.
"Where's fire control?!" Captain Ty Siouxpancic yelled, currently wrestling the wheel for control of the ship. "Dammit! The hull wasn't meant for this kind of trauma!" He opens one of the speaking tubes next to the ship's wheel. "Secure the VIPs at any cost!" He screams into the pipe, before turning away; he didn't have time to hear their affirmative. The ship shuddered, and an explosion sounded out. "Sir, we have lost our auxiliary fuel tanks! The fire is spreading to the main lines. The skeleton can't handle much more of this!" A loud snapping noise hit their ears, as the ship lurched. "Our back is broken! At this rate, we're going to fall apart!" The ensign's voice is joined by the screams of the dying and desperate from the speaking tubes.
"We will have to crash land! Is the VIP safe?" The captain asks, yelling into the tube.
"Yes sir!" The captain nods, before buckling himself into a chair. The rest of the bridge crew do the same, hanging on for dear life.
"Take us down!" He adjusts their course as the ship literally falls out of the sky. The dried, Zebrican grass below them bursts into flames, hit by embers from the fire engulfed ship. "Brace!" He screams as the plains below them rapidly approach. In the final moments before his ship crashed he sent out a silent prayer to the emperor to forgive them for failing to protect his favorite niece, before all was fire and death.
Zebrica
18km northwest of new Timbuktu
Plains
12:43am
Old John looked down the sights of his old trench gun as he spotted his target. He smiled; from what he had heard Pegasi were supposed to be quick little devils. However, his current target was disappointing, to say the least. The pegasus was barely moving one fourth the speed of a little dragon babe! He took in a breath, before holding it (didn't want to foul up his aim). He lead the gun a few feet in front of the target, letting out a breath before firing. It went plummeting like a rock, griffon shot eviscerating their wings. He smiled as he slung his old gun to his back and started making his way to his new bounty.
"Heh... taken down by an old priest..." The bloodhound lit up his pipe, revealing his scarred muzzle and yellowed teeth that could be seen through his missing cheek. Smoke curled up into the air, going around the side of his face and his wide brimmed hat.
He looked down at the pegasus (a female, she was!), noticing that her barrel was still rising."Still kicking...? I usually get more money bringing them in alive..." He uses his boot to slowly turn the unconscious pony over. Blood seeped from ruined wings, which were little more than stumps now, he also noticed she likely had to bullets lodged in her leg and one in her side. "Crap... must have some kind of major artery there..." He started to dig through his ratty dragon leather trench coat, before pulling out a first aid kit that was likely as old as he was. His voice started out in song, his favorite hymn from "Odes of Solomon", as he went to patching up his bounty. While he handled her more life threatening injuries.
Zebrica
New Timbuktu
Baraza Resort and spa
Royal suite
1:18am
Twilight sighed as she slipped deeper into the covers of the king sized bed. The bedroom she slept in was extremely luxurious, with a large desk, a number of beautiful landscape paintings, and even a telescope with lenses that were far more powerful then anything she thought possible. However, she spent very little of her trip in the room, only coming back after countless diplomatic meetings, dinners with officials, and the countless demonstrations that left her exhausted. Spike was curled up next to her, snoring softly under the silk covers next to her barrel. She smiled softly, bringing the sleeping drake to her side.
Seconds later, the door to the Royal Suite was kicked in by a group of pissed off Zebra marines. Several other crashes confirmed that this was being repeated throughout the rooms of her friends.
Twilight woke up to the screaming of her friends. Opening her eyes, she was met with dozens of rifles and Brens being aimed at her by masked soldiers. "What is the meaning of this?!" She screamed, holding Spike close to her. The Zebra's simply stared at her; she was unable to make out their faces through their masks.
"Sabotage and the attempted assassination of a Britanian Princess! Come quietly or we will use force!" One on the masked Zebras yelled. Twilight's eyes widened.
"You can't do this; I have diplomatic immunity! Why would any of us do anything to jeopardize our relations with both Zebrica or Britainia? Where's your proof!" She screams as she was thrown out of bed, Spike tumbling down with her.
"Ask your blue bitch of a friend!" One of the zebras shout before bringing the stock of his rifle down on her head. She couldn't even light up her horn before darkness fell over her eyes.
Britainia
Provence of Germany
Peenemünde Army Research Center
4:38pm
General Lutz rested in the observation bunker as he checked his watch to see when the demonstration would begin. He sighed softly as he waited in the concrete shelter, surrounded by his Lieutenants and the great Wernher von Braun, a brilliant Shorthaired Pointer.
"What can you tell me about your latest rocket, Von Braun? This site consumes a large amount of our funding from the empire. I don't have to remind you that there is a number of other projects that have had far more successful and could always use more funding..." He says calmly. Von Braun swallows, knowing that his project has yet to show a working rocket to the General.
"We have rectified the issue we had with the frame buckling under the stress of fight... We simply reinforced the frame with a tempered steel collar. As for the engine problems we have come up with an ingenious method of using the fuel to cool th-" he was cut off as the General lifted his hand to signal he had heard enough.
The general switched his attention to the landing pad. "While your solutions interest me I am only here to see what progress you have made with the project. I only care if your solutions have improved your success rate. Walter spoke highly of your designs. We worked closely together during the war, and I won't have him made a fool of." The general said as the V-2 was rolled out to the pad and prepared for launch. Von Braun gulped again upon hearing the threat.
The rocket's engine released a thick mist of ethanol and oxygen as a number of sparks came from the pad to ignite the fuel. Lute pulled his looking glass out to get a closer look as the engine was lit. Already the black and white painted rocket was slowly taking off and picking up speed. As the rockets altitude continued to climb a loud explosion echoed through the bunker.
"Has it exploded?" Lutz looked through the looking glass, trying to find the rocket.
"No, it has broken the sound barrier! I'm getting reports of it being seen and heard down range!" Von Braun shouted as he listened on the radio next to his chair. A giant grin split his face.
"Hmmmmm...faster then sound. Interesting... Let's see if it hits its target." Lutz said as he leaned back in his chair, giving up on trying to find the rocket using his spyglass. Silence reigned in the bunker as Von Braun listened on the radio. His grin suddenly widened.
"The rocket has made contact with the target. Nothing remains..." He said in shock, leaning back into his chair.
"Excellent. It seems I won't have to deal with the unpleasantness of having to cut your funding. I want the improved engine designs to be shipped to the London Nautica. I'm sure they will find your engines useful for their projects. I expect to continue to see improvements with the weapon, Von Braun. Don't disappoint me. Don't forget that Hans Kammler has been very interested in your project." He says as he gets up, leaving the shocked pointer behind as he made his way to his customized Mercedes-Benz 770 with black with tasteful bits of Crome. He sat on the crisp sea serpent leather seats. He remembered how he got it; him giving the order, depth charges sinking to meet the nesting serpents. It was comical to him when the auto manufacturer looked about ready to be sick when he told them to use the hide from one of the floating carcasses that washed up on shore to make seats. He sighed as the his chauffeur started the engine, leaving the launch site behind him.
"Sir, there's an urgent message for you on the radio, dire news from Zebrica sir..." The German Shepard said evenly as he drove.
Lutz opened the radio compartment between the seats, placing the headset on his ears. "This is General Lutz to Sicherheitsdienst respond..." He waited a few moments.
"This is Sicherheitsdienst responding. We have news of a possible assassination and sabotage plot at the hooves of the Equestrians. At 12:37am Arzew Refinerys furnace's pressure reached critical and took the entire refinery with it along with the night workers. Princess Martha's private airship was nearby at the time, nearly on top of the refinery. The guards managed to snag a photograph of the fleeing saboteur along with cerulean feathers littering the one of the nearby hills and a small pouch with traces of the drug known as spice. We have reports that a suspect fleeing from the general direction of the refinery was captured by a bounty hunter known as Old John. The suspect was a pegasus with crude on her hooves and a number of burn marks. The feathers found at the refinery match her wings, and she remains in critical condition at New Prosost prison in the medical wing. There is no question; the destruction of Zebrica's first refinery was at the hooves of an Equestrian. From what intelligence we have gathered the mare we have captured is known as Element of Loyalty, or Rainbow Dash. However she seems to lack any true military experience and was a drop out from the Equestrian Institution known as the Wonderbolts Academy, with unsatisfactory marks on nearly all of her classes with the exception of physical fitness. Our agents are scouring the site but it reeks of an amateur or untrained brute. She very likely had acted alone but we can't be sure since the Equestrian military seems to lack training and experience. It also should be noted that from our equine informants we have found that she holds a grudge against our machines and Equestrian Earth ponies. We have found that she worked for the Cloudsdale Weather Corperation, which was recently put out of business by our introduction of mechanized irrigation. She likely is just an obsolete worker who was looking for something to take out her anger on. We have secured the rest of the Equestrians and their drake in a secure location for questioning to confirm our suspicions."
Lutz rubbed his muzzle, trying to think. "What of the princess and the crew of HMS Fylgia?" He asked, pulling out his old flask and taking a long drink.
"The ship was lost along with nearly the entire crew... The princess lives, but she is in critical condition."
"...Excellent I want our plans to be pushed forward...start printing the propaganda for our allies and increase the intensity of the veil transmission in codename Kittyhawks quarters. I'm feeling nostalgic... I will be arriving at Isenstadt later tonight. It's time we visited the old Doctor." He leans back, switching off the transmitter. A grim grin came over his face.
Zebrica
Outside of new Timbuktu
Wadacobee Farms
11:32am
Mas looked over his "unofficial" cargo manifest, trying to figure out how he was going to get all of that equipment pass the Zebrican border. He placed the paperwork down on the table before getting up and stretching.
"I should have thought this through...how am I even supposed to get this equipment over the boarder?..." He pulls out his wine bladder, taking a long drink before trotting off to see what his people had come up with.
He trotted past a number of crates ranging from produce to arms reaching his little motor pool consisting of Karrier trucks and a number of surplus military vehicles that Zebrica felt were too outdated for use. Sadly, they were just old rugged trucks.
"Nadim! Where are you?! I need solutions for our shipping problem and I want them now!" He yells, not seeing the young zebra in the shop.
"Hold your horses, I'm just under the Karrier!" A loud voice called out. A young Zebra colt rolled out from underneath a nearby truck, causing Mas to jump a bit. "I have a solution, but we will have to raise the beds on the trucks a few inches. Once the crew finishes their lunch break we can finish the modifications in a fortnight." He stands up his dolly, before fruitlessly trying to wipe the grease off his hooves.
"How is that going to help us?" Mas asks, cocking his head in curiosity. The colt stops his wiping, and grins at him.
"Over here on my desk! I have it all drawn out in the plans!" The zebra trots over to his work table, brushing assorted debris off of a series of papers. "As you know, the Zebrican border has started to beef up their security in response to all the illegal goods crossing the border, along with the countless illegal immigrants from Equestria, right? While a few months ago you could just find your valuables in some fruit crates towards the bottom, they have started digging their hooves deep into them. I don't have to tell you what happens if they catch you with anything unlawful I'm sure? So I came up with a solution! By creating a false bottom on the truck bed we can accommodate more fragile things, such as triggers. For the stocks there isn't a law against exporting them so we can just load those into a crate separately.. As for the mortars I had to further modify the false bottom by an extra few inches, but I don't think anyone will notice. Finally, for the ammunition I have gutted the auxiliary fuel tanks on the old military vehicles; they weren't needed and were leaking. I just added a hatch so we can more or less stack the mortar rounds inside of them. Just make sure you tell your drivers not to fill up the auxiliary tanks." Nadim pointed to each of his modifications. "To open any of the secret compartments you have to pop the hood and pull the green wire connected to the hatches.
"Impressive. You said you hide the release cable with the other wires? Isn't that dangerous?" Mas looks over the blueprints, a small frown on his face.
"Not as long as you wear protection. Better yet, just ground the wires before you mess with it. I'm sure I could come up with something." Nadim says, before sketching...something on his notepad.
"I'm sure it wouldn't be too bad; a little electricity never hurt anybody" Mas trots off to check on his livestock, leaving Nadim to his work. "Early lunch break my ass...those bums are probably sneaking some spice" he shakes his head as he exits his warehouse. Some of his cattle mill around, grazing and staring off into the distance.
He absent mindedly rubbed one who was pushed up against the fence, before he heard the noise of hooves hitting gravel. He looked over lazily to see one of his drivers running down the road towards him in a rush. "What the hell..."
The stallion skidded to a halt in front of him, kicking up a small storm of stone and dirt. "You need to read this bos!!" He hoofs him the newspaper quickly, nearly causing it to blow apart.
Mas looked at it for several seconds."...Young Cadets have bake sale to raise money for camp?" The driver looks over Mas' shoulder; he had flipped to the wrong page.
"What...no! The front page!" Nadim rolls his eyes, flipping to the front page. The first thing he noticed was the mug of some beaten Pegasus, with a scathing headline above it.
"Rainbow Dash: Attempted Saboteur or Assassin...?" He continues to read it over, his eyes growing wider and wider as he sees the extent of the problem.
"Sir, what do we do?"
Nadim thought for a few moments. "We move up our schedule and deliver our goods. We can't afford to miss this deal." He drags the driver over to him, pointing at one of the ponies on the front page. "See that orange mare? Her brother is a fucking kingpin; we lose our deal our boss will skin us. Alive." The two of them share a shudder.
Zebrica
New Timbuktu
Detention Center
12:47pm
Fluttershy was shaking like a leaf. Her hooves were cuffed to the table infront of her, and the room was barely illuminated by a flickering lamp that swung above her. The only thing she could look at was the imposing steel door ahead of her. She couldn't even itch her irritated, tear stained eyes!
She nearly jumped out of her skin hearing the locks on the door slide open. She hid behind her hooves, quivering.
"Hmmmm? Ah yes, you must be miss Fluttershy? Element of Kindness?" The voice was surprisingly gentle, and she looked over her hooves at the dog entering.
She tried to put on a brave face. "Y-yes?" She managed to stutter out, as a German Shepard entered her room. he plopped a chair he was dragging in front of the table, and sat down.
"Oh, how rude of me! I should introduce myself; I am Hanns Scharff." He smiled softly at her. "Do you need anything? A wash basin? Water? A snack?" He asks as he rests his hands on the table.
"I...I...I...want to got home!!" She cries, slamming her face into the table. Hanns sighs.
"Do you know why you're here?" He gently grabs her hoof, and her eyes widen.
"N-no! A bunch of Zebras broke into my room, put a bag on my head, and kidnapped me!" She sobs, holding onto his paw with both hooves.
"Oh dear....you really don't know why your here? There was an attack..." He gets up and lets her cry into his shoulder after unlocking her hoof cuffs.
"B-but I don't know anything about an attack! I spent yesterday talking with a doctor at Somerset Hospital!" She continues to cry as Hanns rubbed her back.
"I'll tell you what I think...you just are caught up in a large misunderstanding...I just need you to answer a few questions and I will personally make sure you're on the first flight home, ok? But I can't help you until you answer a few of the questions my bosses have..." He says.
"But if there was an attack why..." She asks as am intimidating zebra in a dark uniform and full face wrap placed a folder on the table before promptly leaving and locking the door behind him.
Hanns lets her go and returns to his seat, opening the folder and pulling several documents. "The attack was at Arzew refinery...It ended in the deaths of the entire skeleton crew and nearly the entire crew of the airship HMS Fylgia. We currently have the the perpetrator in custody... I think you might know her....a miss Rainbow Dash, Element of Loyalty?" He says as he looks through a number of photographs.
"T-that's not possible! Rainbow would never do something like that! She...she's..." She stopped in shock as he started to place the photos in front of her.
"I'm sorry to say this but there is no doubt that we have the right mare." He says sadly as he shows her a photo of a fleeing pegasus. Even with the lack of color there was no mistaking the different color tones in her tail and mane.
"B-but...she's an element.....h-how could she...." She shakes as she sees the other items of incriminating evidence that just seemed to keep piling up, ranging from feathers, matching blood types from samples they found near the site; even an empty bag of Spice! "I...w-we had made so much progress.....w-why....." She just cries.
"There's more.I'm sure you remember that our beloved princess Martha was coming to Zebrica to see the victory day parade...the HMS Fylgia was her private airship..." He says sadly.
"I-is she...?" She asked quietly.l
"She's currently in critical condition...it has been touch and go for the last few hours but she is stable. I need you to answer me; did you or any of your friends have anything to do with this? Or did she act alone?" He asks looking into her eyes.
"S-she....s-she...she acted alone..I didn't know anything about it.....neither did my other f-friends..." She sobs softly. "W-what will happen to her?" she slowly asks.
"Normally the death penalty would be given....however due to her... Unique status it has be decided that she will serve life in New Prosost prison....." He got up to leave. "I'll have a wash basin and food sent to you..." He knocks on the door and exits, leaving her alone again in the room.
I like the references to actual people and I finally get to see some action again. Question, is the guy in the dark uniform interrogating Fluttershy SS or Gestapo?
YUP that is something the Brash and Egotistical, self proclaimed Fastest Flier would do. She lost her Job (a job she did when 'she' wanted to, not when she was told to do it) and with her "I'm the Best at Everything" attitude did something Insanely Stupid thinking she could get away with it.
Shouldn't this story have a sci-fi tag? I mean, it does have technology that's far advanced beyond what we got in the show...
7141602 Not really, it mostly possess tech from WW1, the 20s, and 30s so far.
7141348 I will give you a hint he's based ff the greatest nazi interrogator who came to work for the us during operation paper clip.... He got all he needed to know from allied soldiers.....with out any blood. Just kindness
7141482 the truth is I always felt like Rainbow got away with too much just because she's a element of harmony. She's not a bad mare but for the first time in her life reality is hitting her in the face and rather then facing it like an adult the fights it kicking and screaming like a child. When things got hard rather then try and ask for help or work harder she turned to drugs and drinking. Also to be fair she hasn't been in the right mind since she lost her job.
7141602 I did add and alternate universe tag since i didn't want to deal with the insane mix of technology we see in the show. Honestly it's exhausting to try and keep it cannon when there tech is all over the place with little explanation. So I just set Equestria in the time period that it mostly stays in ie Middle Ages/Dark ages. As for the diamond dogs they mostly stay in late ww1 to early mid ww2 technology. There are some differences but that's mostly has to do with the wars with the dragons leading them to take a slightly different technological path.
7141699 I should note that the Britanians are kind using Zebrica to unload some older equipment but I already hinted it in this chapter.
7142292 there will be some more horrific weapons from the Germans but they won't be found at peenemunde. I won't say anything but it will be a shock
9.8/10
Armas de ácido porfavor,o algún tipo de ántrax.
I see this chapter has been both revised, spellchecked and improved. Only two spelling errors stood out. boarder and Karrier which should be border and carrier.
I am really digging this chapter, it reads a lot more smoothly. I figure I should offer a few ideas for the story. And hope for more answers to earlier chapters. Questions first.
1. Current status of the Zebrica - Crystal Empire alliance to expel the Equestrians. What's happening there?
2. Will the Diamond Dogs and Zebra seize upon Twilight's value as a political hostage?
3. What's going on with those broadcast towers/radio towers?
Ideas now. For future chapters.
1. Given Equestria/Zebrica and Germany have Railways, perhaps Railway guns/cannons could be employed? Maybe something really powerful like: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schwerer_Gustav - Sort of a secret weapon perhaps.
2. Tunneling Machines/Tanks - I suspect that Diamond Dogs have been able to engineer tanks that can drill underground to sneak up on unsuspecting dragons in their caves.
3. Flame Weaponry - I'm a sucker for an awesome flametrooper. Whether it's Team Fortress 2's Pyro, A space marine outfitted with a flamer in Dawn of War or the Black Hand from Cnc: Tiberium Wars. Would definitely like to see the equestrians deal with that demoralizing effect.
4. Naval Power - Perhaps some supership's could be under construction? like the WW2 Yamato or Triptiz
5. Definitely want to see more walkers. Maybe similar towalkers from Rise of Nations: Rise of Legends
6. Chemical weapons - Nasty weapons, but they were part of WW1 and 2 from what I've seen.
7142639 I have been debating on having a few "tests" done so that they could see the effectiveness of there stockpiles. Don't be shocked even the United States has expermented with such weapons outside of the lab. As for acid weapons a forgotten chemical weapon was the acid cloud imagine a toxic cloud that ate away at both your weapons and men no mater if your wore gas masks or not. Be thankful it was never deployed.
7182181 Karrier is actually the name of the truck they were mostly used in the First World War and the second by the Russians. I'm not joking in fact I have seen such Karrier trucks before as for border I think I fixed it.
1. Don't worry we will see the effects of the alliance with the Crystal Empire. I just want it to see realistic since it's fairly far away and they are currently using old sailing ships (compounded by being overloaded) instead of motorized battleships, people don't realize how long it takes to get up the coast in a sail boat. I have also worked in Flurry Heart since wouldn't you be mad that she not only destroyed a priceless relic but also nearly destroyed you entire way of life?
2.As for Twilight? They will let her go as much value as she has as a political prisoner it wouldn't be prudent to hold someone who had nothing to do with the incident. She will suffer for it by trying to clean up this mess. She can't afford to let trade stop between Equestria and Zebria. To put it bluntly Equestria needs Zebrica far more then Zebrica needs them. I would be more worried about Rainbow Dash if I were you an example must be made after all, let's not even get started on the effects it will have long term.
3.we will find out soon it's a surprise I don't want to spoil that part I want everyone to guess. I'm willing to bet no one will get it.
Apologies for grammar/spelling. I had to write this in a hurry
I just got though your story rather quickly so I may have missed some key details, so feel free to point those out, but I have to say although you have a very interesting concept, on the whole your story just does not work for me, but before I get into that, as a couple quick notes, you may want to break up some of your paragraphs a bit more, a lot of them run too long for my taste. You may also want to be clearer about the timeline in this story things seem to be happening way to fast.
Now I understand this is an AU story and from your title I can assume Equestria is more or less doomed, but I must echo what some others have said, and that is that you have overplayed the negative depiction of Equestria and most characters from there, conveniently you actually provided a really good quote for me to use:
I feel the reverse holds true as well, and not only applies to individual characters but nations, factions, and organisations, one should not depict them in such an overwhelmingly negative light unless you are going for a one note 'evil for the sake of evil' empire or 80's cartoon villain. I don't mean to imply that you have made Equestria come off as an evil empire but you have, I feel, established that there is nothing worthy of praise or saving about their entire civilization and that ever other group or race you have depicted is just straight up better. This is something not helped by your rolling their tech back to the middle ages, and, if I understand your comments correctly, the implication that the one strength/advantage that they could have, magic, is actually a detriment, or poison to them and/or inferior to technology.
Also in the same way I feel you have taken your depiction of Equestria to far I also think you missed the mark with many of the Mane Six and other side characters like Big Mac, but I think Rainbow Dash by far gets the worst of it, with Rarity in a distant second, but I want to focus on RD. The biggest issue with your depiction of her is that there has not been a single moment since Dash was introduced that we have been given a glimpse at anything redeeming in her character, yes you talk about what Dash 'can' be like in the show in the comments, but I don't think that counts in a AU fan fiction.
Our introduction to her is her argument with Big Mac where she comes off as a combination of all the worst stereotypes of a union worker, (I'm concerned about that as well) and she never gets better. The next time we see her she is jobless (see the time line issue I mentioned) drunk/high and attacking ponies who should be her friends, and spewing racial slurs and someone who should be one of her best friends. Again we never see even a glimmer of her supposed better nature/qualities in between that and her straight up killing a bunch of people while high again. I have no clue if you have any intention of redeeming her but as it stands now I don't see how there is any way to salvage her as you never established anything about her wroth building upon, heck you even took time to make sure we all know she was as idiot before she hit the drugs.
I know I am been negative with this but make no mistake I will be following this story for a little while longer and no down vote is coming from me (if you care) as you have piqued my interest, and if you want more specifics or for me to shut up just say so.
7188951 I do admit that I have layed on my dislike for Equestria on thick but I have plans for them all. I would like to point out that this takes place a little further in the future so things have changed between the mane 6. As for Equestrias technology I added the AU tag for that reason it's too difficult to try and keep track of what they have and don't have in the show so I went with the most common depiction of there development level Middle Ages more or less. As for why things don't look good in Equestria is for a while they were in a golden age (during there adventures we have seen) but with trade stopping between Equestria and the gryphons everyone started feeling the pinch but some always feel it more then others. For example the unicorns have to increase the cost of there enchanted goods to break even since now they only have the local markets. As for the pegisi make of there income came from weather manipulation abroad so when they lost those contacts they have a massive surplus of employees that do to some mismanagement they can't fire so they had to increase the price of irrigation leading them to losing there monopoly later on. This means the earth ponies have to take most of the load, it's not fair by a long shot but they use both services. As for Britainia seeming better I have plans to show that it far from perfect trust me I don't want to spoil anything but there are powerful forces at work in the empire. Don't be so sure about rainbow I have plans for her, I have plans for more of her modivatons, yes she was drunk and high but I hinted that the Wonderbolts academy wasn't working out long before she started losing the ability to pay, don't forget her biggest fear is failure so there's a lot that can be done with that. As for Rarity I stated that she had a traumatic experience with Equestria Diamond dogs when she was little leading her to have some issues with them, she's not bad but having a bunch of dog show up and make a mockery(al least in her mind) of her profession is a hard pill to swallow she can't out produce a factory so she has to use her tailoring skills to make money such as bringing something in or out a few cms. She's a creative mare so I would imagine it wouldn't be ideal even if she was making good money. I have also hinted that there are a number of less.....savory characters from Britainia, I won't say who they are but they are references to ww2. Celestia knows things have to change now that the golden age is over but to break the hold the upper class has she has to push for more immports to break the hold the upper class has on there largest working force (i.e. Earth ponies). Magic isn't inferior but it's more effective in Equestria for reasons I will show later, by I would like to point out that giving everyone the same ability rather then only a select few always wins out so that's why technology is moving forward as earth ponies invest more money technology because over all it's cheaper. There have also been a number of debates on fimfiction that magic has held back Equestria in a number of different fields in science and mass production. Thank you for your criticism this is my first story so I'm glad you posted what you thought.
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So to be clear I never thought you did not have a plan for all of this, its just for me personally, going so hard on the negative, even during a fall from grace/golden age is less effective if its not at least tempered by a bit of the positive, I'll go back to Rainbow Dash for an example. Now as you have said this is an AU, and somewhat in the future (that was not clear to me in the story) in fact, to my mind it may be far more of a divergent universe than you perhaps intended, so the RD character established in the show should not just be assumed to be the same as yours. A quick way to address this if you even feel the need to, would be to have her introduction perhaps be her mentoring Scootaloo otherwise not being terrible before the bomb is drooped that all the farmers have canceled their contracts. Also rather than her haven already fallen from grace the next time we see her after her confrontation with Big Mac you show things progressively get worse for her before she loses it, that way you hit us with seeing a good character fall from grace rather than a already bad character simply become worse, basically when she started out so low its really hard for me to root for her to come back after her most recent actions, something to think about in the future?
As for the rest, I think the big problem for me right now is pacing, if I am following events correctly over the course of a few weeks to months the Britannian's show up help the zebras quickly overthrow the local warlords, establish a fully functional democratic state that's already successfully industrializing, economically wrecking Equestria, and supporting a revolution in the far north, much like with the sudden transition from a angry Dash to a drunk/high Dash you seem to be rushing the story a bit to much, again something you may want to think about.
See I very much misunderstood what you were saying about magic, I thought you where implying that magic was starting to poison the Unicorns and Pegasi, and well not to nitpick but when basic irrigation systems trump 100% climate control I kinda assumed you where going for a technology trumps magic in all things setting. Ya I also picked up on at least 1 Britannian seem to be far to happy about what happened to their princess.
... And that is why you shouldn't do blue snort-snort powder.
With all the drama that's going to be shoved towards Rainbow Dash I have to ask what in the Tartarus is private airship of a princess is even doing over that stupid oil factory in the first place?
I am trying not to be angry over how this story got railroaded into stupidity or that Twilight very quickly gave up on the pony she called a friend over some political bullshit. I hope Equestria would burn
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One does not usually account for exploding refineries when making flight plans. Also, it's likely that the airport was in the same part of the city as the refinery, given that airships probably use a large amount of fuel.
Also, just what was Twilight supposed to do for Dash's defense? Support her blowing up a refinery, airship, and a bunch of people? Especially when she left a mountain of evidence that she did it? Nah denouncing Rainbow is the smart move in all senses, especially politically, since defending her would most certainly lead to immediate war, which after the weapons demo, Twi knows it would quickly follow with Equestria being curb stomped.
Oh, fuck... Rainbow's list of fuck ups just keeps piling up.